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Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons

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81. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2004-01-01 into 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2004-01-01 Pub. Date: 2004-01-01
Image Number: 92662
Caption: Slowpoke. The Cycle of Music. The song debuts. Run for cover, she's an earthquake lover! Hey, that's pretty catchy. Ö Is played at the gym between "Aqualung" and "Dude Looks Like A Lady." You'll know doom when she goes boon Ö Earthquake lover! Hm, THIS song again. ... Is featured somewhat incongruously in an suv commercial. Introducing the new Subaru Butteclimber! Earthquake lover! I guess they sold out. Appears on mail-order compilations advertised on TV at 2am. 12 Fantastic Lovin' Songs from J-TEL. Love Sandwich (on Rye.) Earthquake Lover. Funky Mammas (Don't Wear No Pajamas.) Hey Fine Lady (You Look Like Marcia Brady.) CALL NOW! 7-800-OLD-HITZ. ... Is made into cellphone music. Dee-dee-deedle-dee. Deedle-deet-deet-deedle-deedle-dee-dee. Dear God. After disappearing for many years, resurfaces in 2040 ad background music for hypertravel through intergalactic wormholes. She'll make you cower with her seismic power ... EARTHQUAKE LOVER! Is this ... ? NOOO!
     
82. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2004-01-01 into 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2004-01-01 Pub. Date: 2004-01-01
Image Number: 92663
Caption: Slowpoke. August 2001 - after receiving a warning about Al Qaeda's plans to attack the U.S., the President sprang into action with a series of preventive measures. Take THAT, Osama! Thwak! The Golf Ball Defense Shield. The President immediately set out to protect the Ridgewood Country Club in Waco, Texas by creating a zone of flying golf balls which could brain dangerous interlopers. Aggressive Brush-Clearing. By getting tough with the brush on his Crawford ranch, the President struck fear into the hearts of terrorists. Are you watching, evildoers? This COULD be your nappy beards! Rrrr. WHACK! Crackdown on Armadillos. The President deployed his Scottish terrier Barney to chase armadillos which, according to the White House, may have been Al Qaeda operatives. These armadillos hate freedom. Yap! And lastly, the ... Strategic Ass-Sitting Program. Yawn! I think it's time for operation Enduring Naptime.
     
83. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2004-01-01 into 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2004-01-01 Pub. Date: 2004-01-01
Image Number: 92664
Caption: Slowpoke. Hey, Republicans! Got your Bush-Cheney bumper sticker, but want to add your own personal touch? Bush-Cheney. Then check out our fabulous new line of right-wing swag! We've got a wide range of stickers Ö HONK if you donít read newspapers. Jesus live mercury poisoning. Tolerance: It's worth crushing. FREE KEN LAY. We pit the ERROR in fighting TERROR! BOOB on BOARD. Ignorance is Bliss. Want to outdo that neighbor with the Kerry sign in her yard? Get one of our giant illuminated billboards powered by its very own mini coal fired plant! With luck, all of the by-products will blow into her yard. Just like the northeastern U.S.! Bush Cheney. Or display our newest item: the all-American inflatable FREEDOM PIG! Make sure the entire neighborhood knows what you really stand for! Halliburton. Bechtel. Enron. Monsanto. Chevron.
     
84. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2003-01-01 into 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2003-01-01 Pub. Date: 2003-01-01
Image Number: 92655
Caption: Slowpoke. Crox News. Good evening, and welcome to Punditspew. I'm your host Foxy Chromelock. With me tonight is Democratic Congressman Dan Doormat, and Chairman of the Archaic Values Coalition Mr. Perkins. Hello. LIBERALS DIE! Gentlemen, let's begin with your thoughts on the economy. Well, it seems to me that it could be better ... Liberals are cloven-hoofed, piglet-sodomizing hellserpents in the great dragon's army of darkness. DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! Very interesting point, Mr. Perkins. Now Senator Doormat, What are you feelings on the situation in Iraq? Well, when I voted for the war, I didn't realize it would be so messy. As terrorist-fellating, grandmother-impaling spawn of Satan, the LIBERALS would plunge America into the stygian abyss of the DAMNED! Well put, Mr. Perkins. I understand you have a new book out, by the way. Yes, it's called SLANDERIOUS, TREASONOUS BETRAYAL. It's about Liberals. Um ... That's all the time we have. Stay tuned to Crox News, the "Just and Evenhanded" network! Crox News.
     
85. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2002-01-01 into 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2002-01-01 Pub. Date: 2002-01-01
Image Number: 92650
Caption: Slowpoke. Drooly Julie's Culture Corner. Ah, yes! It's that time of year again when a young woman's fancy turns to male undergrads' tawny, muscled thighs covered with a light dusting of man-fur! (Sigh) It puts me in such a poetic mood! 'Sup, bro? Abercrumbie Lacrosse. O college boy, thine leg hair is like a meadow of wild grasses through which I would cavort nakedly, leaving heart-shaped crop circles. Huwh? Are you, like, an English major? Actually, I have my PH.D. in hanky-pankypology. Old Gravy XL Athletics. Aye, behold the sturdy young scholar, with legs like golden Corinthian pillars! Would that I could snip some of your calf fuzz and weave it with others' into a giant tapestry. 'Twould be my homage to man's glorious ursine pelt! Momma warned me about girls like this! Gapp Tennis. Hey, what about me? I'm a cyclist, so I shave my legs. Ah, the sinewy, glabrous legs of bikers! Spandex swaddled, spring-loaded pistons ready for action! You can ride the Tour de Drooly anytime! Move over Bukowski!
     
86. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2002-01-01 into 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2002-01-01 Pub. Date: 2002-01-01
Image Number: 92651
Caption: Slowpoke. Our government is run by people who hate government. What if other professions operated this oxymoronically? All day long these whining, sniveling weaklings come to me asking for help. People donít need doctors - they should get well on their own! It's time to end "big medicine!" I hate business, so I'm plunging the company into bankruptcy as quickly as possible. "Starve the beast," as they say. CORPOBIZCO, Inc. We at Cloyota TM build out cars with just one wheel because we feel we shouldn't play too large a role in our customers' mobility. Committing a crime, I see. Lucky for you, I don't believe in law enforcement. In fact, I'm a safe-cracker myself. Carry on!
     
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