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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-19 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-19 Pub. Date: 2017-10-19
Image Number: 163918
Caption: Randy, I heard you're making a killing from your Youtube channel. How can a guy get in on that action? Simple … Just sit down in front of a camera and talk from the heart about something you're passionate about. Just be a genuine human being. People are drawn to that. I see, I see. Just one thing: What if the phrase "genuine human being" makes a guy break out in hives? Plan B: Find out what people are googling and pretend to be an expert on the highest-ranked search term. No we're talking.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-15 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-15 Pub. Date: 2017-10-15
Image Number: 163200
Caption: You look tired, Rudy. Nah, I'm actually not tired. Why don't you go take a break. I'll man the counter for you. That's ok, Uncle Mort. Look at those bags beneath your eyes. And … are those wrinkles I see there? Did you know you age faster if you don't sleep? I'm on to you, Uncle Mort. You want me to step away so you can fix yourself an Espresso. Your doctors said no caffeine. You sound paranoid, Rudy. You're seeing duplicity everywhere. That's a symptom of sleep deprivation. I'm just thinking about your well-being. You're getting very very tired!!! Nice try, Uncle Mort.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-12 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-12 Pub. Date: 2017-10-12
Image Number: 163643
Caption: All right, you may tell me about your internet startup idea. It's revolutionary. You know how the only way to tell if you stink is to sniff your armpit? Continue … and you know how embarrassing it is when people you know catch you sniffing your own armpit? Continue ... and you know how apps like "Uber" let you summon total strangers to drive by and provide you a service? Stop right there.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-11 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-11 Pub. Date: 2017-10-11
Image Number: 163642
Caption: Today's alpha-lesson is called "Always Jujutsu the Suspense." If someone says "I've got a great idea" and then pauses to create suspense, that's a power-move. They want you to beg them to continue. The alpha counter-move in this case is simple. Use the suspense-monger's suspense against them: say absolutely nothing.* *This move should never ever be applied in the boudoir.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-10 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-10 Pub. Date: 2017-10-10
Image Number: 163641
Caption: I have an idea for a new internet startup. What is it? I can't tell you. Someone may overhear. It's such a good idea, someone's bound to steal it if I tell even a single soul You're supposed to beg to hear it. You're not begging. You had your chance.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-09 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-09 Pub. Date: 2017-10-09
Image Number: 163640
Caption: Boss, remember when you said you'd consider giving me a raise if I were to show initiative? No. I used the café's line of credit to buy ads on a national broadcast. You did what? If the ad increases business, do I get a raise? Maybe. What channel's it on? Fox? NBC? Today's "Ask Sadie Radio Show" is brought to you by the worst excuse for a cafe in America.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-28 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-28 Pub. Date: 2017-09-28
Image Number: 163106
Caption: I really hope Medicare for all passes, little buddy. If it passes, no one will be forced to stay in a bad marriage just for the health insurance. There'll be million of men re-entering the dating scene. The competition will help me keep my skills honed. Of course, all the extra women on the scene might negate the challenge ... Maybe I should give this more thought. I'm worried that if it passes, I'll be able to get checked, and they'll remove my pulsating mole. Throbby? But you love Throbby.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-22 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-22 Pub. Date: 2017-09-22
Image Number: 162864
Caption: Seriously, boss? I'm no longer allowed to talk about astronomy at work? Why? It's just bad for business. What if I want to get a huge merger approved so I could finally achieve my lifelong dream of having a monopoly of my very own? The government's not exactly science-friendly these days. I don't want them throwing up roadblocks just because my minion aid something that pressed their buttons. Did you know Venus is a dead world because of global warming? Stop that.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-20 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-20 Pub. Date: 2017-09-20
Image Number: 162862
Caption: Sadie, they say the Andromeda galaxy's on a collision course with outs, and it's a lot closer than it was when earth was first created. So what, dorkboy? Is that true? You're the perfect person to ask if it's really gotten closer. Was it even big enough to see in the sky, back in the hadean eon when you were a kid? You should've said "Jurassic era." Nobody know what "hadean eon" is. I give that sad attempt a 2 out of 5. Had they already invented 2 and 5 when you were a kid?
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-07 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-07 Pub. Date: 2017-09-07
Image Number: 162351
Caption: Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-02 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-02 Pub. Date: 2017-09-02
Image Number: 162104
Caption: Our secret midlife crisis fling is still on track for June of 2018. Almost. Almost? That's right. You're not exactly doing your part. Where are the tattoos I designed for you? Where are the six-pack abs? If you'd been following the meal and workout plan I sent you, you'd have six-pack abs by now. you were serious about -- Have you even started the Rosetta Stone French lessons I gifted you? The pillow talk is supposed to be in French. Can't we just use Google translate? Beep beep. Unacceptable. Don't be the weak link on the committee, Rudy.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-01 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-01 Pub. Date: 2017-09-01
Image Number: 162103
Caption: Why do you keep asking people if they've ever sued anyone for libel? Well, someone libeled me. I'm a Starfleet captain in "Star Trek Online." Someone playing a Ferengi merchant had that Ferengi call my captain "incompetent." right in front of my whole crew. My whole crew quit. My captain went into a downward shame-spiral. He started drinking, stopped shaving, and now he's captaining a garbage scow out of Sherman's planet. Suing a fake person's real person for defaming a real person's fake person. You just might make legal history. My captain hired a lawyer, but I'm not sure the lawyer is being played by a lawyer.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-31 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-31 Pub. Date: 2017-08-31
Image Number: 162102
Caption: Hey Darlene, have you ever sued anyone for libel? Not yet. But it is on my bucket list. I've scheduled if for January 19th, 2032. Right after "visit Machu Picchu" and right before "renovate and flip a house." I firmly believe in planning ahead. I've got everything mapped out. Go ahead, try me. March 1st, 2075. Reincarnate as a level-24 mature soul.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-27 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-27 Pub. Date: 2017-08-27
Image Number: 161424
Caption: Excuse me, sir, if it's not too much trouble … Hi, Democrats. What can I get you? Coffee Sandwiches? An explanation. We introduced our bold new plan last month: "A Better Deal," but the progressives still aren't impressed. What more could they ask for? We focus-group tested the heck out of the slogan. It was the least objectionable and least un-inspiring of the bunch! It evokes FDR's "New Deal" and LBJ's "Fair Deal" without over-promising. We don't want to risk over-promising. It even sounded progressive! We mentioned tax credits to retrains workers, a $15 minimum wage (eventually), regulating prescription drug prices, and busting monopolies, maybe. We even said we'd think about forming a committee to consider considering sing-payer health care, among many other more corporate-donor-friendly options that aren't single-payer. And we introduced it with an editorial vowing not to expand government or move our party in one direction or another along the political spectrum. Bold! So why didn't that fire up the progressive base? ... Hello?
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-26 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-26 Pub. Date: 2017-08-26
Image Number: 161811
Caption: Hey boss, it's almost closing time. Mind if I knock off early? I do indeed, minion. It's a slippery slope. If I let you off ten minutes early. The next thing you'd know, you'll be asking for eleven free minutes. And the next thing you'd know, yadda yadda yadda, the courts would be forcing me to pay for your third cousin's foreign-born nanny's uncle's appendectomy. You should really cut down on making these slippery slope arguments. If I did that, the next thing you'd know, the courts would be forcing me to buy everyone a turtle.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-24 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-24 Pub. Date: 2017-08-24
Image Number: 161809
Caption: Uncle Mort, you fought in Korea, right? You think that war will start up again? Not if I can help it. It was the morning of July 27, nineteen hundred and fifty-three. I was pinned down on Pork Chop Hill. My bazooka had run out of ammo. All I could find to load into it was a stuffed panda bear. I loaded it and fired that bear into the maw of the enemy. It struck one of them atop the noggin. Moments later, the armistice was signed. Every July 27th, I awaken at dawn and chuck that same panda at the first person I see ... and the armistice holds. You're welcome, America.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-23 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-23 Pub. Date: 2017-08-23
Image Number: 161808
Caption: Boss? Why'd a truck just deliver fifty boxes of kimchi to the café? It's just good business, minion. Did you know that before he was president, Donald Trump was known for failing at least as often as he succeeded? Six bankruptcies … Trump Airline … Trump Steaks ... Who else could manage to bankrupt a casino in Atlantic City? You never know if he's going to turn a winning situation into a total flop. Odds are 50/50 we'll see North Korean tanks rolling into town any day now, and you can bet they'll be manned by hungry troops. Opportunist!
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-22 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-22 Pub. Date: 2017-08-22
Image Number: 161807
Caption: Charlottesville changed everything, Randy. How so, little buddy? It's totally changed how I argue with people online. For the last few years, insults like "beta" and "cuck" and "SJW" and "virtue-signaller" were trending, so I used them all the time. But I just read that racists just like those who rallied in Charlottesville are the ones who invented those terms to control discourse and make opposing bigotry seem lame. It's going to be a lot harder to win debates without making cogent arguments if I can't use those terms anymore. We all have to make sacrifices.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-17 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-17 Pub. Date: 2017-08-17
Image Number: 161546
Caption: A few years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie Show, our resident octogenarian* asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. *(give or take a decade). Dear Sadie, You could try taking a trip to the Sahara Desert. Not only would it be an adventure, but you'd be the perfect person to catalog all the changes it's undergone. After all, you're probably the last person alive who remembers it when it was still a lush, ancient swamp. Happy Crisis, Anderson W. Stockton, CA. If you'd like, I could show you what it felt like when the tectonic plates collided. Advise Sadie at asksadieshow@gmail.com
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-14 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-14 Pub. Date: 2017-08-14
Image Number: 161543
Caption: If there were one place on earth you'd never visit, where would that be, Randy? Easy: That would be McMurdo Station, Antarctica, little buddy. Nothing encourages hot snuggling more than being marooned in an icy wasteland. That would be a total waste of my skills of seduction. No challenge. I'd never visit the Mariana Trench. People don't live anywhere near there, and it's the deepest spot in the ocean ... so there'd be no wifi and not even satellite internet could reach it. We should have our own travel show.
     
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