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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-18 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-18 Pub. Date: 2019-08-18
Image Number: 178993
Caption: Kelly messaged me again. After a year of silence. She sent me a photo of an ice cube tray. No words or anything. Just the photo. Dr. Noodle. How did that make you feel? Like she was trying to tell me something. So I studied the picture for a long time. And then it occurred to me: I'd seen that ice cube tray before! it was mine! In my freshman year of college, she stole it and refused to give it back. I see. What do you think this means? I think it means she still loves me with the same passion she felt for me back then, and that she wants me to drop everything and fly to her and run off with her into the sunset. Sometimes, narcissists will play games just to make sure others are thing about the ... When I asked what it meant, she said That hurts and blocked me!
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-18 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-18 Pub. Date: 2019-07-18
Image Number: 178562
Caption: Candorville.com says we discovered tons of microbes living deep inside the earth. You know what this means? Scientists are pretty sure both Venus and Mars were habitable a long time ago. If microbes ever existed on either planet, then it's almost guaranteed they're still alive there, deep inside the earth ... I mean, deep inside the Venus. And the Mars. Hey, if we get to call dirt by our planet's name, so do those alien microbes ... and so the advocacy begins. That's your earthier privilege talking.
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-16 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-16 Pub. Date: 2019-07-16
Image Number: 178560
Caption: In just one handful of soil, there are about 50 million bacteria. Oh wow. There's a biomass of billions of tons of microbes living 600 meters underground. Do you have any idea what this means, Susan? It means there's more bacteria deep inside the earth than animals on the surface of it. But on the other hand, it's all gross, so we still come out ahead. Don't get the biomass angry, Lemont.
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-06 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-06 Pub. Date: 2019-07-06
Image Number: 178395
Caption: So your mom self-published your rough draft to Amazon, costing you a six-figure book deal you already had. Why on earth are you smiling? She did it by accident. She thought she was just making a copy for herself. In any case, it means Momma loves my work. That's a really sweet attitude, Lemont. I'm proud of you. And for the rest of the time, I'll have something to throw in her face when she guilt-trips me.
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-26 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-26 Pub. Date: 2019-06-26
Image Number: 178257
Caption: As I was saying, you can't call what we have concentration camps because that diminishes what happened in the Holocaust. Never again means never again will we let people commit genocide. I always thought it meant never again will we let people even begin to do things that led to genocide ... like calling people an infestation and locking them in camps. You thought wrong.
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-19 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-19 Pub. Date: 2019-06-19
Image Number: 178162
Caption: I read the President's going to start keeping migrant kids at Fort Sill … one of the concentration camps where we kept Japanese Americans during World War II. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. Santayana. It's one of the most-repeated quotes ever ... which means all of mankind probably needs to see a ... what do you call a memory-doctor? I forget.
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-15 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-15 Pub. Date: 2019-06-15
Image Number: 178025
Caption: I've totally forgotten why I ever started coming here. Dr. Noodle. I guess that means I'm cured, right? I mean, whatever it was, it must not be bothering me anymore. M.A. Actually, it's more likely you've repressed the memory. Stored it away where it can't hurt you ... or so you think. But don't worry, with an extra session per week, we can tackle this setback together. I'm going to miss you, Doc.
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-31 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-31 Pub. Date: 2019-05-31
Image Number: 177797
Caption: 1982. Mr. Barnhouse must've really liked my art project. He said I should dedicate my whole entire life to it. It's a snow globe. And inside the snow globe is a little boy named Tommy Westphall. And Tommy is holding a tiny snow globe of his own. And inside Tommy's snow globe is an entire universe filled with people who each secretly have their own snow globes. And so on. I'm not sure Lemont, you should be committed for life means what you think it means. Mr. Barnhouse backed away slowly when he said it. That's a sign of respect.
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-20 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-20 Pub. Date: 2019-05-20
Image Number: 177706
Caption: Sunset gets later and later every day, little buddy. So what? So, sunset happens later in the day. That means I can accomplish a lot more before smooching hour. I can run an extra ten miles. I can chop an extra cord firewood. I can catch an extra school of fish. I can prepare for my date my mining an extra nugget of lip balm from my secret lip balm quarry. I can download 30 extra books I'll never read.
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-18 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-18 Pub. Date: 2019-05-18
Image Number: 177625
Caption: Have you seen Avengers? Yeah, I saw that Socialist propaganda. What? Men in tights who thought they could make everything great with the snap of a finger. The world moved on when 3.5 billion people vanished. That means if they came back, they'd all be unemployed. Not everything has to be political. I turned to the stranger next to me said How are they going to pay for that?
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-02 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-02 Pub. Date: 2019-05-02
Image Number: 177386
Caption: 1982. You won Best Book Report in Mrs. Cass's class. I did what? I overheard her talking to Mr. Barnhouse about it. They're gonna give you a blue ribbon and a cupcake in class tomorrow. Wow. Oh wow! I've never won anything in my whole entire life before. This is awesome! This means everything! I thought you said awards didn't mean anything. That was when I hadn't won any.
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-24 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-24 Pub. Date: 2019-03-24
Image Number: 176623
Caption: I liked your latest article, The Living Chain of History. Thanks. When I was a kid, I met the last person who ever interviewed a slave. That slave's grandfather was Thomas Jefferson's slave. That means I spoke with someone who spoke with someone who spoke with someone who spoke with Thomas Jefferson. I'm only three spokes removed from a conversation with one of America's Founding Fathers. That's why you wrote No wonder we do all this horrible !@#$? Our society couldn't be more than $600 spokes removed from cavemen.
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-08 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-08 Pub. Date: 2019-03-08
Image Number: 176628
Caption: Daddy, what is six twafficking? Uh … What? Where'd you hear that? You were on the phone talking about six twafficking in Flowida. Oh. Well, you know that you're not supposed to listen to Daddy's door when he's being a journalist. So what's it mean? … It means there are six kings in charge of traffic. Oh.
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-03 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-03 Pub. Date: 2019-02-03
Image Number: 175839
Caption: I read your article where you bashed people who accuse Star Trek Discovery of being a Social Justice Warrior show. You wrote Star Trek has always been a show about social justice. The entire premise of the show was a ship full of people from all walks of life ... flying from planet to planet to enlighten bigots, fascists and all kinds of other (censored). But you're hopelessly biased. Of course you would want people to have a so-called open mind. Your grandmother was a call-girl. Don't bother denying it, I spent all night on Google figuring it out. She was a telephone operator ... That's what they called telephone operators. Your defensiveness means I'm right. That's science.
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-02 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-02 Pub. Date: 2019-01-02
Image Number: 175658
Caption: Ever since I was five and saw The Menagerie, I wondered what it'd be like to see a Star Trek series featuring Captain Pike. I'm finally getting that, sort of, on season 2 of Star Trek Discovery. Proves nothin', bruh. I ain't even sure what that all mean. It's like you threw a bunch of random nerd words together an' pretended it made a point. Captain Picard is back, too. And so's The Orville. I'm just sayin, that and a new season of the expanse means 2019 is the year miracles happen. Stop that.
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-31 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-31 Pub. Date: 2018-12-31
Image Number: 175656
Caption: This year's been awful. Babies in concentration camps … journalists under attack … school shootings … Dr. Noodle. What right do I have to be upset about my own personal problems when all that's going on? I'll repeat the question: You and your girlfriend haven't visited each other in over a year. What do you think that means? How can you talk about that when we have only twelve years to stop climate change? Very interesting. M.A.
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-21 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-21 Pub. Date: 2018-11-21
Image Number: 175065
Caption: Dick, a friend of mine is sitting in a plane that's been stranded on the runway for six hours. We handle all the TSA's advertising. I knew they don't have authority over that, but … Say no more, Ms. Garcia. You want me to call them … and get your friend released from that plane by any means necessary. No, never mind. I'll call them myself. I'll tell them of his extensive travels in Syria.
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-21 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-21 Pub. Date: 2018-10-21
Image Number: 174386
Caption: Ask Sadie. Our resident 90-something-year-old radio pundit Sadie Cohen answers actual reader questions. AS away at asksadieshow@gmail.com (if you're sure you want the answer). Dear Sadie, I have to give a speech. When I stand up in front of people to talk, my palms get sweaty, my stomach hurts, and I suddenly have to use the bathroom, even I didn't eat anything. any advice? - Shy in Scottsdale. Excellent question. It reminds me of the very first time I was supposed to give a big speech. It as May 6, 1937 ... As head of the Ladies Auxiliary of Manchester Township's Dirigible Fan Club, I was to give a rousing welcome to an incoming blimp. As the German airship drifted gently overhead, I picked up the microphone, and ... By the ay, you know what people don't tell you? They don't tell you that it could create a spark when you accidentally whack a microphone on a mental box full of fireworks. I was by no means relieved about not having to give a speech that day. That would be wrong. And it was by no means intentional ... not provably so, anyway. Anyway, what were you asking about, again? How quickly to establish an alibi? Um ... that's ok. I've gotta go. Asksadieshow@gmail.com
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-18 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-18 Pub. Date: 2018-09-18
Image Number: 174073
Caption: The President said his response to the Puerto Rico hurricane was an incredible unsung success. It turns our about as many people died because of the hurricane as died on 9/11. And most of them died in the weeks after the hurricane had passed. He could've done a lot more to save those Americans. I still don't see how this is proof the large Hadron collider shifted us into an antonym universe where words mean the opposite of what they meant in our original universe. In the antonymverse, that means you do see it.
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-26 means 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-26 Pub. Date: 2018-08-26
Image Number: 173498
Caption: What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Nothing. That's the problem. I'm not troubled or preoccupied or traumatized by anything. I'm satisfied with where I am in life. I'm single, but I'm good with that. I crave new things, but all my apps keep upgrading themselves every week, so I feel fulfilled. I can't think of a single thing I'm unhappy about. And that makes me sad ... because you're afraid this means you aren't introspective enough? Nah. I've never even thought about whether I'm introspective enough.
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