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Rudy Park

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141. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-07 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-07 Pub. Date: 2015-09-07
Image Number: 132284
Caption: Boss, remember when you said you'd consider giving me a raise if I were to show initiative? No. I used the café's line of credit to buy ads on a national broadcast. You did what? If the ad increases business, do I get a raise? Maybe. What channel's it on? Fox? NBC? Today's "Ask Sadie Radio Show" is brought to you by the worst excuse for a cafe in America.
     
142. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-05 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-05 Pub. Date: 2015-09-05
Image Number: 131972
Caption: There was a fly in my soup. I'd like a refund. Ok. Where's the soup? I threw it away already. Why do you need to see the soup? You don't trust me? I'm deeply offended! Sorry. Give me the receipt and I'll get your refund. The fly ate the receipt.
     
143. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-31 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-31 Pub. Date: 2015-08-31
Image Number: 131967
Caption: How much did you lose when the stock market tanked last week, Randy? Nada, little buddy. A real man never invests in other people's businesses, he only invests in his own. If you lose on stocks, it's because you didn't research them enough. If you lose on your own business, it's because you gave it your all and it just didn't work out. Ladies see valiant failure as being way hotter than poor-research failure. That's from chapter 12 of my new book, "Randy 'The Rock' Taylor's guide to manvesting." I'll take a copy.
     
144. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-08 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-08 Pub. Date: 2015-08-08
Image Number: 130663
Caption: Boss, what would you say if I told you that if you don't give me a raise, I'll go work somewhere else? I'd say "Wouldn't it be a shame if your letter of recommendation mentioned how you're an awful employee?" And I'd say "Isn't it a shame the town council has made sure this is the only cafe within fifty miles?" But the way, have you delivered my latest care packages to the council members? Very bad man.
     
145. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-26 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-26 Pub. Date: 2015-07-26
Image Number: 129355
Caption: Hello, you've reached the Illuminati. At last! We have tried to reach your planet's rulers for the last 18 revolutions of your blue rock. We come bearing gifts. That's nice. You trying to reach Les or Nick? Whoever is the prime overlord of your secret cabal of billionaires ... What? The what of our which now? Is this not the secret cabal of billionaires that controls the world's elected leaders, manipulates the economy, and determines the very fate of all nations? No, friend, we're the psychedelic rock band from Toronto. But we broke up years ago, eh? Apologies. We seem to have dialed the wrong number. Les has some new tracks on Facebook, though. If you like '80s action movie music, give it a go.
     
146. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-23 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-23 Pub. Date: 2015-07-23
Image Number: 130028
Caption: Rudy, I'm thinking of replacing you with Gunther the illegal immigrant. What?! Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. Relax. I haven't yet made up my mind. I'll give you a chance to underbid him. Gunther says he'll work for $1 a day, from 3am to 11pm. Can you beat that? Yeah. I can turn you in. Tsk tsk ... Gunther would never say something like that.
     
147. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-10 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-10 Pub. Date: 2015-07-10
Image Number: 129353
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. As soon as the ruling came down, my husband Larry left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The Supreme Court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?
     
148. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-30 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-30 Pub. Date: 2015-06-30
Image Number: 129099
Caption: This is Dr. Sadie. What's your question, caller? How can I tell if my cold is really bronchitis? Stop yer sniveling. In my day, a body would hope it was bronchitis. It gave you a chance to prove your grit! Nothing like a touch of burning pain, wheezing, and crackling in the chest to separate the women from the girls. What kind of doctor are you, again?
     
149. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-20 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-20 Pub. Date: 2015-06-20
Image Number: 128449
Caption: I wish I could be part of a famous celebrity family like the Kardashians. It's not all it's cracked up to be. Once upon a time, the Cohens were America's most popular-for-no-good-reason family. And I was the beautiful, buxom young ingénue of the clan. The reality was, we were only famous because somehow, an "accidentally" leaked photograph of me in my bloomers was telegraphed all around the world. Did they give you your own reality show? "Keeping Up With the Cohens" was radio's first big hit.
     
150. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-14 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-14 Pub. Date: 2015-06-14
Image Number: 127575
Caption: Hello, Rudy. What would you like, Uncle Mort? I'd like you to promise me you'll give due consideration to Bernie Sanders. Not sure we have that. Stop joking. This may be America's last chance to avoid a dystopian future where we're all slaves to a heartless corporate-run plutocracy. What do you have against dystopian futures run by heartless corporations? Some of our best movies and video games are set in that kind of future. I'm not going to win this one, am I? Can Bernie Sandwich give us replicants and hover-cars? SANDERS!!! I'm looking forward to playing two-player with my clone.
     
151. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-18 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-18 Pub. Date: 2015-05-18
Image Number: 127259
Caption: Hi, this is Hillary Clinton. Yes, I know, you're running for president. You may not know this, but I'm running for president. But I'm not doing it for me, I'm doing it for you. This is about your story, average citizen. This is about your struggles. Your hopes. Your dreams. You, you, you, you, you. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Can I ask you a question? No. As I was saying, I'm running to give you a voice. A vote for me is a vote for you.
     
152. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-08 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-08 Pub. Date: 2015-05-08
Image Number: 126578
Caption: I just edited your Wikipedia entry. Tap tap tap tap tap. So what, loser? So? According to Wikipedia, you're now a convicted felon who holds the world record for stinkiest armpit. That's the first thing that shows up now whenever anyone searches for "Sadie Cohen." Oh no, people I'll never meet and who I don't give a !@#$ about may think poorly of me. However will I cope? Spoken just like a felonious stink-pit.
     
153. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-01 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-01 Pub. Date: 2015-05-01
Image Number: 126203
Caption: Boss … instead of sending me a tax refund, the IRS sent me a letter saying I owe them $9,000. Do you know anything about that? Nope. In a totally unrelated matter, did you know that businesses have to pay half the social security and Medicare taxes for their employees? And did you know that if a business re-categorizes workers as "independent contractors," then those workers aren't technically employees and become responsible for paying all their own taxes? Very. Bad. Man. I gave you your independence. I'm like Lincoln. You should thank me.
     
154. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-04-13 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-04-13 Pub. Date: 2015-04-13
Image Number: 125624
Caption: Hey boss, it's April 13th. A couple years ago, you said come back April 13, 2015, and we could talk about you giving me a raise. Yes, but that was predicated on the notion that you'd need a raise by now. I see you're still alive. Clearly you haven't starved to death. You smell minty-fresh, so clearly you haven't been forced out onto the streets. Karl Marx said it best: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need." I'm pretty sure that is not what Marx meant.
     
155. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-03-14 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-03-14 Pub. Date: 2015-03-14
Image Number: 124104
Caption: I heard you're going to Mars to star on some reality show. Yep. Mars One. We launch ten years from now. Ten years? You don't have the attention span to wait ten minutes. In ten years, you'll have forgotten all about this. And when that day comes, I will mock and berate you mercilessly. You'll be dead in ten years. Ridiculing you gives me a reason to go on! Being around you gives me a reason to go to Mars.
     
156. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-03-03 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-03-03 Pub. Date: 2015-03-03
Image Number: 123745
Caption: You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.
     
157. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-20 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-20 Pub. Date: 2015-02-20
Image Number: 123162
Caption: Boss, I'm more than just a cashier and a mopper-upper guy. What? If only you'll give me more of a decision-making role, you'll find that I've got a lot of good ideas. Such as? I, uh … didn't really expect you to ask me right now. I sense a cash register that needs mopping.
     
158. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-14 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-14 Pub. Date: 2015-02-14
Image Number: 122757
Caption: I can't stand old "Star Trek." There's just way too much talking and not enough blowing stuff up. Well, your problem, little buddy, is you didn't give it enough time to grow on you. You're judging it superficially. Not true. I've seen every single episode of every series and all the movies in the last five hours. Fast-forwarding through things doesn't count as "watching" them. I think it was Shakespeare who said "a meadow that isn't just as lovely from the window of a bullet train isn't lovely at all."
     
159. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-10 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-10 Pub. Date: 2015-02-10
Image Number: 122753
Caption: I confess I've felt temptation to cheat. It's just that I get do tired of waiting for her to give me what I want. She even makes me feel like if I want it, then there must be something wrong with me. She's wrong. Your needs are natural. There's no shame in wanting a tablet that runs a full operating system and has a stylus. Computer Villa. Customer service. But I've been in love with Apple since the first "Lisa."
     
160. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-29 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-29 Pub. Date: 2015-01-29
Image Number: 122184
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! My dog seems to be incontinent. I'm tired of cleaning up after him. Would it be wrong to give him to a shelter? Oh, I don't know. Would you ship your parents off to a "shelter" just because you're tired of helping them? Wait ... don't answer that. I once drove dad into the woods, but he found his way back.
     
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