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Rudy Park

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181. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-08-23 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-08-23 Pub. Date: 2014-08-23
Image Number: 115313
Caption: I had a very rewarding week. Weird. What? You sound almost happy, satisfied. So strange for someone with such a meaningless, dead-end existence to find amid his personal rubble a nugget of joy. Defeat snatched from the jaws of a vague sense of contentedness. It's almost enough to give me hope.
     
182. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-08-20 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-08-20 Pub. Date: 2014-08-20
Image Number: 115310
Caption: … And to top it off, after school today, Ms. Jensen asked me what I want to be. Give me a break. House of Java .net cybercafe. No one knows what they want t be when they grow up. I was the rare exception. I knew someday I'd work at a high tech giant. Huh? She wanted to know what I wanted to be in some stupid fall play. She assigned me the singing cactus. Never, ever lie. But if anyone asks, I work at Apple.
     
183. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-08-05 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-08-05 Pub. Date: 2014-08-05
Image Number: 114699
Caption: I've checked the spreadsheet, minion. How do you explain yourself? What'd I do, boss? Since you started working here 13 years ago, average rainfall in the township has plummeted by 15%. We're now in a drought. That's led to coffee and cocoa purchases also plummeting by an average of 15%. I'm going to have to give you a 15% pay cut to compensate for your deleterious effect on the local climate. Very bad man.
     
184. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-07-31 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-07-31 Pub. Date: 2014-07-31
Image Number: 114435
Caption: Sadie, what would it take for you to provide someone with an alibi? Let's see if you qualify for a discount. Was the crime funny? No. Was the victim someone I despise? No. Was the victim a slacker? No. Oh. Well … I'll give you a discount anyway. But don't tell anyone.
     
185. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-07-30 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-07-30 Pub. Date: 2014-07-30
Image Number: 114434
Caption: Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on Earth. Not yet, but a man can dream. This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist? Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts. I'll get a pen. You'll also need a passport and lots of penicillin.
     
186. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-07-22 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-07-22 Pub. Date: 2014-07-22
Image Number: 114172
Caption: I need to take some bereavement time off. "Bereavement time"? Let me check … No, there's no such thing as "bereavement time" in your contract, Rudy. I'd love to give you time off to grieve but if I start allowing things that aren't in your contract, before we know it you'll be marrying your car. What car? I don't own a car. I believe my point still stands.
     
187. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-07-03 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-07-03 Pub. Date: 2014-07-03
Image Number: 113254
Caption: … And my dad never gave me his approval, which is why I try so hard to be a perfect male specimen. I thought maybe if I ran faster, jumped higher, dated more … my dad would give me the respect as a man that he never gave me as a boy. Do Not Disturb. Did it work? Sort of. Every Father's Day we meet in a bar and arm-wrestle. That's sweet. When I slammed his fist through the table. I'm pretty sure he teared up a little.
     
188. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-06-20 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-06-20 Pub. Date: 2014-06-20
Image Number: 112747
Caption: … Charge extra for people to wear shoes, create a tax on spilled drinks, double-charge for napkins. Boring. You're not a government entity, it's been done. I give up. I concede. I've got nothing. Maybe I don’t belong as a businessman. Maybe I should just turn over the keys to the place to the customer ... They can make their own drinks and become experts and run their own coffee houses. Or I could charge them for making their own drinks and call this a training ground! Witness the return of a muse!
     
189. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-06-15 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-06-15 Pub. Date: 2014-06-15
Image Number: 111864
Caption: I'll have a coffee. One coffee coming up. No wait! Make that one mocha. Mocha. Ok. No wait! Make that a jasmine tea. Ok. No wait! I can't decide. Why don’t you choose for me? You work here. You know the menu intimately. I'm sure you've tried it all, so your opinion is very important. The iced vanilla latte is pretty good. I'm not sure I'm even thirsty. Give me a fish sandwich. No wait ...
     
190. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-05-29 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-05-29 Pub. Date: 2014-05-29
Image Number: 111861
Caption: Armstrong, I'm not qualified to give you dating advice. When it comes to that stuff, I'm the WORST. Why not ask Randy? Because Randy's advice is as good as it gets. There's nothing to improve on, so it's a bad investment. But if someone gives me glaringly bad advice, I can easily spot the errors, correct them, and compile it all into a best-selling advice book. Dating tip #1: Dating is not an investment. Beautiful. Keep 'em coming.
     
191. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-05-24 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-05-24 Pub. Date: 2014-05-24
Image Number: 111627
Caption: Rudy, your fellow employees are complaining about your body odor. I'm your only employee. You reek of asbestos. Do you have some sort of disorder that makes you reek of asbestos? The health department wouldn’t be inspecting the café, today, would it? I've made an appoint for you with my doctor in the alley. He'll give you a note.
     
192. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-05-16 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-05-16 Pub. Date: 2014-05-16
Image Number: 111308
Caption: Hello, nemesis. Give me one of everything. And bill it to you. Why would I do that? Because there's a sign on the wall that reads "The customer is always right." If you don't do as I say, that's false advertising. If you don’t pay for what you order, you not technically a "customer." STALEMATE! Not technically.
     
193. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-05-13 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-05-13 Pub. Date: 2014-05-13
Image Number: 111305
Caption: Everything in life is a stepping stone to something better, little buddy. I know exactly what you mean, Randy. It's like when I first played Nintendo's Duck Hunt way back in the nineties. Even then, I knew I was honing my skills for the day when we'd have ultra-realistic first-person shooters like "Call of Duty." ... NOT exactly what I was talking about. I'm thinking of giving motivational speeches.
     
194. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-04-18 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-04-18 Pub. Date: 2014-04-18
Image Number: 110185
Caption: Boss, can I talk to you for a sec? I was about to ask you the same thing, Park. The job market's picking up out there. That's horrible for us. Fewer people are buying comfort food. I'm going to have to cut your pay by 10%. Now what were you going to ask me? I wanted a 10% raise. You KNEW, didn't you?! I'll give you 7%, but only because I value you as a minion.
     
195. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-04-17 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-04-17 Pub. Date: 2014-04-17
Image Number: 110184
Caption: Your nephew's in there asking for a raise, Mort. House of Java .net Cybercafe. In my day, we didn’t ask for a raise, we DEMANDED one! The year was nineteen and twenty-two. I was just a lad. I had my first job as a track-whacker. A WHAT? They'd strap us kids to the undercarriage of the trains and give us a hammer. Our job was to whack in any loose nails before they could derail the train. This was before the child labor laws, of course. Of course.
     
196. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-04-10 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-04-10 Pub. Date: 2014-04-10
Image Number: 109905
Caption: I just got off the phone with all your creditors, Rudy. How'd it go? You a total of $148,000. I got that total reduced by 70%, so now you only owe $44, 400. That means with the debt consolidation loan I've given you, you'll pay me 72 monthly payments of $1,500/ That comes to like, $108,000, not $44,400. You're welcome.
     
197. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-03-21 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-03-21 Pub. Date: 2014-03-21
Image Number: 108950
Caption: In my day, they didn’t give free lunches to poor school children. If your parents couldn’t afford to feed you, you went without. When you saw rich kids and their fancy sandwiches, you didn’t expect the government to even the scales for you. YOU PUSHED THEM DOWN IN THE DIRT AND STOLE THOSE SANDWICHES ON YOUR OWN! I think I read about you in "Lord of the Flies."
     
198. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-02-16 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-02-16 Pub. Date: 2014-02-16
Image Number: 107837
Caption: I saw you look at that hussy. COUGH! I don’t know what you're talking about, snookums. OK, I ADMIT IT! I GLANCED FOR A SPLIT SECOND!!! BUT IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I'm a man! I have needs! I have hormones racing though my body, giving me urges I can barely contain! I may seem meek on the outside, but on the inside lurks a depraved beast. Run, Sadie ... run while you still can. Works every time.
     
199. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-01-26 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-01-26 Pub. Date: 2014-01-26
Image Number: 106962
Caption: Rudy, I'd like to apologize. For what, Uncle Mort? I'd like to say I'm sorry for leaving you a world full of hatred and war. I'd like to say I'm sorry for leaving you polluted skies and rivers. On behalf of my generation, I'd like to apologize for leaving you with such a mess ... BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE IT'S ACTUALLY MY PARENTS' FAULT!!! That speech has been handed down through seven generations of our family. Take good care of it ... Someday, you'll give it to your own nephew. I usually like less sarcasm with my cereal.
     
200. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-01-23 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-01-23 Pub. Date: 2014-01-23
Image Number: 106953
Caption: The moon used to be a ghostly, unreachable companion in the night sky. Men and women would gaze at it at night, and its mystery would get them in the mood for lovin'. House of Java . Net Cybercafe. Then NASA had to go louse it all up by sending people there. It took decades of us giving up and abandoning the moon for it to start to seem untouchable again. Just last year, it finally regained its magic ... Then China went and landed on it. I still don't think you can sue China.
     
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