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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-21 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-21 Pub. Date: 2017-10-21
Image Number: 163920
Caption: We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-19 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-19 Pub. Date: 2017-10-19
Image Number: 163918
Caption: Randy, I heard you're making a killing from your Youtube channel. How can a guy get in on that action? Simple … Just sit down in front of a camera and talk from the heart about something you're passionate about. Just be a genuine human being. People are drawn to that. I see, I see. Just one thing: What if the phrase "genuine human being" makes a guy break out in hives? Plan B: Find out what people are googling and pretend to be an expert on the highest-ranked search term. No we're talking.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-18 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-18 Pub. Date: 2017-10-18
Image Number: 163917
Caption: I can watch tv anywhere I bet that blows your mind. Why's that, loser? Tap tap tap tap. Because in your day, a televisions was a 5-ton steam-powered machine. You had to crank a handle to make it run … and "running" meant a curtain would open and two old-timey people in the box would act out a silent tv show. Wait ... are you trying to insult me ... or are you getting your history from Youtube again? "Buck-Naked Historian" has 5 million subscribers, so it must be accurate.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-08 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-08 Pub. Date: 2017-10-08
Image Number: 162958
Caption: What was it you wanted to talk about, minion? Boss, you called me in at 2a.m. to clean out the gutters. We don't have any gutters. Of course we don't have any gutters. I'm confused. When I ordered you to clean out the gutters, it was clearly implied that you're first supposed to install them. Am I supposed to do all your thinking for you, Rudy? This is very disappointing. This will impact your next weekly performance review. Anyway, you'd better get to it. How do you expect the cafe's rooftop garden to properly drain without gutters? We don't have a rooftop garden. Very bad man. How do you expect to placate the green-freaks once we install the oil wells without a rooftop garden.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-03 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-03 Pub. Date: 2017-10-03
Image Number: 163383
Caption: Why do they call it the "chickenpox," Sadie? Funny you should ask, cretin. The year was 1767. Great-great-great-great-grandmother Sadie discovered that smallpox and the "varicella-zoset virus" were not related after all. But as usual, her nemesis, Dr. Heberden, pilfered her research and claimed credit. That's when old Sadie shoved him head-first into his Christmas chicken's rear-end, and the rest was history. The history books leave everything out. Guess where cranberry sauce came from?!
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-01 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-01 Pub. Date: 2017-10-01
Image Number: 162744
Caption: Ask Sadie. Our resident surly lass answers actual reader questions sent to rudy@rudypark.com. Dear Sadie, My husband forgot my birthday. There was no cake, no trip, no party, no nice little gift, no card, no "happy birthday" whispered in my ear … NOTHING. How do I let him know how deeply that hurt me? - Hurt in Harford. Excellent question. It reminds me of the time I hunted down a wild boar in the Serengeti in 1951. Decades earlier, when I was but a young lass, nobody remembered my birthday, or so I thought. that night, dear old Grandmother Cohen surprised me with a loaf of bread topped with a flaming licorice stick. Just as I blew out the licorice, it happened: A young wild boar came out of nowhere, darted across our shack, grabbed my loaf in its slobbery may and escaped into the dark, stormy night. I tracked that boar for twenty years across seven continents before I finally caught him. Speaking of which, it's time for my daily ham sandwich. Anyway, what were we talking about? Ask Sadie, baby!
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-24 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-24 Pub. Date: 2017-09-24
Image Number: 162444
Caption: What brings you to therapy, Mr. Groupeé? You can call me "Booster." Dr. Noodle. Hey, who was that who just left your office? Was that that historian I saw on TV? Herodotus Jenkins? I can't say. He's the best. He come here this time every week? I can't say. And who's that out in the waiting room? Is that Brock Manly of "Fast & Furious 12" fame? I can't say. What brings you here? I heard you treat all the famous people. I just thought it might be nice to know the rich and famous are as messed up as me. This is a space for discussing you, not other people. I hear you, I hear you. What'd Brock Manly say when you told him that?
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-23 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-23 Pub. Date: 2017-09-23
Image Number: 162865
Caption: I was eating my muffin and drinking my latte when I noticed the tv on your wall is only 1080p resolution. That's right. So you admit it! Your tv is not an 8k UHD television! And yet your sign outside says "good eats and state of the art tech inside." That's false advertising. I might be willing to forgo the class action lawsuit and settle out of court. I'd settle for a 1080p tv. Get out.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-21 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-21 Pub. Date: 2017-09-21
Image Number: 162863
Caption: Life on earth was simple and stupid until suddenly complex life exploded all over the planet during the Cambrian period. At about the same time, Venus was probably habitable. One theory is a huge asteroid smacked into Venus, blasting life out into space. Months later, that life fell down to earth and ipso facto that's why you and I are here. The "big smack" theory is gaining widespread acceptance. Really? As in peer-reviewed studies? No, as in "likes" on the "big smack" video I posted on Youtube.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-20 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-20 Pub. Date: 2017-09-20
Image Number: 162862
Caption: Sadie, they say the Andromeda galaxy's on a collision course with outs, and it's a lot closer than it was when earth was first created. So what, dorkboy? Is that true? You're the perfect person to ask if it's really gotten closer. Was it even big enough to see in the sky, back in the hadean eon when you were a kid? You should've said "Jurassic era." Nobody know what "hadean eon" is. I give that sad attempt a 2 out of 5. Had they already invented 2 and 5 when you were a kid?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-06 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-06 Pub. Date: 2017-09-06
Image Number: 162350
Caption: Sadie, you might be able to settle a scientific question. You can not get under my skin, loser. They just cut down a huge Redwood tree. It's got 3,200 rings in it. I'm not even listening. Is it true every ring represents a year? You must know, since you were around when that tree was born. Hey everyone, she says it's true. When I'm don with my meatloaf, let's find out how old you are. Munch mun -
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-04 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-04 Pub. Date: 2017-09-04
Image Number: 162348
Caption: On today's Ask Sadie Show, I, Sadie Cohen, will discuss one topic: Hurricanes. We just suffered through the first "once-every-500-years" hurricane since the last "once-every-500-years" hurricane that happened just 12 years ago. My heart goes out to everyone who lost someone or something. And it also goes out to hurricanes like Harvey and Katrina, because this means war. Mother nature picked on the wrong species. Not sure who's worse: Donald Trump, Kim Jong Un, or Sadie Cohen. Wait ... she has a heart?
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-01 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-01 Pub. Date: 2017-09-01
Image Number: 162103
Caption: Why do you keep asking people if they've ever sued anyone for libel? Well, someone libeled me. I'm a Starfleet captain in "Star Trek Online." Someone playing a Ferengi merchant had that Ferengi call my captain "incompetent." right in front of my whole crew. My whole crew quit. My captain went into a downward shame-spiral. He started drinking, stopped shaving, and now he's captaining a garbage scow out of Sherman's planet. Suing a fake person's real person for defaming a real person's fake person. You just might make legal history. My captain hired a lawyer, but I'm not sure the lawyer is being played by a lawyer.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-31 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-31 Pub. Date: 2017-08-31
Image Number: 162102
Caption: Hey Darlene, have you ever sued anyone for libel? Not yet. But it is on my bucket list. I've scheduled if for January 19th, 2032. Right after "visit Machu Picchu" and right before "renovate and flip a house." I firmly believe in planning ahead. I've got everything mapped out. Go ahead, try me. March 1st, 2075. Reincarnate as a level-24 mature soul.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-28 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-28 Pub. Date: 2017-08-28
Image Number: 162099
Caption: Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast. We settled out of court for a pair of Bee Gees tickets.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-27 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-27 Pub. Date: 2017-08-27
Image Number: 161424
Caption: Excuse me, sir, if it's not too much trouble … Hi, Democrats. What can I get you? Coffee Sandwiches? An explanation. We introduced our bold new plan last month: "A Better Deal," but the progressives still aren't impressed. What more could they ask for? We focus-group tested the heck out of the slogan. It was the least objectionable and least un-inspiring of the bunch! It evokes FDR's "New Deal" and LBJ's "Fair Deal" without over-promising. We don't want to risk over-promising. It even sounded progressive! We mentioned tax credits to retrains workers, a $15 minimum wage (eventually), regulating prescription drug prices, and busting monopolies, maybe. We even said we'd think about forming a committee to consider considering sing-payer health care, among many other more corporate-donor-friendly options that aren't single-payer. And we introduced it with an editorial vowing not to expand government or move our party in one direction or another along the political spectrum. Bold! So why didn't that fire up the progressive base? ... Hello?
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-24 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-24 Pub. Date: 2017-08-24
Image Number: 161809
Caption: Uncle Mort, you fought in Korea, right? You think that war will start up again? Not if I can help it. It was the morning of July 27, nineteen hundred and fifty-three. I was pinned down on Pork Chop Hill. My bazooka had run out of ammo. All I could find to load into it was a stuffed panda bear. I loaded it and fired that bear into the maw of the enemy. It struck one of them atop the noggin. Moments later, the armistice was signed. Every July 27th, I awaken at dawn and chuck that same panda at the first person I see ... and the armistice holds. You're welcome, America.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-21 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-21 Pub. Date: 2017-08-21
Image Number: 161806
Caption: I'll have a triple-vanilla white mocha and a powdered donut. Also, a Tiki torch. A Tiki torch? Home Depot refused to sell me one for some reason. Then they said "get out." Why would they do that? I don't know. Probably because I was wearing my sheet. But I thought "better safe than sorry." Oh ... Wait, what? At the Charlottesville Klan rally, those guys didn't wear theirs, and plenty of them lost their jobs 'cause of that. Get out.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-16 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-16 Pub. Date: 2017-08-16
Image Number: 161545
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? I met this woman. I fell madly in love with her, but just yesterday, I found out she believes the world is flat … Should I let that break us up? That depends, brother. Would you be happy not knowing whether she was into you because you're a great guy ... or because she thinks you're the mountain-master who pushes mountains up from the ground as she drives toward them, and sucks them back under as she drives away? Did I mention she's hot?
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-13 out 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-13 Pub. Date: 2017-08-13
Image Number: 160983
Caption: What was it you wanted to talk about, minion? There's a guy from Immigration and Customs Enforcement out front, boss. Oh, that. ICE said someone would stop by to thank me for tipping them off to all the illegals who were hanging out at Muhammad's Bean Pie Shack. What? Why would you do that? Because I'm a patriot. In times like this, every patriot must do his duty. If we have good reason to suspect a bean pie shack is a gathering place for people who shouldn't be here, it's our solemn duty to report it, so it'll get shut down. This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with how you've been looking for ways to boost our bean pie sales, would it? Coincidence. Don't be a conspiracy theorist, minion. Oh, and go tell ICE I have another tip for them. Very bad man.
     
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