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Rudy Park

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81. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-06 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-06 Pub. Date: 2017-05-06
Image Number: 157563
Caption: Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in word or in deed?
     
82. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-03 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-03 Pub. Date: 2017-05-03
Image Number: 157560
Caption: Did you read that AP interview with Donald Trump? I did not. Well, it gave me a brilliant idea. I stayed up for a week perfecting it. It's a "Trump Generator" for interviews. You ask it questions, and it gives you answers that are completely nonsensical gibberish punctuated by words like "tremendous." That's going to save the media a lot of time. It's a "bigly-answers-for-stupid-fake-questions-dot-com."
     
83. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-24 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-24 Pub. Date: 2017-04-24
Image Number: 157296
Caption: I've given up editing your Wikipedia entry. I still neither know nor care what that means. Tap tap tap tap tap. Instead, I've put up a whole new page for you on Wookieepedia. Did you know you were Chewbacca's first love? But he left you after 200 years of castigation and belittling. You hurt me like the bug hurts the windshield, dork-boy. Also, Chewbacca thought you had too much nose hair.
     
84. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-21 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-21 Pub. Date: 2017-04-21
Image Number: 157028
Caption: "Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! I've been dating this man for 17 years. How do I get him to pop the big question? Which "big question" is that? "Hey, how come I'm not getting any lovin'?" … or "Hey, where are you going with all your luggage?" ... or "Hey, who's that guy and why are you riding him piggyback and kissing on his neck like that?" Get a clue, lady, he doesn't want you. Move on. Maybe I should give him more time.
     
85. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-31 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-31 Pub. Date: 2017-03-31
Image Number: 156360
Caption: Two words, boss: Virtual reality. We glue virtual reality goggles to our coffee mugs. Come again? When patrons sip their Himalayan mochas, they'll think they're dangling from a cliff in the Himalayan mountains. People will come from Miles around! People will throw up for miles around. We'll give patrons mops that double as virtual reality hockey sticks. This conversation is virtually over.
     
86. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-11 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-11 Pub. Date: 2017-03-11
Image Number: 155396
Caption: I've decided to get Elon Musk to send me for a trip around the moon in two years. I set up a Gofundme page to crowdsource money for it. My goal is to raise ten billion dollars. That shouldn't be too hard, considering there are seven billion people on earth. Non of whom are going to give you a dime. I hope not. That would only come to seven hundred million. Annoyed? How'd you like to send me far away? Here's a link to my Gofundme.
     
87. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-26 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-26 Pub. Date: 2017-02-26
Image Number: 154365
Caption: Hi Darlene. Was that me you were waving at? Yes. Step half an inch closer, Rudy. This is a courtesy reminder of our upcoming midlife crisis appointment. Our what? I have you booked for "mad passionate fling with someone my friends and family would disapprove of," for March of this year through February of 2018. We start next month. That's enough time for you to firm your chest and arms up to a semi-acceptable level of near-manliness. It's also enough time for you to tattoo-up. I just emailed you an autocad blueprint with the designs and the specific locations on your body where they're to be scrawled ... and then she gave me a list of sweet nothings to whisper to her. My advice is to be very indignant about all this, beginning after February of 2018.
     
88. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-24 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-24 Pub. Date: 2017-02-24
Image Number: 154817
Caption: Boss, I'm more than just a cashier and a mopper-upper guy. What? If only you'll give me more of a decision-making role, you'll find that I've got a lot of good ideas. Such as. Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. I, uh … didn't really expect you to ask me right now. I sense a cash register that needs mopping.
     
89. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-23 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-23 Pub. Date: 2017-01-23
Image Number: 153707
Caption: I watched a Mark Blyth video on Youtube called "Global Trumpism." It explained everything. Really? How so? He pointed out how inflation was an unavoidable feature of predatory capitalism and how that led to worldwide Trumpism. And some stuff about Kierkegaard and Mussolini, and debtors' revolts, and the section of all societies in this phase that will swing right unless they're given a genuine left alternative ... I don't remember all the details, but it made a whole lot of sense in his mesmerizing Scottish accent. It was like James Bond, only smart. Were there bikinis?
     
90. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-12 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-12 Pub. Date: 2017-01-12
Image Number: 153095
Caption: Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: Donald Trump's Inauguration. Specifically, we'll talk about how most of the big starts asked to perform for him refused to do it. We'll also be talking about how yours truly won the blue ribbon at the 1928 Jr. Miss Flapper competition at the "And How!" speakeasy for my rendition of "Bug-Eyed Betty is the Bees Knees." Trump called me, but I refused to perform too. But I gave him the third runner-up's contact info. Trump, Bessie May Gobthwacker is waiting for your call.
     
91. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-08 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-08 Pub. Date: 2017-01-08
Image Number: 152225
Caption: He'll have a crumb of wheat toast. No I won't! I'll have a sausage biscuit with cheese. And we'll have a plain glass of water. No I won't! I'll have a mocha with whipped cream. And for dessert … I'll have a hot buttered blueberry scone with pumpkin-spice frosting and peppermint sprinkles! That looks lovely! He'll have plain yogurt. If you don't eat right, you won't be around for me to berate. Give me a double donut burger! A triple would be more humane. House of Java.
     
92. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-29 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-29 Pub. Date: 2016-12-29
Image Number: 152645
Caption: Give me a double-tall white chocolate mocha, extra whip. Put it on my tab. Ok. Just leave your credit card with me and I'll charge you before you leave. What? That's not how it works. I'm supposed to just say "put it on my tab," and then I pay for it at some indeterminate point in the future. And then you're supposed to hint about my growing tab but never ask me to pay it because we've become such good pals. Real life isn't like tv.
     
93. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-27 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-27 Pub. Date: 2016-12-27
Image Number: 152643
Caption: Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Very bad man.
     
94. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-18 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-18 Pub. Date: 2016-12-18
Image Number: 151672
Caption: I suppose you're wondering why I've called you in to the café at 3am, minion. Too tired to wonder, boss. It's come to my attention that you're underreporting your cash tips by a whopping average of 0.003%. And that's impacting me. The whole reason I'm allowed to pay you less than minimum wage ... is because tips are supposed to make up the difference. When tips fall short, I'm supposed to raise your pay. I think we can both agree that that's an absolutely unthinkable horror of biblical proportions. But I've come up with a plan that I think you'll agree is a win-win solution. You'll give me all your tips, and I'll keep you on as an unpaid intern and consider not turning you in. "Win-win" isn't supposed to mean you win twice!
     
95. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-10 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-10 Pub. Date: 2016-12-10
Image Number: 151824
Caption: I just edited your Wikipedia entry. And I don't give a wiki. Tap tap tap tap tap. You have now single-handedly proven that Mars had oceans 4.3 billion years ago … because the Mars Rover stumbled across a fossilized photo of you sunning yourself on a primordial Martian beach. Photos can't be fossilized, you ignoramus. They can once I'm done editing the Wikipedia entry for "photos."
     
96. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-27 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-27 Pub. Date: 2016-11-27
Image Number: 150586
Caption: You've reached Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you? It's an emergency, Doctor Randy! I see a beautiful, sexy, confident, smiling lady at the end of the bar. Hold on, she … yeah she totally just looked at me. What do I do? Absolutely nothing. It took you 6.2 seconds to tell me she looked at you and to ask me what you should do about it. My exhaustive research has proven a man has only six seconds to respond affirmatively to a look of interest. After that, he'll either lose his nerve or whatever response he gives will seem rehearsed. Your best move now is Randy's Recovery #67: First, gaze off into the distance as if you're a tortured soul deep in self-reflection ... I can do that.
     
97. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-15 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-15 Pub. Date: 2016-11-15
Image Number: 151037
Caption: I heard you were giving out free red-white-and-blue cookies for Election Day. That was last week. I know. But you didn't specify it was for the presidential election. They're voting today for hall monitor at Octavia Butler Elementary School in Pasadena. Technically, that means it's "Election Day." Cookie me now, cookie boy, or I sue for false advertising. Get out.
     
98. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-04 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-04 Pub. Date: 2016-11-04
Image Number: 150487
Caption: You're on the "Ask Sadie" show. What's your problem?! Someone gave my toddler a cookie. Now that's all he'll eat. Excellent question. Reminds me of the time I was a small child. One day, eccentric old Adelaide Chestersmithe down the street fed me a marmalade cookie. I was hooked. Mother Cohen exacted revenge by feeding laxatives to Mrs. Chestersmithe's pet orangutan. To put it mildly, she got her point across: Never give anyone's kid a "treat" without permission. Um ... Ok ... Thanks.
     
99. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-21 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-21 Pub. Date: 2016-10-21
Image Number: 149920
Caption: I was here just last month. Could you give me a returning-customer discount? I mean, it's the least you could do for such a loyal customer. Not really. The least I could do is nothing. You've just lost all my business. Get out.
     
100. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-13 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-13 Pub. Date: 2016-10-13
Image Number: 149624
Caption: I have an idea for a new app: It's an app that generates ideas for apps. What? Every time you're inconvenienced, the app will ask you to describe the inconvenience in great detail. Then it'll feed the variables into an algorithm and pop out an idea for an app that addresses that inconvenience. Having to detail all your inconveniences doesn't sound very convenient. Tell the app why that is, and it'll give you an app for that.
     
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