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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about justness.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-20 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-20 Pub. Date: 2018-07-20
Image Number: 172929
Caption: Wait, hold that thought. Guess what happened to me at work today, Lemont … Hey … I was just getting to the really strange part. I know. I just need a break to process what you've already told me. I'm starting to think that actually means I'd rather talk about me. Let me process that too.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-17 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-17 Pub. Date: 2018-07-17
Image Number: 172926
Caption: Are you saying you broke into the refugee prison to get that story, Lemont? No, I'm notsaying that. Oh. Ok … Wait, are you not saying that, or are you notsaying that, as if notsaying is one word? I'm notsaying either one. Lemont. Come one. Nobody's listening. it's just you and me, here. (Sigh) Never mind. Just tell me in your own words how you got the story. Ok. I'm notsaying it didn't happen this way, but ...
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-15 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-15 Pub. Date: 2018-07-15
Image Number: 172919
Caption: Hey, Rudy. How's it going? I'm not allowed to say. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. What? I failed to read the fine print. The boss pointed out to me that the contract I signed back in 2001 forbids me from chatting with the customers about non-coffee-or-food-related issues. Sub-addendum H specifically said that every time I'm caught talking about how it's going I have to pay the boss $5. So ... in other words you just told me how it's going. Loophole! That'll be $5.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-09 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-09 Pub. Date: 2018-07-09
Image Number: 172715
Caption: After the township of Canardville collapsed into a giant sinkhole, the Mayor of neighboring Candorville jailed the refugees in an internment camp. I can't believe it. We're not trending. No hashtags, no protests, no mentions on Youtube. NOTHING. Of course not. Don't you see, Rudy? They put babies in concentration camps. BABIES. People were outraged - for about three weeks. I've seen this sort of desensitization before. A country that gets over having baby-jails can tolerate just about anything. How do we know those babies were innocent?
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-07 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-07 Pub. Date: 2018-07-07
Image Number: 172692
Caption: 1982. Momma says she wants me to be the next Thurgood Marshall. So I asked who that is, and she said he desegregated the schools. And I asked what "desegregated" means, and she said "I'll tell you when you're older." It was at that point that I realized Momma was probably just making up words. What's a "Thurgood"? No, that one makes sense. What has a Thursday ever been bad?
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-01 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-01 Pub. Date: 2018-07-01
Image Number: 172353
Caption: I'm not happy. I think I married the wrong person. Dr. Noodle. But I can't leave. Leaving is too hard. I mean, we've got all the same friends. They'd hate me. And she's got complete control of the bank accounts. What would I do for money? But maybe I could just start all over. Who needs any of that stuff? There's a whole world out there. Maybe it's not too late to explore the world, wrestle and alligator, move to Jamaica, change my name, and meet the woman I was really meant to be with. Sometimes it actually is too late. Zzzzzzzz.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-30 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-30 Pub. Date: 2018-06-30
Image Number: 172492
Caption: Lemont interviews Apple CEO Tim Cook. Is it true Mr. Trump told you the iPhone would be exempt from any of his China tariffs? Ok, I found this on the Web for China Terrace. That's not what I'm asking you. Here is what I've found on Ascot the mime cannibal. Wait ... did you just transfer me to Siri? Let's talk about you and not me.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-29 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-29 Pub. Date: 2018-06-29
Image Number: 172491
Caption: Ms. Garcia, I just want to thank you for trusting me to handle the Ask Sadie Show account. I've been waiting for a chance to prove myself. When I opened your memo this morning, I got right to work on a ten-step action plan. I wasted no time. I promise I won't let you down. I sent you that memo last year, Courtney. Step one is to tell you I disagree with having Kevin Spacey do the voiceover.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-28 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-28 Pub. Date: 2018-06-28
Image Number: 172490
Caption: Yes, I do think you're too old to join the military, Lemont. Complete nonsense, Susan. I feel like I'm still 19. I'm still adventurous, I'm still agile, I'm still strong, I've still got lightning-fast reflexes … in theory … (Sigh) Trump and his stupid Space Force. I just worry I'll write down moon but end up stationed in San Diego anyway.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-27 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-27 Pub. Date: 2018-06-27
Image Number: 172489
Caption: It's tough to know where to draw the line, as a journalist. I mean, the city won't give me access to the refugee detention facility. So I did the usual … tried to interview people involved with it. I tried the guards … I tried the custodians … I tried the architect to see if I could fit into the air-ducts ... Pretty sure that's crossing a line. He said I could just barely shimmy through if I butter myself up.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-26 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-26 Pub. Date: 2018-06-26
Image Number: 172488
Caption: I said, I'm a reporter and I want to come down and interview refugees at the detention facility. I'm sorry, you're breaking up. What did you say? Are you stalling for time and hoping I'll give up and go away? 'Cause that' what it seems like you're doing. I can't ... hear y ... must b ... a bad c ... nection. You just paused a bunch of times. It was obvious. No it w ... not.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-20 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-20 Pub. Date: 2018-06-20
Image Number: 172356
Caption: No, thanks. I like to let my reporting speak for itself. I'd rather not come on your show. I wrote 4,000 words about how Kim Jong Un tricked the president into offering him everything he wanted in exchange for nothing. That should be enough. There's no reason for me to appear on CNN just to basically repeat it all ... No, I am not afraid of public speaking. Y'know ... grown people aren't supposed to make chicken noises.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-18 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-18 Pub. Date: 2018-06-18
Image Number: 172354
Caption: What ever happened with the Canardville refugees? What? I thought you were covering that story. I was. But at the last second I had to fly to Singapore to cover the summit between the President and North Korea's leader. You know they had a private meeting before the public one? Sometimes I can't believe this is my life, Susan. I was just the shy kid from the wrong side of the tracks. Now I'm the guy hiding in potted plants reporting on the secret meeting between two powerful leaders. Wait ... what? I never in a million years thought I'd be in Singapore.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-16 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-16 Pub. Date: 2018-06-16
Image Number: 172217
Caption: This just in: A massive sinkhole just opened across the bridge in a suburb of Candorville. The ent … Click. One structure was spared obliteration: A local café that had advertised that one of its muffins contained a free-gas-for-life card. The entire town was there ... Click. Candorville's mayor, Ronald Thump, has closed the bridge, preventing sinkhole refugees from reaching. Click ... Gilligaaaan, the Skipper tooo ... the millionaire ... mun mun mun -
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-14 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-14 Pub. Date: 2018-06-14
Image Number: 172215
Caption: Remember Rudy Park, my college roommate? He just tipped me off to breaking news. Some geological disaster across the bridge. Wow. You should totally go cover that. I'm glad you think so, 'cause it wouldn't really be responsible to take a 2-year-old to a geological disaster. Could you watch my boy for a few days? On second thought, that's a boring story. Nobody wants to hear about that. He's almost potty trained. Sorry, I have a ... work ... ish thing.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-13 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-13 Pub. Date: 2018-06-13
Image Number: 172214
Caption: Armstrong told me to get all our regulars to show up. What for, you miserable dork? Tap tap tap tap tap. I'm not supposed to tell people what a horrible calamity's about to strike. He said not to panic anyone if I care about them … Well played, cretin. I just texted what I told you to the guy who audited me.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-11 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-11 Pub. Date: 2018-06-11
Image Number: 172212
Caption: There's been lots of unexplained shaking and booming noises in the middle of the night - all over the world. Some thing earth's entered a part of space filled with meteors too big to burn up in our atmosphere. Others think governments are building a network of underground bases to save a select few from a coming apocalypse. A lot of people think the world's about to end, Susan. If it were anyone but you, I'd thinking this was a pickup line. For the first time in my life, all my favorite shows got renewed, and now this. It's just my luck.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-09 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-09 Pub. Date: 2018-06-09
Image Number: 172073
Caption: What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-03 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-03 Pub. Date: 2018-06-03
Image Number: 171757
Caption: What's wrong wit' you, Big L? Nothing makes sense anymore. In Star Trek, they almost never jump warp speed until they've left a star system. It takes light from the sun about eight minutes to reach earth. It takes 5.3 hours for that same sunlight to reach Pluto. And yet, it only takes the Enterprise one minute or so to leave a star system. Don't you see ... Every time they use their impulse drive to leave a star system they're still traveling faster than light. But they're not yet warping space. That means they should be affected by time dilation. For every second that passes for them, weeks or months should pass back on earth. Just like e'ry second of this conversation for you be like months for me. Exactly! Even you can understand that!
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-02 just 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-02 Pub. Date: 2018-06-02
Image Number: 171950
Caption: I laugh at those who deem it insane when a man talks to himself, Rosencrantz … for we do not perceive reality. Instead, reality is transmitted through our sensory nodes, converted into electrical impulses, and transmitted across our synapses … whereupon our brains piece the impulses together and form an approximation of reality. Don't you see? Every person I've ever spoken with has been just a voice inside my head. Whatever, Tyrone. It's till creepy when you sing yourself to sleep.
     
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