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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-09 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-09 Pub. Date: 2018-01-09
Image Number: 167090
Caption: … So then I told him "You've begged me to untie you no less than fifteen times already. I'm sick of it." Pardon me. Couldn't help but overhear. It's actually "fewer," not "less." "Fewer" is for things you count. "Less" is for things you don't count. How'd you like to have fewer days ahead of you? Yes, yes. Much better.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-03 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-03 Pub. Date: 2018-01-03
Image Number: 166781
Caption: Behold, for I am come unto you, who will deliver my New Laws … Clyde. Clyde! Keep it down. Come no closer. Take off they shades, for the place where you lie is holy ground. You sure that ain't "lay," bruh? I … I do not think so. I am pretty sure it is "lie." Why don't you double-check that an' get back to me 'round noon. One "layeth" down a book. One "lieth" in the be ... this is not the point.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-23 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-23 Pub. Date: 2017-11-23
Image Number: 165150
Caption: All right, Sherry, let's meet up after and I'll help you bury it. Pardon me … couldn't help but overhear … It's unnecessary to add "up" after "meet." … And it's as strange as saying "let's dance up," or "let's sleep up." For that matter, what's with people who say "eat up"? Are you trying to catch a beat-down? "Down"? See how arbitrary it is?
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-15 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-15 Pub. Date: 2017-11-15
Image Number: 164872
Caption: So … Lemont … where's that "Vancouver"? For a "girlfriend," she sure isn't around much. She's on a big book tour. Her book's been translated into 23 languages, so her tour's taking her everywhere. You don't seem to like her much. That's you imagination. She's lovely. Oh. Well, anyway, that's why I don't see her much. Right now she's in Djibouti to start the Africa leg of her tour. (Sigh) That old excuse.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-23 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-23 Pub. Date: 2017-09-23
Image Number: 162853
Caption: If I promise to get you a new book tomorrow, will you go to sleep? Ith that a bwibe? Awe we cowooding? What do you mean "are we colluding?" Where did you hear language like that? Are you listening at my door while I'm watching the news again? You know you're not supposed to do that. If you'we impeached, do I become the new daddy? Go ... to ... sleep.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-26 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-26 Pub. Date: 2017-08-26
Image Number: 161805
Caption: I saw all them tweets you made this mornin' about how both sides need to come together … about how even though both sides have very different views of what our defining principles ought to be, we should respect each other. I was almost with you right till the last tweet, which don't make no sense, bruh. #startrekdiscovery fans + #oldschooltrek fans, stop the madness! is pretty self-explanatory, Clyde. What language is you even speaking?
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-16 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-16 Pub. Date: 2017-02-16
Image Number: 154535
Caption: You'we gwounded, daddy. Why? You thed a cuth wowd. I did not say a cuss word. Yeth you did! You thed censored I can't believe I owe five censored thouthand dollarth! What did daddy tell you about listening at his door when He's doing his taxes? You're grounded.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-04 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-04 Pub. Date: 2016-10-04
Image Number: 149307
Caption: 1982. Do you ever get claustrophobic, Lemont? What's "claustrophobic"? I think it's the fear of tight spaces. It's why mama won't fly, or ride the bus, or ride in a car. She walks everywhere. That makes no sense. That should be "tight-space-a-phobic." Claustrophobic should mean something else, like a fear of bear claws. Or a fear of Santa Claus. We should make up our own language. What kind of word is "language?" It should be "talkuage."
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-16 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-16 Pub. Date: 2016-09-16
Image Number: 148483
Caption: I've been in long-distance relationships too, so I know how you feel. The fear that they aren't as into you as you're into them, but you're too far away to pick up on the body language. The near certainty that while you're hundreds of miles away, someone else has got their hands all over them. I hadn't really thought about any of that. Thanks a lot. You're welcome. Bus. 7 9 18 27 F 6
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-01 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-01 Pub. Date: 2016-08-01
Image Number: 146688
Caption: Hi! I'm a complete stranger! You obviously came up here to enjoy the view in solitude. But I'm gonna stand right next to you as if I've never even heard of the concept of "personal space." I'm gonna avoid eye contact in hopes you'll go away. Good thing I can't pick up on body language.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-04 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-04 Pub. Date: 2016-06-04
Image Number: 143923
Caption: Have fun, Sherry! When you're done, take the chainsaw back here to me. Pardon me … couldn’t help but overhear … What you really meant to say was "bring," not "take." "Take" would only be appropriate if you were NOT going to be here when she got back. I will bring you great pain and suffering. Perfect! (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-04-26).
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-17 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-17 Pub. Date: 2016-02-17
Image Number: 139236
Caption: When I was little, I used to dream about a past life. I totally believe that. I used to, too. I would often sing a strange song in my sleep. Papi recorded it one night and brought it to a linguist. He recognized it as the language Nahuatl. From my dreams and the song, we deduced that I was an ancient Aztec warrior, living on one of the islands of Tenochtitlan. Apparently I led some sort of insurrection against the Spanish. In my past life, I was a hedgehog.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-09 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-09 Pub. Date: 2016-02-09
Image Number: 138872
Caption: You ain't thanked me for watchin' your baby boy while you was on your date, Big L. Oh, I didn't? Maybe that's because I came home, he asked how my "booty call" went. Where would he learn such a phrase, Clyde? He's two! Most fellas woulda just turned on Sesame Street. I gave the boy vocabulary lessons. Not thanking you.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-06 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-06 Pub. Date: 2016-02-06
Image Number: 138597
Caption: Suppose two say "suppose to" like they're not supposed to … STOP THAT! (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-06-25).
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-30 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-30 Pub. Date: 2016-01-30
Image Number: 138300
Caption: The Double Date. So, my best friend says you're a writer, like him. No offense, but how do we know you're not just using him, hoping to get published on his blog? Sent. She's replying … I write a humpr column that runs in about 1800 papers in three labguages. I've written two New York Times best-sellwrs. They've been adqpted into a Broadway play, a movie, and a TV seriea on HPO ... Well her spelling is atrocious. Pretty sure they're typos. Your best frond is in good hands.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-19 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-19 Pub. Date: 2015-12-19
Image Number: 136535
Caption: … So he tried to sneak out a note that said "Please help me," but I caught him. Excuse me … I couldn't help but overhear. A note can't "say" anything. As awkward as it may sound, the correct word isn't "said," it's "read." What would you like your tombstone to read? Perfect!
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-12 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-12 Pub. Date: 2015-06-12
Image Number: 128071
Caption: You're awfully quiet Lemont. I was just thinking about thinking. We used to think we were the only species capable of abstract thought, not just instincts. Now we know that's not true. Koko the gorilla knows over 1,000 sign language gestures, elephants gather to reminisce at elephant funerals. We only thought we knew what we were thinking about thinking, but now we have to think again. Dios mio.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-24 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-24 Pub. Date: 2015-05-24
Image Number: 126824
Caption: Ya'll think we'd be where we is way back when we was kids? You mean "when we were kids, did you think we'd end up where we are now?" No, that sounds like you askin' about what we think right now. I'm askin' about what we thought then. No, you've got that completely backward. Don't you mean "backwards"? There's an "s" at the end. No there isn't, that's just a common misconception. Wait ... What? Somebody pregnant? Well this is pretty much where I thought you two would still be. I ain't the daddy. I was somewheres else. There's no "s" at the end of "somewhere."
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-22 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-22 Pub. Date: 2015-03-22
Image Number: 124022
Caption: Great news, Clyde. What? You know how people always blame irresponsible, absentee black fathers for everything from crimes to low self-esteem to sagging jeans? Well, that's a myth. A Pew study shows that black fathers who don't live with their kids see them more than white or latino fathers in similar circumstances. yes, but black fathers be more than twice as likely not to live in the house, bruh. So it still average out to less involvement overall when you do the math. (Sigh) ... Math giveth and math taketh away. What an "eth"? What? What?
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-23 language 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-23 Pub. Date: 2015-02-23
Image Number: 123396
Caption: So you're sayin' you fought off six dudes in the alley? No, for the fifth time, some girl at the bus stop beat the spit of me because I corrected her grammar. So you're sayin' you fought off six dudes in the alley? No, the sixth time, some. Work with me here! General Hospital. (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-01-11).
     
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