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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-31 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-31 Pub. Date: 2017-08-31
Image Number: 162090
Caption: I got into a Twitter feud wit @joanwalsh. @davidshuster asked her and @joyannreid to apologize for using the term "alt left." I backed him up. When they and @govhowarddean used the term against progressives, they helped validate it. And that helps @realdonaldtrump neutralize the toxicity of the term "alt right" ... which makes it harder to fight white supremacy. I think I won. I'm going to give @govhowarddean a piece of my mind too. Are you @trying to @change-the-subject because you're @losing the @argument about @josswhedon's @divorce? It's just @joss. And I'm @changing-the-subject because it's @none-of-our-business.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-23 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-23 Pub. Date: 2017-08-23
Image Number: 161802
Caption: C-Dog ain't worried 'bout no white supremacists. Why not, Clyde? 'Cause they want a race war. An' the way things going, they just might get it. But you know what? The vast majority of white people won't be on the side. Hm. You've got a point. To win with such small numbers, supremacists would have to take over key positions in government, the courts, an' all the police departments first. That'd never happen. I hate sarcasm.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-16 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-16 Pub. Date: 2017-08-16
Image Number: 161533
Caption: You know what? If we ever create faster-than-light travel, we can prove whether Jesus existed. We found a planet orbiting a star in the Cygnus constellation 2,000 light years away. That means if we were there right now, we could peer back at earth through a super-powerful telescope and see events that happened 2,000 years ago. If Jesus were real, we could see him going about his business: performing miracles ... coming back from the dead ... picking his nose ... He never would've done that, Lemont. You know how much dust there is in the Middle East?
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-10 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-10 Pub. Date: 2017-08-10
Image Number: 161294
Caption: You remember the other day, when I said we're behind a lot of other countries in a lot of areas? Well, I wrote an article about that for Candorville.com. Within 15 minutes, I counted over 3,000 replies that included a variant of the phrase "If you don't like it here, go someplace else." So I did a little more research, and then posted an article about how we're far behind a lot of other countries in "going someplace else." ... That's when I found out we're number one in the amount of angry comments posted in all-caps. I been out of the state once. That was weird.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-01 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-01 Pub. Date: 2017-08-01
Image Number: 161031
Caption: No, Lemont, I'm not going to tell you how much I earn. But why not? We're friends. I'll tell you how much I earn. It's not the same thing, Lemont. Why? Because you earn more than I do? Susan, why would you be worried about that? I wouldn't get all jealous or insecure about it or anything. How much money someone has says nothing about them. I'm glad you feel that way. How much nothing are we talking about?
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-28 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-28 Pub. Date: 2017-07-28
Image Number: 160761
Caption: So … how are things going with you and Ace Peerless? Who wholess? Your boyfriend. Ace. He called me before I left Russia, and asked for the best way to propose to you. I said "One word: Balloons." I don't know this "Ace Peerless" of whom you speak. Have you ever thought of seeing a therapist about your commitment issues? No way. They want you to keep coming back.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-20 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-20 Pub. Date: 2017-07-20
Image Number: 160504
Caption: Where are you going? You didn't cheat on me. I know that now. We're ok, Vancouver. Don't "Vancouver" me, Lemont. We are not "ok." We are over. What we has was beautiful and pure. I thought you felt it too. But if you could doubt it just 'cause I had dinner with someone else ... then I was wrong about us. Goodbye, Lemont. Just kidding. I think you're cute when you're jealous, Candorville. Don't do that!!!
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-16 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-16 Pub. Date: 2017-07-16
Image Number: 159772
Caption: Cool shirt. You gonna watch the new Star Trek tv show? No way! It's a horrible show and it's going to fail! What? Why? All the angriest people on the internet agree with me. It looks to much like J.J. Abrams' J.J. - Trek nonsense … It's a scam to distract from CBS suing fan film creators ... O ... K ... it looks too advanced to be a prequel, the bridge is on the bottom of the saucer and not the top, the Klingons look stupid ... O ... K ... I guess I can ... There are too many minorities on it ... it's on CBS All Access instead of on broadcast or Netflix ... Wait ... What?! I shouldn't have to pay $6 month and watch it where they want me to watch it. They should give it to me how I want it! Didn't you just get all racist for a second? It should be free. It shouldn't force "diversity" down my throat. I should be able to see it on the channel I want to see it on. There! Right there! You just did it again!
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-12 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-12 Pub. Date: 2017-07-12
Image Number: 160221
Caption: Meanwhile, in Candorville … Susan! Hold on! You can't go confront Lemont's girlfriend just 'cause she's here with another guy. You don't know what's really going on. Well … I'll just watch first. Marry me. And if she catches you spying on her? You'll alienate her. And if you see something? Then what? You'll break them up? It's not your place. Yes, it is. If anyone's going to ruin my best friend's life, it should be me. Are you listening to yourself? Now's not the time for that.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-10 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-10 Pub. Date: 2017-07-10
Image Number: 160219
Caption: What're you doing, Susan? That's her! That's that chick Lemont's dating! I'd know that face anywhere!! Look, I have something important to ask you, Susan. But that's not Lemont! Where are you going? This isn't any of your business. I'm just going to have a calm, woman-to-woman chat with her about how she's mistreating my best friend. Why're you taking off your heels and earrings? No reason. Marry me.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-13 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-13 Pub. Date: 2017-06-13
Image Number: 159152
Caption: C'mon, little man. We goin' to Uncle C-Dog place 'cause you pop's done gone to … wait … what's wrong, Bruh? Brixton. He's being not nice. Day care. Whachoomean? What Brixton done? He push you off the sings? He put sand in your hair? He take your dinosaur? Lionel. Sophie. He said my daddy is and "enema of the American people because he's a journalist." don't nobody take Lionel Brown dinosaur. Wait ... what? I told Ms. Karen but Brixton said it was fake news.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-10 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-10 Pub. Date: 2017-06-10
Image Number: 158830
Caption: Turns out we're going to land at the North Pole after all. We're out of fuel. But you said the airport melted. We have no choice. President Trump bombed the only other landing strip we could've used, to send a message to the dictator Santa Clause. We would've used a landing strip to send a message to the dictator? No, no ... Trump bombed it to send a message. You need to work on your grammar. Not the point.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-09 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-09 Pub. Date: 2017-06-09
Image Number: 158829
Caption: What are those things? What things? Oh, they look like Tomahawk missiles. What?! Are they going to us, or from us?! Oh, from us, definitely. Oh, cool, then, bored now, can I have ear phones.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-08 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-08 Pub. Date: 2017-06-08
Image Number: 158828
Caption: Sir, we're not going to be flying over the North Pole. But isn't that the fastest way to Russia? Yes, but as you may know, the North Pole is a totalitarian dictatorship embroiled in a bloody civil war between state forces and elfin rebels. I don't follow the news. Anyway, my ticket says we transfer to a connecting flight there. Didn't you guys already know about this war? That's not why we're avoiding it. Santa International just melted. @#$% global warming.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-02 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-02 Pub. Date: 2017-06-02
Image Number: 158604
Caption: Murdered 2nd Lt. Richard Collins III visits Lemont's dream. I'm sorry, I've been doing all the talking. Tell me all about you. Tell me who you are. What you wanted to be. In your own words. Ok, sir. I was going to -- Hey! He was just getting started!
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-01 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-01 Pub. Date: 2017-06-01
Image Number: 158603
Caption: Departed 2nd Lieutenant Richard Collins III visits Lemont's dream. Why does my murder affect you so personally? You didn't even know me. M. Maybe that's why. You were graduating from a great school … you were commissioned in the army … By all accounts, you were funny, you were brilliant, you were going to be someone consequential. Someone who could've made history. I SHOULD have someday known you. But now I never will.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-01 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-01 Pub. Date: 2017-05-01
Image Number: 157545
Caption: The Associated Press is fake news. And now we have iron-clad proof. We do? They "interviewed" Trump, but all of his answers were total gibberish. Completely unintelligible. Clearly, their fake-news-generating machine went haywire and just threw together a bunch of random nouns and adverbs. (Sigh) Trump is so going to win in 2020. I'm leading a mob to the AP building to burn the machine at the stake.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-27 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-27 Pub. Date: 2017-04-27
Image Number: 157287
Caption: Clyde, if something ever happens to me … Don’t worry, bruh. I'll take you kid an' raise him up for you. I'll teach him all he need to know about life. He'll be the baddest two-year-old on the block. Ain't nobody gonna mess with him. I'll also teach him erethang you woulda taught him: I'll make him watch Star Track an' Doctor Boo an' some @#$% like that. Long as he ain't a snitch, we'll be cool. I was just going to say "call Susan."
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-15 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-15 Pub. Date: 2017-04-15
Image Number: 156723
Caption: 1982. I don't like going to the doctor. My Uncle Benny went to the doctor and never came back. Plus, there are lots of sick people there. How is it a good ideas to go sit in a waiting room where everyone has the plague? Plus, I believe in the Vulcan philosophy of mind over matter. If Spock could trance himself free of those killer alien spores, I could do that too. You're going to die young, Lemont. No, I'm going to live long and prosper.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-09 going 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-09 Pub. Date: 2017-04-09
Image Number: 155971
Caption: Donald Trump is cutting all funding for NPR, the National Endowment for the Arts, PBS, the Institute of Museum and Library Services, and more. What? They goin' after Big Bird? What Big Bird do to him? I didn't know Trump was mad at 'im. I ain't seen no tweet about it or nothin'. Big Bird'll be fine. HBO owns Big Bird now. Say what? I don't know if I could watch Big Bird on HBO. Last thing I need to see is Big Bird naked, or Big Bird choppin' off people arms an' whatnot. That's not the point. The point is, he's stripping funding from the Smithsonian and other icons of our culture, but buying more bombs we don't need. I don't need to see Big Bird slingin' smack for the mafia. It's not always about Big Bird.
     
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