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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about meanness.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-18 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-18 Pub. Date: 2018-09-18
Image Number: 174073
Caption: The President said his response to the Puerto Rico hurricane was an incredible unsung success. It turns our about as many people died because of the hurricane as died on 9/11. And most of them died in the weeks after the hurricane had passed. He could've done a lot more to save those Americans. I still don't see how this is proof the large Hadron collider shifted us into an antonym universe where words mean the opposite of what they meant in our original universe. In the antonymverse, that means you do see it.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-17 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-17 Pub. Date: 2018-09-17
Image Number: 174072
Caption: What ever happened to that book you was writing? I don't want to talk about it, Clyde. Nineteen months of secret interviews, rigorous fact-checking, dozens of clandestine 2a.m. meetings in a parking garage with over 25 deep throats … and just before my book comes out, fifteen dozen other books come out with the same !@#$ information. Run for Your Lives! An inside look at the kookiest White House in history got shelved. I ain't sure I don't want to talk about it mean what you think it mean, bruh.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-07 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-07 Pub. Date: 2018-09-07
Image Number: 173883
Caption: I read that news article you wrote comparing the president to a mafia boss. You mean my humor column? It was totally inaccurate. Yes, the president called Cohen his fixer. And yes, he keeps praising stooges who don't flip on him. But he never gave Jared Kushner the title of patsy. He never threatened to make Mueller's career sleep with the fishes. And he does not celebrate signing every executive order by yelling bada-bing! (Sigh) you always know someone has no argument when he gets extra-literal about everything. A person can't get literal. A person's interpretation does that. Don't you know anything?
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-03 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-03 Pub. Date: 2018-09-03
Image Number: 173879
Caption: I been thinkin' 'bout John McCain, bruh. How the whole country got together to worship him when he died. When he got captured, he tool it like nobody else alive prolly coulda taken it. Can't take that away from him. But he was wrong about a lot. He supported wars, invasions an' arms sales that got a lot of people slaughtered ... but then, so did America. An' that's why people love him. 'Cause if he still cool, that mean the rest of us still cool too. I think it was because of his sense of humor.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-12 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-12 Pub. Date: 2018-08-12
Image Number: 173270
Caption: Hi, Mr. Dogg. My name's Sidious Darkmoney. I'm urging you to call your representative and demand they pass H.R. 666 … also known as the Patriot Love Bunny Kitten Sunshine Act. What that act about, bruh? Silence, swine! I -- … um, I mean its about love of country, kittens, bunnies and sunshine ... all of which would benefit from the extermination of bunnies, the brutal slaughter of kittens, and the total deregulation of all toxic pollutants that blot out sunlight. Who you say you with again? Silence, swine! ... um, I mean ... I'm with the our-government-stooges-decided-we-don't-have-to-tell-you-who-we-are association. Wait ... ain't you the dude who called me last week to inform me the election been postponed?
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-03 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-03 Pub. Date: 2018-08-03
Image Number: 173244
Caption: Rosencrantz, I think there was a diversion yesterday, and we let it slip away unexplored. Will eat for food. Speak for yourself, Tyrone. I seized the opportunity. I exploited it for all it was worth. For the first time in days, I experienced laughter. I experienced joy. I experienced satisfaction. Not directly, I mean. I saw another man experience it. But that's just the same, when you think about it. I'm jealous. That's something at least.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-31 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-31 Pub. Date: 2018-07-31
Image Number: 173241
Caption: Dick? I want you to send Mr. Fitzhugh a ficus plant for his birthday. What do you mean am I sure that's a good idea? Look, Dick Fink, you're my assistant. Every single time I ask you to do something, you ask if I'm sure that's a good idea. Enough. That doesn't assist me. Yes, I'm sure it doesn't assist m - just order the stupid plant! Ok ... if you're sure.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-30 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-30 Pub. Date: 2018-07-30
Image Number: 173240
Caption: Dick, when I got to work today, everything in my office had been moved a few inches to the left. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you? I don't know what you mean, Ms. Garcia. You should like you're imagining things. Maybe you need to take some time off. I could take over your client list while you're recuperating. Just to help out. No, thanks, Dick. I'll be fine. You're excused. You sure? I could book you a relaxing cruise to Syria. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-24 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-24 Pub. Date: 2018-07-24
Image Number: 173088
Caption: Can you tell me the rest of your story about the refugee jail next week, Lemont? Next week? Next week? This is an important story and America doesn't even care anymore. I know what it is. Every single day the President says something crazy that distracts us from the crazy thing he did or said the previous day. You've been trained. I don't know what you mean. Admit it: You were thinking baby jails are so last month.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-13 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-13 Pub. Date: 2018-07-13
Image Number: 172717
Caption: At the refugee internment camp. I feel for the babies and their asylum-seeking parents. Most fled for their lives, only to have their families ripped apart. And when they're deported, many of those men, women and children will face certain doom. I've never known you to be so compassionate, boss. Most of them couldn't use any vast savings to bribe stooges - I mean, their connections on the city council - to donate a condemned storefront so they could open a new cafe once they're smuggled out of jail. VERY BAD MAN. Times like these make me conscious of my privilege.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-08 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-08 Pub. Date: 2018-07-08
Image Number: 172486
Caption: Hello, you've reached Feudalbanc Massacard. This is Ryan. How may I hinder you? Hi Ryan. I'm looking at my statement and I see a $598.210 charge from House of Java Café. I'd like to dispute that charge … No, I don't have a receipt. I only bought a cookie so I could use the bathroom without risking them calling the cops on me ... because I was in a hurry to get into that bathroom, so I didn't have time to wait for a receipt ... What do you mean you can't help me? So what if I don't have a receipt? Think about it Ryan, who would ever spend $598,210 in a cafe?! That's not even humanly possible! ... No, I don't have a sick, perverted coffee bean fetish. Let me talk to your supervisor, Ryan. Ok, hold on, please. (Click) Hello, this is Mohinder. How can I mohinder you? I know it's you, Ryan.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-01 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-01 Pub. Date: 2018-07-01
Image Number: 172353
Caption: I'm not happy. I think I married the wrong person. Dr. Noodle. But I can't leave. Leaving is too hard. I mean, we've got all the same friends. They'd hate me. And she's got complete control of the bank accounts. What would I do for money? But maybe I could just start all over. Who needs any of that stuff? There's a whole world out there. Maybe it's not too late to explore the world, wrestle and alligator, move to Jamaica, change my name, and meet the woman I was really meant to be with. Sometimes it actually is too late. Zzzzzzzz.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-27 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-27 Pub. Date: 2018-06-27
Image Number: 172489
Caption: It's tough to know where to draw the line, as a journalist. I mean, the city won't give me access to the refugee detention facility. So I did the usual … tried to interview people involved with it. I tried the guards … I tried the custodians … I tried the architect to see if I could fit into the air-ducts ... Pretty sure that's crossing a line. He said I could just barely shimmy through if I butter myself up.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-17 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-17 Pub. Date: 2018-06-17
Image Number: 172067
Caption: Why're you reading that … thing? Well, because it's interesting. It's a book of political cartoons. We Eat the Poor. Do you have any idea how important political cartoons are? Political cartoons helped bring down King Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette. And then there's Napoleon ... He was so terrified of cartoonists that he banned them. And when that didn't work, he commissioned cartoons to counterattack his enemies with. Hitler was terrified of cartoons. Nixon put cartoonists on his enemies list. Tyrants all over the world are jailing of killing them. No, I mean why are you reading that flappy think? Don't you have a Kindle or a phone? ... Someone needs to draw a cartoon about you.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-28 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-28 Pub. Date: 2018-05-28
Image Number: 171945
Caption: Would you be disappointed in me if I agreed to create an ad campaign for the NRA? Of course not. In fact, I have an idea. Why don't you do an ad about how the NRA saved us all from smart gun technology that would've made sure only authorized users could fire a gun. I mean, that tech alone would've prevented most school shooting. Thank got the NRA put a stop to that. I really hate sarcasm Mondays. We really dodged the dodge-a-bullet bullet thanks to them.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-21 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-21 Pub. Date: 2018-05-21
Image Number: 171758
Caption: You know what gets me about terrorists? The really frustrating part? It's that we all know them. What do you mean? You know how you come across someone online who has completely wrong view of reality … but when you give him facts that prove him wrong, he just gets angry and condescending and treats you like you're subhuman trash. Terrorists are internet trolls come to life. You can't ever, ever get rid of internet trolls. I wish the world could just unfriend them.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-17 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-17 Pub. Date: 2018-05-17
Image Number: 171504
Caption: You really should've invested in Rudycoin, Clyde. My $100 investment shot up to $10,000 overnight. Did you cash that @#$% in, bruh, or let it ride? I think I cashed it in. Whachoomean you think? I saw my balance was $10k/100k Rudybits, and under it there were two buttons. I chose the one that said Rudycash, which seemed more likely to cash in my earnings than the button that said HODL Rudypower. Stop it. I don't know what any of that mean, other than you gonna lose your whole life savings. Stop hodling on to the 20th century.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-11 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-11 Pub. Date: 2018-05-11
Image Number: 171293
Caption: How come everyone leaves work early on Fridays, Clyde? People just have no work ethic. What ever happened to It ain't over 'til the f … um … I mean, what ever happened to It ain't over 'til it's over? What was you gonna say, Big L? Nothing that's become incredibly, horrendously outdated and offensive. you was gonna say 'Til the fat lady sing, wasn't you? Never.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-05 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-05 Pub. Date: 2018-05-05
Image Number: 171057
Caption: Your boy George Berkeley be trippin', Big L. Thinkin' he proved the existence of God. He argued the only thing we can be sure exist is our own minds. But because there got to be things in the universe we ain't ever thought of … that must mean there must be some all-seeing God out there, in whose mind erething exist. Later philosophers poked holes in that theory and what have you done, Clyde? That between my mind an' the big mind in the sky.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-01 mean 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-01 Pub. Date: 2018-05-01
Image Number: 171053
Caption: I think you take Star Trek a little too seriously, Lemont. I do not. I just think that it's a good show. A good show that has fun characters … who happen to be a shining symbol of mankind's ability to overcome our barbarism and selfishness and evolve into the noble and ingenious paragon of animals we're meant to be. I rest my case. I mean ... it's pretty good. Worth checking out.
     
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