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Candorville

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Result page:    2  Next  (23 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-22 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-22 Pub. Date: 2019-03-22
Image Number: 176839
Caption: Boss, if you could be any animal on earth, which one would you be? I'm glad you asked, minion. I'd be a nocturnal, camouflaged Wobbegong at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. There I'd lie in wait, ever vigilant, ever hungry ... ever ready to devour any creature large or small unlucky enough to brush against my whiskers. I'm going to back away now. No, no ... don't back away, minion ... That's when the Wobbegong will get you.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-18 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-18 Pub. Date: 2018-09-18
Image Number: 174073
Caption: The President said his response to the Puerto Rico hurricane was an incredible unsung success. It turns our about as many people died because of the hurricane as died on 9/11. And most of them died in the weeks after the hurricane had passed. He could've done a lot more to save those Americans. I still don't see how this is proof the large Hadron collider shifted us into an antonym universe where words mean the opposite of what they meant in our original universe. In the antonymverse, that means you do see it.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-10 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-10 Pub. Date: 2016-10-10
Image Number: 149609
Caption: So, why're you going to Vancouver? What was that? Can't … breathe … Well … I'm going 'cause it's the one city I've never worked out in.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-02 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-02 Pub. Date: 2016-10-02
Image Number: 148531
Caption: It's my memory, doc. The more I look into it, the more it's just all wrong. For instance … Dr. Noodle. The first book I ever read was a "Berenstein Bears" book called Up Down and All Around. But when I tried to buy it for my kid, I discovered it was BerenSTAIN bears, and that there was never a Berenstein Bears books called "Up Down and All Around." It's perfectly normal to misremember things like that. Even large numbers of people collectively misremember things. I remember "Berenstein" too. Oh ... yeah, I figured. It's a lot more likely than thinking aliens kidnapped me from an alternate reality where it was "Berenstein" and put me here ... not that I was thinking that. Take two "stay off the internets" and call me in the morning. Look up "Mandela Effect" and "Ford Logo" on Youtube and then tell me there's no multiverse kidnapping going on!
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-26 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-26 Pub. Date: 2015-07-26
Image Number: 129550
Caption: I just started reading the book "2312." It starts on Mercury, where we built a city that constantly travels along rails to avoid the cataclysmic fire of the sun. It's hard to remember we're even capable of that sort of thing. We don't even build the world's tallest buildings anymore. We don't build much of anything. We barely even fill potholes. Once upon a time, we thought big. We built bridges. We carved new rivers. We sent men to the moon. But we've stopped thinking big. Did you know Saudi Arabia's building a tower that's almost twice as tall as our tallest building? Saudi Arabia ain't part of "we"? It ... That's not what I ... Oh, shut up.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-01 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-01 Pub. Date: 2015-04-01
Image Number: 124959
Caption: Hi, I'm just checking on your return policy. No, it's exactly what I ordered. No, it's not defective. No, none of the accessories were missing. It's just that … you know how sometimes things just don't fit you like you thought they would? Yeah, they said I can return my new shoes.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-12 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-12 Pub. Date: 2012-05-12
Image Number: 80673
Caption: Why am I here? Well … I've been insecure about something my whole life. Dr. Noodle. You probably can't guess what it is. Everyone's always told me it's just in my head. But still, sometimes I'm so insecure about it, I won't even go outside. Having a big one's normal. Plenty of five-foot tall men have ones that look like they belong on seven-foot tall men. What? I'm talking about my armpit odor. Oh ... um ... Wait ... what are you getting at?
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-06 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-06 Pub. Date: 2012-01-06
Image Number: 74806
Caption: Doctor Dogg's How to Live Large when you a broke #$% fool with no job! Honk! Do your wallet feel lighter these days? Yes. Is you payin' for Taco Bell with pennies and nickels? Yes. Well you ain't alone. But after just eight weeks of my course, we goin' have you payin' with dimes an' quarters. Stupid Great Recession.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-06 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-06 Pub. Date: 2012-01-06
Image Number: 74807
Caption: Doctor Dogg's How to Live Large when you a broke #$% fool with no job! Honk! We gon' git right into it. Let's say you get a utility bill in the mail that say "final notice," whachoodo? Pay it. Uh-uh, fool! Smack! This is gonna be good. You wait til they send it again in red letters. Then you only pay the past-due amount.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-04 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-04 Pub. Date: 2012-01-04
Image Number: 74805
Caption: I don't usually give this out for free, but we boys so I'ma help you out, cuz. Thanks, Clyde. Thank God for Culture Clash. Doctor Dogg's How to Live Large when you a broke #$% fool with no job! Honk! I'ma be workin' on a app, next. I've hit rock bottom. Thug 4 Life.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-11-07 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-11-07 Pub. Date: 2011-11-07
Image Number: 72734
Caption: Lemont interviews Herman Cain about his sexual harassment scandal. I guess my first question would be … Pizzaville. Famous deep dish. Do you really think it's wise to wear a pimp hat to these interviews? This is a cowboy hat! Ok, I'll move on. When you bought the hat, did it have a large purple feather? I don't recall.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-01 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-01 Pub. Date: 2011-05-01
Image Number: 60249
Caption: What do you see, Murph? Nothing new. Some of them are reading a newspaper. Some of them are online. Still, I don't think they know anything. What's to know, really? That we're still monitoring them, just as much as we did under Bush. That we've grown so large we've got hundreds of departments and agencies operating out of 1,300 facilities all over the country. That the number of Americans with "top secret" clearance is approaching 1 million. That we've become an unaccountable leech on the treasury that few leaders have the guts to defund, so instead they pretend all that money is being stolen by teachers, nurses, cops, janitors, firefighters and little kids in "head start." They don't seem all that curious. Like I said ... nothing new.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-01-27 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-01-27 Pub. Date: 2010-01-27
Image Number: 43363
Caption: Sunnyville Sanitarium. As long as he keeps taking his antipsychotic drugs, he'll have no more delusions about vampires, demons and Mexico. Unfortunately, one side effect is massive weight gain. Oh no! Lem-lem's already fat enough! As it is, I don't know how I'll ever squeeze his blubber into the wedding tux Daddy bought him! I can hear you, you know. Many people have abnormally large buttocks.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-26 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-26 Pub. Date: 2009-07-26
Image Number: 36433
Caption: You're right, Mr. Brown. We sent you a misleading ad suggesting that if you'd consolidate all your debt onto our card, that would help lead to good credit. Then when your other creditors saw the large balance you put on our card, they thought you were a credit risk and lowered your credit limits. ... And since that was OUR FAULT, it's wrong for us to lower your credit limit just because other creditors lowered their limits. One second .. Ok, I've restored your high credit limit. Please accept our apologies. Wow, I didn't expect y-- Hey, Big L ... Here's all the money you ever loaned me since we was kids. With interest. NOOOOOOO!!!!
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-09-11 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-09-14 Pub. Date: 2006-09-11
Image Number: 14635
Caption: You're so skinny they threw you up in the air an' you didn't get stuck! You're so skinny that your belly button doesn't make an echo. You're so skinny that your cereal bowl doesn't come with a lifeguard. You're so skinny that your neck doesn't look like a pack of hot dogs. The obesity epidemic is getting out of control. You're so skinny that you didn't have to get baptised at Sea World. Waaaah!!!
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-07-09 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-07-19 Pub. Date: 2006-07-09
Image Number: 14169
Caption: Yo, can you move down a couple seats, bruh? I got a large party here, dawg. Thanks, son. It's hot as a @#$% out there, you feel me? Who are they? Oh, they're my homeboys from outta state. The GOP buses them in before elections every couple years to distract voters from important issues. Some people. Gay marriage. Spanish-speakers. Flag burning. For a few months, our leaders pretend they're the most dangerous problems in the world -- more urgent that terrorism, war, gas prices, healthcare, etc.... Once the election's over, they go home. It's seasonal work. Que? got a light?
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-01-02 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-01-03 Pub. Date: 2006-01-02
Image Number: 12644
Caption: Dear Churchgoers, Are you aware that secularists recently tried to remove Jesus from New Year's celebrations? In fact, they have done their best to convince us that Jesus was never a part of New Year's celebrations in the first place. The next time someone tells you "Happy New Year," remind them that the phrase has always been "Happy New Savior..." and send in you large donation to help us fight for New Year Jesus. Sincerely, Rev. Wilfred W. Wilfred
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2005-12-16 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2005-12-20 Pub. Date: 2005-12-16
Image Number: 12535
Caption: A local man claimed a $1000 reward for finding President Bush who, after sealing himself inside a large plastic bubble to avoid bad news and tough questions, was accidentally jettisoned from Air Force One. That ***** came rollin' down the street an' I was like, "Dag, lookit 'im go!" An' he as all "Wee, look at me go!" An' I was like "Oh, @#$%, lookit 'im go..." Why do reporters always interview the dumbest person around?
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2005-12-19 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2005-12-20 Pub. Date: 2005-12-19
Image Number: 12538
Caption: Dear churchgoer, did you know that leftist groups are ATTACKING CHRISTMAS? To help me fight for the Baby Jesus, send in your large donation now. We are so getting rich. Sincerely, Rev. Wilfred W. Wilfred. When I say "Write down everything I say," I don't mean everything. Sorry, Reverend.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2005-12-15 large 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2005-12-19 Pub. Date: 2005-12-15
Image Number: 12487
Caption: Breaking news! Air Force One's cargo bay door has malfunctioned, decompressing in mid-air. The President who was secluded himself in a large plastic bubble to avoid hearing bad news, was accidentally jettisoned at 30,000 feet with the luggage. Authorities have temporarily lost track of Bush's bubble.
     
Result page:    2  Next  (23 images)