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Candorville

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Result page:    2  3  4  5  Next  (95 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-16 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-16 Pub. Date: 2017-10-16
Image Number: 163902
Caption: Do you have any idea how many mass shootings we've had in America this year? In just the first 75 days of the year, we had 273 mass shootings. That's almost one per day. There are more mass shootings than there are days in the baseball season. You know what that means, don't you? It mean mass shootings is America new national pastime. Stop stealing my lines.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-27 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-27 Pub. Date: 2017-08-27
Image Number: 161361
Caption: Excuse me, sir, if it's not too much trouble … Hi, Democrats. What can I get you? Coffee Sandwiches? An explanation. We introduced our bold new plan last month: "A Better Deal," but the progressives still aren't impressed. What more could they ask for? We focus-group tested the heck out of the slogan. It was the least objectionable and least un-inspiring of the bunch! It evokes FDR's "New Deal" and LBJ's "Fair Deal" without over-promising. We don't want to risk over-promising. It even sounded progressive! We mentioned tax credits to retrains workers, a $15 minimum wage (eventually), regulating prescription drug prices, and busting monopolies, maybe. We even said we'd think about forming a committee to consider considering sing-payer health care, among many other more corporate-donor-friendly options that aren't single-payer. And we introduced it with an editorial vowing not to expand government or move our party in one direction or another along the political spectrum. Bold! So why didn't that fire up the progressive base? ... Hello?
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-16 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-16 Pub. Date: 2017-07-16
Image Number: 159772
Caption: Cool shirt. You gonna watch the new Star Trek tv show? No way! It's a horrible show and it's going to fail! What? Why? All the angriest people on the internet agree with me. It looks to much like J.J. Abrams' J.J. - Trek nonsense … It's a scam to distract from CBS suing fan film creators ... O ... K ... it looks too advanced to be a prequel, the bridge is on the bottom of the saucer and not the top, the Klingons look stupid ... O ... K ... I guess I can ... There are too many minorities on it ... it's on CBS All Access instead of on broadcast or Netflix ... Wait ... What?! I shouldn't have to pay $6 month and watch it where they want me to watch it. They should give it to me how I want it! Didn't you just get all racist for a second? It should be free. It shouldn't force "diversity" down my throat. I should be able to see it on the channel I want to see it on. There! Right there! You just did it again!
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-23 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-23 Pub. Date: 2017-04-23
Image Number: 156529
Caption: Hello, you've reached Sisyphus Mortgage. This is Ryan. How may I hinder you? I just got an ad saying you specialize in loans for self-employed people. I'm self-employed. I've taken all the tax deductions the law allows, so my income appears to be much smaller than it actually is. Is there any type of loan I'd qualify for? Of course. If you've got 24 months of bank statements that show you can easily afford the monthly payments, you may qualify for a "bank statement loan." I could get you bank statements. Great! ... Oh, one more thing, we also need to see receipts proving that your expenses match your bank accounts. You do? ... O ... K ... I'll see if I can dig those up. Great! ... Oh, one more thing, we'll also need to see your business license. Ryan, how many "one more things" are there? Before I can answer that, I just need one more thing ...
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-19 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-19 Pub. Date: 2017-04-19
Image Number: 157014
Caption: Fairness & Accuracy in Reporting surveyed the five top newspapers in America after our attack on Syria. They found that the papers ran 18 opinion pieces about the attack. Guess how many of them were opposed to it? And how many mentioned it was illegal? I'm guessing it was less than 18. It was zero. What I win? I was right, so do I win somethin'? You win a military industrial journalism complex.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-04 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-04 Pub. Date: 2017-04-04
Image Number: 156466
Caption: Good game, Big L. You only put it in the wrong basket once. I was preoccupied, Clyde. Taxes are due. If I take too many deductions, my income'll look tiny and I won't qualify for a mortgage. I see, bruh. When we was kids, your excuse was "the sun was in my eyes." Also, I saw an unfamiliar mole and wondered if it was malignant.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-20 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-20 Pub. Date: 2017-02-20
Image Number: 154801
Caption: Well, you look down, Lemont. What's wrong? What could possibly be wrong? Today, the White House revoked my press credentials for asking one too many questions about their secret ties to Russia … and the Democratic party revoked my press credentials for asking one too many times why they're still using the same loser strategists ... and my baby boy revoked my dad credentials for turning off "Octonauts" one too many times. We all have bad days.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-10 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-10 Pub. Date: 2017-01-10
Image Number: 153087
Caption: Too many women feel entitled. I blame every man who calls his little girl a princess. I told my daughter "You ain't no princess! Take off that @#$% tiara! Ain't nobody gonna 'take care of you' but you." Now that's "real talk." A lot of men feel "entitled," too. Not my son. Made him pay me room an' board ever since he was three. Two packs of bubble gum due first of every month.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-05 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-05 Pub. Date: 2016-09-05
Image Number: 148214
Caption: You ever wonder how many barbecues you got left in your life, Big L? I done the math. You factor in holidays an' summers an' weekends, that come to 148 barbecue opportunities a year. Given life expectancies, that only 11,603 official excuses to barbecue, on average. 9,620 if you a black man. I like to think 'bout these things on National Barbecue Day. Labor Day, Clyde. It's Labor Day.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-31 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-31 Pub. Date: 2016-07-31
Image Number: 145874
Caption: Hello, Mr. Dogg. My hingoa is "Richie." I am calling from illustrious Tonga Tech Alumni Association. You achieved your degree at our online university. Got my doctorate, fool. Get it right. We would like for to extend to you the invitation to now pursue your double doctorate. For a low low price of only $150 U.S. dollars per day you can take your Tonga Tech educationals to the ultimate level in only six weeks. Whatchyall got in your extra-doctorate program, bruh? C-Dog time is valuable. I ain't got six weeks for you, not unless your curriculum is bangin'. We've got very many programs of some sort that will allow you to call yourself "Double Doctor." ... such as a doctorate in real estate management, taught by cardboard cutout of Donald Trump. Lemme think about it. "Double Doctor Dogg" got a ring to it.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-26 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-26 Pub. Date: 2016-07-26
Image Number: 146471
Caption: What'd you think of my article about why our country's waged so many wars? I thought it had a few typos. You wrote "Philistine" instead of "Philippines." You wrote "Manicure Destiny" instead of "Manifest Destiny." And I'm pretty sure "First Barbershop War" is not a thing. I mean what do you think of my point? I think you should stop trying to write articles with your iPhone.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-10 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-10 Pub. Date: 2016-05-10
Image Number: 143022
Caption: Do you ever stop to think about how videos of you are all over the place? Huh? People are always filming things with their phones. You know how many times you've probably appeared as an extra in someone else's phone movie? You still can't star in that commercial I'm casting. But I have a pretty extensive resume. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-25).
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-28 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-28 Pub. Date: 2016-02-28
Image Number: 139304
Caption: There's no such thing as aliens. What?! How can you even think such a thing after all we've found? We've found over 1,000 planets! And we've only begun searching. And there's no telling how many moons those planets have. Any of them could be capable of supporting life. That just sounds silly, Lemont. "Silly"?! Do you have any idea how vast the galaxy is? We can't even see half of it! Astronomers have calculated there are almost nine billion stars with earth-size planets in the habitable zones, Susan! Nine BILLION! ... Just in our galaxy alone! What's "silly" is thinking we're all alo -- ... You're just messing with me, aren't you. It's just so easy.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-07 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-07 Pub. Date: 2016-02-07
Image Number: 138359
Caption: People who complain about voter ID laws are such liars when they say dirt-poor people can't afford to get ID. How do they get to be drunk all the time? How can they possibly buy their booze if they don't have ID? They hand their money to someone else who does have ID, and say, "Can you buy me a beer?" It happens all the time. And how can they ever cash a check?! They endorse it to someone else, or they go to a check-cashing store. How do they fly on airplanes?! "Dirt-poor people" don't usually buy plane tickets. Well they don't seem to have any trouble showing photo ID to get welfare! A lot of places don't require photo ID to get welfare. You're really not supposed to answer rhetorical questions. Do you know very many "dirt-poor people"?
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-17 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-17 Pub. Date: 2015-12-17
Image Number: 136533
Caption: I had a strange day today, Susan. I totally know how THAT is My day was strange, too. On the one hand, I landed the "Ask Sadie Radio Show" account. And I got a huge bonus. On the other hand, I discovered an underground gambling ring where people bet on how many cups of coffee I'll drink by noon. It's annoying when someone pretends to sympathize with you just so she can change the subject to her. I totally know how THAT is...
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-07 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-07 Pub. Date: 2015-11-07
Image Number: 134726
Caption: Processing Processing Installing software update that'll consume so many system resources that your two-year-old phone will slow to a crawl and you'll have no choice but to upgrade to the new phone. What was that? Um I mean "processing " (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-10-01).
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-04 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-04 Pub. Date: 2015-11-04
Image Number: 134723
Caption: Dear Lemont Brown, Because we raised your APR, your most recent automatic payment to Feudalbanc Massacard was short by one cent. So we've charged you a $75 late fee. Unless you have as many lobbyists in Congress as Feudalbanc does, there is absolutely nothing you can do other than pay up. To admit defeat, sign here: x Lemont Brown.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-03 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-03 Pub. Date: 2015-11-03
Image Number: 134722
Caption: Hello, Tara: I just want to say I love my son more than life itself. My love will always be with him, no matter what happens. I've lived a long life. Seen many things. Gone many places. I have no regrets. By the way, I'm having a major medical procedure done tomorrow. But if my son doesn't call me before then, no big deal. I just don't want HIM to have regrets. (Hopefully I don't accidentally send this text to him, totally by mistake.) (Sigh) Better call momma. People have been known to die from tooth-cleanings. Just saying.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-19 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-19 Pub. Date: 2015-10-19
Image Number: 133798
Caption: Do you have any idea how many mass shootings we've had in America this year? According to the Washington Post, in just the first 274 days of the year, we had 294 mass shootings. That's more than one per day. There are more mass shootings than there are days in the baseball season. You know what that means, don't you? It mean mass shootings is America new national pastime. Stop stealing my lines.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-24 many 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-24 Pub. Date: 2015-09-24
Image Number: 132815
Caption: You can jump five more times, or you can jump six more times before going to sleep. It's up to you. How many more times do you want to jump? Five or six? Five-oh-thix. "506" was not one of the options, son. Uh-huh, daddy. You thed it. One! Two! Fwee! ... Eight! ... Ten! ... Fouw! ... Eleven! ... This is going to be a long night.
     
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