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Rudy Park

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61. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-19 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-19 Pub. Date: 2017-07-19
Image Number: 160521
Caption: Did you feel that, Randy? I think I was an earthquake. Tough to tell, little buddy. I had just come up with an idea for a new book in my "Randy's MAN-uals" series. The working title would be "The Back-Hair Formula: How to Ensure Your Inner Beast is a Lion, Not a Woolly Mammoth" I'll have to shorten that, of course. The earth often shakes when I get a good idea. Well, my mind was completely blank at the time, so ... pretty sure it was an earthquake.
     
62. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-27 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-27 Pub. Date: 2017-06-27
Image Number: 159727
Caption: That's a shame. What's a shame? Did I do something wrong, officer? TSA. Yes, you did. You let your boyfriend turn you down. So what if he's 15,000 miles away in Russia? If I were your man, I'd never let that stop me. I would fly to the ends of the earth for you. This routing ever work for you? Good lord this routine must work for you.
     
63. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-02 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-02 Pub. Date: 2017-06-02
Image Number: 158616
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie Show. You're on, caller. What's your problem? I'm -- Don't pussyfoot around the issue. Get to the point! I don't have all day! I'm -- GET ON WITH IT, ALREADY! Next caller. You're on. What's your problem? Um … Nothing. I'm good.
     
64. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-24 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-24 Pub. Date: 2017-05-24
Image Number: 158354
Caption: We don't suspect you of helping Russia blackmail the president. It's your college roommate, Rudy Park. He's the mole. Ithee. Thn hwcm imn hur? You and I go way back, Lemont. Of all the journalists I've monitored, you're by far my favorite. Mmble. Huh? I said "Untie me and let me go, you fascist, jack-booted thug!" Anyway, you've heard of "Deep Throat," right? Well ... first thing we need to do is come up with a good code name for me.
     
65. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-23 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-23 Pub. Date: 2017-05-23
Image Number: 158353
Caption: Note to self: Call lawyer, ask if he has any experience with charges of treason. What's lawyer got to do … got to do with it … What? What are you doing? Tina Turner. My second favorite singer, after Clay Aiken. She's amazing. I investigated every single one of her concerts. Good times. Wanna see my Tina Turner tattoo? I'm not a Russian spy!! What is this, 1985?! Good year. Tina was in "Mad Max" that year.
     
66. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-11 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-11 Pub. Date: 2017-05-11
Image Number: 157822
Caption: One of the worst things about dementia is that it's hard to treat, because it makes people uncomfortable to even speculate someone has it. Even if that person shows clear signs of paranoia, delusions of grandeur, the forgetting of facts, irritability, destructive behavior, inappropriate sexual behavior ... such as grabbing other people's whatsits without even waiting ... I'm not talking about anyone in particular. Good, because that would make me awfully uncomfortable.
     
67. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-10 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-10 Pub. Date: 2017-05-10
Image Number: 157821
Caption: President Trump raised a good point: "Why was there a civil war anyway?" Slavery. Yes, but why couldn't Lincoln have just sat down with the slave states and made a bigly tremendous deal? Problem solved. What are you babbling about? What sort of "deal" would the south have accepted other than "you get to keep enslaving people"? What if Lincoln had told them they could keep their slavery as long as it was voluntary? The loser never even tried that. You are deliberately pushing my buttons!
     
68. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-10 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-10 Pub. Date: 2017-04-10
Image Number: 156746
Caption: Four years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadieâ„¢ Show, our resident octogenarian asked listeners for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Sadie, I was going to suggest you start a YouTube channel to share your advice with younger people. But YouTube just stabbed its content creators in the back. They stopped showing ads on videos discussing anything even remotely controversial. That's going to put so many important voices out of business. So I don't really have any advice for you. Good luck, - D.P., formerly of YouTubeLand. WHAT THE HECK IS YOUTUBE?!?! Advise Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com
     
69. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-06 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-06 Pub. Date: 2017-04-06
Image Number: 156486
Caption: As our CEO-in-Chief has demonstrated, it's good for a businessman to surround himself with children who'll cover for … I mean, help him. I've tried adopting a baby, but the agency grew suspicious just because I asked for the type least likely to sell out its parent. Unfortunately, I can't just clone myself. I need an actual mate if I want to produce accomplices ... I mean "off-spring." Your job, minion, is to craft a date-a-dude.com profile for me that'll recruit ... I mean "attract" a suitable mate. Very bad man.
     
70. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-30 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-30 Pub. Date: 2017-03-30
Image Number: 156206
Caption: I'm going to have a baby girl soon. What's a good name for a baby girl, Randy? Wait … you're going to have a what? Tell me you didn't just say what I think you said, little buddy. I'm going to have a baby girl. Met a lady, we fell in love, got married, and now we're going to have a baby girl. Wait ... you're talking about some video game, aren't you? I'm thinking of naming her SIMantha, but that might bee too obvious.
     
71. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-13 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-13 Pub. Date: 2017-03-13
Image Number: 155664
Caption: You wanted to see me, boss? Rudy, did you realize its illegal for a boss to tell his minion how to vote? Wink wink wink … and that therefore, I would never tell you to vote for my friend, Patsy Marionette, for city council? Wink wink wink. I would never order you to donate to Patsy campaign fund either, as if your job depended on it. Wink wink wink wink wink wink wink wink wink wink wink wink wink. That's good to know. I believe we're on the same page here. Wink.
     
72. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-09 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-09 Pub. Date: 2017-03-09
Image Number: 155394
Caption: Randy, if you could be any animal there is, which one would you be? Easy: I'd be a Bonobo monkey. But not just any Bonobo monkey, I'd be the king of all Bonobo monkeys. They resolve all their conflicts with a little good, old-fashioned, hot, steamy lovin'. They're the best animal to be. DO you agree? Totally, of course. No conflict here.
     
73. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-24 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-24 Pub. Date: 2017-02-24
Image Number: 154817
Caption: Boss, I'm more than just a cashier and a mopper-upper guy. What? If only you'll give me more of a decision-making role, you'll find that I've got a lot of good ideas. Such as. Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. I, uh … didn't really expect you to ask me right now. I sense a cash register that needs mopping.
     
74. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-12 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-12 Pub. Date: 2017-02-12
Image Number: 153530
Caption: One coffee. Strong. Ok, Democrats. That'll be $200. $200?! Why? That's outrageous. We won't stand for that! Am I right, everyone? I don't know. Why don't we ask him why that cup of coffee is $200? Maybe he has a good reason. Well … I suppose you're right. Seems like robbery to me, but we shouldn't stoop to his level by saying "forget it." Someone has to be the adult in the room. Why's it $200? Just because. Outrage!!! This will not stand! We'll take it. We will? Of course. We don't want to be just as rude as he is. But we will insist on extra sugar. Extra sugar packet is $27. Outrageous! ... Ok.
     
75. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-10 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-10 Pub. Date: 2017-02-10
Image Number: 154259
Caption: You're a hard man to read, Randy. At times, you seem like a cad. A Don Juan. A scoundrel. But at other times, you seem wise. Mature. Supportive. Ladies are most responsive to a "bad guy" to "good guy" ratio of 7 to 6.3756892. My findings have been published in the Oxford Journal of Lovin'.
     
76. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-29 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-29 Pub. Date: 2017-01-29
Image Number: 152972
Caption: What can I get you? An explanation about why Disney can't do what we all want the to do … and have the folks who made Rogue One go back and remake the super-lame Star Wars prequel trilogy. Would you like the inaccurate explanation or the accurate one? Inaccurate would be lovely, please. It's too soon to remake "Phantom Menace." Plus it'd be confusing. Besides, the prequels were good enough. What're you talking about? It's been 18 years since "Phantom Menace." And movies get rebooted all the time, and no one gets confused. And no, they were most definitely not good enough. Well you asked for the inaccurate version. Oh. Can I try the accurate one, then? Ok. It's because it's just easier to pretend the prequels never existed. But I want them to officially never have existed.
     
77. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-07 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-07 Pub. Date: 2017-01-07
Image Number: 152866
Caption: It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.
     
78. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-05 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-05 Pub. Date: 2017-01-05
Image Number: 152864
Caption: Well first of all, he can't find anything, ever. I have to find the man's socks, his toothbrush … Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. And he'll tell me he's hungry in the morning. Then he'll go in the other room, and in the evening he comes back in and tells me he's starving. It's like as soon as we got married, the man became so stupid he can't even remember how to slap some peanut butter on a cracker. No, I said tell me his good points. Those are his good points. Foul!
     
79. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-29 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-29 Pub. Date: 2016-12-29
Image Number: 152645
Caption: Give me a double-tall white chocolate mocha, extra whip. Put it on my tab. Ok. Just leave your credit card with me and I'll charge you before you leave. What? That's not how it works. I'm supposed to just say "put it on my tab," and then I pay for it at some indeterminate point in the future. And then you're supposed to hint about my growing tab but never ask me to pay it because we've become such good pals. Real life isn't like tv.
     
80. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-25 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-25 Pub. Date: 2016-12-25
Image Number: 151673
Caption: Hello, you've reached the private line of the Secretary of Defense. At last! We tried calling you all day yesterday to alert you to an imminent threat. How did you get this number? It was coming straight at your nation-state at speeds approaching Kebin 2. What are you talking about? What's "Klebin 2"? Apologies. In earthlingese that would be "mach 23," or 24.140.16 kilometers per hour. Good lord! I'd better wake ... Not to worry. Our sensors locked on to it as soon as it launched from your North Pole. "North ... Pole?"? We incinerated it for you as it approached a chimney in your social-congregate region known as "Seattle." You ... wait ... you did what? You're welcome.
     
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