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Rudy Park

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41. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-24 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-24 Pub. Date: 2017-12-24
Image Number: 165879
Caption: We'll have the Christmas feast for one. She means for two. He'll have a small bowl of cold oatmeal. No I won't! I'll have that Christmas feast! The turkey … the stuffing, the yams, the pumpkin pie a la mode with whipped cream, the extra-thick, brandy-infused eggnogg, the cranberry sauce, the succulent ham ... the reindeer jerky, the frosted sugar cookies with butter flakes, and the noose-shaped chocolate cupcakes with cheese filling. He'll have half a saltine cracker. You know what the doctors said, dear. They said your suffering is good for my blood pressure. I'll take my feast to go! Good move.
     
42. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-17 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-17 Pub. Date: 2017-12-17
Image Number: 165604
Caption: Do you know why I love Star Trek, minion? We called me in at 2am to talk about this? It's because it's a lefty-liberal utopia. They've eliminated scarcity. There's all the food and shelter anyone could ever want, so there's no more need for capitalism. They flat-out say there's no such concept as money in their society. And yet we've seen them buy things. With money. Plenty of times. It's absolute proof that people never truly have to live up to the ideals they espouse, and that's always been an inspiration to me. Now get back out there and remember, the customer is always right!* Service with a smile.* Providing a quality product is its own reward.* You're a very good man.*
     
43. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-13 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-13 Pub. Date: 2017-12-13
Image Number: 166031
Caption: How was your oatmeal, Sadie? Is everything good? Can I get you anything else? Wait a second, what's that flapping? Somebody, run to the window and tell me if you see a pack of hogs flying by! Has the sky fallen? Has hell frozen over? Has the sun risen in the west? Have chickens grown teeth? Has a donkey climbed a tree? This is the first time in 16 years that you've bothered to ask me how my meal's going, is what I'm saying, you worthless baboon! I wonder why.
     
44. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-02 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-02 Pub. Date: 2017-12-02
Image Number: 165445
Caption: Welcome to the "Ask Sadie" radio hour. You're on, Kenosha. What's your problem?! I'm a grad student pursuing my PhD. in robotics. Under the recent tax plan that passed the House, I'd have to count my tuition waiver as income, even though I never received any actual money. This would put me in a higher tax bracket and I'd have to drop out because I could never afford to pay those taxes. Good riddance, Poindexter. Science is nothing but gobbledygook anyway. Studies have shown that's not the case.
     
45. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-29 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-29 Pub. Date: 2017-11-29
Image Number: 165442
Caption: I forgot to tell you "Happy Black Friday." What do you mean, Billy? Isn't that your holiday? Um … you're asking me that because I'm a merchant … Right? I guess so. Oh. That's good. I was about to ask "what are your parents teaching you?" What part of Africa do "merchants" come from?
     
46. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-17 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-17 Pub. Date: 2017-11-17
Image Number: 164886
Caption: Rudy, it's come to my attention you've been using the restroom three times a day. Of course I have, boss. Did you not see the sign out front that says "restrooms are for customers only"? Seriously? I work here, boss. I've worked here for sixteen years! Good point. Calculating ... average customer spends $20 ... multiply by sixteen ... multiply by 365 ... I'll have to deduct $116,800 from your next several dozen paychecks. Very bad man.
     
47. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-13 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-13 Pub. Date: 2017-11-13
Image Number: 164882
Caption: What do you mean "give Rudy a minute"? He's doing something very delicate. Like what? He's trying to help Sadie find her old childhood friends online. He found lots of them. They're still alive! But the news is both good and bad, and he's not sure how to break it to her gently. They're ... um ... in a Facebook group called "Sadie-Survivors Support Group." What th -- I said tell me the bad news first, cretin.
     
48. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-05 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-05 Pub. Date: 2017-11-05
Image Number: 164017
Caption: What can I get you? The pumpernickel sriracha margarita mocha sounds good. Ok. Can I get you anything else, ma'am? Yes. An explanation of the Fermi paradox. Would you like the most common explanation, or the latest explanation? The latest would be lovely. Despite knowing there are trillions of planets out there, we haven't seen any evidence of alien life because we're part of a simulation. We exist on the computer of someone living in a higher reality. The limits of our knowledge are dictated by the sophistication of the guy's program. He's been steadily upgrading the program. That's why the Hubble telescope "discovered" all those "old" galaxies, and that's why we've "discovered" thousands of new planets. We'll "discover" aliens as soon as the guy running our simulation gets around to installing the "alien life" expansion pack. I meant to ask for that "to go."
     
49. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-10 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-10 Pub. Date: 2017-10-10
Image Number: 163641
Caption: I have an idea for a new internet startup. What is it? I can't tell you. Someone may overhear. It's such a good idea, someone's bound to steal it if I tell even a single soul You're supposed to beg to hear it. You're not begging. You had your chance.
     
50. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-30 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-30 Pub. Date: 2017-09-30
Image Number: 163108
Caption: Randy, remember when the president went to the U.N. and talked about how unstable North Korea was? Yeah, that was right before he threatened to "totally destroy" North Korea. I see what you're getting at, little buddy. You think that was ironic. Yes. But what about Randy's axiom #67.1 ... "Unapologetic irony is the key to seduction. It breaks all rules of common sense and respect, and breaking rules is sexy." I didn't mean "sexy" in the hubba-hubba sense. Oh, good, because I was about to say, I didn't feel any hubbas at all.
     
51. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-25 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-25 Pub. Date: 2017-09-25
Image Number: 163103
Caption: On today's Ask Sadie Show, I, Sadie Cohen, will discuss one topic: Hillary Clinton's book, "What Happened." It reminds me of the very first political memoir I ever read. The year was 1921. Warren G. Harding had just pantsed the Democrat James M. Cox. After emerging form the woods, loser Cox was ready to reflect. He traveled by donkey from town to town to hawk his book: "That Which Occurred." When she's gone, all these little details will be lost to history. This is almost as good as her show about Grover Cleveland's third nipple.
     
52. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-23 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-23 Pub. Date: 2017-09-23
Image Number: 162865
Caption: I was eating my muffin and drinking my latte when I noticed the tv on your wall is only 1080p resolution. That's right. So you admit it! Your tv is not an 8k UHD television! And yet your sign outside says "good eats and state of the art tech inside." That's false advertising. I might be willing to forgo the class action lawsuit and settle out of court. I'd settle for a 1080p tv. Get out.
     
53. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-11 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-11 Pub. Date: 2017-09-11
Image Number: 162609
Caption: Andrea Wheaton doesn’t even notice I'm alive. Good! At your age, you shouldn't be wasting your time on crushes and other interpersonal relationships. Not unless the girl's mom or dad has connections you can exploit. Is Rudy here? You should be 100% focused on building your empire.
     
54. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-23 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-23 Pub. Date: 2017-08-23
Image Number: 161808
Caption: Boss? Why'd a truck just deliver fifty boxes of kimchi to the café? It's just good business, minion. Did you know that before he was president, Donald Trump was known for failing at least as often as he succeeded? Six bankruptcies … Trump Airline … Trump Steaks ... Who else could manage to bankrupt a casino in Atlantic City? You never know if he's going to turn a winning situation into a total flop. Odds are 50/50 we'll see North Korean tanks rolling into town any day now, and you can bet they'll be manned by hungry troops. Opportunist!
     
55. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-19 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-19 Pub. Date: 2017-08-19
Image Number: 161548
Caption: Do you believe in global warming? No, because it snowed last winter. The whole thing's a hoax. Just like the so-called "moon landing." I can't do this. I'm telling you, respecting different opinions triples your dating pool. I'm not that good a swimmer. Maybe a big pool's a bad idea.
     
56. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-18 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-18 Pub. Date: 2017-08-18
Image Number: 161547
Caption: You heard earth's just entered its sixth great extinction event? Really? Vertebrate species are dying at a rate not seen since the dinosaurs dies off. This time it's thanks to us. But the good thing is, scientists think humans will die off pretty early in this mass extinction. How's that a good thing? We won't be around to hear the other animals say "I told you so."
     
57. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-13 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-13 Pub. Date: 2017-08-13
Image Number: 160983
Caption: What was it you wanted to talk about, minion? There's a guy from Immigration and Customs Enforcement out front, boss. Oh, that. ICE said someone would stop by to thank me for tipping them off to all the illegals who were hanging out at Muhammad's Bean Pie Shack. What? Why would you do that? Because I'm a patriot. In times like this, every patriot must do his duty. If we have good reason to suspect a bean pie shack is a gathering place for people who shouldn't be here, it's our solemn duty to report it, so it'll get shut down. This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with how you've been looking for ways to boost our bean pie sales, would it? Coincidence. Don't be a conspiracy theorist, minion. Oh, and go tell ICE I have another tip for them. Very bad man.
     
58. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-03 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-03 Pub. Date: 2017-08-03
Image Number: 161039
Caption: Hi, this is Donald Trump. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. I'm calling to tell you I'm running for president. Ok. Have a good time. What do you mean "have a good time"? Is that supposed to be some sort of backhanded insult? Are you not taking me seriously? Well guess what, idiot, the feeling is entirely mutual. House of Java Cybercafe. Wait ... what? What just happened? Play dumb if you want, loser. It's probably why you're not as rich as I am.
     
59. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-27 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-27 Pub. Date: 2017-07-27
Image Number: 160766
Caption: It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother. Why's that? House of Java .Net Cybercafe. Because how a man treats his mother is a good indicator of how he'll treat a girlfriend. That's why I created an app that calls your phone and displays a photo of you hugging your mom whenever a gorgeous lady is within three feet of you. It also displays a nice, sweet lady whenever you're within three feet of your mom.
     
60. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-23 good 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-23 Pub. Date: 2017-07-23
Image Number: 160100
Caption: Your usual ginseng pumpernickel ostrich-sweat latte? No thanks. I wanna try something different today. The pecan praline white chocolate mocha's also good. Ooh, that sounds good. I'll have one of those. But can you substitute macadamia nut for the pecan? That'll take some work, but it's doable. Thank you. and can you substitute turkey tears for the praline? Turkey tears sound good. And can you substitute pureed bagel for the mocha? Pureed bagel sounds lovely. I see where this is going. And can you substitute ginseng for macadamia nut, ostrich-swear for turkey tears, ginseng for praline, and pumpernickel for the bagel?
     
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