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Rudy Park

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121. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-19 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-19 Pub. Date: 2015-11-19
Image Number: 135391
Caption: This just in: A deadly new disease called "turkey leprosy" is threatening to ruin this year's holiday season. Symptoms include numbness in the feet, muscle weakness after working out, and potentially disfiguring dandruff. Sadie M. Cohen, the worlds foremost expert on turkey leprosy, issues the following statement from her front lawn. "You are all ignoramuses. There will be no further comment." What did she mean by that, Harvey? Good question. Let's discuss that for a few days.
     
122. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-16 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-16 Pub. Date: 2015-11-16
Image Number: 135388
Caption: What're you doing for Thanksgiving, little buddy? Having a huge party. It'll be full of turkey, cranberry sauce, wine, eggnog, football, and friends and family who love me dearly. Oh, good. I was afraid you'd be alone all day playing video games. "Turkey Slaughter VI" is no ordinary game. You're coming to my place.
     
123. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-30 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-30 Pub. Date: 2015-10-30
Image Number: 134467
Caption: Today, our quest continues for someone who can come up with a solution for dealing with the partisan gridlock in Washington. Forty-some years ago, The Beatles wrote "All You Need is Love." I would repeat the lyrics, but The Beatles have been known to sue. I guess all you need is LOVE and a good intellectual property attorney. Tomorrow, our quest continues.
     
124. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-29 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-29 Pub. Date: 2015-09-29
Image Number: 133158
Caption: Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.
     
125. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-22 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-22 Pub. Date: 2015-09-22
Image Number: 132889
Caption: Rudy, I think you're ready for more responsibilities. You mean you want me to handle our suppliers? You want me to go to Colombia and oversee the coffee bean supply chain? You want to give me an expense account? I want you to scope out our patrons and alert me if any of them seem to be good fits for me romantically. But don't let them know you're running credit and background checks on them. It could ruin the mood. Very bad man.
     
126. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-21 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-21 Pub. Date: 2015-09-21
Image Number: 132888
Caption: How do I find true love, Randy? You really want my advice? Of course. I'm not getting any younger. My business empire is performing beyond expectations … so I figure now would be a good time to expand my portfolio and acquire a love interest. I don’t think you're ready for my advice on that. I expect at least a 120% return on my affection.
     
127. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-13 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-13 Pub. Date: 2015-09-13
Image Number: 131663
Caption: Rudy, we're going to have to cut expenses. We already did that, boss. I don't think you're clear on the concept, minion. It's a way of life. Did you read one book and then never read again? Did you listen to one song and then never listen to another again? Did you kiss someone once and then never again? Cutting expenses isn't something you do just once. A good businessman cuts expenses constantly. Whether he needs to or not. You trim the fat. When you run out of fat, you trim the nerves and the muscle. When you run out of that, you start slicing every last molecule of bone you can. The goal is to see if you can maximize your profits while running on pure marrow. That, my minion, is the holy grail. I call it The Tao of Armstrong. Armstrong Maynard. If I can ever figure out how to cut the marrow, I will have touched the face of god. Everyone has their own religion.
     
128. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-08 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-08 Pub. Date: 2015-09-08
Image Number: 132285
Caption: I have an idea for a new internet startup. What is it? I can't tell you. Someone may overhear. It's such a good idea, someone's bound to steal it if I tell even a single soul. You're supposed to beg to hear it. You're not begging. You had your chance.
     
129. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-06 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-06 Pub. Date: 2015-09-06
Image Number: 131356
Caption: Finally no glare. I guess trees are good for something after all.
     
130. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-30 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-30 Pub. Date: 2015-08-30
Image Number: 131015
Caption: What as it you wanted to talk about, minion? Beep. The carbon monoxide detector is beeping every five seconds. Beep. Oh, that. Nothing (beep) to worry about. It was a second-hand unit I found in the dumpster behind Arby's. Beep. What? Why would you do that? Beep. The town council passed a law mandating the placement of (beep) CO² detectors. Beep. They (beep) didn't say they had to be new CO² detectors. I'm 25% sure it's beeping because the battery backup needs to be replaced. Nothing to worry about. Beep. Beep. But what if you're wrong? Shouldn't we maybe evacuate the (beep) cafe and call 911? Are you crazy? Beep. That would just panic everyone (beep) for no good reason and cost me hundreds of dollars in lost sales. Beep. I'm telling you, all it needs is new batteries. Go down to the basement and fetch some. Beep. Also, while you're down (beep) there, bring up my emergency oxygen mask. For no reason in particular. Beep. Very bad man. Beep.
     
131. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-17 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-17 Pub. Date: 2015-08-17
Image Number: 131350
Caption: Hi, this is Hillary Clinton. Can we make this quick? I'm hoping for a call from Bernie Sanders. I'm just calling to remind you I'm running for president. Do you know Bernie? What's he like? Yes, I know Ber … Anyway, I'm calling to tell you a little more about me, American citizen, so you can get to know your next president as a human being. House of Java.net Cybercafe. My mother's name was Dorothy, for instance. Did Dorothy know Bernie Sanders? What'd she think of him? Good guy, right?
     
132. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-03 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-03 Pub. Date: 2015-08-03
Image Number: 130658
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? How can I talk my dad out of supporting Donald Trump? Good question. The answer is: What the @#% is wrong with you?! We have a candidate who taunts and mocks people as if he were a ten-year-old bully on the playground ... and you want to ruin it?! I've waited my whole life for this! Ruin it and I'll bury you! Sorry.
     
133. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-28 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-28 Pub. Date: 2015-07-28
Image Number: 130392
Caption: You're almost done creating a what on your iMac? A symphony. Complete with four movements, sonata, orchestral interlude … everything. I've been building it in GarageBand for the last ten years. I didn't know you were a composer or a musician. I'm not. I just plug in little bits of prerecorded music and drag them around till they sound good. What a creative display of un-originality.
     
134. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-20 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-20 Pub. Date: 2015-07-20
Image Number: 130025
Caption: Andrea Wheaton doesn't even notice I'm alive. Good! At your age, you shouldn't be wasting your time on crushes and other interpersonal relationships. Not unless the girl's mom or dad has connections you can exploit. Is Rudy here? You should be 100% focused on building your empire.
     
135. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-09 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-09 Pub. Date: 2015-07-09
Image Number: 129352
Caption: An 18-year-old was killed after using an app to track down his lost phone. That's awful. Maybe those apps should have an "alert police" button that pops up when they find your phone. So people don't take matters into their own hands. Yeah. And the phones should be booby-trapped, so you can remotely make them spray the thief with indelible polka-dot ink. Let's leave the solutions to me, ok, little buddy? It might also be a good idea to surgically implant our phones in our forearms.
     
136. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-07 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-07 Pub. Date: 2015-07-07
Image Number: 129350
Caption: Hi, this is Donald Trump. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. I'm calling to tell you I'm running for president. Ok. Have a good time. What do you mean "have a good time"? Is that supposed to be some sort of backhanded insult? Are you not taking me seriously? Well guess what, idiot, the feeling is entirely mutual. House of Java Cybercafe. Wait ... What? What just happened? Play dumb if you want, loser. it's probably why you're not as rich as I am.
     
137. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-06 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-06 Pub. Date: 2015-07-06
Image Number: 129349
Caption: You heard earth's just entered its sixth great extinction event? Really? Vertebrate species are dying at a rate not seen since the dinosaurs died off. This time It's thanks to us. But the good thing is, scientists think humans will die off pretty early in this mass extinction. How's that a good thing? We won't be around to hear the other animals say "I told you so."
     
138. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-05 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-05 Pub. Date: 2015-07-05
Image Number: 128450
Caption: Daredevil. No. But it's been months now. I wanna talk about it. Well, I haven't watched the last couple episodes yet. Blasphemy! You have one job as a modern American consumer of Netflixian entertainment: and that's to binge-watch every episode the day the series is released. Sorry, little buddy. Some of us have lives. What's that supposed to mean?! Careful what you say around seniors. You'd never be man enough to handle a good Price is Right marathon! You distract it while I make my escape.
     
139. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-20 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-20 Pub. Date: 2015-06-20
Image Number: 128449
Caption: I wish I could be part of a famous celebrity family like the Kardashians. It's not all it's cracked up to be. Once upon a time, the Cohens were America's most popular-for-no-good-reason family. And I was the beautiful, buxom young ingénue of the clan. The reality was, we were only famous because somehow, an "accidentally" leaked photograph of me in my bloomers was telegraphed all around the world. Did they give you your own reality show? "Keeping Up With the Cohens" was radio's first big hit.
     
140. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-08 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-08 Pub. Date: 2015-06-08
Image Number: 128136
Caption: I don't know why you're surprised. It's totally in character for your nephew. This is just going too far. Not really. Rudy has an obsessive need to be part of anything he sees the rest of the country doing. I have it on good authority the internet based its "trending" algorithms on Rudy's brainwave patterns. I'm officially running for president as a Republican! ... and I'll be voting for Clinton!
     
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