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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-22 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-22 Pub. Date: 2018-02-22
Image Number: 168663
Caption: I am come that you may have life and have it abundantly. Be not content to live in a basement studio apartment with cable TV jacked from your neighbor across the alley. You are capable of so much more, my child. Am I capable of gettin' some sleep, bruh? Well, excuse me for trying to grant you a divine revelation. Excused.
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-16 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-16 Pub. Date: 2018-01-16
Image Number: 167356
Caption: I've considered what you said, about how every story, change only occurs after an interlude. But those are stories, Rosencrantz, not real life. In real life, the biggest changes often occur randomly and unexpectedly. There usually is no calm before the storm. We often jarringly shift from one storm to the next. And unlike with fictional characters, the actions of real people often don't make sense. I still demand to know why you took my shoe. (Originally published on 2015-12-29).
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-06 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-06 Pub. Date: 2018-01-06
Image Number: 166784
Caption: 1982. Do you believe in life after death, Susan? Of course. Me too. It's the first law of thermal dynamics. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only transmogrify into something else … like a sea anemone. I've decided I'll be a sea anemone. Not a care in the world, it's be a welcome interlude between this life and my next one where I'm a Jedi. I don't know if you get to choose what happens to your energy, Lemont. No offense, but I think Obi-Wan and Yoda know more about that than you do.
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-30 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-30 Pub. Date: 2017-12-30
Image Number: 166538
Caption: Hi, momma. What? Oh, no thanks, I don't need a roommate. (Sigh) … No, I don't care how wise and kind his posts are on your Facebook newsfeed. You did what? You gave him my address and told him he could stay with me until Uzbekistan extradites him? (Sigh) ... No, that's not what extradite means. (Sigh) ... Momma, you're not supposed to meet your random Facebook friends in real life. It's a rule ... You did what?
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-27 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-27 Pub. Date: 2017-12-27
Image Number: 166535
Caption: There was another police shooting caught on video. An unarmed guy in a hallway begging for his life. The cops were barking orders at him for minutes. The guy looked so scared and confused. I heard 'bout that. I went online an' some of the people be like "Why he didn't follow directions right? I'da shot him too." This the only country where people say you deserve to get shot 'cause you was confused. I asked "Why didn't they taze him" and people said I was "virtue-signaling."
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-20 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-20 Pub. Date: 2017-12-20
Image Number: 166285
Caption: Lemont … I hope you don't feel weird about the fact that I just wrote a novel in six days. Of course not, Susan. Why would I fee weird about that, just 'cause I've been writing all my life, and it always takes me months or years. And you're not bothered that all the biggest publishers are bidding in the six figures for it? 'Course not ... And you don't feel weird at all that it's already going to be turned into a movie? Censored censored I mean ... I am so censored censored happy for you.
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-17 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-17 Pub. Date: 2017-12-17
Image Number: 165540
Caption: I have to tell you, I'm pretty freaked out by all the Terminator death robots Boston Dynamics has been developing. You too? Of course. Have you seen that Youtube video of their headless wolf-creature murder-bot? About 100 times. Have you seen the humanoid one with a soulless face and wheel-feet that's agile and quick enough to catch you no matter how fast you run? What ... are you scared? Snowflake. What the -- you're the one who brought it all up! Do you have a link proving I brought it up? A "link"? This is real life, not the internet. I heard it! That's my proof.
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-14 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-14 Pub. Date: 2017-12-14
Image Number: 166004
Caption: Tyrone, I think the key to being happy is to consider oneself part of a play written by another. Oh, I do. I once glanced offstage, Rosencrantz. There, in the shadows cast by the red velvet curtains, lurked a little weasel of a man, frantically muttering and scribbling upon a tattered notepad. He was the writer, Rosencrantz. And he was making it all up as he went along. As I said, the key to being happy is to never glance offstage. I looked again years later, and he was asleep. Spare change?
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-10 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-10 Pub. Date: 2017-12-10
Image Number: 165352
Caption: I've been racking my brain trying to think of every interaction I've ever had with a woman. Dr. Noodle. I mean, when I was in my twenties, I did what guys in their twenties often did: I hit on women. Lots of them. We used to think that if a lady wasn’t interested, we just weren't trying hard enough. There were books about how to be more clever. How to be a pickup artist. There were times at the club when I was dancing with a lady, thought I had a shot, and went in for a kiss. Sometimes they didn't even know they were into me until I kissed them. But then they kissed back. Other times, they pushed me off and that was that ... or so I thought. Now, at any moment, some random woman could come forward and ruin my life. Well, lets start by acknowledging it's a healthy thing for society that men are learning what it's like to live in fear, for a change. Doesn't feel healthy.
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-26 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-26 Pub. Date: 2017-11-26
Image Number: 165350
Caption: Women and men are coming forward and exposing all the powerful guys who've sexually harassed them. Its making me feel awfully worried and guilty. Dr. Noodle. Why? I'm worried that at any moment, a victim is going to come forward and ruin my life. That's natural. Think about it this way, though. If whoever it is you abused does come forward, you'll have a chance to come clean and clear your conscience. Huh? I've never abused anyone. I'm confused. I've already lost "House of Cards." This seems to be so pervasive, I could lose everything I spend my life watching. What'll I lose next, "Walking Dead"? "Man in the High Castle"? ... If they take "Big Bang Theory" my life'll pretty much be over. Just curious: Have you ever heard the phrases "get a life" and "it's not about you"? Hence the guilt.
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-24 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-24 Pub. Date: 2017-11-24
Image Number: 165151
Caption: You look like Big Bird. Excuse me? No I don't. And didn't your mom ever tell you not to talk to strangers? You're not a stranger. You're Big Bird. I've been watching you all my life. I. Am. Not. Big Bird. Sing "Riding a Tricycle," Big Bird. I'm not going to ask twice. It's my day off, kid.
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-10 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-10 Pub. Date: 2017-11-10
Image Number: 164653
Caption: 1982. When I grow up, I want to be a single dad, Lemont. You mean "single mom"? Are you kidding? Compare "Alice" or "Gloria" or "One Day at a Time" with "Diff'rent Strokes" or "Silver Spoons." Single moms all struggle for long hours in dead-end, low-wage jobs. But single dads are all millionaires who don't seem to need jobs at all. My goal in life is to prove tv wrong, is what I'm saying. Fred Sanford's a single dad and he's always having heart attacks.
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-24 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-24 Pub. Date: 2017-10-24
Image Number: 164148
Caption: Hobbler Day Care. Saul Crusher speaking. Yeah, I'm Lemont Brown. Lionel's dad … Yeah, two-year-old Lionel. He told me you said he was "bad" because he didn't want to go to sleep at nap time. When you tell a kid so early in his life that he's "bad," it affects how he sees himself. I don't pay you $500 per week to ruin my baby boy's self-esteem. When I say "you're a bad caregiver," how does that feel? Imagine if you were only two.
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-25 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-25 Pub. Date: 2017-09-25
Image Number: 163097
Caption: Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my entire life being a journalist. Why bother? History just repeats itself anyway. Dr. Noodle. I just started reading a political memoir I heard about on the radio this morning. M.A. The Democrat James M. Cox wrote it after he lost the election of 1920 to Harding. It's called "That Which Occurred." He also blamed his loss on Bernie Sanders. I hope I can be as sharp as Bernie at his age.
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-24 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-24 Pub. Date: 2017-09-24
Image Number: 162394
Caption: I can't shake the feeling that nothing is really real, doc. Dr. Noodle. I just got my doctorate in history. And I watch the news every day. And I've started feeling like I've wasted my whole life studying things that never happened. I mean, if everything I see happening right now is "fake," how am I supposed to trust history? How am I supposed to know that Mussolini or Napoleon or Genghis Khan or Robespierre or Caligula were ever really all that bad? Maybe all the journalists and scribes who chronicled their reigns were part of an age-old fake-news conspiracy dating all the way back to the days of Peisistratos? I see. When exactly did these doubts begin? Oh, about 546 B.C.
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-22 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-22 Pub. Date: 2017-09-22
Image Number: 162852
Caption: Even after all these years, momma still won't tell me who my father is. All I know is, she met him when she was a waitress at a casino in Vegas, back in the seventies. I feel like she owes it to me to tell me. Your mom gave you life, raised you all by herself, worked from sunup to sundown to give you everything you needed ... Yeah, she really does "owe" you something. Glad you agree.
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-02 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-02 Pub. Date: 2017-09-02
Image Number: 162092
Caption: Will work for $$$. Will carry on your social media feuds while you live your life, for $$$
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-17 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-17 Pub. Date: 2017-08-17
Image Number: 161534
Caption: Hello, me, I'm you form the future. I've come back in time to ask you to do a wider variety of activities. Go visit seedy bars in foreign lands and get into misadventures with the locals, become a reality tv star and then run for office. Go live amongst the Aborigines in Australia and when you return, try to smuggle a kangaroo past customs. Anything! Our grandkids are tired of hearing the same five stories over and over again, is that I'm saying. Zzzzz.
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-09 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-09 Pub. Date: 2017-08-09
Image Number: 161293
Caption: We're behind a lot of other countries in health care, social mobility, internet service, cellphone service, education … income equality, infrastructure, high-speed trains, voting, democratic representation, linguistic diversity, life expectancy, religious diversity, please, press freedom, child well-being, happiness, sleep, literacy, leisure, retirement security, gender equality, minimum wage, homicide rates, prosperity, the cost of food ... Other than military spending and the number of people we throw in prison, we're behind in almost everything ... so why do people still chant "we're number one!" All the time? Where we is on math?
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-24 life 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-24 Pub. Date: 2017-07-24
Image Number: 160757
Caption: I'm glad you're not mad at me, Lemont. Why would I be mad at you, Susan? You didn't make me accuse my girlfriend of cheating on me just because she had an innocent dinner with some other guy. Sure, you sent me the video and warned me it was too painful to watch, so I sprung it on her sight-unseen and it turned out to be nothing ... and sure, you forgot to tell me they didn't leave together or exchange numbers ... And sure, you almost single-handedly wrecked one of the best things to ever happen to me in my life ... Well, I'm just glad you're no mad, old buddy. And sure ...
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