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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-19 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-19 Pub. Date: 2017-10-19
Image Number: 163918
Caption: Randy, I heard you're making a killing from your Youtube channel. How can a guy get in on that action? Simple … Just sit down in front of a camera and talk from the heart about something you're passionate about. Just be a genuine human being. People are drawn to that. I see, I see. Just one thing: What if the phrase "genuine human being" makes a guy break out in hives? Plan B: Find out what people are googling and pretend to be an expert on the highest-ranked search term. No we're talking.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-18 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-18 Pub. Date: 2017-10-18
Image Number: 163917
Caption: I can watch tv anywhere I bet that blows your mind. Why's that, loser? Tap tap tap tap. Because in your day, a televisions was a 5-ton steam-powered machine. You had to crank a handle to make it run … and "running" meant a curtain would open and two old-timey people in the box would act out a silent tv show. Wait ... are you trying to insult me ... or are you getting your history from Youtube again? "Buck-Naked Historian" has 5 million subscribers, so it must be accurate.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-06 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-06 Pub. Date: 2017-10-06
Image Number: 163386
Caption: Do you remember your early childhood, Randy? Of course, little buddy. I come from a long line of Randies who have photographic memories. It's an evolutionary trait that enabled early Randies to survive despite being connoisseurs of the female form. "Evolution"? Doesn't that mean some of them didn't make it? Overly long stares lead to nothing but trouble.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-05 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-05 Pub. Date: 2017-10-05
Image Number: 163385
Caption: Do you remember your early childhood, Randy? Of course, little buddy. I come from a long line of Randies who have photographic memories. It's an evolutionary trait that enabled early Randies to survive despite being connoisseurs of the female form. "Evolution"? Doesn't that mean some of them didn't make it? Overly long stares lead to nothing but trouble.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-01 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-01 Pub. Date: 2017-09-01
Image Number: 162103
Caption: Why do you keep asking people if they've ever sued anyone for libel? Well, someone libeled me. I'm a Starfleet captain in "Star Trek Online." Someone playing a Ferengi merchant had that Ferengi call my captain "incompetent." right in front of my whole crew. My whole crew quit. My captain went into a downward shame-spiral. He started drinking, stopped shaving, and now he's captaining a garbage scow out of Sherman's planet. Suing a fake person's real person for defaming a real person's fake person. You just might make legal history. My captain hired a lawyer, but I'm not sure the lawyer is being played by a lawyer.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-26 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-26 Pub. Date: 2017-08-26
Image Number: 161811
Caption: Hey boss, it's almost closing time. Mind if I knock off early? I do indeed, minion. It's a slippery slope. If I let you off ten minutes early. The next thing you'd know, you'll be asking for eleven free minutes. And the next thing you'd know, yadda yadda yadda, the courts would be forcing me to pay for your third cousin's foreign-born nanny's uncle's appendectomy. You should really cut down on making these slippery slope arguments. If I did that, the next thing you'd know, the courts would be forcing me to buy everyone a turtle.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-25 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-25 Pub. Date: 2017-08-25
Image Number: 161810
Caption: Randy, do you think we're going to war with North Korea first or with Venezuela first? Neither one, little buddy. But … President Trump is threatening them both. Yes, but you're forgetting Randy's Axiom #467.1 … "Everything blows over when it's a small man making big threats, asterisk." "Asterisk"? Randy's axiom #467.2: "Those who want to sleep well never ask about the asterisk."
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-22 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-22 Pub. Date: 2017-08-22
Image Number: 161807
Caption: Charlottesville changed everything, Randy. How so, little buddy? It's totally changed how I argue with people online. For the last few years, insults like "beta" and "cuck" and "SJW" and "virtue-signaller" were trending, so I used them all the time. But I just read that racists just like those who rallied in Charlottesville are the ones who invented those terms to control discourse and make opposing bigotry seem lame. It's going to be a lot harder to win debates without making cogent arguments if I can't use those terms anymore. We all have to make sacrifices.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-04 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-04 Pub. Date: 2017-08-04
Image Number: 161040
Caption: Don't be alarmed. I'm not falling for it, loser. You can't make Sadie Cohen worry about nothing by uttering three dumb words. It's probably nothing. Those three won't work either! Nobody panic. Two words won't work either! Munch mun -
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-30 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-30 Pub. Date: 2017-07-30
Image Number: 160373
Caption: When mom got sick this day lat year, we knew it weren't the flu. Open Mike Night presents MAGA man. We were just glad that we were here: The land of red … white … blue. Where soon she'd be just right as rain, 'cause we were votin' Trump. Make America Great Again. We knew that soon, there'd be no pain, 'cause 'bamacare'd be dumped. We found out what it was. Cancer ... but guess what, folks, she's fine. I knew Trumpcare would be the answer. "MAGA!" ... he weren't lyin'. I'd like to thank Mr. Trump, the Republican part an' nottobama for saving my momma. Dude ... you still have Obamacare. Obamacare saved your momma. Yeah, right. That's fake news, MAGA! Make it stop.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-18 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-18 Pub. Date: 2017-07-18
Image Number: 160520
Caption: Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: "Medicare for All." Specifically, we'll talk about how paying just a little more in taxes to fund it would save money, since no one would have to pay premiums or copays, no matter what their age. That's why we must defeat it! What about the rest of us, who had to struggle with sky-high insurance costs, horrible coverage, and enormous bills that forced us into bankruptcy, for 65 whole years, before qualifying for Medicare?! We paid our dues!!! Plus, when you make it over that 65-year finish line, it's like surviving The Hunger Games. A very proud moment.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-05 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-05 Pub. Date: 2017-07-05
Image Number: 159993
Caption: It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Trekfan" in Dallas, you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java Cybercafe. I've been trying to get my wife to watch sci-fi with me. But she's so closed-minded about it. Everything that I find so profound and beautiful about it, she finds silly. STOP TRYING TO CHANGE YOUR WIFE INTO A XEROX COPY OF YOURSELF! Right now you relationship is based on the kind of incompatibility that leads to resentment, recrimination and bickering. Enjoy that. You'd make a great Klingon.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-19 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-19 Pub. Date: 2017-06-19
Image Number: 159400
Caption: Is it true Santa Clause is holding Rudy hostage? Of course not. Where'd you hear such a thing. On Candorville.com. It's a real news site, not a fake news site. Billy, Billy, Billy. There's no such thing as "real news." "Real news" is a fairy tale parents tell their kids so their childhoods will be a little more magical. But Santa, he's real, isn't he? Of course he is. That's why I sell Santa cookies. Do me a favor? Don't tell my mommy I know "real news" is fake. It makes her happy so I'll go along with it.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-18 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-18 Pub. Date: 2017-06-18
Image Number: 158722
Caption: I forgot my phone at the hotel. How do I get to the planetarium? That depends on how much it's worth to you. What? What do you mean? Do you want the long way or the short way? Do you want the safe way through the cobblestone paths of Lily Pad Meadow … or do you want the treacherous way over the frigid Reaper Mountain Pass? Do you seriously expect me to pay for directions? Is that a serious question? This is America, where we have an obligation to turn a profit on every interaction, unless we're donating to charity for a tax write-off. Unless you're a 501-3c I have to charge you. It's in the Constitution. I only have $5 on me. I'll print out the treacherous directions for you. For an extra $1 I'll make sure it avoids most of the rabid grizzly squirrels.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-14 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-14 Pub. Date: 2017-06-14
Image Number: 159165
Caption: You're on, caller. What's your problem?! I'm tired of all my liberal friends saying they want to move to Canada. Every four years, when liberals don't vote and lose ground in Congress, liberals say they're moving to Canada, which already has all the stuff they wish we had. Sometimes I think the only way I can make sure I never again hear someone say "I'm moving to Canada," is if I move Canada. "The North American Paradox." That makes me a hypocrite. I'm not sure they allow hypocrites in Canada.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-30 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-30 Pub. Date: 2017-05-30
Image Number: 158613
Caption: … In other news, the Bowie State University community is still struggling to come to terms with the murder of Richard Collins III … The second lieutenant in the army was just days from graduating college when a white supremacist stabbed him because of the color of his skin. Siri? Is this news from 2017 ... or 1917? 2017. Make it stop. I'm sorry, I don't know how to do that.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-27 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-27 Pub. Date: 2017-05-27
Image Number: 158357
Caption: I know why you're such a greedy, heartless scrooge, Armstrong. It's because deep down, you just want to be loved. But you're afraid of rejection, so you make yourself as unlovable as possible. That's the type of utter nonsense to expect from muscle-bound oaf who hadn't paid his tab in 13 years. I love you too, man. I hope you get audited.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-15 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-15 Pub. Date: 2017-05-15
Image Number: 158088
Caption: I heard oil companies just discovered huge reservoirs of oil way under the ground, all around our town. But they can't get at it because President Obama declared the whole region a national monument before he left. Why would he do that? Doesn't he know we use oil to make plastic, and that my Playstation is totally made of plastic? What happens of I ever need to buy a fourth Playstation 4? He's endangering my supply just to save a bunch of trees and mountains and waterfalls and endangered bearicorns. Until recently, people thought the bearicorn was a myth, and ... wait, you have three Playstations?
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-11 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-11 Pub. Date: 2017-05-11
Image Number: 157822
Caption: One of the worst things about dementia is that it's hard to treat, because it makes people uncomfortable to even speculate someone has it. Even if that person shows clear signs of paranoia, delusions of grandeur, the forgetting of facts, irritability, destructive behavior, inappropriate sexual behavior ... such as grabbing other people's whatsits without even waiting ... I'm not talking about anyone in particular. Good, because that would make me awfully uncomfortable.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-12 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-12 Pub. Date: 2017-04-12
Image Number: 156748
Caption: Is that a … um … never mind. Forget I said anything. What? Nothing. It must've just been a trick of the light. Or maybe a stray hair. It certainly couldn't be the faint imprint of a wrinkle beside you eyes. My life is over. On the bright side, maybe a web of wrinkles lining your face will make you look less dopey.
     
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