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Rudy Park

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161. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-03-03 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-03-03 Pub. Date: 2015-03-03
Image Number: 123745
Caption: You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.
     
162. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-20 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-20 Pub. Date: 2015-02-20
Image Number: 123162
Caption: Boss, I'm more than just a cashier and a mopper-upper guy. What? If only you'll give me more of a decision-making role, you'll find that I've got a lot of good ideas. Such as? I, uh … didn't really expect you to ask me right now. I sense a cash register that needs mopping.
     
163. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-14 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-14 Pub. Date: 2015-02-14
Image Number: 122757
Caption: I can't stand old "Star Trek." There's just way too much talking and not enough blowing stuff up. Well, your problem, little buddy, is you didn't give it enough time to grow on you. You're judging it superficially. Not true. I've seen every single episode of every series and all the movies in the last five hours. Fast-forwarding through things doesn't count as "watching" them. I think it was Shakespeare who said "a meadow that isn't just as lovely from the window of a bullet train isn't lovely at all."
     
164. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-10 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-10 Pub. Date: 2015-02-10
Image Number: 122753
Caption: I confess I've felt temptation to cheat. It's just that I get do tired of waiting for her to give me what I want. She even makes me feel like if I want it, then there must be something wrong with me. She's wrong. Your needs are natural. There's no shame in wanting a tablet that runs a full operating system and has a stylus. Computer Villa. Customer service. But I've been in love with Apple since the first "Lisa."
     
165. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-29 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-29 Pub. Date: 2015-01-29
Image Number: 122184
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! My dog seems to be incontinent. I'm tired of cleaning up after him. Would it be wrong to give him to a shelter? Oh, I don't know. Would you ship your parents off to a "shelter" just because you're tired of helping them? Wait ... don't answer that. I once drove dad into the woods, but he found his way back.
     
166. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-27 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-27 Pub. Date: 2015-01-27
Image Number: 122182
Caption: I haven't seen you look at your Me-phone for five whole minutes. What gives? It's not what you think. I'm still important. I still get alerts every few seconds that remind me and everyone around me that I have things going on. It's just that my phone's charging right now. I swear. Well, I'll help you out in the meantime ... Alert: Constant alerts don't make you a "somebody," you loser! Thanks. That helps.
     
167. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-24 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-24 Pub. Date: 2015-01-24
Image Number: 121925
Caption: Armstrong, I've worked here for a long time and I think I deserve a raise. How about it? I'll give you an Indian Ocean raise, minion. How does an Indian Ocean raise of $2 an hour sound? Fun fact: The Indiana Ocean's on the opposite side of the world, so its "up" is our "down." I don't think that's how "up" works, boss. "Relativity" is just a theory.
     
168. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-19 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-19 Pub. Date: 2015-01-19
Image Number: 121920
Caption: Do you think it's safe yet, Randy? No. Little buddy, I don't. But it's been like three months since the election. Give it a few more. I'm afraid I have to concur with Randy. I say give it a couple years. I demand entry! I promise not to inform you the country has fallen off the precipice!
     
169. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-13 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-13 Pub. Date: 2015-01-13
Image Number: 121460
Caption: Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."
     
170. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-04 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-04 Pub. Date: 2015-01-04
Image Number: 120323
Caption: He'll have a crumb of wheat toast. No I won't! I'll have a sausage biscuit with cheese. And he'll have a plain glass of water. No I won't! I'll have a mocha with whipped cream. And for dessert ... I'll have a hot buttered blueberry scone with pumpkin-spice frosting and peppermint sprinkles! That looks lovely! He'll have plain yogurt. If you don't eat right, you won't be around for me to berate. Give me a double donut burger! A triple would be more humane.
     
171. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-26 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-26 Pub. Date: 2014-12-26
Image Number: 120667
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Nobody got me anything for Christmas. No one cares about me. No one loves me. No one even thinks about me. You're right, because caring and love are measured only by how much loot people give you. What I just gave you, by the way, was the gift of sarcasm. If I can't turn around and sell it on eBay, it's not a "gift."
     
172. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-25 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-25 Pub. Date: 2014-12-25
Image Number: 120666
Caption: Merry Christmas, Randy. Same to you, little buddy. I've noticed there's no tree in the cafe. No decorations ... nothing. The boss is waiting till new year's, once everyone's tossed their trees in the trash. HOJ. He gave me scavenging gear in lieu of a Christmas bonus. How thoughtful.
     
173. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-24 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-24 Pub. Date: 2014-12-24
Image Number: 120665
Caption: You shoved a candy cane in my ear!! Ingrate. It's customary to thank someone when she gives you a Christmas gift. In my day, people would actually mail a handwritten letter to express their gratitude. But you young losers don't respect people enough to take time to do that. My ear!!! No, it's true.
     
174. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-19 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-19 Pub. Date: 2014-12-19
Image Number: 120328
Caption: This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.
     
175. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-18 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-18 Pub. Date: 2014-12-18
Image Number: 120327
Caption: It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller. I got a bonus for the first time in years. Would it be selfish to spend it on myself instead of on Christmas gifts? The age-old question: Do I enjoy the fruits of my labor or give them to the losers and ingrates who did absolutely nothing to earn them? Fly yourself to Maui and send them a photo of you eating a seven-course meal. That'll encourage them to work harder and earn their own bonuses. Encouragement is the best gift you can give. I really love your show, Dr. Sadie.
     
176. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-17 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-17 Pub. Date: 2014-12-17
Image Number: 120326
Caption: I want to get Rudy a Christmas gift. What would he like? Seriously? Yes, seriously. Maybe I do spend all day mercilessly taunting him, driving him to the point of tears ... But that doesn't mean I can't give him his heart's desire for Christmas. Sometimes people still surprise me. Then I can remind him for years that I bought him a gift and he didn't buy me one! But usually not.
     
177. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-12 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-12 Pub. Date: 2014-12-12
Image Number: 120014
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? I'm dating this girl, and she's hinting that she wants a commitment. How do I keep getting what I want without giving her what she wants? That's easy. Every time she opens her mouth to talk about it, softly touch her lips with your finger and say ... "You know what separates us from everyone else?" "We don't even need words. Everything we have to say, we can say with our eyes." How long will that routine buy me? Six weeks of bliss.
     
178. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-10 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-10 Pub. Date: 2014-12-10
Image Number: 120012
Caption: Boss, give it to me straight: do I have room for growth here? Of course. If you apply yourself, and try hard every day to eat as much as you can … you can gain another 30 or 40 pounds in no time. Of course, then I'd have to drop your health insurance. You'd be a high risk for heart attack or diabetes. Let me rephrase: Do I have room for advancement? Of course. There's at least another 3 or 4 feet between you and my desk.
     
179. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-11-07 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-11-07 Pub. Date: 2014-11-07
Image Number: 118567
Caption: Boss, as you know, I've decided to become a republican. A step in the right direction. As such, I'm begging you, please … DO NOT RAISE MY WAGES!!! Giving me an extra $2 an hour will ruin me. Once I'm rolling in all that dough, I'll lose any incentive to get a better job. In fact, you'd be doing me a favor if you paid me even less. Ok. I'll cut your pay in half. Would half be enough? Wait! That was supposed to be reverse-psychology! Let me try again ...
     
180. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-10-26 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-10-26 Pub. Date: 2014-10-26
Image Number: 117421
Caption: You've reached Randy The Love Doctor. What ails you? It's an emergency, Doctor Randy! I see a beautiful, sexy, confident, smiling lady at the end of the bar. Hold on, she … yeah she totally just looked at me. WHAT DO I DO? Absolutely nothing. It took you 6.2 seconds to tell me she looked at you and to ask me what you should do about it. My exhaustive research has proven a man has only six seconds to respond affirmatively to a look of interest. After that, he'll either lose his nerve or whatever response he gives will seem rehearsed. Your best move now is Randy's Recovery #67: First, gaze off into the distance as if you're a tortured soul deep in self-reflection ... I can do that.
     
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