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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-11 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-11 Pub. Date: 2017-10-11
Image Number: 163630
Caption: Bruh, you gotta stop writing about "Star Track Discovery." Don't nobody like it. Get over it. "Trek." And it's a great show! It's just a vocal minority online that keep coming up with ridiculous reasons to hate it. They decided long before they ever saw it was gonna be horrible, and now they just don't want to be wrong. It's textbook case of confirmation bias! I knew you wasn't gonna make no sense, an' I was right.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-24 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-24 Pub. Date: 2017-09-24
Image Number: 162394
Caption: I can't shake the feeling that nothing is really real, doc. Dr. Noodle. I just got my doctorate in history. And I watch the news every day. And I've started feeling like I've wasted my whole life studying things that never happened. I mean, if everything I see happening right now is "fake," how am I supposed to trust history? How am I supposed to know that Mussolini or Napoleon or Genghis Khan or Robespierre or Caligula were ever really all that bad? Maybe all the journalists and scribes who chronicled their reigns were part of an age-old fake-news conspiracy dating all the way back to the days of Peisistratos? I see. When exactly did these doubts begin? Oh, about 546 B.C.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-15 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-15 Pub. Date: 2017-09-15
Image Number: 162601
Caption: Six months, bruh. Six months till they start deporting 800,000 "dreamers" to countries they don't know how to live in. I dug a hole in my closet an' I got canned food. I'm ready. Ready for what? Ain't you never read "Anne Frank's Diary"? What are you asking: Have I read it, or have I never read it? You and your double negatives. Ain't you never heard of the Underground Railroad? Now you're just messing with me.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-09 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-09 Pub. Date: 2017-09-09
Image Number: 162347
Caption: My son keeps loading 'The Cosby Show' on Hulu. What fo'? Cosby ain't never been funny. He always been boring as @#$% an' I ain't never liked him. Cosby ain't nothin' now, Cosby ain't never been nothin', and I always thought he was creepy. People always try to go back and pretend they were right about someone all along. He ain't never made me laugh. Not even once!
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-04 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-04 Pub. Date: 2017-09-04
Image Number: 162342
Caption: Hello, momma. You've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because I let myself in, and I'm standing right behind you with a big bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates, all for you … unless I got stuck in traffic, in which case forget you heard this. Beep.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-01 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-01 Pub. Date: 2017-09-01
Image Number: 162091
Caption: Hey, Clyde. Wanna go hang out on the roof? Don’t you do that with Susan? Where she at? She's not talking to me right now. I told her I couldn't just take Joss Whedon's wife's account of their marriage at face value, because people sometimes don't tell the entire truth. Them's your mistake, bruh. You shoulda had just one thing to say 'bout the whole issue: "I don't care 'bout that." I think that's a dangerous philosophy. If something's in the news we've got to care. Wanna know why? I don't care 'bout that.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-24 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-24 Pub. Date: 2017-08-24
Image Number: 161803
Caption: Hey Susan, did you get that evite from Clyde? Which one? The evite to his birthday party where he wrote "in lieu of gifts, bring a shovel and wear your work pants"? No. The evite to his housewarming party at his underground bunker? No. I've been ignoring his evites for months now. Ever since Trump won, they've been getting more and more cynical. I'm talking about his evite to watch the upcoming race war on his tv.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-16 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-16 Pub. Date: 2017-08-16
Image Number: 161533
Caption: You know what? If we ever create faster-than-light travel, we can prove whether Jesus existed. We found a planet orbiting a star in the Cygnus constellation 2,000 light years away. That means if we were there right now, we could peer back at earth through a super-powerful telescope and see events that happened 2,000 years ago. If Jesus were real, we could see him going about his business: performing miracles ... coming back from the dead ... picking his nose ... He never would've done that, Lemont. You know how much dust there is in the Middle East?
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-30 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-30 Pub. Date: 2017-07-30
Image Number: 160303
Caption: Whutsis? This is your wake-up call. Nobody actually likes you. Everyone who's paying attention to you think you're a cretin. A moron. A buffoon. Saywhat now? Even the ones who say they like you are only pretending to like you. Zzzwhywudeydoodatzzz … Why? Because you're useful to them. They want something from you. Like legislation, or executive action. Or validation of their paranoia or their hatred. Or they want you to make the people they hate squirm. Or they want money. Or an inheritance. I think you might have the wrong number ... Or they're nihilists or anarchists who just like to watch everything burn. Or ... I said you have the wrong number!
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-20 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-20 Pub. Date: 2017-07-20
Image Number: 160504
Caption: Where are you going? You didn't cheat on me. I know that now. We're ok, Vancouver. Don't "Vancouver" me, Lemont. We are not "ok." We are over. What we has was beautiful and pure. I thought you felt it too. But if you could doubt it just 'cause I had dinner with someone else ... then I was wrong about us. Goodbye, Lemont. Just kidding. I think you're cute when you're jealous, Candorville. Don't do that!!!
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-15 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-15 Pub. Date: 2017-07-15
Image Number: 160224
Caption: Lemont, it's Susan. I have bad news to tell you. Can it wait? Divided Airlines tossed me out of the plane to make room for one of their employees. I suspect they were actually Russian spied, but that's not important right now. When you called, I was watching a youtube video about how to grab ahold of an albatross and ride it to safety. Youtube has everything. I know, right? Excuse me ... what does "employee has pet" mean?
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-12 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-12 Pub. Date: 2017-07-12
Image Number: 160221
Caption: Meanwhile, in Candorville … Susan! Hold on! You can't go confront Lemont's girlfriend just 'cause she's here with another guy. You don't know what's really going on. Well … I'll just watch first. Marry me. And if she catches you spying on her? You'll alienate her. And if you see something? Then what? You'll break them up? It's not your place. Yes, it is. If anyone's going to ruin my best friend's life, it should be me. Are you listening to yourself? Now's not the time for that.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-04 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-04 Pub. Date: 2017-07-04
Image Number: 159980
Caption: Meanwhile, in Moscow … Hello, you've reached the office of California Assembly Speaker Anthony Rendon. Moscow. If you're a pharmaceutical of health care industry lobbyist calling to donate another $150 thousand to my campaign fund, press "one." If you're a journalist calling to ask why I killed a highly popular single-payer health care bill that would've saved countless lives and insulated Californians from Trumpcare, press 2. Sorry, Speaker Rendon is unavailable to talk right now.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-18 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-18 Pub. Date: 2017-06-18
Image Number: 158658
Caption: I read your article bashing Congressman Thugman for assaulting a reporter, you'd better watch your back, Leroy. Lemont. Whatever. You should change your name to "Enemy of the American People." Trump said so, and he's right. How was he right? There's nothing more American than a free press. Read the first amendment. The press is enshrined in the Constitution! Journalists report being beaten, arrested. Oh yeah? Well, the so-called "Constitution" also enshrined slavery. Yeah, but then the Constitution abolished slavery, with the 13th amendment. Exactly. It's crazy for you to defend yourself with a document that can't even make up its mind. No wonder they're body-slamming you guys now. I'm starting to think you'll say anything just to win an argument. That's my first amendment right. Why do you hate the Constitution?
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-16 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-16 Pub. Date: 2017-06-16
Image Number: 159155
Caption: Clyde picks up Lemont's son Lionel from daycare. Don't feel bad. You ain't the first kid to get bullied. Your daddy got bullied. An' he a success now. Day Care. He did? Who bullied my daddy? 1979. Whack! Fonzie … That's not important right now. The point is, he overcame.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-15 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-15 Pub. Date: 2017-06-15
Image Number: 159154
Caption: Clyde picks up Lemont's son Lionel from daycare. How do I make Brixton not be a buller? Hold on … lemme call your daddy … It's ringin'. Day care. Hello? Yo, Big L, some bully beefin' wit' little man. What you want me to tell 'im to do? The plane crashed at the North Pole! We were rescued by insurgent elves but now they're holding us hostage until the dictator Santa Clause agrees to a ceasefire and two weeks' paid vacation! Send help! got it. Later, bruh. Boop. Your daddy want you to shout a lot of nonsense so the bully think you crazy. I happen to concur.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-09 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-09 Pub. Date: 2017-06-09
Image Number: 158829
Caption: What are those things? What things? Oh, they look like Tomahawk missiles. What?! Are they going to us, or from us?! Oh, from us, definitely. Oh, cool, then, bored now, can I have ear phones.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-01 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-01 Pub. Date: 2017-06-01
Image Number: 158603
Caption: Departed 2nd Lieutenant Richard Collins III visits Lemont's dream. Why does my murder affect you so personally? You didn't even know me. M. Maybe that's why. You were graduating from a great school … you were commissioned in the army … By all accounts, you were funny, you were brilliant, you were going to be someone consequential. Someone who could've made history. I SHOULD have someday known you. But now I never will.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-29 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-29 Pub. Date: 2017-05-29
Image Number: 158600
Caption: Please store your personal electronics. Can we take them back out yet? No. How 'bout now? No. How 'bout now? No. Can't you people go twenty minutes without staring into your beeping rectangles? No!
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-20 now 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-20 Pub. Date: 2017-05-20
Image Number: 158081
Caption: Ain't nobody know what they be doin', Big L. What do you mean? Media be talkin' 'bout Russia Russia Russia all day long. But they ain't marketing it right. How come Netflix don't have "Red Dawn" an' "Twins" an' all them other Cold War movies up on they front page right now? None of this is entertainment!!! Whachoo mean? Danny DeVito an' Arnold Schwarzenegger bein' twins is pure entertainment.
     
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