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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about noodles and noodling.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-05 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-05 Pub. Date: 2018-08-05
Image Number: 173086
Caption: Am I the crazy one, doc? All day long all I hear from the news is Russia stole the election. Dr. Noodle. Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia! Russia didn't purse hundreds of thousands of voters in key states … The Republican crosscheck programs did that. Russian didn't challenge the voter registrations of thousands of black people and students all over the place. Vote-caging did that. Russian didn't throw out millions of provisional ballots. America did that. And America doesn't seem to have a problem with any of that. I thought you said you didn't even vote ... because they didn't let me! OMG, why didn't you hear that part?! I know I added that part ... or did I? ... I don't even know anymore.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-01 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-01 Pub. Date: 2018-07-01
Image Number: 172353
Caption: I'm not happy. I think I married the wrong person. Dr. Noodle. But I can't leave. Leaving is too hard. I mean, we've got all the same friends. They'd hate me. And she's got complete control of the bank accounts. What would I do for money? But maybe I could just start all over. Who needs any of that stuff? There's a whole world out there. Maybe it's not too late to explore the world, wrestle and alligator, move to Jamaica, change my name, and meet the woman I was really meant to be with. Sometimes it actually is too late. Zzzzzzzz.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-20 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-20 Pub. Date: 2018-05-20
Image Number: 171354
Caption: I feel like I'm starting to hate everyone, doc. Dr. Noodle. I hate the stranger who shook his head in disgust at me when he saw I was in an interracial relationship. I hate the lady who cut me off in traffic and almost ran me off the road this morning. I hate the dentist who convinced me I needed a $350 month guard when I could've bought one just as good for $25 at Target. I hate the Girl Scout who sold me six disgusting boxes of ten-year-old Samoa cookies. That's ... then? I hate myself for not noticing she had to have been at least 23 years old.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-08 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-08 Pub. Date: 2018-04-08
Image Number: 169718
Caption: Dr. Stephen Hawking saved my life, doc. How so? Dr. Noodle. I was in a deep dark depression. I wanted to end it all. I was about to. But just then, through my tv, I heard this computerized voice announcing his discovery about black holes. They're the most powerful things there are. But he's discovered that theoretically, they lose mass over time, until they're just ... gone. He said things can get out of a black hole both on the outside and possibly to another universe. So if you feel you are in a black hole, don't give up ... there's a way out. His loss is a moral and intellectual void that'll never be filled. Well that's depressing ... and ... now I'm ok.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-20 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-20 Pub. Date: 2018-03-20
Image Number: 169627
Caption: I'm starting to feel like nothing really matters anymore. Dr. Noodle. I remember just ten years ago, I'd spend hours online arguing with random strangers about important things. M.D. We all seemed to take plenty of time back then to listen to each others' points. We'd research our counter-arguments and present them. Sometimes we'd actually change each others' minds. I see. So when you tweeted all that last night, how did people respond? Some said I was being a snowflake, other said that was fake news.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-13 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-13 Pub. Date: 2018-03-13
Image Number: 169394
Caption: I’m started an ongoing series on my news site where I cover stories the country has forgotten about. Dr. Noodle. I'll be covering how people are still being poisoned in Flint, how the Sioux are still fighting to keep an oil company from threatening their water supply, etc ... The preface I'm writing reminds people we're still at war in Afghanistan after 17 years ... Yes, yes. But the fact remains, I can't diagnose the entire country with amnesia without losing my license. C'mon, it would add so much to the preface.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-04 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-04 Pub. Date: 2018-03-04
Image Number: 168475
Caption: The other day, Kelly texted me hi. So right away I texted back three paragraphs saying hi, asking how she was, and whether she wanted to meet. Dr. Noodle. Did she write back? Yeah. About six hours later, she sent me an lol. So right away I texted back an lol plus four paragraphs asking how her day was, and pointing out that she didn't say whether she wanted to meet. Did she write back? No. I kept checking my phone the rest of the night, but she never wrote back. She finally wrote back three days later. What did she write? She wrote I miss you. OMG. That's exactly what I wrote! Right away. Plus five paragraphs asking if she wanted to meet.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-25 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-25 Pub. Date: 2018-02-25
Image Number: 168231
Caption: I'm not entirely sure I'm conscious, doc. It occurred to me last night, I am not an individual. I am a colony of 32 trillion individual living cells. Dr. Noodle … each of which lives, breathes, performs tasks, and quite possibly considers itself to be a conscious individual with free will. The thought reminded me of when I was in the army. Each of us was an individual cell focused on an individual task ... but before we knew it, because of the decisions made unbeknownst to any of us grunts ... the body of us, the colony we all comprised ... had marched across Europe, and swum across the Pacific, and liberated half the world ... maybe I prescribed you a little too much Cannabis. You may think you thought that thought, but you're just an antibody reflexively protecting the colony.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-18 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-18 Pub. Date: 2018-02-18
Image Number: 167988
Caption: When I was a youth, I dreamt of becoming a gangsta rapper who'd someday go legit and found a major record label and sell it for billions to Apple. Dr. Noodle. I never did it, though. I didn't know that career path was really possible. But then Dr. Dre came along and he did it. That's an awfully specific dream you had. And then there was my Russian dream. I always dreamt of striking out in real estate, then catching the eye of Russian mobsters and foreign banks who'd bail me out if I agreed to launder tons of loot for them ... and then maybe I'd run for high office so I could repay the bank by giving it a waiter exempting it from paying some huge fine, and maybe be able to use my office to repay the mafia somehow too. Y'know ... sometimes when we're jealous, we rewrite history and actually believe I thought of that first. Oh, no, I've been laundering money for year - wait, this whole thing is confidential, right?
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-21 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-21 Pub. Date: 2018-01-21
Image Number: 166923
Caption: I got sucked into an argument with my Uncle Elroy again. Dr. Noodle. He send me a dozen article from dailynutjob.com about how George Soros is behind all the conspiracy theories about George Soros. I couldn't help it … I finally wrote back, saying "Why?? Why would he do that??" He replied "Because George Soros is trying to make people who buy into George Soros conspiracy theories look bad." Oh my. Then he sent me article after article about how Antifa spies were getting white supremacist haircuts and pretending to be white supremacists, and saying evil white supremacist things. I couldn't help it ... I finally wrote back, saying "Why?? Why would they do that??" I thought we agreed you'd meditate whenever you had the urge to ask that question. He said "because they're trying to make white supremacists look bad."
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-14 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-14 Pub. Date: 2018-01-14
Image Number: 166587
Caption: I was walking along the sidewalk minding my own business … Dr Noodle … when a cop stopped me and ticketed me for walking without a driver's license. Then he took me to jail and held me there for seven hours. May lawyer found out he's done this before, almost always to black pedestrians. I tried really hard to understand why he does that. I thought "maybe he's just incompetent. Maybe he's emasculated at home so he overcompensates at work. Maybe he was trained to do this and so it's not his fault. Maybe the Mandela Effect is real and he came from an alternate universe where walking without a driver's license actually is illegal. People often go to great lengths to avoid noticing this particular elephant in the room. I'm told it's awfully rude to accuse people who do racist things of being racist.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-24 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-24 Pub. Date: 2017-12-24
Image Number: 165815
Caption: Why are we here, Michael? First, doc, thank you for seeing me on Christmas Eve. Dr. Noodle. I'm having a crisis. There we were, sitting around the crackling fire, eggnog in hand. We were roasting chestnuts over the open fire. We were singing carols. We'd opened several of the gifts already. That's when the owners came home early. We jumped out the window but I'm pretty sure Vic left his crowbar behind. I see. So you want to know if turning yourself in would make you feel better? I want you to tell anyone who asks, the therapy sessions began at 4 a.m.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-10 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-10 Pub. Date: 2017-12-10
Image Number: 165352
Caption: I've been racking my brain trying to think of every interaction I've ever had with a woman. Dr. Noodle. I mean, when I was in my twenties, I did what guys in their twenties often did: I hit on women. Lots of them. We used to think that if a lady wasn’t interested, we just weren't trying hard enough. There were books about how to be more clever. How to be a pickup artist. There were times at the club when I was dancing with a lady, thought I had a shot, and went in for a kiss. Sometimes they didn't even know they were into me until I kissed them. But then they kissed back. Other times, they pushed me off and that was that ... or so I thought. Now, at any moment, some random woman could come forward and ruin my life. Well, lets start by acknowledging it's a healthy thing for society that men are learning what it's like to live in fear, for a change. Doesn't feel healthy.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-05 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-05 Pub. Date: 2017-12-05
Image Number: 165704
Caption: Am I paranoid, doc? I interviewed FCC Chairman Ajit Pai the other day … Dr. Noodle. I asked why he's so bent on killing net neutrality when it's the only thing stopping internet service providers from picking and choosing which websites we see. He said there's no evidence they do that. I said "Yeah, that's because net neutrality rules have forbidden them from doing that." All of a sudden our Skype conversation slowed to a crawl. First we should examine the possibility he was talking in slow motion just to mess with you.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-26 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-26 Pub. Date: 2017-11-26
Image Number: 165350
Caption: Women and men are coming forward and exposing all the powerful guys who've sexually harassed them. Its making me feel awfully worried and guilty. Dr. Noodle. Why? I'm worried that at any moment, a victim is going to come forward and ruin my life. That's natural. Think about it this way, though. If whoever it is you abused does come forward, you'll have a chance to come clean and clear your conscience. Huh? I've never abused anyone. I'm confused. I've already lost "House of Cards." This seems to be so pervasive, I could lose everything I spend my life watching. What'll I lose next, "Walking Dead"? "Man in the High Castle"? ... If they take "Big Bang Theory" my life'll pretty much be over. Just curious: Have you ever heard the phrases "get a life" and "it's not about you"? Hence the guilt.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-29 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-29 Pub. Date: 2017-10-29
Image Number: 163801
Caption: Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one in the office who notices the boss is a moron. Dr Noodle. Well … is he a moron? Certifiably. I even looked up the definition to be sure. A "moron" is defines as "a stupid person." So then I looked up "stupid" just to be sure. It means "having or showing a great lack of intelligence or common sense." I see you've given this a lot of thought. Yeah. Problem is, the last time he displayed his dingbattery I lose my temper and said "moron" out loud. The cretin heard about it. So to cover my behind, I had everyone gather around me and I praised him effusively. I laid it on thick, really buttered him up. Any intelligent person would have seen right through that. But your boss bought it. Instantly! See? Moron! How come no one else at works sees it?
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-25 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-25 Pub. Date: 2017-09-25
Image Number: 163097
Caption: Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my entire life being a journalist. Why bother? History just repeats itself anyway. Dr. Noodle. I just started reading a political memoir I heard about on the radio this morning. M.A. The Democrat James M. Cox wrote it after he lost the election of 1920 to Harding. It's called "That Which Occurred." He also blamed his loss on Bernie Sanders. I hope I can be as sharp as Bernie at his age.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-24 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-24 Pub. Date: 2017-09-24
Image Number: 162394
Caption: I can't shake the feeling that nothing is really real, doc. Dr. Noodle. I just got my doctorate in history. And I watch the news every day. And I've started feeling like I've wasted my whole life studying things that never happened. I mean, if everything I see happening right now is "fake," how am I supposed to trust history? How am I supposed to know that Mussolini or Napoleon or Genghis Khan or Robespierre or Caligula were ever really all that bad? Maybe all the journalists and scribes who chronicled their reigns were part of an age-old fake-news conspiracy dating all the way back to the days of Peisistratos? I see. When exactly did these doubts begin? Oh, about 546 B.C.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-20 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-20 Pub. Date: 2017-09-20
Image Number: 162850
Caption: All children go through a crisis when they first realize their parents aren't perfect. Tell me about it. Dr. Noodle. After Lionel calmed down, I convinced him I wasn't purposely trying to kill the neighbor by selling him a microwave that might cause cancer ... or at least I thought I did. That night, flashing lights and a siren woke me from a deep slumber. I looked out the window ad say the police and the coroner were at the neighbor's apartment. It's a good idea to hide the phone for the duration of the crisis. Scribble scrib - Lionel later told be he'd called anonymously, using the name "Daniel Tiger," so I wouldn't get locked up. He's so smart.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-19 noodle 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-19 Pub. Date: 2017-09-19
Image Number: 162849
Caption: When my little boy got home from day care and found out I'd sold the microwave, he started sobbing. Dr. Noodle. He asked who bought it. I said "a neighbor." He whimpered and blubbered "But I don't want the neighbor to have it! I want us to have it!" M.A ... I tried to make him feel better by telling him it's best not to have one anyway, because all microwaves leak radiation and that can cause cancer ... and that's when your son accused you of trying to murder your neighbor? I never realized how horrible a person I was until my son started asking questions.
     
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