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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-22 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-22 Pub. Date: 2017-10-22
Image Number: 163428
Caption: Dear "Journalist," your latest article is highly offensive and fake. You attacked those of us who accuse black NFL players of being "ungrateful" when they protest state-sanctioned racism. You said WE were the ungrateful ones. You wrote "You should be grateful to the 'ungrateful black protestors' throughout history, who've always reminded us what this country is supposed to stand for. 'Ungrateful' protestors like Martin Luther King, Jr ... Like Muhammad Ali ... and like Crispus Attucks, the 'ungrateful' black guy whose 'ungrateful' protest in Boston led to him becoming the first man to die in the Revolutionary War." You've totally exaggerated the worth of those so-called "protestors." I'm supposed to think they're heroes just because they got SHOT? First of all, sir, Muhammad Ali never got sh -- Wait ... Donald Trump? Is this you? Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. I like people who weren't shot.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-17 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-17 Pub. Date: 2017-10-17
Image Number: 163903
Caption: If all them hundreds of mass shootings was bein' done by black men, we'd be confiscating guns tomorrow. When white people arm theyselves so they can defend against the government, people call 'em "patriots." When black people do it, like the Black Panthers did, the same people call them "terrorists." This country ain't color-blind dog, it's color-blinded. You're much less depressing when you just talk about french fries.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-11 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-11 Pub. Date: 2017-10-11
Image Number: 163630
Caption: Bruh, you gotta stop writing about "Star Track Discovery." Don't nobody like it. Get over it. "Trek." And it's a great show! It's just a vocal minority online that keep coming up with ridiculous reasons to hate it. They decided long before they ever saw it was gonna be horrible, and now they just don't want to be wrong. It's textbook case of confirmation bias! I knew you wasn't gonna make no sense, an' I was right.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-09 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-09 Pub. Date: 2017-10-09
Image Number: 163628
Caption: I was part of the press pool covering the president's visit to Puerto Rico. I covered the whole thing. The part where he gave his own response an A+ … the part where he threw supplies as if they were prizes at desperate survivors … the part where he told Puerto Ricans they were costing us a lot of money ... the part where he said it wasn't a "real" catastrophe like Hurricane Katrina ... the part where he said that finger the crowd used must be the Puerto Rican equivalent of a "thumbs-up" ... How come the article you wrote about it was called "Nailed It."?
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-02 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-02 Pub. Date: 2017-10-02
Image Number: 163370
Caption: Thank god the GOP has given up trying to take health care away from millions of people. No they haven't. Trying-to-repeal-Obamacare has become a tradition, like celebrating-holidays-by-not-thinking-about-why-we-have-a-day-off-and-just-barbecuing has become a tradition. I've stocked up on hot dog buns and beer for the next repeal day. You-not-letting-me-enjoy-the-moment has become a tradition.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-01 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-01 Pub. Date: 2017-10-01
Image Number: 162685
Caption: I just finished reading Hillary Clinton's book, "What Had Happened Was … " Sound like a good book, bruh. I thought so. But you know, the real title was supposed to be "What Happened." So I figured I was just seeing things. But then I notices something. Whachoo noticed, Big L? All the other books on my bookshelf had unfamiliar titles too. I noticed my old copy of "1984" was not called "2017." "Deliverance" was not called "They Shoulda Stayed They Butts at Home." the book I thought was called "To Kill a Mockingbird" was not called "Black Man's Tragedy as a Growth Experience for a Little White Girl." Do you happen to have Photoshop, a printer and too much time on your hands? Must be that "Mandela Effect" think you always be talkin' 'bout. Give me back my old bookcovers.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-29 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-29 Pub. Date: 2017-09-29
Image Number: 163101
Caption: How 'bout that Chokers game? The Candorville Chokers might go all the way this year. Whachoocare? What do you mean "What do I care?" Haven't you got any civic pride, son? They're our hometown team. They're our boys. They a bunch of grown-!@#$ men runnin' 'round in a circle for millions of dollars. Ain't nary a one of them even from here. That pitcher Fernando Maldonado only speak German. In the winter we play for Cameroon. If you don't like small talk, just say so!
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-26 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-26 Pub. Date: 2017-09-26
Image Number: 163098
Caption: Did you hear me on the radio today, Clyde? The whole world heard you, Big L. You said eretime anyone mentions the new Star Trek show Discovery … and army of mindless drones reply "The Orville look more like Star Trek than Star Trek do." Yeah, but I was making a larger point about how the internet encourages groupthink. You just mad the group don't think like you.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-25 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-25 Pub. Date: 2017-09-25
Image Number: 163097
Caption: Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my entire life being a journalist. Why bother? History just repeats itself anyway. Dr. Noodle. I just started reading a political memoir I heard about on the radio this morning. M.A. The Democrat James M. Cox wrote it after he lost the election of 1920 to Harding. It's called "That Which Occurred." He also blamed his loss on Bernie Sanders. I hope I can be as sharp as Bernie at his age.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-24 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-24 Pub. Date: 2017-09-24
Image Number: 162394
Caption: I can't shake the feeling that nothing is really real, doc. Dr. Noodle. I just got my doctorate in history. And I watch the news every day. And I've started feeling like I've wasted my whole life studying things that never happened. I mean, if everything I see happening right now is "fake," how am I supposed to trust history? How am I supposed to know that Mussolini or Napoleon or Genghis Khan or Robespierre or Caligula were ever really all that bad? Maybe all the journalists and scribes who chronicled their reigns were part of an age-old fake-news conspiracy dating all the way back to the days of Peisistratos? I see. When exactly did these doubts begin? Oh, about 546 B.C.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-23 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-23 Pub. Date: 2017-09-23
Image Number: 162853
Caption: If I promise to get you a new book tomorrow, will you go to sleep? Ith that a bwibe? Awe we cowooding? What do you mean "are we colluding?" Where did you hear language like that? Are you listening at my door while I'm watching the news again? You know you're not supposed to do that. If you'we impeached, do I become the new daddy? Go ... to ... sleep.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-22 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-22 Pub. Date: 2017-09-22
Image Number: 162852
Caption: Even after all these years, momma still won't tell me who my father is. All I know is, she met him when she was a waitress at a casino in Vegas, back in the seventies. I feel like she owes it to me to tell me. Your mom gave you life, raised you all by herself, worked from sunup to sundown to give you everything you needed ... Yeah, she really does "owe" you something. Glad you agree.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-12 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-12 Pub. Date: 2017-09-12
Image Number: 162598
Caption: This is Nightly News with Martin Niemoller. First they came for the travelers from Muslim countries … then they came for the Latino criminals who were here illegally. Then they came for legal immigrants who don't know English. Then they came for the hard-working, decent, productive Latinos who were brought here illegally as kids and know no other country. That's too bad. Hey, I feel like a ham sandwich. Hey wait, you might want to hear the rest of this ...
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-09 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-09 Pub. Date: 2017-09-09
Image Number: 162347
Caption: My son keeps loading 'The Cosby Show' on Hulu. What fo'? Cosby ain't never been funny. He always been boring as @#$% an' I ain't never liked him. Cosby ain't nothin' now, Cosby ain't never been nothin', and I always thought he was creepy. People always try to go back and pretend they were right about someone all along. He ain't never made me laugh. Not even once!
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-06 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-06 Pub. Date: 2017-09-06
Image Number: 162344
Caption: What're we doing here, Rosencrantz? Do you ever ask yourself that? No. When I ask myself questions aloud, I very rarely refer to myself in third person. Rosencrantz doesn’t like that.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-03 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-03 Pub. Date: 2017-09-03
Image Number: 161589
Caption: If Democrats know what's good for them, they'll move further right. That's how they can win elections. All my conservative friends agree. And we tell that to every Democrat we see every chance we get. That's very considerate of you, to help out the opposition like that. Oh, I've always been considerate. When I was a small child, I used to let other kids copy my test answers before I changed them to the right ones. Wait ... what was that? What was what? You said you let kids copy your wrong answers before you changed them to the right answers. Did I? I don't think so. You did. It's exactly what you just said you did. If you know what's good for you, you'll just passively accept what others say without thinking too much about it. Let me guess: Your class was graded on a curve?
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-21 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-21 Pub. Date: 2017-08-21
Image Number: 161800
Caption: You remember that racist KKK/Nazi/White-supremacist rally in Charlottesville? 'Course, bruh. I think I may have really touched all those people I usually argue with online. Ever since that terrorist rally, every time I write that there's nothing wrong with having lots of women and minorities on the new Star Trek show, not a single person has dismissed me as a "cuck" or a "beta" or a "virtue-signaller" or a "social justice warrior." You think maybe because of Charlottesville, all the social injustice warriors have had an awakening? Nah, they probably just on vacation, like Congress.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-18 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-18 Pub. Date: 2017-08-18
Image Number: 161535
Caption: 1982. Mr. Barnhouse said the ancient Greeks thought gorillas were a myth. And people thought manatees were myths too. People used to think the platypus was a hoax. But it's real! … or so they'd like us to believe. You know what this means, right? It means every other creature that's thought to be a myth must also be real. I really don't think Pegasus, Medusa and the Kraken are real. I've just scientifically proven they are. Don't be so anti-science.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-10 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-10 Pub. Date: 2017-08-10
Image Number: 161294
Caption: You remember the other day, when I said we're behind a lot of other countries in a lot of areas? Well, I wrote an article about that for Candorville.com. Within 15 minutes, I counted over 3,000 replies that included a variant of the phrase "If you don't like it here, go someplace else." So I did a little more research, and then posted an article about how we're far behind a lot of other countries in "going someplace else." ... That's when I found out we're number one in the amount of angry comments posted in all-caps. I been out of the state once. That was weird.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-08 like 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-08 Pub. Date: 2017-08-08
Image Number: 161292
Caption: Looks like the Affordable Care Act is here to stay. That's right … sucker. What? Everyone know the ACA was a Republican idea. We came up with it as an alternative to single-payer health care. We knew the only way to make the left embrace it was for the right to attack it. You hate us so much that if we attack it, you cling to it like it's your dear old momma. We even let it be "saved" at the last minute, just to seal your love affair with it. Yeah, right. Like this was all part of some "master plan." McCain hammed it up a little at the end, but it was a nice touch.
     
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