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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-20 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-20 Pub. Date: 2017-10-20
Image Number: 163906
Caption: We're not done mourning the last mass shooting, so it's inappropriate to talk about gun control. It's too soon. Seriously? We're averaging almost one mass shooting per day. When exactly will it be appropriate to talk about it? I believe there's and opening between 11:58pm and 11:58 and 22 seconds.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-16 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-16 Pub. Date: 2017-10-16
Image Number: 163902
Caption: Do you have any idea how many mass shootings we've had in America this year? In just the first 75 days of the year, we had 273 mass shootings. That's almost one per day. There are more mass shootings than there are days in the baseball season. You know what that means, don't you? It mean mass shootings is America new national pastime. Stop stealing my lines.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-10 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-10 Pub. Date: 2017-10-10
Image Number: 163629
Caption: The rest of the president's press pool left Puerto Rico, but I decided to stay and help. They needed people who could drive trucks to help deliver supplies to the survivors. I didn't know you knew how to drive a big rig, Lemont. What's to know? Huh? That reminds me: Did you know a pallet of 10,000 baby wipes makes a good flotation device if you find yourself in the ocean? What? What did you do to their truck?! It's inspiring how fast people, even in the midst of devastation, can all pitch in to buy one man a plane ticket home.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-29 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-29 Pub. Date: 2017-09-29
Image Number: 163101
Caption: How 'bout that Chokers game? The Candorville Chokers might go all the way this year. Whachoocare? What do you mean "What do I care?" Haven't you got any civic pride, son? They're our hometown team. They're our boys. They a bunch of grown-!@#$ men runnin' 'round in a circle for millions of dollars. Ain't nary a one of them even from here. That pitcher Fernando Maldonado only speak German. In the winter we play for Cameroon. If you don't like small talk, just say so!
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-19 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-19 Pub. Date: 2017-09-19
Image Number: 162849
Caption: When my little boy got home from day care and found out I'd sold the microwave, he started sobbing. Dr. Noodle. He asked who bought it. I said "a neighbor." He whimpered and blubbered "But I don't want the neighbor to have it! I want us to have it!" M.A ... I tried to make him feel better by telling him it's best not to have one anyway, because all microwaves leak radiation and that can cause cancer ... and that's when your son accused you of trying to murder your neighbor? I never realized how horrible a person I was until my son started asking questions.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-17 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-17 Pub. Date: 2017-09-17
Image Number: 162145
Caption: Want to catch up on "Game of Thrones"? What I wanna watch that for? TV supposed to be an escape. Huh? It's a show set in some medieval world called "Westeros" where they've got knights and dragons and magic. How's that not an "escape"? They got any black people on Westeros? Of course they do. A whole bunch of them ... Well, a couple. What is they on the show? They knights? They kings? Queens? They ride dragons? They make magic happen? Um ... well ... not ex -- You see they work for the one who rides ... and you know one of them isn't a knight, but he's a soldier. Not everything has to be about race, you know. They slaves, ain't they? No. They started as slaves, then, am I right? Wanna watch "Westworld"?
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-16 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-16 Pub. Date: 2017-09-16
Image Number: 162602
Caption: Everyone goes through this at one time or another, Lemont. It's important not to worry about what other people think of you, if you know you're doing the right thing. It's important to get to a place of self-confidence. Self-assurance. Peace. Whatever. I still think your new "get your 10th psychosis treated free" punchcards make you look tacky. And yet I'm at peace with that.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-03 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-03 Pub. Date: 2017-09-03
Image Number: 161589
Caption: If Democrats know what's good for them, they'll move further right. That's how they can win elections. All my conservative friends agree. And we tell that to every Democrat we see every chance we get. That's very considerate of you, to help out the opposition like that. Oh, I've always been considerate. When I was a small child, I used to let other kids copy my test answers before I changed them to the right ones. Wait ... what was that? What was what? You said you let kids copy your wrong answers before you changed them to the right answers. Did I? I don't think so. You did. It's exactly what you just said you did. If you know what's good for you, you'll just passively accept what others say without thinking too much about it. Let me guess: Your class was graded on a curve?
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-01 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-01 Pub. Date: 2017-09-01
Image Number: 162091
Caption: Hey, Clyde. Wanna go hang out on the roof? Don’t you do that with Susan? Where she at? She's not talking to me right now. I told her I couldn't just take Joss Whedon's wife's account of their marriage at face value, because people sometimes don't tell the entire truth. Them's your mistake, bruh. You shoulda had just one thing to say 'bout the whole issue: "I don't care 'bout that." I think that's a dangerous philosophy. If something's in the news we've got to care. Wanna know why? I don't care 'bout that.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-30 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-30 Pub. Date: 2017-08-30
Image Number: 162089
Caption: What do you mean you don't take Joss Whedon's ex-wife's article at face value? She wrote that he cheated on her for years. That settles everything. No it doesn't. All we heard is her side of the story. And she said at one point she moved away from her personal values to get closer to him. What does that mean. I'll tell you what it might mean: It might mean she knew more than she's letting on, but she was ok with it all the way until he decided to divorce her. Only then did she go back and rewrite history to portray herself as the totally unsuspecting victim. Is this about how your ex lied to the court about you? Is this about how your ex cheated on you?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-27 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-27 Pub. Date: 2017-08-27
Image Number: 161361
Caption: Excuse me, sir, if it's not too much trouble … Hi, Democrats. What can I get you? Coffee Sandwiches? An explanation. We introduced our bold new plan last month: "A Better Deal," but the progressives still aren't impressed. What more could they ask for? We focus-group tested the heck out of the slogan. It was the least objectionable and least un-inspiring of the bunch! It evokes FDR's "New Deal" and LBJ's "Fair Deal" without over-promising. We don't want to risk over-promising. It even sounded progressive! We mentioned tax credits to retrains workers, a $15 minimum wage (eventually), regulating prescription drug prices, and busting monopolies, maybe. We even said we'd think about forming a committee to consider considering sing-payer health care, among many other more corporate-donor-friendly options that aren't single-payer. And we introduced it with an editorial vowing not to expand government or move our party in one direction or another along the political spectrum. Bold! So why didn't that fire up the progressive base? ... Hello?
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-24 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-24 Pub. Date: 2017-08-24
Image Number: 161803
Caption: Hey Susan, did you get that evite from Clyde? Which one? The evite to his birthday party where he wrote "in lieu of gifts, bring a shovel and wear your work pants"? No. The evite to his housewarming party at his underground bunker? No. I've been ignoring his evites for months now. Ever since Trump won, they've been getting more and more cynical. I'm talking about his evite to watch the upcoming race war on his tv.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-10 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-10 Pub. Date: 2017-08-10
Image Number: 161294
Caption: You remember the other day, when I said we're behind a lot of other countries in a lot of areas? Well, I wrote an article about that for Candorville.com. Within 15 minutes, I counted over 3,000 replies that included a variant of the phrase "If you don't like it here, go someplace else." So I did a little more research, and then posted an article about how we're far behind a lot of other countries in "going someplace else." ... That's when I found out we're number one in the amount of angry comments posted in all-caps. I been out of the state once. That was weird.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-09 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-09 Pub. Date: 2017-08-09
Image Number: 161293
Caption: We're behind a lot of other countries in health care, social mobility, internet service, cellphone service, education … income equality, infrastructure, high-speed trains, voting, democratic representation, linguistic diversity, life expectancy, religious diversity, please, press freedom, child well-being, happiness, sleep, literacy, leisure, retirement security, gender equality, minimum wage, homicide rates, prosperity, the cost of food ... Other than military spending and the number of people we throw in prison, we're behind in almost everything ... so why do people still chant "we're number one!" All the time? Where we is on math?
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-30 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-30 Pub. Date: 2017-07-30
Image Number: 160303
Caption: Whutsis? This is your wake-up call. Nobody actually likes you. Everyone who's paying attention to you think you're a cretin. A moron. A buffoon. Saywhat now? Even the ones who say they like you are only pretending to like you. Zzzwhywudeydoodatzzz … Why? Because you're useful to them. They want something from you. Like legislation, or executive action. Or validation of their paranoia or their hatred. Or they want you to make the people they hate squirm. Or they want money. Or an inheritance. I think you might have the wrong number ... Or they're nihilists or anarchists who just like to watch everything burn. Or ... I said you have the wrong number!
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-28 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-28 Pub. Date: 2017-07-28
Image Number: 160761
Caption: So … how are things going with you and Ace Peerless? Who wholess? Your boyfriend. Ace. He called me before I left Russia, and asked for the best way to propose to you. I said "One word: Balloons." I don't know this "Ace Peerless" of whom you speak. Have you ever thought of seeing a therapist about your commitment issues? No way. They want you to keep coming back.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-27 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-27 Pub. Date: 2017-07-27
Image Number: 160760
Caption: Hey, Lionel, it's daddy! You ready to go home? Everyone hazta go through me. Day Care. What? Who are you, little big man? Themz callz me "Bulldogz." Are you one of Lionel's little friends? Aren't you cute. Anyway, Lionel, let's go home. Dinner's waiting. did you tell my boy to deal with a bully by hiring a 4-year-old bodyguard? No. Ahmz only threeez.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-24 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-24 Pub. Date: 2017-07-24
Image Number: 160757
Caption: I'm glad you're not mad at me, Lemont. Why would I be mad at you, Susan? You didn't make me accuse my girlfriend of cheating on me just because she had an innocent dinner with some other guy. Sure, you sent me the video and warned me it was too painful to watch, so I sprung it on her sight-unseen and it turned out to be nothing ... and sure, you forgot to tell me they didn't leave together or exchange numbers ... And sure, you almost single-handedly wrecked one of the best things to ever happen to me in my life ... Well, I'm just glad you're no mad, old buddy. And sure ...
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-22 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-22 Pub. Date: 2017-07-22
Image Number: 160506
Caption: You know why most political comic strips are leftist? Tell me. Sponsorship. There's no product-placement allowed. So there's no financial incentive to sell out to the big corporations. So political strips are free to talk about how Mansanto loves us. How big pharma over-loves us. How the oil industry is loves us, etc. Because one of those corporate friends can advertise in comic strips. But they advertise in newspapers, right? Doesn't matter. Editors and publishers don't ever read the comics.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-15 one 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-15 Pub. Date: 2017-07-15
Image Number: 160224
Caption: Lemont, it's Susan. I have bad news to tell you. Can it wait? Divided Airlines tossed me out of the plane to make room for one of their employees. I suspect they were actually Russian spied, but that's not important right now. When you called, I was watching a youtube video about how to grab ahold of an albatross and ride it to safety. Youtube has everything. I know, right? Excuse me ... what does "employee has pet" mean?
     
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