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Rudy Park

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101. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-10 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-10 Pub. Date: 2016-12-10
Image Number: 151824
Caption: I just edited your Wikipedia entry. And I don't give a wiki. Tap tap tap tap tap. You have now single-handedly proven that Mars had oceans 4.3 billion years ago … because the Mars Rover stumbled across a fossilized photo of you sunning yourself on a primordial Martian beach. Photos can't be fossilized, you ignoramus. They can once I'm done editing the Wikipedia entry for "photos."
     
102. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-30 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-30 Pub. Date: 2016-11-30
Image Number: 151570
Caption: I just bought a new Kindle Voyage. It's much better than my Kindle Paperwhite. Blasphemy, little buddy. A real man lugs around a paperback that he's milled from a fallen Redwood that he lifted off of a baby deer, before reuniting the fawn with its mother. I bought if off of Amazon. I didn't even use "one-click." I used the shopping cart and chose all the options manually. Almost as impressive. I keep it old-school.
     
103. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-01 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-01 Pub. Date: 2016-11-01
Image Number: 150484
Caption: I still can't believe what happened with "The Walking Dead," Randy. That death … I don't think I'll ever get over it. Characters become real to us, little buddy. They become old friends. So when they "die," it's natural to mourn them just as we mourn anyone. No, I mean I can't believe I forgot to post a reaction video on Youtube of me crying when the death happened. But at least I got to post a reaction video of me reacting to my not having posted a reaction video. I've lived too long.
     
104. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-16 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-16 Pub. Date: 2016-10-16
Image Number: 149159
Caption: I'm doing well in my latest Surveymonkey poll. I run polls on all my social media accounts every time I make an important decision. Like when I decide which socks to wear … which movie to stream … which cereal to eat … Today I chose "Lucky Charms." A solid choice. 49% of my followers felt that was proof of sound breakfast judgment. Wait ... doesn't that mean 51% thought it wasn't? Taking a poll is science. Reporting the results is an art. A whopping 32% felt that my sticking with an un-PC breakfast choice showed I was bold enough to be president. You just ate what everyone wished they could eat.
     
105. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-14 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-14 Pub. Date: 2016-10-14
Image Number: 149625
Caption: Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.
     
106. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-09 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-09 Pub. Date: 2016-10-09
Image Number: 148888
Caption: What can I get you? An explanation for why we haven't gone back to the moon. Would you like the rational explanation or the Youtube explanation? Rational would be lovely, please. Ok. We never went back to the moon because there was no reason to. The whole point of Apollo was to reassure the free world that we could beat the Soviet Union. Mission accomplished. Oh ... that's it? Well, that's rather bland. Could I exchange that for the Youtube explanation? The lizard-men who live on the film set where we faked the landing asked us not to come back ... because they don't want us to realize the moon is actually a hollow spaceship they've projected onto the dome that covers our flat earth. Ooh, that's much more exciting.
     
107. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-03 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-03 Pub. Date: 2016-10-03
Image Number: 149318
Caption: Did you see the presidential debate, boss? Did I! The entire township's satellite, cable lines, and internet mysteriously went down … except for in this café. We were packed with hundreds of debate-watchers who had nowhere else to go. I set up outdoor projectors for the hungry and thirsty overflow crowd. Does this have anything to do with why you sent me up into the mountains to cut some wires? Who knows?
     
108. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-02 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-02 Pub. Date: 2016-10-02
Image Number: 148594
Caption: Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen in: "The Difference Between Us". You're all half a century younger than me … which makes me so very aflutter with glee. YOU think a smartphone makes you a big champ … but I saw Muhammad Ali. You think reading tweets lets you know somebody ... but each letter I read was caressed and indented and scented and carried the essence of whoever sent it. I'm trying to wake you from a "life" that's too thin! ... or, barring that, break you. Either way, win-win. Can you repeat that? I was watching Youtube. What's a "letter"?
     
109. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-16 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-16 Pub. Date: 2016-09-16
Image Number: 148489
Caption: I've founded my own religion. Of course you have, Rudy. It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths. If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted. What are the central tenets of your religion? A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation.
     
110. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-16 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-16 Pub. Date: 2016-08-16
Image Number: 147398
Caption: I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."
     
111. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-21 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-21 Pub. Date: 2016-07-21
Image Number: 146154
Caption: What are you doing, little buddy? Practicing my hate-face. It's a mixture of disgust, snarkiness, and confusion. When I wear it, it protects me from liking something that the internet has chosen to hate. DC's got a new movie coming out: Suicide Squad. I don't want to be caught unprepared, like I was with Batman V Superman. You loved that film. Yes, but I repented.
     
112. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-20 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-20 Pub. Date: 2016-07-20
Image Number: 146153
Caption: I saw your "free wi-fi" sign. Yes, it's free for customers. False advertising! If I have to buy something, it's not free! Ok. The password is "buysomethingorgetout." Is that upper-case or lower?
     
113. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-14 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-14 Pub. Date: 2016-07-14
Image Number: 145831
Caption: Attention all parents of small toddlers … There's a brand new Youtube channel you'll definitely want to show your kids. It features funny reviews of toys, video games and apps. It stars a handsome, charming man dressed in huge glasses, a big floppy hat, and a bright yellow tuxedo. No self-promotion in my cafe unless I get a 98% cut. I am totally not unaffiliated with this brilliant performer.
     
114. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-11 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-11 Pub. Date: 2016-06-11
Image Number: 144242
Caption: I'll admit, yesterday I was off my game. I made a rookie mistake and you bested me, nemesis. But I'll take comfort in the fact that the internet has ruined your ability to convert short-term memories into long-term ones. Today's Special Latte + 1hr web $12.50. You won't recall minute details of your day ... All you'll remember are the parts that stick out most, such as me yelling ... you're such a loser! Joke's on you, I won't even remember that.
     
115. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-01 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-01 Pub. Date: 2016-06-01
Image Number: 143938
Caption: Donald Trump's dredging up 1990s conspiracy theories about Bill Clinton. Hillary Clinton's saying if we elect her, she might get the government to tell us the truth about aliens. It's a tough decision. I'd like to know once and for all whether Vince Foster knew too much ... but on the other hand, it might be useful to know for sure whether the lizard people from Alpha Draconis really are running Congress. Your internet privileges are hereby revoked.
     
116. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-30 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-30 Pub. Date: 2016-05-30
Image Number: 143936
Caption: How's it going in there, little buddy? There's a line of unhappy-looking people behind me. Just give me 20 more minutes, Randy. They've taken up a petition. 36 people are demanding you find someplace else to check your Facebook. Can't anyone be left along anywhere anymore?! I had no idea so many people own pitchforks. Go away!
     
117. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-09 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-09 Pub. Date: 2016-05-09
Image Number: 143039
Caption: I bet you've filled your head with so many tweets and Instagrams that you've crowded out all your actual memories of your own life. Nonsense. I remember way back, all the way to … well let's see … oh, I've got it … My earliest memory was opening an America Online cd, putting it in our old PC, and seeing that symbol. You do realize that was the 1990s don't you? You must have already been in your teens. You are a very sick generation! I get misty-eyed when I think back to "you've got mail!"
     
118. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-04 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-04 Pub. Date: 2016-05-04
Image Number: 142738
Caption: Don't you hate it when you meet a woman, there's chemistry, things are going great … and then just a few wrong words wreck it all? I met this amazing woman. It was love at first sight … That's when she asked me if there was any place nearby where we could grab a drink. Wait ... you're saying SHE ruined it? I just can't be with someone who's not smart enough to Google things for herself.
     
119. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-01 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-01 Pub. Date: 2016-05-01
Image Number: 141911
Caption: Can I use your wi-fi? Of course. Did you buy something? In a manner of speaking. I bought a Snickers bar last month at the 7-11 over in Candorville. So I'm basically a paying customer. I'm not following. My money went to pay the clerk's salary. A few days later, that clerk bought a magazine at a newsstand. The proprietor of the newsstand later used that money when he went to a massage parlor. He tipped the masseuse $65. The masseuse later took a bus to our town, where she bought a latter in this very establishment. I'm a customer thrice-removed. Ok. The password is "password."
     
120. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-03-27 internet 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-03-27 Pub. Date: 2016-03-27
Image Number: 140308
Caption: To tweet, or not to tweet - that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the snark and the venomous replies of anonymous jerks … or to take arms against the sea of haters, and by Googling links that prove them wrong, end them. To stop updating, to pause - to pause - perchance to browse the tweets of others ... Ay, there's the rub, for in that browsing state what dreams may come when we have re'lized others are wittier than we. But that the dread of something after tweeting, the undiscovered country, from whose bourn no burned-out Twitter-pundit returns, puzzles the will, and does make anonymous haters of us all. Thus 'tis better to never stop tweeting, and never to read the tweets of others.
     
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