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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about lateness.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-17 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-17 Pub. Date: 2019-09-17
Image Number: 179499
Caption: Sir, I demand you let me fire Dick Fink. He's condescending, slovenly, forgetful, always late, and I'm fairly sure he's made two attempts on my life. You have to learn to tolerate people who are different from you, Garcia. He's blackmailing you, isn't he. I've never even heard of Vegas and I deny everything.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-26 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-26 Pub. Date: 2019-08-26
Image Number: 179191
Caption: Armstrong, why do we have Fourth of July decorations up? That was weeks ago. Exactly. A true patriot loves his country regardless of the date. A true patriot celebrates the founding of our corporatocracy every single day of the year, minion. Some of the decorations are smeared with coffee grounds and banana peels. A true patriot knows that one cafe's dumpster is another cafe's treasure.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-16 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-16 Pub. Date: 2018-11-16
Image Number: 174939
Caption: I was up all night wondering what might have been, Susan. The lives we could have led … the things we could've done … how far we could've come by now. But it's just … it's just too late now, Susan. Not really. You could dump your girlfriend, and we could see what happens. What? How would my dumping Vancouver make it so that the Library of Alexandria was never burned down? I ... guess ... it wouldn't.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-12 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-12 Pub. Date: 2018-10-12
Image Number: 174391
Caption: Dear Lemont Brown, Because we raised your APR, your most recent automatic payment to Feudalbanc Massacard was short by one cent. So we've charged you a $75 late fee. Unless you have as many lobbyists in Congress as Feudalbanc does, there is absolutely nothing you can do other than pay up. To admit defeat, sign here: Lemont Brown.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-11 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-11 Pub. Date: 2018-09-11
Image Number: 173983
Caption: Bus is late. Fake news. What? Have you interviewed the bus dispatcher? Have you been here all day? It's just as likely the bus has been running early all day. And so we missed it. But I guess that wouldn't fit in with your bus is late narrative. Not everything in this country has to be an argument. Yes it does!
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-01 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-01 Pub. Date: 2018-07-01
Image Number: 172353
Caption: I'm not happy. I think I married the wrong person. Dr. Noodle. But I can't leave. Leaving is too hard. I mean, we've got all the same friends. They'd hate me. And she's got complete control of the bank accounts. What would I do for money? But maybe I could just start all over. Who needs any of that stuff? There's a whole world out there. Maybe it's not too late to explore the world, wrestle and alligator, move to Jamaica, change my name, and meet the woman I was really meant to be with. Sometimes it actually is too late. Zzzzzzzz.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-20 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-20 Pub. Date: 2018-04-20
Image Number: 170578
Caption: I wish I could go back in time and tell myself it's not too late. When I was nine, momma asked me if I wanted guitar lessons. But I told her no, because I thought I was too old. Clyde had been playing guitar since he was three. At nine, I thought I had already missed my chance. If I'd started learning when I was nine, I'd have been playing for decades now. I'd be a master at it by now. Well why don't you take some lessons now? Are you kidding? At my age?
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-05 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-05 Pub. Date: 2017-11-05
Image Number: 163961
Caption: I find it funny how you libs get all triggered every time the president implies Puerto Rican hurricane victims are lazy … or every time he praises white supremacists, or every time he "attacks" the first amendment, or every time he personally insults people. Don't you people know the president is trolling you? He's just pressing your buttons for fun and you fall for it every single time. It's as if none of you have ever debated anyone online. Online, you don't win by being right ... you win by making the other guy seem like he cares more than you do about any given topic. Caring is absolute proof of snowflaky weakness. If what the other guy cares about is common decency, you get extra points. That's the most absurd thing I've -- ... um ... whatever. Too late, snowflake.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-23 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-23 Pub. Date: 2017-07-23
Image Number: 160037
Caption: Nobody's proper anymore. Dr. Noodle. What ever happened to the good old days, when gentlemen were gentlemen? Men never spit in public. Men never had tattoos unless they were pirates. And ladies were ladies. You never would've caught Queen Victoria twerking on Instagram. Sometimes I feel like I was born 150 years too late. That's a common affliction. "Guy-who-would-never-have-been-a-slave-150-years-ago-itis." There are 45 million slaves today, y'know.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-15 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-15 Pub. Date: 2017-01-15
Image Number: 152908
Caption: Hello, you've reached Bung Lee Plumbing. This is Bung. How may I hinder you? Hi Bung. I just got an invoice from you guys for $125 plus a $75 late fee for some work you did in my apartment. But I already tried to pay that bill, two months ago. You guys sent me an invoice that asked me to pay by phone. So I called and gave someone named "Ryan" my Massacard info. He said he'd send me a receipt, but he never did. I just checked with Massacard, and it looks like you guys never ran my card. I'd be happy to give the $125 we agreed upon, but I'm not paying you any late fee. It's not my fault Ryan didn't charge me. Do you have any proof you called and spoke with Ryan? Let me ask you a question: Would this be the first time Ryan screwed up around there? Ok. I'll waive the late fee.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-12 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-12 Pub. Date: 2016-12-12
Image Number: 152110
Caption: Lemont! It's so good to hear your voice! How's Canada? How's your girlfriend? I haven't seen her yet. You know how hectic travel can be. First my plane was late … then I had to work … Then I ran into a bunch of me's from alternate universes who all warned me not to visit my girlfriend. Y'know ... the usual. Dios mio. Get out of your hotel and go see her!
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-18 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-18 Pub. Date: 2016-10-18
Image Number: 149905
Caption: No, baby, don't feel bad. You WERE going to pick me up. It's not your fault my flight was delayed. Taxi queue. Besides, I have a phone interview with Donald Trump now, so I don't have time for you anyway. Besides, every moment I don't see you makes me long for you even more. Can we wrap this up? I have a call to make! Ohhh, you're so sweet!
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-08 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-08 Pub. Date: 2016-06-08
Image Number: 144221
Caption: You know how I've been seeing a lady from Vancouver long-distance? Dr. Noodle. I'm finally going to see her again in person, in just two weeks!!! But now I'm terrified. The one time we were together in person, it was hot and steamy and magical. We tend to build things up in our memories, and reality can never live up to our memories. Try to temper expectations. Too late. She's already started calling me "Thor." Ph.D.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-11 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-11 Pub. Date: 2016-03-11
Image Number: 140182
Caption: I wish I could go back in time and tell myself it's not too late. When I was nine, momma asked me if I wanted guitar lessons. But I told her no, because I thought I was too old. Clyde had been playing guitar since he was three. At nine, I thought I had already missed my chance. If I'd started learning when I was nine, I'd have been playing for decades now. I'd be a master at it by now. Well why don't you take some lessons now? Are you kidding? At MY age?
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-04 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-04 Pub. Date: 2015-11-04
Image Number: 134723
Caption: Dear Lemont Brown, Because we raised your APR, your most recent automatic payment to Feudalbanc Massacard was short by one cent. So we've charged you a $75 late fee. Unless you have as many lobbyists in Congress as Feudalbanc does, there is absolutely nothing you can do other than pay up. To admit defeat, sign here: x Lemont Brown.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-19 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-19 Pub. Date: 2015-09-19
Image Number: 132519
Caption: Hello creditor, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because you're trying to collect payment from me. If I pay you today, you won't be able to charge me a late fee, which is how you make a lot of your money. Say "thank you" at the sound of the beep. Beep.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-14 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-14 Pub. Date: 2015-07-14
Image Number: 129545
Caption: Do you ever think you're too late, Rosencrantz? For what? You should've asked me that earlier. Earlier, my answer may have totally changed the trajectory of your life. Earlier, it would've mattered. You have some nerve asking me at this late a date, Rosencrantz. It's too early for this.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-19 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-19 Pub. Date: 2015-04-19
Image Number: 125204
Caption: Nobody's proper anymore. Dr. Noodle. What ever happened to the good old days, when gentlemen were gentlemen? Men never spit in public. Men never had tattoos unless they were pirates. And ladies were ladies. You never would've caught Queen Victoria twerking on Instagram. Sometimes I feel like I was born 150 years too late. That's a common affliction. "Guy-who-would-never-have-been-a-slave-150-years-ago-itis." There are 30 million slaved today, y'know.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-12 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-12 Pub. Date: 2014-11-12
Image Number: 118788
Caption: Zeno's Paradox theorizes that I can never actually reach my destination. If I have to travel one mile, first I have to reach half a mile. Then I have to cover half the remaining distance, then half again, and so on. Every distance, no matter how small, can be divided in half infinitely; so I can never actually get where I'm going. That still doesn't explain why you're always late. (Published originally on March 29, 2012.)
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-07 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-07 Pub. Date: 2014-11-07
Image Number: 118499
Caption: I miss those late-night dorm room conversations that could make me see the world differently. For instance, if we were in college right now … … I might point out that we're all basically surgically attached to our Smartphones. Which means we've evolved into A SPECIES OF CYBORGS. ... And that if you Google the definition of "cyborg" to prove me wrong, THAT'LL PROVE ME RIGHT. You right, that DID make me see things different. Now I know I didn't miss nothin' not going to college.
     
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