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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-16 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-16 Pub. Date: 2017-10-16
Image Number: 163902
Caption: Do you have any idea how many mass shootings we've had in America this year? In just the first 75 days of the year, we had 273 mass shootings. That's almost one per day. There are more mass shootings than there are days in the baseball season. You know what that means, don't you? It mean mass shootings is America new national pastime. Stop stealing my lines.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-09 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-09 Pub. Date: 2017-07-09
Image Number: 159502
Caption: It's hard to debunk the whole "fake news" thing when so-called "journalists" keep lying, or keep not correcting their "mistakes" take Joy-Ann Reid, for instance. Who she? She has a show on MSNBC. The other week, after that former Bernie-supporter shot at those congressmen ... somebody tweeted "too soon to mention Bernie owes his entire political career to the NRA? Particularly his support of assault rifles his R opponent decried?" "Journalist" Joy-Ann Reid retweeted that, adding "I hope we have the maturity as a country to confront facts like this at the same time we're thinking of victims and keeping level heads." But it wasn't a fact. Sanders opposed assault rifles. The NRA backed him in that one race to punish the Republican who'd just changed his position on assault rifles. A Vermont gun store owner said at the time, "At least [Bernie's] consistent" with his opposition to semi-automatic rifles. A simple Google search would've told her that, apparently Joy-Ann Reid doesn't even Joy-Ann read. This whole thing was so you could say that joke, wasn't it.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-09 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-09 Pub. Date: 2017-04-09
Image Number: 155971
Caption: Donald Trump is cutting all funding for NPR, the National Endowment for the Arts, PBS, the Institute of Museum and Library Services, and more. What? They goin' after Big Bird? What Big Bird do to him? I didn't know Trump was mad at 'im. I ain't seen no tweet about it or nothin'. Big Bird'll be fine. HBO owns Big Bird now. Say what? I don't know if I could watch Big Bird on HBO. Last thing I need to see is Big Bird naked, or Big Bird choppin' off people arms an' whatnot. That's not the point. The point is, he's stripping funding from the Smithsonian and other icons of our culture, but buying more bombs we don't need. I don't need to see Big Bird slingin' smack for the mafia. It's not always about Big Bird.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-07 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-07 Pub. Date: 2017-02-07
Image Number: 154238
Caption: Dick Fink, did you send out that company-wide memo I gave you? No way. All that stuff about "tolerance" and "acceptance" of employees of all faiths and national origins made you sound like some boring "social justice warrior." Frankly, it smacked of "virtue signalling," so I tossed it for your own good. You can't make "being nice" a bad thing by labeling it to death. You're welcome.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-05 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-05 Pub. Date: 2016-09-05
Image Number: 148214
Caption: You ever wonder how many barbecues you got left in your life, Big L? I done the math. You factor in holidays an' summers an' weekends, that come to 148 barbecue opportunities a year. Given life expectancies, that only 11,603 official excuses to barbecue, on average. 9,620 if you a black man. I like to think 'bout these things on National Barbecue Day. Labor Day, Clyde. It's Labor Day.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-14 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-14 Pub. Date: 2016-08-14
Image Number: 146528
Caption: It all started during the Republican National Convention, night two Dr. Noodle The night they put Hillary Clinton on fake trial. They found her "guilty" of everything from Benghazi to being the servant of the devil. I was just waiting for them to find her guilty of giving the empire the location of the rebel base on that ice planet. I couldn't stand her before, but all of the sudden, I became very pro-Hillary, and felt like I had to see her become president at all costs. It's only natural to want to come to someone's defense when you think they're being treated unfairly. I painted the hair on my Trump bobblehead blond.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-19 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-19 Pub. Date: 2016-07-19
Image Number: 146140
Caption: I just got off the phone with the Trump campaign. They're still denying me press credentials. This just may end up being the craziest Republican National Convention in history, and I can't get in to report on it. How am I supposed to score the great interviews if I'm locked out? I won't be able to interview the rock stars ... the wrestlers ... the flaming-sword-swallowers ... the magician ... the human pincushion ... What a freakshow. Donald Trump ...
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-28 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-28 Pub. Date: 2016-05-28
Image Number: 143642
Caption: My son wants "Pajama Diaries" to win "Best Comic Strip" at tonight's awards because he likes pajamas. And with that, I became convinced Donald Trump will be our next president. Don't get me wrong, I love "Pajama Diaries." I'd be thrilled if it won. But I don't love what my son's reasoning says about humanity. We base our choices on highly personal, irrational reasons, and then we rationalize them after the fact. Aren't you being a little hard on a two-year-old? Don't you see? A lot of people vote with their inner two-year-olds.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-27 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-27 Pub. Date: 2016-05-27
Image Number: 143641
Caption: It's too bad the National Cartoonists Society's awards ceremony happens to be in Memphis tomorrow. Tennessee just passed a law allowing therapists to discriminate against lesbian, gay, and transgender people. So now these hundreds of cartoonists are going to be basically supporting a new Jim Crow state. Every hamburger will have segregation sauce. Every glass of booze will be a glass of separate-but-equal. Every Snickers they pull from the minibar will taste of nougaty injustice. I'm getting very hungry.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-26 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-26 Pub. Date: 2016-05-26
Image Number: 143640
Caption: The National Cartoonists Society is meeting in Memphis right now for the Reuben Awards. The what? It's like the Oscars for the cartooning industry. They give out awards for best comic strip, best animated movie, etc What is it with people? In every single industry there is, you've got people hoping and dreaming for years that one day they'll be handed a rectangle with their names written on it. You're only saying this because you didn't win the Pulitzer this year. Mankind's rectangle fetish is beyond disturbing when you think about it.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-30 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-30 Pub. Date: 2016-04-30
Image Number: 142414
Caption: Why do I keep a journal of my son's firsts? Because they're precious moments. Why they "precious"? Because they happen once and then they're gone forever, living only in a parent's memories. Is they still precious if they ALSO live on in your hard drive, the NSA files and Edward Snowman's briefcase? First time I've ever heard Clyde be so deep. Yeah. I wish I'd recorded that. You ain't never learnin'. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-04-02).
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-10 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-10 Pub. Date: 2016-04-10
Image Number: 141191
Caption: Dear Jerk I am offended by your article where you wrote that "getting offended" is America's new national pastime. I've angrily shown it to all of my friends, after first telling them that what they were about to see was offensive and each of them agreed with me that it was just as repugnant as I insisted it was. They all now despise you with a passion, just as I had told them they would before they'd ever heard of you. Dear sir or ma'am: I'm not sure your polling methodology is scientifically sound. On behalf of all Americans, I demand an apology, a retraction, and a public flogging. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-19 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-19 Pub. Date: 2015-10-19
Image Number: 133798
Caption: Do you have any idea how many mass shootings we've had in America this year? According to the Washington Post, in just the first 274 days of the year, we had 294 mass shootings. That's more than one per day. There are more mass shootings than there are days in the baseball season. You know what that means, don't you? It mean mass shootings is America new national pastime. Stop stealing my lines.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-07 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-07 Pub. Date: 2015-02-07
Image Number: 122422
Caption: The Astronomer Neil Degrasse Tyson admitted he was wrong about those deflated footballs the Patriots used. That's proof that the so-called "global warming" thing is a big fat hoax. You're saying that if someone's wrong about one thing, they must have been wrong about anything they've ever said? Hypothetically. I wouldn't know, since I've never been wrong. The Jungle.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-16 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-16 Pub. Date: 2014-11-16
Image Number: 118343
Caption: Let me get this straight: Lately you've been refusing to be intimate with your wife because Ebola. Dr. Noodle. I just think it's irresponsible to put oneself at risk during this time of national emergency. Ph.D. Do you have any reason to believe she's been exposed to the virus? Well, she's been to an Ebola-infested region. I watched "Dallas" on Netflix. That's not the same thing. We have a 4k TV. It's just like being there. WTH. I think until she's been quarantined for 26 weeks, I should stay in the den by myself and watch football. He can stay in there for 26 years for all I care. That's overkill. Football's only 26 weeks. S.M.H.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-11 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-11 Pub. Date: 2014-05-11
Image Number: 110574
Caption: No caption. (Lemont and Clyde wade in the ocear. Clyde carries Susan on his back and Lemont carries an NSA agent on his).
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-03 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-03 Pub. Date: 2014-05-03
Image Number: 110714
Caption: I took Lionel to his first baseball game the other day. I hadn't been to a Candorville Chokers game since I was a kid. Back then, two Choker Dogs, Cokes and fries cost $8. Last night, it cost me $38. Back then, all the players were like ten years older than I was. But now, they are all like ten years younger. "National Pastime" my behind, it should be national "past my time." Baseball still around?
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-02 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-02 Pub. Date: 2014-04-02
Image Number: 109563
Caption: Why do I keep a journal of my son's firsts? Because they're precious moments. Why they "precious"? Because they happen once and then they're gone forever, living only in a parent's memories. Is they still precious if they ALSO live on in your hard drive, the NSA files and Edward Snowman's briefcase? First time I've ever heard Clyde be so deep. Yeah. I wish I'd recorded that. You ain't never learnin'.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-02 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-02 Pub. Date: 2013-11-02
Image Number: 103222
Caption: I'm sick of liberals saying we should raise taxes to help pay off the national debt. If the government were a household that spent more than it took in, the parents would do the ONLY THING they could and cut back on unnecessary expenses. Um They could also look for higher-paying jobs that brought in more revenue. What'd you say? I was on the phone canceling my electricity and my phone. The Starbucks at the End of the World. (Originally published 2012-12-06).
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-07-21 national 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-07-21 Pub. Date: 2013-07-21
Image Number: 99044
Caption: Dear journalist I read your expose about how the National Security Agency is monitoring everything we say and do. In order to read it, I had to approve the "terms of service" for my Web browser, which included letting them store my browsing history, bookmarks and passwords. After I was done detailing the events of my day on Facebook, I posted a link to your article. I was hoping one of the 2541 strangers who friended me could explain it to me. The train has left the station. I mean, what is this "privacy? of which you speak?
     
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