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Rudy Park

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21. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-13 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-13 Pub. Date: 2018-06-13
Image Number: 172242
Caption: Armstrong told me to get all our regulars to show up. What for, you miserable dork? Tap tap tap tap tap. I'm not supposed to tell people what a horrible calamity's about to strike. He said not to panic anyone if I care about them … Well played, cretin. I just texted what I told you to the guy who audited me.
     
22. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-25 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-25 Pub. Date: 2018-05-25
Image Number: 171810
Caption: What was Rudy like as a child, Mort? He was a very adventurous young man. Every time I visited, he would tell me about his exploits. About how he climbed mountains with some other child named Q-Bert … He's tell me about how he'd spend hours and hours collecting coins with his friends Mario and Luigi ... Who just put the Joker back in Arkham Asylum? This guy!! I don't know what that means, but it sounds very strenuous.
     
23. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-04 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-04 Pub. Date: 2018-05-04
Image Number: 171062
Caption: Hey little buddy, the pizza delivery guy's out there in the café looking for you. I told him where I was … please … please tell me you didn't order a pizza and tell them to deliver it to the men's room. Please tell me that. The bathroom is not a sanctuary. Ask him how badly he wants his tip.
     
24. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-14 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-14 Pub. Date: 2018-04-14
Image Number: 170361
Caption: Long time no see, Darlene. That was by design. I've booked you under mad, passionate midlife crisis fling with a guy my family and friends would disapprove of. That's scheduled for March 2019 - February 2020. But if you say anything dumb between now and then that renders you unattractive, I'll have to replace you. It'd be tough to vet a sub at this late a date. I don't know the meaning of the word dumb ... tough, but not impossible.
     
25. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-04 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-04 Pub. Date: 2018-02-04
Image Number: 167390
Caption: I've been thinking about how out of control things have gotten, minion. This won't end well. This is a land of immigrants. But the republic elected a leader who says things like "Why are we having all these people from censored countries come here?" … A president who says we need more people form countries like Norway. Who said "Why do we need more Haitians? Take them out." ... A guy who said some of the white supremacists with torches in Charlottesville were very fine people." A guy who tweeted an image during his campaign that suggested the vast majority of white murder victims are killed by black people, when in reality they're mostly killed by white people. A guy who shouts about every single instance of Muslim terrorism, but was totally silent when the DOJ charged a white supremacist with terrorism ... but he's good on taxes for the 1%, so it evens out ... Get back to work, lackey, my gold coins won't polish themselves. Wait ... you were serious about that?
     
26. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-07 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-07 Pub. Date: 2018-01-07
Image Number: 166399
Caption: That's not going to work. I don’t know what you mean, Randy. That guy over there is taking pictures of the café, probably to post on Yelp. Really? I hadn't noticed. You're standing several feet closer to him than I am so that you'll appear to be larger than me. Same trick they did in the Lord of the Rings films to make Gandalf appear to be much larger than the hobbits. Nonsense, I resent that accusation. I'm standing right in front of you. So ... what can I get you, Randy? I am not slowly inching to my left. You're right. You're quickly inching to your left. Thank you for admitting I'm right.
     
27. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-28 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-28 Pub. Date: 2017-12-28
Image Number: 166542
Caption: The guy who led the Pentagon's research into UFOs says they're real. Whooptie-doo. What else is new? The year was nineteen hundred and forty-seven. I was on guard duty in Roswell, New Mexico. To make a long story short … we came from different worlds. Her father did not approve. But her love for me is the only reason we still have a Northern Hemisphere. I promised not to call her and her father spared the planet, is what I'm saying. I got that.
     
28. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-22 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-22 Pub. Date: 2017-12-22
Image Number: 166299
Caption: Welcome to Ask Sadie. You're on, Vancouver. What's your problem? I met this really cool guy who makes my toes go numb … but I'd already been talking to another guy. The thing is, I want them both. Is that selfish? Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I went to the Sizzler salad bar. I wanted both the ranch dressing and the vinaigrette. So what I did was, I poured both of them all over my lettuce at the same time. Metaphor. No, just two. Wait ... what?
     
29. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-21 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-21 Pub. Date: 2017-12-21
Image Number: 166298
Caption: You've reached Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you? I met this really awesome lady. I think about her daily. And I know she's thinking about me. But she told me she's also thinking about some other guy. What's the best way to not mind her thinking about him, while still enjoying the thought that she's thinking about me? You'll be fine if you think to yourself the other guy is nothing but a fleeting thought she's thinking of. You think?
     
30. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-05 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-05 Pub. Date: 2017-11-05
Image Number: 164017
Caption: What can I get you? The pumpernickel sriracha margarita mocha sounds good. Ok. Can I get you anything else, ma'am? Yes. An explanation of the Fermi paradox. Would you like the most common explanation, or the latest explanation? The latest would be lovely. Despite knowing there are trillions of planets out there, we haven't seen any evidence of alien life because we're part of a simulation. We exist on the computer of someone living in a higher reality. The limits of our knowledge are dictated by the sophistication of the guy's program. He's been steadily upgrading the program. That's why the Hubble telescope "discovered" all those "old" galaxies, and that's why we've "discovered" thousands of new planets. We'll "discover" aliens as soon as the guy running our simulation gets around to installing the "alien life" expansion pack. I meant to ask for that "to go."
     
31. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-20 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-20 Pub. Date: 2017-10-20
Image Number: 163919
Caption: Boss? Did you happen to start a Youtube channel? We have no proof of that, minion. But I came across a Youtube video called "Humiliate Your Employees for Fun and Profit." Sounds interesting. The guy giving advice in that video looks just like you. No he doesn't. He's got a huge mustache and an eye patch. I mean ... he sounds like he probably has a huge mustache and an eye patch. Very bad man.
     
32. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-19 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-19 Pub. Date: 2017-10-19
Image Number: 163918
Caption: Randy, I heard you're making a killing from your Youtube channel. How can a guy get in on that action? Simple … Just sit down in front of a camera and talk from the heart about something you're passionate about. Just be a genuine human being. People are drawn to that. I see, I see. Just one thing: What if the phrase "genuine human being" makes a guy break out in hives? Plan B: Find out what people are googling and pretend to be an expert on the highest-ranked search term. No we're talking.
     
33. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-16 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-16 Pub. Date: 2017-10-16
Image Number: 163915
Caption: So anyway, I went to that flash mob in Charlottesville last week. I showed up ready to do the uptown funk while a guy proposed to his girlfriend. I spent all week practicing my moves in the mirror. I dropped $200 on the glittery tuxedo. But when I got there, I was the only one who started dancing. Wait ... wasn't the flash mob in Charlottesville full of evil neo-Nazis and white supremacists? Do you know how easy it is to confuse "Charlottesville" with "Charlotte"?
     
34. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-26 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-26 Pub. Date: 2017-09-26
Image Number: 163104
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie show. You're on caller. What's your problem? The Orville. Don't get me started. Orville Redenbacher stole his popping-corn recipe from Grandma Cohen. But … "but she stole it from Clarence Hornswaggler descendant of the guy who stole it from the Native Americans," Yeah everyone knows that story; it's fake news. No, I meant "The Orville," that "Star-Trek" type show by Seth McFarlane. What's that have to do with popcorn? Call back when you're not so confused. Next caller!
     
35. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-17 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-17 Pub. Date: 2017-09-17
Image Number: 162203
Caption: My Youtube channel's taking off. Mine too, little buddy. You have a Youtube channel? Of course, it's got 12.8 million subscribers. I accompanies my best-selling MANuals book series. I post a video per day. There's "Pickup Artist Mondays," "Man-Grooming Tuesdays," "Relationship Escape-Artist Wednesdays" ... "Become an Alpha in Five Minutes Thursdays" ... "New Advances in Speedos Fridays," and "Using Quantum Physics and the Multiverse Theory to Explain Why that Lady She Caught You with was Actually an Alternate Reality Version of Your Girlfriend So it's OK Saturdays." In other words, Saturdays are just fun stories about dumb guys who couldn't get away with dumb things. Viewership spikes to about 15 mil for those. Well ... anyway, like I was saying ... I'm just 87 subscribers away from hitting the 100-subscriber mark. Cool ... Hey, can I feature you on an upcoming "Stop Embarrassing Yourself Sunday"?
     
36. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-07 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-07 Pub. Date: 2017-09-07
Image Number: 162351
Caption: Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.
     
37. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-21 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-21 Pub. Date: 2017-08-21
Image Number: 161806
Caption: I'll have a triple-vanilla white mocha and a powdered donut. Also, a Tiki torch. A Tiki torch? Home Depot refused to sell me one for some reason. Then they said "get out." Why would they do that? I don't know. Probably because I was wearing my sheet. But I thought "better safe than sorry." Oh ... Wait, what? At the Charlottesville Klan rally, those guys didn't wear theirs, and plenty of them lost their jobs 'cause of that. Get out.
     
38. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-16 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-16 Pub. Date: 2017-08-16
Image Number: 161545
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? I met this woman. I fell madly in love with her, but just yesterday, I found out she believes the world is flat … Should I let that break us up? That depends, brother. Would you be happy not knowing whether she was into you because you're a great guy ... or because she thinks you're the mountain-master who pushes mountains up from the ground as she drives toward them, and sucks them back under as she drives away? Did I mention she's hot?
     
39. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-13 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-13 Pub. Date: 2017-08-13
Image Number: 160983
Caption: What was it you wanted to talk about, minion? There's a guy from Immigration and Customs Enforcement out front, boss. Oh, that. ICE said someone would stop by to thank me for tipping them off to all the illegals who were hanging out at Muhammad's Bean Pie Shack. What? Why would you do that? Because I'm a patriot. In times like this, every patriot must do his duty. If we have good reason to suspect a bean pie shack is a gathering place for people who shouldn't be here, it's our solemn duty to report it, so it'll get shut down. This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with how you've been looking for ways to boost our bean pie sales, would it? Coincidence. Don't be a conspiracy theorist, minion. Oh, and go tell ICE I have another tip for them. Very bad man.
     
40. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-20 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-20 Pub. Date: 2017-07-20
Image Number: 160522
Caption: I tripped just now over by your bathroom. If I took this to court, I could get six figures. But I'll settle out of court for a lifetime supply of free coffee and donuts. We just had a huge earthquake. If you fell, it was probably because of that. You guys failed to think ahead and put in bouncy floors. Get out.
     
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