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Rudy Park

Comics and cartoons about men.

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241. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-15 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-15 Pub. Date: 2015-09-15
Image Number: 132591
Caption: Armstrong fired me. I kind of wish I knew why. Who cares why? A real alpha doesn't let himself get fired, little buddy. What you should've done was fire your boss before he had a chance to fire you. That way, thoughts of everything he'd lose would flood his brain and there's a 48.7% chance he'd actually beg you to stay. Isn't that the same number from your book "From Dump-ee to Beg-ee"? Work, romance ... it doesn't matter. All the relationships are the same.
     
242. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-13 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-13 Pub. Date: 2015-09-13
Image Number: 131663
Caption: Rudy, we're going to have to cut expenses. We already did that, boss. I don't think you're clear on the concept, minion. It's a way of life. Did you read one book and then never read again? Did you listen to one song and then never listen to another again? Did you kiss someone once and then never again? Cutting expenses isn't something you do just once. A good businessman cuts expenses constantly. Whether he needs to or not. You trim the fat. When you run out of fat, you trim the nerves and the muscle. When you run out of that, you start slicing every last molecule of bone you can. The goal is to see if you can maximize your profits while running on pure marrow. That, my minion, is the holy grail. I call it The Tao of Armstrong. Armstrong Maynard. If I can ever figure out how to cut the marrow, I will have touched the face of god. Everyone has their own religion.
     
243. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-09 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-09 Pub. Date: 2015-09-09
Image Number: 132286
Caption: Today's alpha-lesson is called "Always Jujutsu the Suspense." If someone says "I've got a great idea" and then pauses to create suspense, that's a power-move. They want you to beg them to continue. The alpha counter-move in this case is simple. Use the suspense-monger's suspense against them: say absolutely nothing.* *This move should never, ever be applied in the boudoir.
     
244. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-04 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-04 Pub. Date: 2015-09-04
Image Number: 131971
Caption: Does your soy latte use soybeans grown in the US or in East Asia? Why do you ask? Over 90% of American soybeans are genetically modified and sprayed with herbicide. They may cause hormonal changes, especially in men. Loss of sexual desire, development of feminine-looking breasts ... I figure lattes are cheaper than hormone replacement therapy. The economy's still not great.
     
245. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-02 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-02 Pub. Date: 2015-09-02
Image Number: 131969
Caption: Look at you. The vacant stare … the peach fuzz on your chin … the blissfully naïve countenance of an ignoramus … You're a man-child, Rudy. Someone had to tell you. Well? Say something, man-child. Oh. Sorry. I was just lost in thought … because it occurred to me that the whole country is only about two and a half times older than you. Zip it, baby-man!
     
246. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-01 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-01 Pub. Date: 2015-09-01
Image Number: 131968
Caption: That Chinese stock market crash really wrecked our own market. Did you lose big when the market tanked? On the contrary. Let's say a café owner accidentally sold 12 50% stakes in his café to 12 different people. Let's say he knew it was just a matter of time before that misunderstanding landed him in jail ... unless those investors panicked and sold back the stock at an absurdly low price to the cafe owner ... and let's say the cafe owner had a few corrupt officials in China who owed him a massive favor. Wait ... you're not saying that you are responsible for the global stock market crash ... That's right. I'm not saying it.
     
247. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-31 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-31 Pub. Date: 2015-08-31
Image Number: 131967
Caption: How much did you lose when the stock market tanked last week, Randy? Nada, little buddy. A real man never invests in other people's businesses, he only invests in his own. If you lose on stocks, it's because you didn't research them enough. If you lose on your own business, it's because you gave it your all and it just didn't work out. Ladies see valiant failure as being way hotter than poor-research failure. That's from chapter 12 of my new book, "Randy 'The Rock' Taylor's guide to manvesting." I'll take a copy.
     
248. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-30 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-30 Pub. Date: 2015-08-30
Image Number: 131015
Caption: What as it you wanted to talk about, minion? Beep. The carbon monoxide detector is beeping every five seconds. Beep. Oh, that. Nothing (beep) to worry about. It was a second-hand unit I found in the dumpster behind Arby's. Beep. What? Why would you do that? Beep. The town council passed a law mandating the placement of (beep) CO² detectors. Beep. They (beep) didn't say they had to be new CO² detectors. I'm 25% sure it's beeping because the battery backup needs to be replaced. Nothing to worry about. Beep. Beep. But what if you're wrong? Shouldn't we maybe evacuate the (beep) cafe and call 911? Are you crazy? Beep. That would just panic everyone (beep) for no good reason and cost me hundreds of dollars in lost sales. Beep. I'm telling you, all it needs is new batteries. Go down to the basement and fetch some. Beep. Also, while you're down (beep) there, bring up my emergency oxygen mask. For no reason in particular. Beep. Very bad man. Beep.
     
249. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-20 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-20 Pub. Date: 2015-08-20
Image Number: 131353
Caption: Do you believe in the multiverse, Randy? Of course, little buddy. I am the ultimate specimen of manhood. The paragon of masculinity. Something like that can't be created on the first attempt. Therefore there must be an infinite number of less ideal Randies out there in parallel universes, who can't get dates. You've put a lot of thought into this. I've submitted Randy's cosmological theorem to all the academic journals.
     
250. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-19 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-19 Pub. Date: 2015-08-19
Image Number: 131352
Caption: I'm glad "Fantastic Four" flopped. It was made by 20th Century Fox. Not Marvel Studios. The "X-Men," "Spider-Man" and "Fantastic Four" movies we've seen for the last 16 years aren't actually real. If a Marvel hero does not exist in the same universe as "The Avengers," then he's just an imposter and I don't care whether he saves his fake world or not. "The Church of Marvel," founded A.D. 2015. You're a false god, Hugh Jackman!
     
251. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-08 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-08 Pub. Date: 2015-08-08
Image Number: 130663
Caption: Boss, what would you say if I told you that if you don't give me a raise, I'll go work somewhere else? I'd say "Wouldn't it be a shame if your letter of recommendation mentioned how you're an awful employee?" And I'd say "Isn't it a shame the town council has made sure this is the only cafe within fifty miles?" But the way, have you delivered my latest care packages to the council members? Very bad man.
     
252. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-06 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-06 Pub. Date: 2015-08-06
Image Number: 130661
Caption: Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: BERNIE SANDERS. Specifically, we'll be asking "What does it mean that this man has never run a negative, personal ad?" Well, I'll tell you … IT MEANS BERNIE SANDERS IS UNAMERICAN! Insinuating that your opponent is a lying, godless, traitorous scumbag is one of the pillars upon which this great nation was founded.
     
253. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-05 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-05 Pub. Date: 2015-08-05
Image Number: 130660
Caption: Boss, the customers are asking what happened to the stools. What do they mean? The round seat parts are gone. They're just poles sticking out of the floor now. The biggest problem a café owner faces is low turnover. People buy one drink and sit for hours, hogging all the seats. I've solved that problem. Where are all you people going? Man up!
     
254. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-04 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-04 Pub. Date: 2015-08-04
Image Number: 130659
Caption: Want to go see "Ant-Man," little buddy? NO WAY!!! My whole life, I've had this recurring nightmare where I shrink and shrink and shrink … until finally I'm too small to press buttons on a keyboard, or post to social media, or operate a remote control. If I start to panic in the theater, will you hold me? I don't want to see "Ant-Man."
     
255. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-31 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-31 Pub. Date: 2015-07-31
Image Number: 130395
Caption: "Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your question? I'm seeing two men. One's poor but I'm crazy about him. The other feels more like a friend but he's filthy rich. If I could somehow combine the two of them into one man, he's be the perfect man for me. But I can't, so which one should I keep? Grandma Cohen once told me, "If you've got two suitors you wish you could combine into one, that means neither is right for you." But Grandma Cohen never lived to see the wondrous advances in black-market surgery we enjoy today.
     
256. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-27 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-27 Pub. Date: 2015-07-27
Image Number: 130391
Caption: I'm thinking of voting for Bernie Sanders, but I have no idea why. I know why, little buddy. Socialist. Old man. Gray, frizzy hair. Gets grumpy when people aren't listening to him. Not following. Think … Doesn't all that remind you of someone you know and love? How can you just sit there sipping coffee while billionaire oligarchs are buying our elections?!
     
257. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-25 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-25 Pub. Date: 2015-07-25
Image Number: 130030
Caption: Boss, the customers are demanding to know why the muffins taste like ground cardboard. There was a sale on week-old organic oat bran and cardboard muffins. Should I tell them that? Depends. Are the men wearing lumberjack beards and hipster glasses? And are the women wearing Salvation Army clothes and hipster glasses? Yes. Tell them.
     
258. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-21 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-21 Pub. Date: 2015-07-21
Image Number: 130026
Caption: Can I ask you something man-to-man? What's up? Let's say a … friend of mine … was so focused on building his corporate empire that he had very little time for romance. And let's say my … friend … hired a surrogate to seduce someone, get married, and have children ... all while wearing a hidden camera so I ... I mean, my friend ... could experience it vicariously. Would that be weird? Long talk ahead.
     
259. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-06 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-06 Pub. Date: 2015-07-06
Image Number: 129349
Caption: You heard earth's just entered its sixth great extinction event? Really? Vertebrate species are dying at a rate not seen since the dinosaurs died off. This time It's thanks to us. But the good thing is, scientists think humans will die off pretty early in this mass extinction. How's that a good thing? We won't be around to hear the other animals say "I told you so."
     
260. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-05 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-05 Pub. Date: 2015-07-05
Image Number: 128450
Caption: Daredevil. No. But it's been months now. I wanna talk about it. Well, I haven't watched the last couple episodes yet. Blasphemy! You have one job as a modern American consumer of Netflixian entertainment: and that's to binge-watch every episode the day the series is released. Sorry, little buddy. Some of us have lives. What's that supposed to mean?! Careful what you say around seniors. You'd never be man enough to handle a good Price is Right marathon! You distract it while I make my escape.
     
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