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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about lateness.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-23 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-23 Pub. Date: 2017-07-23
Image Number: 160037
Caption: Nobody's proper anymore. Dr. Noodle. What ever happened to the good old days, when gentlemen were gentlemen? Men never spit in public. Men never had tattoos unless they were pirates. And ladies were ladies. You never would've caught Queen Victoria twerking on Instagram. Sometimes I feel like I was born 150 years too late. That's a common affliction. "Guy-who-would-never-have-been-a-slave-150-years-ago-itis." There are 45 million slaves today, y'know.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-15 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-15 Pub. Date: 2017-01-15
Image Number: 152908
Caption: Hello, you've reached Bung Lee Plumbing. This is Bung. How may I hinder you? Hi Bung. I just got an invoice from you guys for $125 plus a $75 late fee for some work you did in my apartment. But I already tried to pay that bill, two months ago. You guys sent me an invoice that asked me to pay by phone. So I called and gave someone named "Ryan" my Massacard info. He said he'd send me a receipt, but he never did. I just checked with Massacard, and it looks like you guys never ran my card. I'd be happy to give the $125 we agreed upon, but I'm not paying you any late fee. It's not my fault Ryan didn't charge me. Do you have any proof you called and spoke with Ryan? Let me ask you a question: Would this be the first time Ryan screwed up around there? Ok. I'll waive the late fee.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-12 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-12 Pub. Date: 2016-12-12
Image Number: 152110
Caption: Lemont! It's so good to hear your voice! How's Canada? How's your girlfriend? I haven't seen her yet. You know how hectic travel can be. First my plane was late … then I had to work … Then I ran into a bunch of me's from alternate universes who all warned me not to visit my girlfriend. Y'know ... the usual. Dios mio. Get out of your hotel and go see her!
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-18 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-18 Pub. Date: 2016-10-18
Image Number: 149905
Caption: No, baby, don't feel bad. You WERE going to pick me up. It's not your fault my flight was delayed. Taxi queue. Besides, I have a phone interview with Donald Trump now, so I don't have time for you anyway. Besides, every moment I don't see you makes me long for you even more. Can we wrap this up? I have a call to make! Ohhh, you're so sweet!
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-08 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-08 Pub. Date: 2016-06-08
Image Number: 144221
Caption: You know how I've been seeing a lady from Vancouver long-distance? Dr. Noodle. I'm finally going to see her again in person, in just two weeks!!! But now I'm terrified. The one time we were together in person, it was hot and steamy and magical. We tend to build things up in our memories, and reality can never live up to our memories. Try to temper expectations. Too late. She's already started calling me "Thor." Ph.D.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-11 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-11 Pub. Date: 2016-03-11
Image Number: 140182
Caption: I wish I could go back in time and tell myself it's not too late. When I was nine, momma asked me if I wanted guitar lessons. But I told her no, because I thought I was too old. Clyde had been playing guitar since he was three. At nine, I thought I had already missed my chance. If I'd started learning when I was nine, I'd have been playing for decades now. I'd be a master at it by now. Well why don't you take some lessons now? Are you kidding? At MY age?
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-04 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-04 Pub. Date: 2015-11-04
Image Number: 134723
Caption: Dear Lemont Brown, Because we raised your APR, your most recent automatic payment to Feudalbanc Massacard was short by one cent. So we've charged you a $75 late fee. Unless you have as many lobbyists in Congress as Feudalbanc does, there is absolutely nothing you can do other than pay up. To admit defeat, sign here: x Lemont Brown.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-19 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-19 Pub. Date: 2015-09-19
Image Number: 132519
Caption: Hello creditor, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because you're trying to collect payment from me. If I pay you today, you won't be able to charge me a late fee, which is how you make a lot of your money. Say "thank you" at the sound of the beep. Beep.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-14 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-14 Pub. Date: 2015-07-14
Image Number: 129545
Caption: Do you ever think you're too late, Rosencrantz? For what? You should've asked me that earlier. Earlier, my answer may have totally changed the trajectory of your life. Earlier, it would've mattered. You have some nerve asking me at this late a date, Rosencrantz. It's too early for this.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-19 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-19 Pub. Date: 2015-04-19
Image Number: 125204
Caption: Nobody's proper anymore. Dr. Noodle. What ever happened to the good old days, when gentlemen were gentlemen? Men never spit in public. Men never had tattoos unless they were pirates. And ladies were ladies. You never would've caught Queen Victoria twerking on Instagram. Sometimes I feel like I was born 150 years too late. That's a common affliction. "Guy-who-would-never-have-been-a-slave-150-years-ago-itis." There are 30 million slaved today, y'know.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-12 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-12 Pub. Date: 2014-11-12
Image Number: 118788
Caption: Zeno's Paradox theorizes that I can never actually reach my destination. If I have to travel one mile, first I have to reach half a mile. Then I have to cover half the remaining distance, then half again, and so on. Every distance, no matter how small, can be divided in half infinitely; so I can never actually get where I'm going. That still doesn't explain why you're always late. (Published originally on March 29, 2012.)
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-07 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-07 Pub. Date: 2014-11-07
Image Number: 118499
Caption: I miss those late-night dorm room conversations that could make me see the world differently. For instance, if we were in college right now I might point out that we're all basically surgically attached to our Smartphones. Which means we've evolved into A SPECIES OF CYBORGS. ... And that if you Google the definition of "cyborg" to prove me wrong, THAT'LL PROVE ME RIGHT. You right, that DID make me see things different. Now I know I didn't miss nothin' not going to college.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-27 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-27 Pub. Date: 2014-04-27
Image Number: 109961
Caption: Who do you think's gonna replace David Letterman on "Late Show"? Who give a *$%@? Yet another white dude in a suit, tellin' jokes an' suckin' up to actors Why would I care about that? You go like 21 late night shows. Only one of them hosts ain't white, an only one is a woman. White men about 36% of America, bit they like 90% OF LATE NIGHT. Late night TV don't look like America, dawg. Unless they ask Dave Chappelle to host it, I ain't watchin'. Besides, I already watched them "Chappelle Show" DVDs fifty times. I need some new Dave. So that's what happened to my ... GIVE ME BACK MY DVDs!!!
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-10 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-10 Pub. Date: 2014-04-10
Image Number: 109842
Caption: Are you a big boy now, son? Or are you still a little baby? Big Boy. You know what big boys do, son? They go straight to sleep instead of jumping up and down on their beds and keeping their parents up all night long. Agoo. "AGOO," I thay. Too late.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-18 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-18 Pub. Date: 2014-01-18
Image Number: 106176
Caption: Hello, creditor, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown after 8 PM. In case you didnt notice, I retyped the fine print in the credit application you approved. I changed it to "Company agrees to pay Mr. Brown twice the amount of his debt if company ever calls after 8 PM." At the sound of the beep, let me know where to send the bill. BEEP. Click!
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-10 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-10 Pub. Date: 2013-12-10
Image Number: 104848
Caption: Wanna play "Horse"? NO I dont wanna play "Horse." Thug 4 Life. When you gon' learn to play basketball like a grown man? Grown men dribble the ball. Grown men sweat. Grown men throw elbows. Grown men talk trash about each other mommas. I would've said "Wanna play 'Clyde's Momma'?" But I thought "Horse" was more concise. Too little too late.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-08-10 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-08-10 Pub. Date: 2013-08-10
Image Number: 100036
Caption: Hello creditor, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because you're trying to collect payment from me. If I pay you today, you wont be able to charge me a late fee, which is how you make a lot of your money. Say "Thank You" at the sound of the beep. BEEP.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-07-23 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-07-23 Pub. Date: 2013-07-23
Image Number: 99560
Caption: Do you ever think you're too late, Rosencrantz? For what? You should have asked me that earlier. Earlier, my answer may have totally changed the trajectory of your life. Earlier, it would've mattered. You have some nerve asking me at this late a date Rosencrantz. It's too early for this.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-07-20 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-07-20 Pub. Date: 2013-07-20
Image Number: 99245
Caption: I think you're only scratching the surface. Dr. Noodle. You're not stressed about being broke. You're stressed because you fear what that says about you. M.A. You fear it means you're irresponsible. Worthless. A useless mole on the booty of mankind. Hey, I told you I'll pay you next Tuesday. Get off my case. You're defensive. That's a sign of a deeper fear ...
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-13 late 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-13 Pub. Date: 2013-04-13
Image Number: 95577
Caption: Twitter. Twitter.com/CANDORVILLE. The cable guy's supposed to be at my place between one and five, so I'm expecting him at seven. (Originally published on 2011-09-03).
     
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