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Rudy Park

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161. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-19 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-19 Pub. Date: 2015-01-19
Image Number: 121920
Caption: Do you think it's safe yet, Randy? No. Little buddy, I don't. But it's been like three months since the election. Give it a few more. I'm afraid I have to concur with Randy. I say give it a couple years. I demand entry! I promise not to inform you the country has fallen off the precipice!
     
162. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-13 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-13 Pub. Date: 2015-01-13
Image Number: 121460
Caption: Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."
     
163. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-04 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-04 Pub. Date: 2015-01-04
Image Number: 120323
Caption: He'll have a crumb of wheat toast. No I won't! I'll have a sausage biscuit with cheese. And he'll have a plain glass of water. No I won't! I'll have a mocha with whipped cream. And for dessert ... I'll have a hot buttered blueberry scone with pumpkin-spice frosting and peppermint sprinkles! That looks lovely! He'll have plain yogurt. If you don't eat right, you won't be around for me to berate. Give me a double donut burger! A triple would be more humane.
     
164. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-26 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-26 Pub. Date: 2014-12-26
Image Number: 120667
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Nobody got me anything for Christmas. No one cares about me. No one loves me. No one even thinks about me. You're right, because caring and love are measured only by how much loot people give you. What I just gave you, by the way, was the gift of sarcasm. If I can't turn around and sell it on eBay, it's not a "gift."
     
165. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-25 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-25 Pub. Date: 2014-12-25
Image Number: 120666
Caption: Merry Christmas, Randy. Same to you, little buddy. I've noticed there's no tree in the cafe. No decorations ... nothing. The boss is waiting till new year's, once everyone's tossed their trees in the trash. HOJ. He gave me scavenging gear in lieu of a Christmas bonus. How thoughtful.
     
166. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-24 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-24 Pub. Date: 2014-12-24
Image Number: 120665
Caption: You shoved a candy cane in my ear!! Ingrate. It's customary to thank someone when she gives you a Christmas gift. In my day, people would actually mail a handwritten letter to express their gratitude. But you young losers don't respect people enough to take time to do that. My ear!!! No, it's true.
     
167. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-19 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-19 Pub. Date: 2014-12-19
Image Number: 120328
Caption: This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.
     
168. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-18 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-18 Pub. Date: 2014-12-18
Image Number: 120327
Caption: It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller. I got a bonus for the first time in years. Would it be selfish to spend it on myself instead of on Christmas gifts? The age-old question: Do I enjoy the fruits of my labor or give them to the losers and ingrates who did absolutely nothing to earn them? Fly yourself to Maui and send them a photo of you eating a seven-course meal. That'll encourage them to work harder and earn their own bonuses. Encouragement is the best gift you can give. I really love your show, Dr. Sadie.
     
169. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-17 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-17 Pub. Date: 2014-12-17
Image Number: 120326
Caption: I want to get Rudy a Christmas gift. What would he like? Seriously? Yes, seriously. Maybe I do spend all day mercilessly taunting him, driving him to the point of tears ... But that doesn't mean I can't give him his heart's desire for Christmas. Sometimes people still surprise me. Then I can remind him for years that I bought him a gift and he didn't buy me one! But usually not.
     
170. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-12 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-12 Pub. Date: 2014-12-12
Image Number: 120014
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? I'm dating this girl, and she's hinting that she wants a commitment. How do I keep getting what I want without giving her what she wants? That's easy. Every time she opens her mouth to talk about it, softly touch her lips with your finger and say ... "You know what separates us from everyone else?" "We don't even need words. Everything we have to say, we can say with our eyes." How long will that routine buy me? Six weeks of bliss.
     
171. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-10 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-10 Pub. Date: 2014-12-10
Image Number: 120012
Caption: Boss, give it to me straight: do I have room for growth here? Of course. If you apply yourself, and try hard every day to eat as much as you can … you can gain another 30 or 40 pounds in no time. Of course, then I'd have to drop your health insurance. You'd be a high risk for heart attack or diabetes. Let me rephrase: Do I have room for advancement? Of course. There's at least another 3 or 4 feet between you and my desk.
     
172. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-11-07 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-11-07 Pub. Date: 2014-11-07
Image Number: 118567
Caption: Boss, as you know, I've decided to become a republican. A step in the right direction. As such, I'm begging you, please … DO NOT RAISE MY WAGES!!! Giving me an extra $2 an hour will ruin me. Once I'm rolling in all that dough, I'll lose any incentive to get a better job. In fact, you'd be doing me a favor if you paid me even less. Ok. I'll cut your pay in half. Would half be enough? Wait! That was supposed to be reverse-psychology! Let me try again ...
     
173. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-10-26 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-10-26 Pub. Date: 2014-10-26
Image Number: 117421
Caption: You've reached Randy The Love Doctor. What ails you? It's an emergency, Doctor Randy! I see a beautiful, sexy, confident, smiling lady at the end of the bar. Hold on, she … yeah she totally just looked at me. WHAT DO I DO? Absolutely nothing. It took you 6.2 seconds to tell me she looked at you and to ask me what you should do about it. My exhaustive research has proven a man has only six seconds to respond affirmatively to a look of interest. After that, he'll either lose his nerve or whatever response he gives will seem rehearsed. Your best move now is Randy's Recovery #67: First, gaze off into the distance as if you're a tortured soul deep in self-reflection ... I can do that.
     
174. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-10-18 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-10-18 Pub. Date: 2014-10-18
Image Number: 117702
Caption: I'm not going to vote because there aren't any televised debates. What? Debates are pretty much the only good thing about election season. You get to watch the politicians hate each other in person. And you get to watch the panic in their eyes when they mess up an answer and realize they've just ruined their entire political career. If they're not gonna bother entertaining me, why should I bother giving them my vote? I love casting ballots. Any opportunity to flex is worthwhile.
     
175. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-09-26 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-09-26 Pub. Date: 2014-09-26
Image Number: 116833
Caption: I figured that since we were just going out for drinks, I'd invite my friend Randy. Great. It's absolutely not because I'm awkward with women and he's a stud and can give me quiet pointers when you go to the tinkle room. Ladies room. Only the occasional pointer! You're cute.
     
176. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-09-21 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-09-21 Pub. Date: 2014-09-21
Image Number: 115998
Caption: Behold, the fad herald cometh. He'll be proud of me; I just ordered both iPhone sixes. Hear ye. The following are out: soda, sitcoms, blogs, militarized police, Facebook and selfies. The following are now in: energy drinks, finger puppets, respectful cops, Snapchat and dronies. Also in: giving drones weekends and holidays off. Also in: the robot apocalypse. EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINA- I MEAN, WE COME IN PEACE.
     
177. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-08-24 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-08-24 Pub. Date: 2014-08-24
Image Number: 114704
Caption: Oh, Lucy, I never say anything like this in my whole life! Oh, Ricky, the studio must think a lot of you to give you a suite like this. My solution for pain? Painaway Jet Spray! Buy a Chevy! They don’t kill people anymore! … That we know of! Take it from me, for toe itch, buy Gold Toe! No, Lucy, you can't go to the studio with me. Because you will hound all the stage. Hungry? Head on down to Pigville for a double Pork-Burger! Do you like a firm mattress but your partner likes it soft? Get the new Eject-A-Mate from Slumberco, and never have to listen to them complain again! Lucy, Ricky better not find out what you're up to, or. Got grease? Get Greezy-Off! Definitely didn't have as many ads in my day. Ricky, I'm sorry I messed everything up. Honey-Nut Cheer-Me-Ohs!
     
178. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-08-23 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-08-23 Pub. Date: 2014-08-23
Image Number: 115313
Caption: I had a very rewarding week. Weird. What? You sound almost happy, satisfied. So strange for someone with such a meaningless, dead-end existence to find amid his personal rubble a nugget of joy. Defeat snatched from the jaws of a vague sense of contentedness. It's almost enough to give me hope.
     
179. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-08-20 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-08-20 Pub. Date: 2014-08-20
Image Number: 115310
Caption: … And to top it off, after school today, Ms. Jensen asked me what I want to be. Give me a break. House of Java .net cybercafe. No one knows what they want t be when they grow up. I was the rare exception. I knew someday I'd work at a high tech giant. Huh? She wanted to know what I wanted to be in some stupid fall play. She assigned me the singing cactus. Never, ever lie. But if anyone asks, I work at Apple.
     
180. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-08-05 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-08-05 Pub. Date: 2014-08-05
Image Number: 114699
Caption: I've checked the spreadsheet, minion. How do you explain yourself? What'd I do, boss? Since you started working here 13 years ago, average rainfall in the township has plummeted by 15%. We're now in a drought. That's led to coffee and cocoa purchases also plummeting by an average of 15%. I'm going to have to give you a 15% pay cut to compensate for your deleterious effect on the local climate. Very bad man.
     
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