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The Married Couple Comics And Cartoons

collected from fifty of the best cartoonists.

These are available for you to license for books, magazines, newsletters, presentations and websites.
Roll-over each thumbnail and click on the image that appears to see links for licensing.
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1. Cartoonist Chris Browne  Hagar The Horrible 2017-04-23 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Chris Browne
Comic/Cartoon: Hagar The Horrible
Viewable Date: 2017-04-23 Pub. Date: 2017-04-23
Image Number: 156549
Caption: Helga, I'm home! I'll alert the media … As soon as they invent it. Why do I put up with you, Hagar? You ear more than anyone I know. You sleep more than anyone else I know! You avoid chores more than anyone I know! Helga, I love you more than anyone else you know! I guess that's why! Smooch!
     
2. Cartoonist Greg Evans  Luann 2017-04-21 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Greg Evans
Comic/Cartoon: Luann
Viewable Date: 2017-04-21 Pub. Date: 2017-04-21
Image Number: 156287
Caption: So you deny breaking into the vending machine, huh? Security. Yes! You checked my pack. Then I'll check the security video, see what you've been up to. Ok, no need. You got me. I busted the machine.
     
3. Cartoonist Mike Peters  Mike Peters' Editorial Cartoons 2004-02-07 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Mike Peters
Comic/Cartoon: Mike Peters' Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-04-19 Pub. Date: 2004-02-07
Image Number: 6528
Caption: How about a ban on no-sex marriages?
     
4. Cartoonist Rina Piccolo  Rina Piccolo's Panel Cartoons 2009-09-12 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Rina Piccolo
Comic/Cartoon: Rina Piccolo's Panel Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-04-06 Pub. Date: 2009-09-12
Image Number: 40010
Caption: Okay, your mother's gone - Can we put it away now?
     
5. Cartoonist Jim Toomey  Sherman's Lagoon 2017-04-06 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Jim Toomey
Comic/Cartoon: Sherman's Lagoon
Viewable Date: 2017-04-06 Pub. Date: 2017-04-06
Image Number: 156325
Caption: My wife tells me I'm not romantic enough. Hmph. Why don't we first list the things you are? Okay. Overnourished, dimwitted, unhygienic, lazy, dull … Am I missing anything? Lacking in decent friends.
     
6. Cartoonist Jim Toomey  Sherman's Lagoon 2017-04-05 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Jim Toomey
Comic/Cartoon: Sherman's Lagoon
Viewable Date: 2017-04-05 Pub. Date: 2017-04-05
Image Number: 156324
Caption: Megan thinks I'm not romantic enough. I see. You're a poet. You understand this stuff. Can you help me? So, let me get this straight … You have a lovely wife who puts up with your boorish ways, while I can't even get a date! And I'm supposed to help you? That sounds like a "yes."
     
7. Cartoonist Kieran Meehan  Pros & Cons 2017-04-04 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Kieran Meehan
Comic/Cartoon: Pros & Cons
Viewable Date: 2017-04-04 Pub. Date: 2017-04-04
Image Number: 156308
Caption: You're too good for me, Hilda. I know how painful it was for you to say that, Harry. You can stop pinching him now, Hilda.
     
8. Cartoonist Kieran Meehan  Pros & Cons 2017-04-03 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Kieran Meehan
Comic/Cartoon: Pros & Cons
Viewable Date: 2017-04-03 Pub. Date: 2017-04-03
Image Number: 156307
Caption: Have you anything positive to say about your husband, Hilda? He wasn't always as pathetic as he is now. You hear that, Harry? Hilda is proffering an olive branch.
     
9. Cartoonist John Hambrock  The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee 2017-04-02 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): John Hambrock
Comic/Cartoon: The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee
Viewable Date: 2017-04-02 Pub. Date: 2017-04-02
Image Number: 155789
Caption: Vrooom. Zwip. Cranberry seltzer. Casino. Screeeech. Hello, Don. Nice car. He's more interested in something that says "I'm married and boring." I am? I mean, I am … ssic Auto.
     
10. Cartoonist Chris Browne  Hagar The Horrible 2017-03-30 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Chris Browne
Comic/Cartoon: Hagar The Horrible
Viewable Date: 2017-03-30 Pub. Date: 2017-03-30
Image Number: 155988
Caption: You gave up dreams of the stage for marriage! You could have been a great actress! Helga! Fetch me a beer! Of course, my much deserving sweet husband! Did you say could have been?
     
11. Cartoonist Mike Peters  Mike Peters' Editorial Cartoons 2001-08-10 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Mike Peters
Comic/Cartoon: Mike Peters' Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-03-30 Pub. Date: 2001-08-10
Image Number: 4841
Caption: Honey, let's go home and make a baby.
     
12. Cartoonist Kieran Meehan  Pros & Cons 2017-03-27 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Kieran Meehan
Comic/Cartoon: Pros & Cons
Viewable Date: 2017-03-27 Pub. Date: 2017-03-27
Image Number: 156021
Caption: I owe everything I am to my wife. I'll never be able to repay her. Why not? Because I'm not a vindictive man by nature.
     
13. Cartoonist Chris Browne  Hagar The Horrible 2017-03-26 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Chris Browne
Comic/Cartoon: Hagar The Horrible
Viewable Date: 2017-03-26 Pub. Date: 2017-03-26
Image Number: 155457
Caption: We've breached the castle door! Follow me, men! Beyond that door are untold treasures!! Wack! Retreat, men!! Domestic disturbance raids can be the most dangerous!
     
14. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-03-25 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-03-25 Pub. Date: 2017-03-25
Image Number: 156369
Caption: Form 1040. Department of the Treasury. Internal Revenue Service. U.S. Individual Income Tax Return. 2016. OMB No. 1545-0074. IRS Use only - Keep your greasy fingers off this space. For the year Jan. 1 - Dec. 31, 2016 (And thank God THAT's over!). 2016 ending. 20. See separate instructions. Your Name (Phonetic Spelling). Your Name Used on Dating Service (Attach Recent Photograph). Your Social Security Number. Your gang or mob name (Ex: Louise Pepperoniface, etc) Your Travel Name (Do Not Use Mohammed). Your Other Social Security Number. Address of Your House Before Foreclosure. Crappy apt. you moved to. Bass Ale! How about a cold one right now? (adv.) City, State or Exit from Jersey Turnpike (if you have foreign address, go there and wait for instructions.) Presidential Election Campaign. Checking Here Will Not Make a Damn Bit of Difference. You. Whatshername. Instructions: Drop Dead. Except for Canada, Canada still OK. Eh? Filing Status. Or Fling Status. (It is later than you think.) 1. Single (in the Republican sense of the word). 2. Married Filing Jointly (include all arguments). 3. Married Filing Separately (include sex of partner if you remember). 4. Head of Household (are you the person who sits with head in hands and wonders how you are going to feed all these mistakes, er dependents?) Enter names of dependents. Write small. 5. Qualifying widower. Enter golf handicap. Exemptions. See Publication EXX "Exemption to Exemptions to Exemptions". If more than four exemptions, or if some exemptions have four legs check here. 6a. Yourself. (That's right, you, stupid. If you are not yourself, who did you claim to be?). b. Spouse (or anyone who thinks they should be) (That's a funny word. "spouse") c. Dependents: 1 First name. Nom de plume or AKAs. Phonetic Social Security Number. Last known address? Does this dependent follow instructions? (See instructions). Boxes checked. No. of children who had live-in girlfriends/boyfriends. Had their divorced spouses living with you. You asked to leave but they had no place to go. Add numbers on lines above. (OK to use fingers). d. Total number of exemptions claimed (Round up to nearest 3/5's). Income. Attach forms here. Attach a couple of Andy J's while you're at it, to speed processing. Your ad here! Read by millions! Contact IRS Media. Helpful Hint. We are not going to give you any helpful hints. 7 Wages, salaries, tips, bottle deposits, bribes, free lunches, coins found in couch cushions. 8a Taxable interest. Attach Schedule B. If you don't understand, go to plan B. b. Tax-exempt interest. Much more interesting, isn't it? 9a Ordinary dividends. Nothing special, just Joe the Dividend. b Qualified dividends. Big Whoop. Trump's Rich Friends. 10. Taxable Refunds. Bank error in your favor. Pass GO, collect 200. 11. Alimony received (if that bum ever paid up). 12. Business Income or (loss). Use Schedule EZ come, EZ go. 13. Capital gain of (loss). Include your share of the national debt. 14. Other gains or (losses). Check box if you are just making stuff up. 15a. IRA distributions. b. Amount you had with Lehman. 16a. Pensions and annuities. b Amount with State of Illinois. 17. Rental real estate, royalties, partnerships (Use Schedule X to report missing partner). 18. Farm Income or (loss), Attach Schedule F (Do not include the funny farm). 19. Unemployment compensation (Amazing isn't it? You get taxed on this, too). 20a. Social Security benefits b. Taxable amount. 21. Other Income. (Bake sales, washing cars, baby-sitting, bingo games, don't hide anything). 22. This is your total income. Unless you are General Electric. If so write zero. Adjusted Gross Income. Remember you can file this form electronically, using your computer, and really mess things up. 23 Educator expenses (Spankings, noogies, butt-kicking). 24 Certain business expenses that you as a mere nobody have no business knowing about. Just keep moving. 25 Health savings account deduction. (May make you sick.) 26 Moving expenses. (See instructions). 27 Instruction tax. 28 Self-employment tax. 29 Self-enjoyment tax. 30 Penalty for early withdrawal (One-half of self-enjoyment tax). 31a Alimony paid. Rat out spouse's SSAN. 32 USSR tax (Useless Social Security Recipients). 33 Student loan interest (Do not include English majors). 34 Lack of interest in being a student. 35. Add up lines one to a million, divide by twice the total sum of your weight in Chinese running shoes. If greater than one-half of total something, go forth and multiply. 36. This is your adjusted gross income (Adjusted? We mean disgusted.) Now we can go to page two, tra-la. Last thought: Any money or thing of worth laying around? Better send it in. Just in case. Hey, you never know. Cat. No. 11320B. Form 1040 (2016).
     
15. Cartoonist Rina Piccolo  Tina's Groove 2017-03-23 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Rina Piccolo
Comic/Cartoon: Tina's Groove
Viewable Date: 2017-03-23 Pub. Date: 2017-03-23
Image Number: 155800
Caption: 6 possible futures for Tina. #4. Tina & Suzanne get married and adopt an adult child … Our family may be unconventional, but it is grounded in love. Love is overrated. All I ever really wanted was Fritos. Do we have Fritos?
     
16. Cartoonist Mike Lester  Mike du Jour 2017-03-22 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Mike Lester
Comic/Cartoon: Mike du Jour
Viewable Date: 2017-03-22 Pub. Date: 2017-03-22
Image Number: 155748
Caption: Hey Phil, what's the Word o' the Day? Today's word is "politick." A technical college for ticks. Too easy. Hope. "I learned an awful lot from him by doing the opposite." Howard Hawks.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-13 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-13 Pub. Date: 2017-03-13
Image Number: 155652
Caption: My wife keeps trying to get me to stop drinking, stop smoking, stop yelling at the kids … stop forgetting her birthday, stop insulting her mother, and stop leaving the seat up. So I told her "if you really love someone, you don't try to fundamentally transform them." And what'd she say? She said I could fundamentally transform the couch into my bed. Time.
     
18. Cartoonist Jim Toomey  Sherman's Lagoon 2017-03-10 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Jim Toomey
Comic/Cartoon: Sherman's Lagoon
Viewable Date: 2017-03-10 Pub. Date: 2017-03-10
Image Number: 155193
Caption: Herman, your mother and I are going on a trip. You're going to stay with your Uncle Fillmore. Okay. Sometimes mommy and daddy need a little time to themselves. Did you mess up recently? It's a good bet.
     
19. Cartoonist Kieran Meehan  Pros & Cons 2017-03-09 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Kieran Meehan
Comic/Cartoon: Pros & Cons
Viewable Date: 2017-03-09 Pub. Date: 2017-03-09
Image Number: 155177
Caption: How would you describe your wife? I would say … difficult. He mean feisty. And opinionated. He means free-spirited. And beautiful.
     
20. Cartoonist Kieran Meehan  Pros & Cons 2017-03-08 married couple 
Cartoonist(s): Kieran Meehan
Comic/Cartoon: Pros & Cons
Viewable Date: 2017-03-08 Pub. Date: 2017-03-08
Image Number: 155176
Caption: How would you describe your husband? Five feet six inches tall, bald, near-sighted … No … I meant how would you describe him emotionally. Five feet six inches tall! Sob. Bald! Sob. Near-sighted! Sob.
     
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