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Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons

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1. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-10-05 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-10-05 Pub. Date: 2017-10-05
Image Number: 163557
Caption: Just Keep Your Head Down. For god's sake, congressman, a bunch of people killed, a bunch more wounded, so what … we've been through worse than this before … I'll be a little late, dear. NRA.
     
2. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-03-25 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-03-25 Pub. Date: 2017-03-25
Image Number: 156369
Caption: Form 1040. Department of the Treasury. Internal Revenue Service. U.S. Individual Income Tax Return. 2016. OMB No. 1545-0074. IRS Use only - Keep your greasy fingers off this space. For the year Jan. 1 - Dec. 31, 2016 (And thank God THAT's over!). 2016 ending. 20. See separate instructions. Your Name (Phonetic Spelling). Your Name Used on Dating Service (Attach Recent Photograph). Your Social Security Number. Your gang or mob name (Ex: Louise Pepperoniface, etc) Your Travel Name (Do Not Use Mohammed). Your Other Social Security Number. Address of Your House Before Foreclosure. Crappy apt. you moved to. Bass Ale! How about a cold one right now? (adv.) City, State or Exit from Jersey Turnpike (if you have foreign address, go there and wait for instructions.) Presidential Election Campaign. Checking Here Will Not Make a Damn Bit of Difference. You. Whatshername. Instructions: Drop Dead. Except for Canada, Canada still OK. Eh? Filing Status. Or Fling Status. (It is later than you think.) 1. Single (in the Republican sense of the word). 2. Married Filing Jointly (include all arguments). 3. Married Filing Separately (include sex of partner if you remember). 4. Head of Household (are you the person who sits with head in hands and wonders how you are going to feed all these mistakes, er dependents?) Enter names of dependents. Write small. 5. Qualifying widower. Enter golf handicap. Exemptions. See Publication EXX "Exemption to Exemptions to Exemptions". If more than four exemptions, or if some exemptions have four legs check here. 6a. Yourself. (That's right, you, stupid. If you are not yourself, who did you claim to be?). b. Spouse (or anyone who thinks they should be) (That's a funny word. "spouse") c. Dependents: 1 First name. Nom de plume or AKAs. Phonetic Social Security Number. Last known address? Does this dependent follow instructions? (See instructions). Boxes checked. No. of children who had live-in girlfriends/boyfriends. Had their divorced spouses living with you. You asked to leave but they had no place to go. Add numbers on lines above. (OK to use fingers). d. Total number of exemptions claimed (Round up to nearest 3/5's). Income. Attach forms here. Attach a couple of Andy J's while you're at it, to speed processing. Your ad here! Read by millions! Contact IRS Media. Helpful Hint. We are not going to give you any helpful hints. 7 Wages, salaries, tips, bottle deposits, bribes, free lunches, coins found in couch cushions. 8a Taxable interest. Attach Schedule B. If you don't understand, go to plan B. b. Tax-exempt interest. Much more interesting, isn't it? 9a Ordinary dividends. Nothing special, just Joe the Dividend. b Qualified dividends. Big Whoop. Trump's Rich Friends. 10. Taxable Refunds. Bank error in your favor. Pass GO, collect 200. 11. Alimony received (if that bum ever paid up). 12. Business Income or (loss). Use Schedule EZ come, EZ go. 13. Capital gain of (loss). Include your share of the national debt. 14. Other gains or (losses). Check box if you are just making stuff up. 15a. IRA distributions. b. Amount you had with Lehman. 16a. Pensions and annuities. b Amount with State of Illinois. 17. Rental real estate, royalties, partnerships (Use Schedule X to report missing partner). 18. Farm Income or (loss), Attach Schedule F (Do not include the funny farm). 19. Unemployment compensation (Amazing isn't it? You get taxed on this, too). 20a. Social Security benefits b. Taxable amount. 21. Other Income. (Bake sales, washing cars, baby-sitting, bingo games, don't hide anything). 22. This is your total income. Unless you are General Electric. If so write zero. Adjusted Gross Income. Remember you can file this form electronically, using your computer, and really mess things up. 23 Educator expenses (Spankings, noogies, butt-kicking). 24 Certain business expenses that you as a mere nobody have no business knowing about. Just keep moving. 25 Health savings account deduction. (May make you sick.) 26 Moving expenses. (See instructions). 27 Instruction tax. 28 Self-employment tax. 29 Self-enjoyment tax. 30 Penalty for early withdrawal (One-half of self-enjoyment tax). 31a Alimony paid. Rat out spouse's SSAN. 32 USSR tax (Useless Social Security Recipients). 33 Student loan interest (Do not include English majors). 34 Lack of interest in being a student. 35. Add up lines one to a million, divide by twice the total sum of your weight in Chinese running shoes. If greater than one-half of total something, go forth and multiply. 36. This is your adjusted gross income (Adjusted? We mean disgusted.) Now we can go to page two, tra-la. Last thought: Any money or thing of worth laying around? Better send it in. Just in case. Hey, you never know. Cat. No. 11320B. Form 1040 (2016).
     
3. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-11-14 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-11-14 Pub. Date: 2016-11-14
Image Number: 151219
Caption: Melania Let the Dogs Out (Bannon, Gingrich, Giuliani). Now you all be good dogs and wait until the president needs you. No barking, no chasing cars, no fighting, remember, the country is watching. God, I must just want to bite somebody on the leg. Well, we better keep an eye on Rudy ... Oooh! Oooh! Hydrant! Oooh!
     
4. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-09-20 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-09-20 Pub. Date: 2016-09-20
Image Number: 148946
Caption: Sean Hannity with the Latest. My God! This is news! Ladies and Gentlemen, Barack Obama actually was born in this country! Look, even Donald Trump says so now. Trump News Service. I lied. So what? Hey! We're Fox. He decides, we report.
     
5. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-03-31 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-03-31 Pub. Date: 2016-03-31
Image Number: 141435
Caption: Y'all Cain't Be Goin' in the Womens Room Jes' Cuz You Think Y'all's a Woman. Dixie Gas. Free air. Lubric Don't worry none, ma. Thank god we got the second amendment. Pointers. Setters.
     
6. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-11-14 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-11-14 Pub. Date: 2015-11-14
Image Number: 135454
Caption: Allahu AK.
     
7. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-10-22 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-10-22 Pub. Date: 2015-10-22
Image Number: 134325
Caption: Paul Ryan Extracts Promises from Fellow Republicans. I believe I distinctly said I wanted a three-minute egg every morning. This is a two-minute egg! Take it back or suffer the consequences. Yessir, Mr. Ryan, sir, yessir God, I Miss Boehner I know. A pack of Camels, and a bottle of Two Buck Chuck, and he was happy ... Ryan says oh, ok ... Romney (crossed out). Ryan.
     
8. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-07-14 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-07-14 Pub. Date: 2015-07-14
Image Number: 129865
Caption: The Ghost Walks. So my campaign will use your great term, The Silent Generation! And we'll appeal to voters who responded to your great appeal, who will remember the great days of your administration. This gonna be great and huge Good god Haven't I suffered enough? Trump 2016.
     
9. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-04-16 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-04-16 Pub. Date: 2015-04-16
Image Number: 126760
Caption: On her listening tour Mrs. Clinton Stops at an Iowa Laundromat. Well, I really appreciate you stopping and talking to the common people. Why, yes, of course. My God, how do they do it?
     
10. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2014-11-11 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2014-11-11 Pub. Date: 2014-11-11
Image Number: 119502
Caption: George Bush suggests his brother might run for president. For God's sake George, why do we have to do this in the bath tub? Because I do my best work here. Gee ... remember back when we were kids and we took baths together and you tried to drown me? Good times, good times. How to Put Paint on Your Family.
     
11. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2014-10-14 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2014-10-14 Pub. Date: 2014-10-14
Image Number: 117797
Caption: Father Dooley explains it all to you. So b'now I'm sure y'have heard that th' holy father has changed his opinion on homosexuals. And y'all know that God talks to th' holy father on a regular basis. So y'must realize that th' Pope is only followin' orders ... It's God that's makin' an awful horrible mistake. Have ye lost yer mind up there? Confessin' poofters? It that what it's come to?
     
12. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2014-08-17 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2014-08-17 Pub. Date: 2014-08-17
Image Number: 115390
Caption: For God's sake This is the twenty-first century. Thou shalt not kill.
     
13. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-11-18 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-11-18 Pub. Date: 2013-11-18
Image Number: 104195
Caption: The Annotated Cheney Family Thanksgiving 2013. Heather Poe, also known as the one responsible for all this mess who beguiled Mary Cheney into a life of sin and depredation (in some states) recently revealed to be related distantly to whatshisname Edgar Allen and possibly a black cat.* Lynn Cheney (the mother) seen here preparing the dinner. Known for political opinions to the right of Eva Braun, but now really too old to care any more. Liz Cheney, candidate for the US Senate under the misguided notion that the people in Wyoming are stupid and not paying attention. She has told them forty thousand times that she is a Wyoming person who sleeps with her horse. But they think she is from Washington D.C. because she is. I (heart) Wyoming. Vote for another CHENEY or go ______ yourself. Dick Cheney, federally insured heart patient, seen here self-medicating with his secret wife Scooter Libby. George W. Bush, former vice-president of the United States (correction - President of the United States) (well, you know) and family friend, invited for dinner, but restricted to pretzels, and silence. Mary Cheney, a happily married (she says) woman who seems bent on running her sister's campaign for the US Senate. *for the love of God, Montressor!
     
14. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-10-30 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-10-31 Pub. Date: 2013-10-30
Image Number: 103469
Caption: Celebrations at Bar Near Fenway. We won! We're winners again! What's the matter? Good God ... I feel like a Yankee fan. Left to right: Shawn from Dawchestih, Maureen from Southy, Valerie from Riveah, Tawmy from JP, Mary Margarit from Cape Cawd, and the Micawthy brothiz from n'Hampshih, not from heah.
     
15. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-10-29 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-10-29 Pub. Date: 2013-10-29
Image Number: 103444
Caption: Trial Starts for Murdoch Editor Rebekah Brooks. We'll make it through this, boss, remember, we've always been together through thick and thin, the good and the bad Shut up Remember how we even used to go swimming together, bonding in our dedication to really lousy newspapers, scraping the bottom of the barrel for stories ... For God's sake ... Backing the most corrupt politicians we could find, making up lies about the decent ones ... Right, then, let's go ... If I ever get out of this I am going to murder you and then kill myself. Don't worry, boss, it's going to be fine.
     
16. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-07-31 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-07-31 Pub. Date: 2013-07-31
Image Number: 99967
Caption: Overheard Down at the VFW. Manning! I'll tell you why he did it. It was because of that beret! I had a beret. I really liked my beret. Exactly. You give a man a beret and he thinks he's something special. I blame the French. We never had berets! We were men! We had helmets! By God. These colors don't run. Neither do I. Ed's HVAC. All bar bills paid by Mon.
     
17. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-05-17 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-05-17 Pub. Date: 2013-05-17
Image Number: 97259
Caption: Sewing Machines Dug Out of the Rubble in Bangla Desh. Bangladesh. Oh, thank god! Here's another! All is not lost! We are not lost! We will go on! Got any sisters left? Go get 'em
     
18. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-05-13 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-05-13 Pub. Date: 2013-05-13
Image Number: 97046
Caption: IRS. Boo OH, GOD! Here they come! Look! Up in the sky! Black helicopters! HELP! See? This is why we need guns!
     
19. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-02-10 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-02-10 Pub. Date: 2013-02-10
Image Number: 93524
Caption: Tortise and the Hare (Mitch McConnell and Ashley Judd). For god's sake, I can't believe you're even thinking about a Hollywood liberal to replace the great Mitch McConnell! And a woman, too You got that right. That is a woman fer sure. Appears so from this side ... Well, well, lil Ashley Judd all growed up! Rove. Your message here. Red Man.
     
20. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2012-11-28 God 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-11-29 Pub. Date: 2012-11-28
Image Number: 90675
Caption: Naked Demonstrators Run Amok in US Capitol. Terrorists coming your way! Good God! Are they armed? Aids kills. Stop HIV.
     
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