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Rudy Park

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101. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-21 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-21 Pub. Date: 2017-02-21
Image Number: 154814
Caption: I found out something last night that just totally destroyed my entire worldview. The burrito, as most Americans know it, did not actually come from Mexico. Or maybe it did. The internet is of two minds about the issue. The point is, if you can't count on the burrito being Mexican, you can't count on anything. I have something to tell you about Chop Suey.
     
102. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-17 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-17 Pub. Date: 2017-02-17
Image Number: 154554
Caption: Really? You're hiring me back to replace the robot you just replaced me with? I've had a change of heart, minion. It may be cheaper to automate my café. But it dawned on me that robots don't buy very many drinks. Plus, as much as I try to let the bottom line guide me, I am, deep down, a very compassionate man. I couldn't bear the thought of you being poor and miserable. Maybe he's not such a bad man. Plus, one accidental incineration of a customer and the authorities get all weird about it.
     
103. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-11 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-11 Pub. Date: 2017-02-11
Image Number: 154260
Caption: I bought P90X, Insanity, T25, and I even went old school and bought Tae Bo. I don't care how many you bought, I'm telling you clicking "buy now" doesn't burn any calories.
     
104. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-04 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-04 Pub. Date: 2017-02-04
Image Number: 153982
Caption: I just realized how vulnerable I am to people who could hack my phone, my self-driving car, my tv, my garage door opener … So I bought a device called "Trojan Horse: that's supposed to protect me from all that. It connects to my wifi router. It monitors all my web traffic, all my connected devices, and ... well, I'm not exactly sure what it does, but it's supposed to keep the hackers out somehow. What did you say the device is called again? Now I don't worry about anyone hacking my toaster.
     
105. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-28 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-28 Pub. Date: 2017-01-28
Image Number: 153712
Caption: I just edited your Wikipedia entry. Whoopty doo. Tap tap tap tap tap. You'll be happy to know you are no longer the last of your kind, Sadie. Astronomers have discovered another supermassive black hole that expels nearly as much hot air as you do. You're now listed under "oppressive objects that burp out galactic gas." I will exact revenge at a time and place of my choosing.
     
106. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-14 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-14 Pub. Date: 2017-01-14
Image Number: 153097
Caption: I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.
     
107. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-09 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-09 Pub. Date: 2017-01-09
Image Number: 153092
Caption: You've got to stop getting all your history from Youtube and Netflix. Why? Because those are videos. People who make videos are making entertainment. It it's entertaining that means someone's constructed story. If it's a story, that means they left out or twisted whatever doesn't logically fit their narrative as told from one point of view. Accurate history would be completely illogical. Oliver Stone would disagree.
     
108. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-25 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-25 Pub. Date: 2016-12-25
Image Number: 151673
Caption: Hello, you've reached the private line of the Secretary of Defense. At last! We tried calling you all day yesterday to alert you to an imminent threat. How did you get this number? It was coming straight at your nation-state at speeds approaching Kebin 2. What are you talking about? What's "Klebin 2"? Apologies. In earthlingese that would be "mach 23," or 24.140.16 kilometers per hour. Good lord! I'd better wake ... Not to worry. Our sensors locked on to it as soon as it launched from your North Pole. "North ... Pole?"? We incinerated it for you as it approached a chimney in your social-congregate region known as "Seattle." You ... wait ... you did what? You're welcome.
     
109. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-23 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-23 Pub. Date: 2016-12-23
Image Number: 152379
Caption: Boss, I've got a new idea. I think it'll quadruple our sales. Not again. We should stop spelling everything correctly. Nobody does that anymore. We should write our menus the way the country writes their tweets. That's the dumb -- wait … that's actually not one of your more horrendous ideas. Thx boss. M gonna take rest of day off k thx bye. Never mind what I just said.
     
110. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-19 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-19 Pub. Date: 2016-12-19
Image Number: 152375
Caption: You know how I was watching "Highway to Heaven" on Youtube? Everything was going great until I got to season two episode six. To protest toxic contamination, the angel put on a huge bird suit and drove a tricycle around, yelling "Kaw! Kaw!" and playing "You Spin Me Right Round" on a boombox. It took me 31 years to successfully repress that memory. Thanks a lot, Youtube. It's at the 11:10 mark in the video.
     
111. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-17 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-17 Pub. Date: 2016-12-17
Image Number: 152127
Caption: Are you ever worried people will see all the stuff you put online? Not at all … because I don't put anything online. I'm not on Facebook, I'm not on Twitter, and I conduct all my business in person so they can be charmed by the twinkle in my mustache. You are looking at a man who's totally off the grid, little buddy. It's like talking to a Neanderthal. I also shave with a razor-sharp sliver of granite my grandfather bequeathed unto me.
     
112. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-11 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-11 Pub. Date: 2016-12-11
Image Number: 151421
Caption: Oh, Liam. I thought you were dead. I thought I would never see you again! Is that why you married … my brother? … Oh, Caroline … it's doesn't matter. When the mafia held me captive in a seaside cave all these years, the only thing that kept me alive was the thought of you. Caroline ... who is that mysterious stranger lurking outside your bedroom window? Is it yet another lover? No, it's me. Frank. The executive producer. You can cut all this out, we've been canceled. The market can't support more than three soap operas anymore. Everyone's busy watching Youtube. But Frank, I've got three more kids to put through college! And another thirty payments on my car! What am I supposed to do, you heartless @#$%?! Wait ... who's that lurking over there outside that other window? I don't know. It's me. Jeff, CEO of the network. We've been sold to Sputum Cable. They're canceling all executive producer contracts.
     
113. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-10 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-10 Pub. Date: 2016-12-10
Image Number: 151824
Caption: I just edited your Wikipedia entry. And I don't give a wiki. Tap tap tap tap tap. You have now single-handedly proven that Mars had oceans 4.3 billion years ago … because the Mars Rover stumbled across a fossilized photo of you sunning yourself on a primordial Martian beach. Photos can't be fossilized, you ignoramus. They can once I'm done editing the Wikipedia entry for "photos."
     
114. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-30 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-30 Pub. Date: 2016-11-30
Image Number: 151570
Caption: I just bought a new Kindle Voyage. It's much better than my Kindle Paperwhite. Blasphemy, little buddy. A real man lugs around a paperback that he's milled from a fallen Redwood that he lifted off of a baby deer, before reuniting the fawn with its mother. I bought if off of Amazon. I didn't even use "one-click." I used the shopping cart and chose all the options manually. Almost as impressive. I keep it old-school.
     
115. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-01 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-01 Pub. Date: 2016-11-01
Image Number: 150484
Caption: I still can't believe what happened with "The Walking Dead," Randy. That death … I don't think I'll ever get over it. Characters become real to us, little buddy. They become old friends. So when they "die," it's natural to mourn them just as we mourn anyone. No, I mean I can't believe I forgot to post a reaction video on Youtube of me crying when the death happened. But at least I got to post a reaction video of me reacting to my not having posted a reaction video. I've lived too long.
     
116. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-26 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-26 Pub. Date: 2016-10-26
Image Number: 150208
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? How do I talk my wife out of booking a vacation to Syria? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time I vacationed in the Monte Cassino monastery in Italy, in 1944. I had the entire place to myself … There was canasta, and Scrabble, and an excellent view of the Allied assault on the Germans' Gustav line. Man up! A little mortars and rubble never hurt anyone. They are offering discount packages.
     
117. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-16 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-16 Pub. Date: 2016-10-16
Image Number: 149159
Caption: I'm doing well in my latest Surveymonkey poll. I run polls on all my social media accounts every time I make an important decision. Like when I decide which socks to wear … which movie to stream … which cereal to eat … Today I chose "Lucky Charms." A solid choice. 49% of my followers felt that was proof of sound breakfast judgment. Wait ... doesn't that mean 51% thought it wasn't? Taking a poll is science. Reporting the results is an art. A whopping 32% felt that my sticking with an un-PC breakfast choice showed I was bold enough to be president. You just ate what everyone wished they could eat.
     
118. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-14 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-14 Pub. Date: 2016-10-14
Image Number: 149625
Caption: Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.
     
119. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-09 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-09 Pub. Date: 2016-10-09
Image Number: 148888
Caption: What can I get you? An explanation for why we haven't gone back to the moon. Would you like the rational explanation or the Youtube explanation? Rational would be lovely, please. Ok. We never went back to the moon because there was no reason to. The whole point of Apollo was to reassure the free world that we could beat the Soviet Union. Mission accomplished. Oh ... that's it? Well, that's rather bland. Could I exchange that for the Youtube explanation? The lizard-men who live on the film set where we faked the landing asked us not to come back ... because they don't want us to realize the moon is actually a hollow spaceship they've projected onto the dome that covers our flat earth. Ooh, that's much more exciting.
     
120. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-06 online 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-06 Pub. Date: 2016-10-06
Image Number: 149321
Caption: Show me Elon Musk's announcement about going to Mars. Error: Video not found. Are you sure? It's on Youtube. He talks about how this is our insurance against an extinction-level event. What is "extinction level event"? You know, like an asteroid hitting us, or nuclear war, or the rise of an evil artificial intelligence bent on exterminating us. Show me Elon Musk's warning about artificial intelligence. Error: Video not found.
     
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