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Candorville

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Result page:    2   (20 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-15 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-15 Pub. Date: 2015-11-15
Image Number: 134847
Caption: I think I'm getting jaded, Doc. Dr. Noodle. A few weeks ago, Blingy & Poshman Jewelers in Candorville did something very, very racist. S. Pookie Blackman is a multimillionaire quarterback for the Candorville Chickens. He stopped by to check out some jewelry. As soon as they saw the 6'10" black man coming, the store employees locked the door, begged him to leave, and then when he rang the doorbell, they called the police. But when I heard all that, all I did was shrug and think "I hope he didn't end up buying anything." I see. It's normal. Sometimes your outrage-muscle needs a rest. I was able to work up some anger about the cops who asked him why he had a nice car.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-12 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-12 Pub. Date: 2015-04-12
Image Number: 124956
Caption: I read the government's using planes to spy on our cellphones. I think it's funny people care about that #$%@. The government been spyin' on me all my life, and didn't nobody care 'bout that. What do you mean? I step out my front door, the police watch from they car. If I walk by a cop, he ask what I got in my jeans. If I walk to 7-Eleven, the police ask where I'm goin'. When I get there, the security guard follow me around the store. Didn't nobody care about "government surveillance" when they thought it only happened to me. Where was Edward Snowman when cops was feelin' me up? Technically, security guards aren't the government.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-07 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-07 Pub. Date: 2014-09-07
Image Number: 115372
Caption: I taught Lionel how to call 911. WHAT?! What that little two-year-old boy ever done to you, Big L? Huh? Cops be outta control, bruh. If there a emergency an' he call 911, there a 50/50 chance the police'll help … an' a 50/50 chance they gonna knock down the door without a warrant, toss in a flashbang grenade, an' pepper spray your toddler before draggin' his dad out in the hallway half naked. What is you thinkin' Big L? He's be better off if you teach him to call Domino's. Well, they would probably get there faster.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-19 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-19 Pub. Date: 2014-05-19
Image Number: 111554
Caption: We don’t want any. We ain't selling any. We jus' spreadin' the good news. Oh. No offense, but I don’t want any Jehovah's Witnesses ringing out door ell. Me neither. But … I thought you were saying you were a Jehovah's Witness. Never said that. Oh. We with Jehovah's Alibi.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-14 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-14 Pub. Date: 2013-11-14
Image Number: 103801
Caption: When I was six, I dreamt I was a Jedi knight saving the galaxy from an evil empire. When I was 16. I dreamt I was making out with the girl next door. Last night, I dreamt I was giving Osama Bin Laden his exit interview, and he didn't like his severance package. Hold up ... you dreamin' 'bout some dude's packages? I bet when I'm 60, I'll dream of ex-lax. (Originally published on 2011-05-16).
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-25 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-25 Pub. Date: 2013-05-25
Image Number: 97125
Caption: When I was six, I dreamt I was a Jedi knight saving the galaxy from an evil empire. When I was 16. I dreamt I was making out with the girl next door. Last night, I dreamt I was giving Osama Bin Laden his exit interview, and he didn't like his severance package. Hold up ... you dreamin' 'bout some dude's packages? I bet when I'm 60, I'll dream of ex-lax. (Originally published on 2011-05-16).
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-07 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-07 Pub. Date: 2013-04-07
Image Number: 95009
Caption: I soiled myself while reading the Drudge Report last month. There was a picture of North Korea's dictator and Drudge's bright read headline screamed … WAR DRUMS: US DEPLOYS MISSILES. After soiling myself and barricading us all in the basement, I checked Huffington Post to corroborate it. ... But their headline was tiny and just said "US To Beef Up Missile Defense Against N. Korea." Huffpost readers may have cleaner shorts, but it's Drudge reader who'll know to lock out doors when nuclear Armageddon breaks out.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-12-13 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-12-13 Pub. Date: 2012-12-13
Image Number: 90869
Caption: Wait … Back up. Your memoir is about WHAT? How I accidentally caused the end of the world. You have to read from the beginning. If I tell you out of context, it'll sound nuts. I'm a sharp girl, Lemont. Try me. "Well, ok … So the demon La Llorona led me an the half-vampire to the forbidden door in the pyramid ... " Rrrumble. You mean "if we open that you'll end the world" WASN'T sarcasm? ... I think maybe I'll start at the beginning.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-11-27 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-11-27 Pub. Date: 2012-11-27
Image Number: 90358
Caption: Hi, momma. I'm sorry I didn’t come over for thanksgiving. The custody arrangement is really strict. I'm not allowed to take Lionel out of the state … … Or out of the county. Or out of the city. Or out of the neighborhood. But other than that, we can go anywhere. Do Not Lean On Door. ... Between 7th and 8th streets. ... Hello? Do Not Lean On Door.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-14 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-14 Pub. Date: 2012-05-14
Image Number: 80981
Caption: … And then, on his way out the door, the father turned and said … " … I would think you'd offer a discount of at least 10% … " … So even broke people could honor him by buying the book." I don’t think thith ith "Where da Wild Things Are."
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-09-04 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-09-04 Pub. Date: 2011-09-04
Image Number: 64822
Caption: Couples Sessions Today. Dr. Noodle. I"ve been thinking about how you said men are nonverbal communicators. So, lately I've paying to Ebenezer's body language. Go on. His silence, his distance, his late nights at the office, all forced me to realize I cannot fulfill his needs. In opening the door to leave, he let in the light that illuminated all the roaches in our relationahip. Last week, I paused at the door before leaving with the kids, the dog and my luggage. His refusal to even look away from his baseball game so say goodbye told me he was hurting, and couldn't bear to watch. Ebenezer's courage in reaching out to me in nonverbally has made me fall in love with him all over again. Pate, please get me tix for tonight's game. Yes, Ben ... we can get back together. Wait ... we broke up?
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-08-27 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-08-27 Pub. Date: 2011-08-27
Image Number: 64821
Caption: We started out livin' in nature. Trees an' grass an' grass an' flowers an' whatnot. Then we built huts an' then houses. We put up walls an' doors an' locks to shut nature out. An' then we buy potted plants and aquariums, almost as if we want some of that nature back but only if it's got its own walls around it. Whatever. I said, stop breaking into my house!
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-19 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-19 Pub. Date: 2011-05-19
Image Number: 60999
Caption: I really am sorry! I was riding the subway to court to testify for you … … But my dog chewed the bolts off the back door of the train and leapt out into the pitch black tunnel. I jumped out and chased her, but another train almost ran me over. I rolled between the rails at the last second and the train passed over me, with only inches to spare. Then the train broke down and I was stuck under it till morning. Psshh! Yeah right, I've heard that one before.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-16 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-16 Pub. Date: 2011-05-16
Image Number: 60996
Caption: When I was six, I dreamt I was a Jedi knight saving the galaxy from an evil empire. When I was 16. I dreamt I was making out with the girl next door. Last night, I dreamt I was giving Osama Bin Laden his exit interview, and he didn't like his severance package. Hold up ... you dreamin' 'bout some dude's packages? I bet when I'm 60, I'll dream of ex-lax.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-04-13 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-04-13 Pub. Date: 2011-04-13
Image Number: 59638
Caption: I can't open the door, Lemont. Mommy said never to open the door for grown-ups when she's not here. That's it! I can't stand it! I'm never getting custody of m son! Life is a cruel joke! My evil ex's mother is the judge! My lawyer is a six-year-old brat with chicken pox! Go to your room, young man. Huh? That's what Mommy always says when I throw a tantrum. Surprisingly it works. To Hell ... o Kitty ... with you! You can also try sitting in the corner.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-03-23 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-03-23 Pub. Date: 2010-03-23
Image Number: 45423
Caption: Yes? Can I help you? Mr. Fitzhugh, may I have a word? You may. But I'm changing, so ask your question through the door please. Ok. Some guy's here to interview for MY job. Are you firing me? I'm sorry, but a raise is out of the question right now. ... Um ... are you really there or am I talking to a recording? Yes? Can I help you?
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-08-09 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-08-09 Pub. Date: 2008-08-09
Image Number: 25612
Caption: So I was walking toward the Hawaiian barbecue place, when I saw this huge group ahead of me. I was angry. I knew I'd have to wait 20 minutes before I could even order. But just then, they all stopped outside the door, got in a circle, and started praying. Naturally, I shoved my way through, got in ahead of them, and was in an' out in five minutes. Hold up. If you say this proved God exists, you're going to hell. ...I wasn't going to say that. I don't know that guy, God.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-09-10 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-09-10 Pub. Date: 2007-09-10
Image Number: 18526
Caption: Hello, I'm Republican Senator Bruce Gayman. I'm just going door to door to tell Americans that even though I go out of my way to pass anti-gay laws… that doesn't necessarily mean I'm secretly a self-hating homosexual. Dude… It's 3 A.M. You're right. It's late. I should sleep over.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-05-17 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-05-17 Pub. Date: 2006-05-17
Image Number: 13748
Caption: Wait, Nadine, you're not mad at me for fathering the love child of a crazy women and deciding to marry her? Nah, we can work this out. Everyone makes mistakes, honey, but it we care about each other, we can forgive each other. For instance, a cute pizza delivery guy mistakenly showed up at my door last night, and ... I don't think I like where this is going.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2005-10-13 out door 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2005-10-13 Pub. Date: 2005-10-13
Image Number: 11926
Caption: Candorville Jail. Temporary Shelter. Lemont interviews Hurricane Katrina survivors for his blog. They told us to evacuate, but Mozelle an' I don't drive. We heard there was a bus up at the church, but Mozelle, she on oxygen -- an' the winds, they were too much for her to walk over there. Besides we figured if it was that important there mayor woulda sent buses door to door to get us older folks out.
     
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