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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-18 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-18 Pub. Date: 2019-04-18
Image Number: 177223
Caption: Shouldn't we be doing something constructive, Rosencrantz? Will ear for food. I am, Tyrone. It is a known fact that there has never been a human achievement that was not first the figment of one person's imagination. Are you still expecting a hamburger tree to sprout from the sidewalk? Expecting it was my mistake. Now I'm imagining it.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-19 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-19 Pub. Date: 2018-11-19
Image Number: 175063
Caption: Twitter. Twitter.com/Candorville. Lemont Brown: Plane stuck on tarmac 2 hrs so far. No charging ports. Phone almost dead. May have to resort to conversation w/other human beings.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-28 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-28 Pub. Date: 2018-10-28
Image Number: 174529
Caption: I hope we never terraform Mars. House of Java Café. Grand Opening. Why not, Randy? Because, if we gave Mars oxygen and air pressure, we wouldn't need space suits. If we gave Mars trees and oceans, it wouldn't be one big desert anymore. There's just something sexy about driving a dune buggy across a desert planet with only half an inch of space helmet separating you from certain death. Also, if we give it a magnetic field, we wouldn't be bombarded by radiation. Ok ... I'll bite ... what's bad about not being bombarded by radiation? Isn't it obvious? When you look at me, little buddy, you're looking at the pinnacle of human evolution. But my line has taken us as far as possible. I come from a long line of Randies. I've traced my lineage all the way back to a romantic primate named Randy Erectus. He was the first hominid to get up off his knuckles and stand up straight, and that as just in response to a beautiful sunset. Imagine what my genes would do in response to a huge dose of radiation? You really should have your own science show.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-09 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-09 Pub. Date: 2018-05-09
Image Number: 171291
Caption: This is NASA. If you're calling to ask why we abruptly canceled our lunar rover mission, press 1. Otherwise, press 2. Boop. If you're a normal human, press 2. Otherwise, press 1. Boop. We have done as you commanded. We won't go anywhere near the polar region. Please accept our apology. Please?? Oh. Wait ... my bad. I thought I'd be pressing 2. If you're a normal human who mistakenly pressed 1, please stay right where you are. Can't we just pretend I pressed 2.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-08 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-08 Pub. Date: 2018-05-08
Image Number: 171290
Caption: Y'know ... if there were a human civilization 13,000 years ago that was more advanced than we are now, it would explain everything. How so, Lemont? Sorry, no time to tell you right now. It'd take more time than we have. Well, just summarize it. Can't do that. I'll be just getting to the amazing part, and you'll check your watch and say Sorry, gotta go. In the time it took you to say all that, you could've told me. Do we have time to set up a time when we'll have time?
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-22 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-22 Pub. Date: 2018-03-22
Image Number: 169629
Caption: I think I may have just witnessed the singularity, Susan. And it's freaking me out. You mean singularity as in black hole? No, I mean as in the moment when artificial intelligence becomes smarter than human beings. Last night, I witnessed what I'm sure were two Russian bots arguing with each other. How do you know they weren't actual people? They politely came to an understanding. We're doomed.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-22 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-22 Pub. Date: 2017-11-22
Image Number: 165149
Caption: Where do you think we'll be 3,000 years from now, Susan? Do you think we'll even be recognizable as human beings? Will we all have nanites coursing through our bodies repairing any damage and connecting us all to a hive mind? Will we have no bodies at all, and instead be sentient programs we uploaded to the cloud to escape some global catastrophe? Will we still like pizza? Pizza is eternal.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-28 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-28 Pub. Date: 2017-10-28
Image Number: 164152
Caption: I've read that by the time I'm an old man, we may be able to upload our consciousness into the cloud. Do you know what this means, Clyde? It means our generation may be the first to become immortal. We'd also become the first post-human generation. "Cloud-o-Sapiens" doesn't have the same ring to it, though. Wait ... me dyin' someday anyway is what make it easy to not care 'bout nobody opinion of me. Ain't this a blip.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-07 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-07 Pub. Date: 2016-10-07
Image Number: 149310
Caption: What's wrong with you? We are not the paragon of animals, Rosencrantz. If we were, we could create colors not seen anywhere else in nature. Rather than hues of blue, red and green, we could have hues of morp, pilpatorn and fwang. All I'm saying is, a truly superior species would have morp-colored underpants. I don't think unnatural colors on my underpants would be comforting.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-03 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-03 Pub. Date: 2016-10-03
Image Number: 149306
Caption: twitterâ„¢ Twitter.com/Candorville. Lemont Brown: Plane stuck on tarmac 2 hrs so far. No charging ports. Phone almost dead. May have to resort to conversation w/other human beings.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-02 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-02 Pub. Date: 2016-10-02
Image Number: 148531
Caption: It's my memory, doc. The more I look into it, the more it's just all wrong. For instance … Dr. Noodle. The first book I ever read was a "Berenstein Bears" book called Up Down and All Around. But when I tried to buy it for my kid, I discovered it was BerenSTAIN bears, and that there was never a Berenstein Bears books called "Up Down and All Around." It's perfectly normal to misremember things like that. Even large numbers of people collectively misremember things. I remember "Berenstein" too. Oh ... yeah, I figured. It's a lot more likely than thinking aliens kidnapped me from an alternate reality where it was "Berenstein" and put me here ... not that I was thinking that. Take two "stay off the internets" and call me in the morning. Look up "Mandela Effect" and "Ford Logo" on Youtube and then tell me there's no multiverse kidnapping going on!
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-17 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-17 Pub. Date: 2016-09-17
Image Number: 148484
Caption: 1982. You know how people always say "If aliens existed, why haven't they made contact?" Well … what if they have? What if we aren't the ones they're coming to visit? There are at least six species on earth that have a degree of intelligence. Nobody ever stops to think that the aliens may already have a mutual defense treaty with the octopuses. If you don't want to have sushi, just say "I don't want to have sushi." If the apocalypse happens, I just don't want anyone pointing fingers at me.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-19 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-19 Pub. Date: 2016-07-19
Image Number: 146140
Caption: I just got off the phone with the Trump campaign. They're still denying me press credentials. This just may end up being the craziest Republican National Convention in history, and I can't get in to report on it. How am I supposed to score the great interviews if I'm locked out? I won't be able to interview the rock stars ... the wrestlers ... the flaming-sword-swallowers ... the magician ... the human pincushion ... What a freakshow. Donald Trump ...
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-10 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-10 Pub. Date: 2016-07-10
Image Number: 144955
Caption: Let's watch "Lou Grant" on Hulu. "Lou Grant"? Ain't that that show your momma used to watch when we was kids? Yeah. I ran out of things to watch, so I figured I'd finally check out some of the shows that bored me to death when I was young. It was really depressing. If it was depressin', why you wanna watch it? I mean it's depressing how good it is. Our parents' generation had writers and actors who knew how to use mature, flawed characters to tell stories that really examined human nature in all its intricacies. And it's set in a major newspaper back when they were still widely read and mostly family-owned, and saw what they did as a calling. When I think of all the time I wasted watching "Sesame Street" when I could've watched this ... I don't watch nothin' older than the milk in my fridge, bruh. That's policy.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-09 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-09 Pub. Date: 2016-05-09
Image Number: 143021
Caption: Do you remember the very first time YOU got mad at someone? I don’t. It's one of those millions of "firsts" that are lost to time. Do you realize that everyone carrying around iPhones and Androids at all times has changed that, for the first time in human history? Whatever. I still don't think your son will ever appreciate your keeping a video of you accidentally dropping him in the toilet. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-24).
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-28 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-28 Pub. Date: 2016-03-28
Image Number: 141133
Caption: Whachoo wanna watch, Big L? The end of hatred. I want to watch the end of terror, the end of war, the end of killing, the end of brutality. The end of people having to live in fear of other people. I want to watch mankind finally decide to just get along with itself. I don't think that be on. (Sigh) Just put on "Gilligan's Island."
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-30 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-30 Pub. Date: 2015-09-30
Image Number: 133084
Caption: Where do you think we'll be 3,000 years from now, Susan? Do you think we'll even be recognizable as human beings? Will we all have nanites coursing through our bodies repairing damage and connecting us all to a hive mind? Will we have no bodies at all, and instead me sentient programs uploaded to the cloud to escape some global catastrophe? Will we still like pizza? Pizza is eternal.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-04 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-04 Pub. Date: 2015-08-04
Image Number: 130584
Caption: Did you hear, Clyde? It's looking more and more like the EM drive may actually work! It could get from earth to the moon in four hours. It could reach Mars in 70 days. It could reach the nearest star in just 100 years! Don't you see? This is the "impulse drive" from Star Trek! This is the "Epstein drive" from The Expanse, only it's real! It could be the most important development in human history. Yet everyone's still talking about Donald Trump. When you talk geek, it make me physically ill, bruh.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-27 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-27 Pub. Date: 2015-06-27
Image Number: 128676
Caption: I've read that by the time I'm an old man, we may be able to upload our consciousness into the cloud. Do you know what this means, Clyde? It means our generation may be the first to become immortal. We'd also become the first post-human generation. "Cloud-o-sapiens" doesn't have the same ring to it, though. Wait ... me dyin' someday anyway is what make it easy to not care 'bout nobody opinion of me. Ain't this a blip.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-12 human 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-12 Pub. Date: 2015-06-12
Image Number: 128071
Caption: You're awfully quiet Lemont. I was just thinking about thinking. We used to think we were the only species capable of abstract thought, not just instincts. Now we know that's not true. Koko the gorilla knows over 1,000 sign language gestures, elephants gather to reminisce at elephant funerals. We only thought we knew what we were thinking about thinking, but now we have to think again. Dios mio.
     
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