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Candorville

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Result page:    2  Next  (36 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-19 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-19 Pub. Date: 2019-07-19
Image Number: 178563
Caption: Why you always thinkin' 'bout people goin' to Mars and whatnot, bruh? We should fix our own problems down here 'fore we go up there. Gah! I hate when people say that! Don't you know that mankind colonizing other planets might be the single most unifying thing we could ever do?! And the tech we create to keep us alive out there could clean up the earth! And ... You're just pushing my buttons on purpose! Has some time to kill while Youtube was loading.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-18 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-18 Pub. Date: 2019-07-18
Image Number: 178562
Caption: Candorville.com says we discovered tons of microbes living deep inside the earth. You know what this means? Scientists are pretty sure both Venus and Mars were habitable a long time ago. If microbes ever existed on either planet, then it's almost guaranteed they're still alive there, deep inside the earth ... I mean, deep inside the Venus. And the Mars. Hey, if we get to call dirt by our planet's name, so do those alien microbes ... and so the advocacy begins. That's your earthier privilege talking.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-19 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-19 Pub. Date: 2019-05-19
Image Number: 177643
Caption: NASA found seven earthlike planets, Randy. Amazing times, little buddy. And they're all in the same star system. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Almost certainly not. I'm thinking it's not coincidence. There are seven earthlike worlds in that system, and seven continents on earth. Stop! I don't want to hear any crazy conspiracy theories! Not everything is connected! Get over it, loser! I always thought it was fishy that both the first Jewish menorah and the Kwanzaa kinara have seven candles. We should have our own astronomy show. STOP!!! Come to think of it, I once dated seven sisters from Caracas, which has seven letters. Coincidence???
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-20 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-20 Pub. Date: 2019-03-20
Image Number: 176837
Caption: Sadie, I just heard they discovered seven earthlike planets around a single star. Three of those planets are in the habitable zone, so they might just support life. I am just so excited! I guess what I'm asking you is ... were you this excited when earth was first discovered? Almost as excited as when I first discovered vengeful retribution.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-10 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-10 Pub. Date: 2019-01-10
Image Number: 175739
Caption: Once the sun swallows the inner solar system, we'll probably have to live on one of Saturn's moons like Titan. Imagine gazing at a golden sunset over a red ocean, beneath the blue rings of Saturn. We've got 7.6 billion years. That should be plenty of time for us to learn how to breathe methane ... but you know how people like to procrastinate. I still disagree that we're doomed.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-28 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-28 Pub. Date: 2018-10-28
Image Number: 174529
Caption: I hope we never terraform Mars. House of Java Café. Grand Opening. Why not, Randy? Because, if we gave Mars oxygen and air pressure, we wouldn't need space suits. If we gave Mars trees and oceans, it wouldn't be one big desert anymore. There's just something sexy about driving a dune buggy across a desert planet with only half an inch of space helmet separating you from certain death. Also, if we give it a magnetic field, we wouldn't be bombarded by radiation. Ok ... I'll bite ... what's bad about not being bombarded by radiation? Isn't it obvious? When you look at me, little buddy, you're looking at the pinnacle of human evolution. But my line has taken us as far as possible. I come from a long line of Randies. I've traced my lineage all the way back to a romantic primate named Randy Erectus. He was the first hominid to get up off his knuckles and stand up straight, and that as just in response to a beautiful sunset. Imagine what my genes would do in response to a huge dose of radiation? You really should have your own science show.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-22 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-22 Pub. Date: 2018-07-22
Image Number: 172923
Caption: Dear "Critic," I read your article about how Star Trek gets its own impulse drive all wrong. You said that even though Star Trek SAYS it's not faster than light, it HAS to be, because of all the times they said they had to leave the star system before jumping to warp speed. Sigh ... not again ... Impulse drive is not faster than light!!! you're a two-dimensional thinker. Has it occurred to you they could leave a star system by flying UP, out of the ecliptic plane? Moron!!! Dear reader, light passing Jupiter would take 250 minutes to reach Neptune. But in the season finale of Star Trek: Discovery, they start a conversation as they're passing Jupiter, end it ten seconds later as they're passing Neptune ... Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap t - ... at which point the captain says Have we left the Sol system? The navigator says yes, and the captain says Take us to warp ... I rest my case. I was wrong. I was wrong. Just once let someone restore my faith in humanity by just admitting they were wrong. Discovery isn't REAL Star Trek.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-08 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-08 Pub. Date: 2018-04-08
Image Number: 169718
Caption: Dr. Stephen Hawking saved my life, doc. How so? Dr. Noodle. I was in a deep dark depression. I wanted to end it all. I was about to. But just then, through my tv, I heard this computerized voice announcing his discovery about black holes. They're the most powerful things there are. But he's discovered that theoretically, they lose mass over time, until they're just ... gone. He said things can get out of a black hole both on the outside and possibly to another universe. So if you feel you are in a black hole, don't give up ... there's a way out. His loss is a moral and intellectual void that'll never be filled. Well that's depressing ... and ... now I'm ok.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-02 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-02 Pub. Date: 2017-11-02
Image Number: 164418
Caption: All this talk about "Mars" is so stupid. We should fix the planet we already have before we go somewhere else. Talk about "stupid." Going to Mars could be the only thing that'll enable us to "fix" earth, because "necessity is the mother of invention." The technologies we develop to keep a Martian colony habitable could be applied here to clean up our own environment ... Um ... I lost you at "talk about stupid," didn't I? I'm warming up to the thought of going to Mars.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-06 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-06 Pub. Date: 2016-09-06
Image Number: 148215
Caption: This just in: Astronomers discover an earthlike planet orbiting the nearest star, Proxima Centauri. Click … Some are starting to question whether there's proof Donald Trump's grandfather immigrated from Germany. He could have come from anywhere. Click ... Proxima Centauri is just 4.24 light years away. In cosmic terms that's right next door. This end up.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-06 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-06 Pub. Date: 2016-05-06
Image Number: 142722
Caption: If the sleeping pills I prescribed for you don't work, I want you to try guided meditation. You'll close your eyes and imagine yourself rising into the warm heavens. The worry and anxiety in your face melts away. Focus on the darkness behind your eyelids. Imagine that darkness turning into outer space. The stars beckon you to join them. You float to them. You become one with them. That's when the great truth of the universe reveals itself to you, and you learn ... we're out of time. That'll be $100. OH COME ON!!!
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-24 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-24 Pub. Date: 2016-04-24
Image Number: 141854
Caption: What's wrong wit' you, Big L? Nothing makes sense anymore. In Star Trek, they almost never jump to warp speed until they've left a star system. It takes light from the sun about eight minutes to reach earth. It takes 5.3 hours for that same sunlight to reach Pluto. And yet, it only takes the Enterprise one minute or so to leave a star system. Don't you see ... every time they use their impulse drive to leave a star system, they're still traveling faster than light. But they're not yet warping space. That means they should be affected by time dilation. For every second that passes for them, weeks or months should pass back on earth. Just like e'ry second of this conversation for you be like months for me. Exactly! Even you can understand that!
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-28 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-28 Pub. Date: 2016-02-28
Image Number: 139304
Caption: There's no such thing as aliens. What?! How can you even think such a thing after all we've found? We've found over 1,000 planets! And we've only begun searching. And there's no telling how many moons those planets have. Any of them could be capable of supporting life. That just sounds silly, Lemont. "Silly"?! Do you have any idea how vast the galaxy is? We can't even see half of it! Astronomers have calculated there are almost nine billion stars with earth-size planets in the habitable zones, Susan! Nine BILLION! ... Just in our galaxy alone! What's "silly" is thinking we're all alo -- ... You're just messing with me, aren't you. It's just so easy.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-17 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-17 Pub. Date: 2015-10-17
Image Number: 133797
Caption: Do you think clouds care about the government shutdown? Do you think the sun cares whether we believe we're contributing to climate change? Do you think the Milky Way cares whether we ever stop killing each other? We're all part of a vast cosmos, Susan. If the cosmos doesn't care about the little things, I don't see why I should. I still think you should open that letter the IRS sent you.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-05 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-05 Pub. Date: 2015-08-05
Image Number: 130585
Caption: Susan, did you hear about the EM drive? It seems to work and if so, it'll revolutionize mankind. Is it going to make us be nice to each other? It's all coming together. NASA discovers half a dozen worlds and moons in our solar system that have subsurface oceans. And at the same time, we may have developed a new engine that requires no fuel and can get us to all these places in just weeks or months. Don't you see? The age of interplanetary colonization is actually about to begin! Is it going to make us be nice to each other? I'm sorry, did you say something?
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-04 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-04 Pub. Date: 2015-08-04
Image Number: 130584
Caption: Did you hear, Clyde? It's looking more and more like the EM drive may actually work! It could get from earth to the moon in four hours. It could reach Mars in 70 days. It could reach the nearest star in just 100 years! Don't you see? This is the "impulse drive" from Star Trek! This is the "Epstein drive" from The Expanse, only it's real! It could be the most important development in human history. Yet everyone's still talking about Donald Trump. When you talk geek, it make me physically ill, bruh.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-08 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-08 Pub. Date: 2015-05-08
Image Number: 126509
Caption: Astronomers found what might be a livable planet just 12 light-years away. Don't you know what this means? It don't mean nothing to you an' me. We can't even get 12 blocks 'cause this bus never show, an' you wanna go 12,000 miles. 12 light-years is not 12,000 miles. Oh, ok. So when you going? Next Tuesday? (This cartoon was originally published on 2013/04/19).
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-03 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-03 Pub. Date: 2015-05-03
Image Number: 125860
Caption: Dear idiot … I am offended by your article from last week where you made fun of those who say we never actually went to the moon. It's tools like you who make it easy for NASA to go on lying to the world and covering up the truth. Maybe if you did a little more research on YouTube, you'd be able to open your eyes to the fact that the moon doesn't actually exist. Worlds the size of Earth shouldn't have satellites at all, let alone one bigger than Pluto. Some people should never wander away from YouTube's "cute kitten" area. There's evidence it's a giant, empty, ancient spaceship that ran out of fuel long ago.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-26 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-26 Pub. Date: 2015-04-26
Image Number: 125568
Caption: Anyone who thinks we ever really went to the moon is a complete idiot. Youtube has tons of videos on this. Humans couldn't possibly have survived a trip through the Van Allen Radiation Belt. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Not true. According to Dr. Van Allen himself, the notion that radiation should've killed those astronauts is "nonsense." Well how come we can't see the astronauts' footprints? That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Not true. Other countries have snapped pictures of the landing sites, and just a few years ago the lunar reconnaissance orbiter took photos of the footprints. There were no stars in the old films. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. The exposure settings were calibrated to get good shots of the extremely bright lunar surface. They couldn't do that and capture the relatively dim stars at the same time. You moon-landing-ists have an answer for everything. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Thousands of people could never keep a secret that big for 46 years! That's what they want you to think.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-25 outer 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-25 Pub. Date: 2015-03-25
Image Number: 124643
Caption: An MIT study shows "Mars One" colonists would suffocate, starve and be incinerated. I don't get it. We've been keeping people alive on the space station for months at a time, for decades. What makes us think we can't keep them alive on Mars? For that matter, why don't we have cities on the moon by now? We can do it. Mankind is the most underachieving species in the history of all species. Nah, dawg. Dolphins be lazy, bruh.
     
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