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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about meanness.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-17 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-17 Pub. Date: 2018-01-17
Image Number: 167357
Caption: I'm not in love with my girlfriend anymore. How do I fix that? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice 50¢. Here what you do, bruh: Pretend she ain't your girlfriend. Pretend she the hot single women you first noticed. You mean try to look at her with fresh eyes again? I meant go see other women ... but that could work too. (Originally published on 2015-12-30)
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-05 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-05 Pub. Date: 2018-01-05
Image Number: 166783
Caption: What do thou mean, "Nah, bruh, I'ma hafta pass"? I have chosen thee to deliver my New Commandments! Who you is really, dawg? Landlord hired you, ain't he? He tryna run me outta here 'cause it's rent-controlled. I don't know anything about that, my child. I have chosen thee for reasons known only to Me. If thou reject your Lord, thou will pay a price. Tell Mr. Tran he'll get he'll get his $250 a month like always. That's no what I'm -- (sigh) oh never mind.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-25 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-25 Pub. Date: 2017-12-25
Image Number: 166533
Caption: Merry Christmas … Yeah, I said it. Put that in your secularist pipe and smoke it. #LOL! #Youlose. Bet that really gets you upset, doesn't it? Not really. I love Christmas. I'm having a Christmas party tonight. My little boy's going to be an elf. I'm going to be Rudolph the Reindeer. Yeah, right. Like I believe that ... Would you like to come? Yes ... I mean, someone has to prove your "party" is a ruse!
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-23 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-23 Pub. Date: 2017-12-23
Image Number: 166288
Caption: Nice day out, isn't it? No. No? But the sun is shining. A warm breeze is gently carrying the scent of sunflowers and baking bread through the air. The sparrows are chirping. What do you mean, no? I mean no as in don't bother me widdat @#%$. You grown, bruh. You should be able to tell if this a nice day on your own. If you don't like small talk, just say so!
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-20 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-20 Pub. Date: 2017-12-20
Image Number: 166285
Caption: Lemont … I hope you don't feel weird about the fact that I just wrote a novel in six days. Of course not, Susan. Why would I fee weird about that, just 'cause I've been writing all my life, and it always takes me months or years. And you're not bothered that all the biggest publishers are bidding in the six figures for it? 'Course not ... And you don't feel weird at all that it's already going to be turned into a movie? Censored censored I mean ... I am so censored censored happy for you.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-13 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-13 Pub. Date: 2017-12-13
Image Number: 166003
Caption: What's wrong with you? Maybe it's the looming holidays, Rosencrantz. What does it bespeak of society that they've set aside that they've set aside a certain span of days on the calendar in which to be nice to one another? Am I the only one perturbed by a straitjacket of forced niceties people wrap themselves in? ... Am I the only one who so much as notices it? I told you, Tyrone, just because I got you something doesn't mean you have to get me something. See? Any other time of year, you'd whine about it! They got you too!
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-10 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-10 Pub. Date: 2017-12-10
Image Number: 165352
Caption: I've been racking my brain trying to think of every interaction I've ever had with a woman. Dr. Noodle. I mean, when I was in my twenties, I did what guys in their twenties often did: I hit on women. Lots of them. We used to think that if a lady wasn’t interested, we just weren't trying hard enough. There were books about how to be more clever. How to be a pickup artist. There were times at the club when I was dancing with a lady, thought I had a shot, and went in for a kiss. Sometimes they didn't even know they were into me until I kissed them. But then they kissed back. Other times, they pushed me off and that was that ... or so I thought. Now, at any moment, some random woman could come forward and ruin my life. Well, lets start by acknowledging it's a healthy thing for society that men are learning what it's like to live in fear, for a change. Doesn't feel healthy.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-01 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-01 Pub. Date: 2017-12-01
Image Number: 165421
Caption: We're all the same. I don't know what you mean, bruh. I've been thinking about the "one electron theory." All electrons are identical. The best explanation for that is they're all the same exact electron. This single electron travels back and forth through time over and over again, forming everything that exists. The theory's been around for decades. Sometimes scientists think it's valid, other times they think it's nonsense. It goes back and forth ... just like the electron. If this all the case, you giving me $3 would be the same as you keeping your $2.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-18 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-18 Pub. Date: 2017-11-18
Image Number: 164875
Caption: What up witcha girl Siri, bruh? What do you mean? I was mindin' my business, watchin' "Gilligan's Island." All of a sudden cops bust down my door an' demand to know what I done to my "little buddy." The rookie cop kept screamin' "Drop the coconut." Oh yeah. I forgot to mention Apple's Siri sometimes calls the police if it thinks the voices from the tv told it to call 911. I ain't even had no coconut.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-10 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-10 Pub. Date: 2017-11-10
Image Number: 164653
Caption: 1982. When I grow up, I want to be a single dad, Lemont. You mean "single mom"? Are you kidding? Compare "Alice" or "Gloria" or "One Day at a Time" with "Diff'rent Strokes" or "Silver Spoons." Single moms all struggle for long hours in dead-end, low-wage jobs. But single dads are all millionaires who don't seem to need jobs at all. My goal in life is to prove tv wrong, is what I'm saying. Fred Sanford's a single dad and he's always having heart attacks.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-09 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-09 Pub. Date: 2017-11-09
Image Number: 164652
Caption: 1982. Do you think there's still gonna be mean people in the 21st century, Lemont? Nah. People are getting nicer all the time. Momma and I watched "Roots" back when I was just a little kid. It was about the olden days. A lot of people in those times were clearly very, very mean. But just the other day, I was playing in the park with my Fonzie action figure when some strange man told me "go back where you came from." How was that nice? Well, I went home, and there was a brand new cake there. I don't know how that man knew, but I wish I could thank him.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-08 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-08 Pub. Date: 2017-11-08
Image Number: 164651
Caption: What do you mean you're not shocked that the president's chief of staff is glorifying the confederacy? Google the third stanza of the "Star-Spangled Banner," bruh. "No refuge could save the hireling and slave from the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave ... " Whachoocall a country that sing "freedom" songs 'bout how it killed runaway slaves who was fighting with the British to get they freedom? Google is so divisive.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-31 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-31 Pub. Date: 2017-10-31
Image Number: 164416
Caption: Someday we'll develop a telescope powerful enough to see other worlds. That's setting ourselves up for heartache. You know what I mean? No. But I bet you'll geeksplain it to me. Imagine we fall in love with a cute alien panda-bunny we see bouncing through trees on a planet that's 500 light years away. That means we're seeing what it did 500 years ago, That means it's dead now. See? You did it. You owe me $2. That's not how bets work. I bet it is.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-23 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-23 Pub. Date: 2017-10-23
Image Number: 164147
Caption: I read your blog post about that dad who didn't make his kid apologize for bullying your kid. I never understood the point of makin' a kid say words he don't mean. How that gonna help the situation? What you need to do is hire a bigger kid to pull that bully's drawers up over his head. Revenge is never the answer, Clyde. If he wake up an' find his teddy bear's head on the pillow next to him, he'd get the message.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-16 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-16 Pub. Date: 2017-10-16
Image Number: 163902
Caption: Do you have any idea how many mass shootings we've had in America this year? In just the first 75 days of the year, we had 273 mass shootings. That's almost one per day. There are more mass shootings than there are days in the baseball season. You know what that means, don't you? It mean mass shootings is America new national pastime. Stop stealing my lines.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-15 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-15 Pub. Date: 2017-10-15
Image Number: 163143
Caption: Hello, you've reached Lowe an' Sharke Lending Club. This is Ryan. How may I hinder you? I just got an ad from you in the mail saying I'm pre-qualified for an $80,000 low-interest loan, with no collateral needed. That's right. All I need is for you to answer a few brief questions so we can see if you qualify. What do you mean? You said I was already pre-qualified. Doesn't "pre-qualified" mean I've been qualified already. No. It means you haven't been qualified yet. What the -- By that definition, everyone in the whole world is "pre-qualified"! That's incorrect, sir. There are about 101 billion post-living people who wouldn't qualify.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-29 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-29 Pub. Date: 2017-09-29
Image Number: 163101
Caption: How 'bout that Chokers game? The Candorville Chokers might go all the way this year. Whachoocare? What do you mean "What do I care?" Haven't you got any civic pride, son? They're our hometown team. They're our boys. They a bunch of grown-!@#$ men runnin' 'round in a circle for millions of dollars. Ain't nary a one of them even from here. That pitcher Fernando Maldonado only speak German. In the winter we play for Cameroon. If you don't like small talk, just say so!
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-24 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-24 Pub. Date: 2017-09-24
Image Number: 162394
Caption: I can't shake the feeling that nothing is really real, doc. Dr. Noodle. I just got my doctorate in history. And I watch the news every day. And I've started feeling like I've wasted my whole life studying things that never happened. I mean, if everything I see happening right now is "fake," how am I supposed to trust history? How am I supposed to know that Mussolini or Napoleon or Genghis Khan or Robespierre or Caligula were ever really all that bad? Maybe all the journalists and scribes who chronicled their reigns were part of an age-old fake-news conspiracy dating all the way back to the days of Peisistratos? I see. When exactly did these doubts begin? Oh, about 546 B.C.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-23 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-23 Pub. Date: 2017-09-23
Image Number: 162853
Caption: If I promise to get you a new book tomorrow, will you go to sleep? Ith that a bwibe? Awe we cowooding? What do you mean "are we colluding?" Where did you hear language like that? Are you listening at my door while I'm watching the news again? You know you're not supposed to do that. If you'we impeached, do I become the new daddy? Go ... to ... sleep.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-08 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-08 Pub. Date: 2017-09-08
Image Number: 162346
Caption: Dick Fink, come in here for a second, will you? Ok, Ms. Garcia. The CEO called me into his office today to ask why our nemesis, McMahon, Tate, Stephens and Evans, called him for a reference. He was furious. Almost fired me. Apparently someone sent them my resume, and said the best time to call would be 3 a.m. Do you know anything about this? No. But I'll prevaricate ... I mean, investigate ... this thoroughly.
     
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