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Rudy Park

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41. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-07-01 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-07-01 Pub. Date: 2018-07-01
Image Number: 172239
Caption: You're in big, big trouble, you old coot. Give me a break. I'm clean. But you won't be. Meaning what? You won't get away with it. You will pay dearly for your eventual infidelities! How dare you! How dare I?! Look! … making it Larry King's seventh divorce and further accusations of cheating on the part of a man well into his sunset years ... How could you? I will not distance myself from CNN. And to think I was good to you, filthbag! Larry, you're killing it for the rest of us.
     
42. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-07-01 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-07-01 Pub. Date: 2018-07-01
Image Number: 172751
Caption: You're in big trouble, you old coot. Give me a break, I'm clean. But you won't be. Meaning what? You won't get away with it. You will pay dearly for your eventual infidelities! How dare you! How dare it! LOOK! Making it Larry King's seventh divorce and further accusations of cheating on the part of a man well into his sunset years. How could you? I will not distance myself from CNN. And to think I was so good to you, filthbag. Larry, you're killing it for the rest of us.
     
43. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-07 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-07 Pub. Date: 2018-06-07
Image Number: 172098
Caption: Given enough time, audiences know what to expect, Rosencrantz. And with expectation comes acceptance. Give them crudty, and that is what they will accept. Give them erudition, and they will rise to accept that. Feed them a diet of lies, and they will learn to crave them. I still would prefer to eat my sandwiches before you've chewed them. Give it time.
     
44. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-04 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-04 Pub. Date: 2018-06-04
Image Number: 172095
Caption: Has it occurred to you, Rosencrantz, that we are never there? Wherever we are at any given moment is but a rest stop on a journey form where we were to where we are headed. All of existence is in motion. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if some great being would put its finger on existence and bring it to a halt. Even the great finger could not remain there forever, for the finger is always on a journey to somewhere else. I sense this thesis is about to go sideways, Tyrone.
     
45. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-27 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-27 Pub. Date: 2018-05-27
Image Number: 171404
Caption: What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Sandwich? The mackerel mocha sounds lovely. What's in it? The usual. Chocolate. Soy milk. Mackerel. Yes, but is the mackerel farm-raised or from the sea? Ocean. Atlantic? Pacific? Indian? Arctic? Antarctic? I'm not sure. Oh. Ok ... well what's the mackerel's mercury content? Negligible, I'm sure. Ok. Was it exposed to any chlorine? Or copper sulphate? Or malathion? Was it treated with kindness? Was it read stories and sung to before bedtime? Yes. Never mind, it sounds iffy. Just give me the usual aspartame-trans fat medley.
     
46. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-26 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-26 Pub. Date: 2018-05-26
Image Number: 171811
Caption: You short-changed me when I paid for my drink last week. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. You gave me change for $10, but I know I gave you more than a ten-dollar bill. Sorry about that. How much did you give me? I distinctly remember I had nothing but $1,000 bills in my wallet. Not falling for it.
     
47. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-06 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-06 Pub. Date: 2018-05-06
Image Number: 170676
Caption: One peppermint shake, two straws. Oh no. We're back together again. In fact, make that just one straw. We'll share it. I don't want anything to separate us ever again. Two. What are you trying to do, sugar-puss, give me the mouth-herpes you caught form that Sheila? I told you, daffodil-bottom, that wasn't mouth-herpes, it was just a sore where I'd accidentally bitten my lip. And I would never have even been with Sheila if you hadn't just ditched me for that hobo. Biff Manly is a sailor who lives in a houseboat. He's not a hobo ... dear. Do you have any drinks that taste like the high seas? Leave me out of this! I see you've got a drink called The Sheila. We'll. Have. That.
     
48. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-30 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-30 Pub. Date: 2018-04-30
Image Number: 171058
Caption: Hey boss, mind if I give the 3-day-old muffins to Homeless Harry instead of throwing them out? Are you insane? Do you have any idea how many people are becoming homeless and moving into the alley every day? Three years ago it was just Homeless Harry. But now it's also Wandering Wanda, Displaced Daryl, Desolate Davina, Forlorn Farzad, Dispossessed Dale, Outcast Oswald, Derelect Daphne, Exiled Evan, Refugee Rachel, Itinerant Irving, and Vagabond Vernon. Tomorrow it could be Yomeless You, you know. Yomeless isn't a word, so that's not possible.
     
49. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-22 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-22 Pub. Date: 2018-04-22
Image Number: 170203
Caption: Of course I can get you a double-caffeine espresso. You … you can? Coffee King. You mean my usual café hasn't blacklisted me throughout the tri-county area like they said they did? You mean to tell me my cardiologist and my crabby wife haven't sent every cafe do not serve this man posters like they said they did? Well in that case, hurry up and give it to me before the old battleaxe finds a parking spot! Oh, don't worry. There's a convention next door. She'll be circling the block for hours. How do you like your gentle-flower chamomile tea? People who double-park should burn forever in the fiery pits of hell.
     
50. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-08 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-08 Pub. Date: 2018-04-08
Image Number: 169775
Caption: Dr. Stephen Hawking saved my life, doc. How so? Dr. Noodle. I was in a deep dark depression. I wanted to end it all. I was about to. But just then, through my tv, I heard his computerized voice announcing his discovery about black holes. They're the most powerful things there are. But he'd discovered that theoretically, they lose mass over time, until they're just ... gone. He said Things can get out of a black hole both on the outside and possibly to another universe. So if you feel you are in a black hole, don't give up ... there's a way out. His loss is a moral and intellectual void that'll never be filled. Well that's depressing ... and ... now I'm ok.
     
51. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-04 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-04 Pub. Date: 2018-04-04
Image Number: 170206
Caption: Boss, I told The Fixer you were firing him. Go back and tell him that was fake news. I may have use for him after all, if the press ever finds out about the nondisclosure agreement I forced Garfield to sign. Um … ok … that's enough … The Fixer paid him the hush money, and that gives me plausible deniability. I don't want to hear it!!! Very bad man!!! It was lasagna-related. Get your mind out of the gutter.
     
52. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-31 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-31 Pub. Date: 2018-03-31
Image Number: 169902
Caption: I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 a.m., minion. I try not to wonder. After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7. We're in the suburbs everyone's asleep. Not true. By being closed at 3 a.m, we're missing out on the potentially lucrative Igor the Wino clientele. Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon. Very bad man.
     
53. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-13 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-13 Pub. Date: 2018-03-13
Image Number: 169406
Caption: You wanted to talk to me, boss? Yes, Rudy. I'm going to give you some time off to expand your horizons. You are? But you've never given me any time off ever. That was before patrons began complaining about how boring you are. I'm going to need you to visit exciting locales, get into interesting exploits, and come back with tales with which to enthrall the average cafe patron. Wow. Thanks. I'll give you four hours off every day between midnight and 4 a.m. Use them wisely. Wow. Thanks.
     
54. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-26 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-26 Pub. Date: 2018-02-26
Image Number: 168933
Caption: You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!! Ok. Where's the drink? What do you mean? I drank it. I wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste. You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's now how it works. You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you. That's not how it works!
     
55. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-18 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-18 Pub. Date: 2018-02-18
Image Number: 168052
Caption: When I was a youth, I dreamt of becoming a gangsta rapper who'd someday go legit and found a major record label and sell it for billions to Apple. Dr. Noodle. I never did it, though. I didn't know that career path was really possible. But then Dr. Dre cam along and he did it. That's an awfully specific dream you had. And then there was my Russian dream. I always dreamt of striking out in real estate, then catching the eye of Russian mobsters and foreign banks who'd bail me out if I agreed to launder tons of loot for them ... and then maybe I'd run for high office so I could repay the bank by giving so I could repay the bank by giving it a waiver exempting it from paying some huge fine, and maybe I'd be able to use my office to repay the mafia somehow too. Y'know ... sometimes when we're jealous, we rewrite history and actually believe I thought of that first. Oh, no, I've been laundering money for year -- wait this whole thing is confidential right?
     
56. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-16 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-16 Pub. Date: 2018-02-16
Image Number: 168445
Caption: Boss, hear me out: I'm giving you a chance to progressively cultivate optimal internal organic sources. Forget it. But a sabbatical would seamlessly benchmark high-payoff architectures so your assets could competently pursue premier content generation. You're not getting a week's paid vacation, minion, and that's final. But don't you want to synergistically drive holistic, end-to-end cross-functional virtualization? Get back to work.
     
57. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-14 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-14 Pub. Date: 2018-02-14
Image Number: 168443
Caption: I just can't anymore. There is no can't, little buddy. We can do anything we set our mints to unless we give up. When you say I can't, what I hear is I won't. Now there are photos of Richard Dreyfuss groping fans behinds and nether regions. Do you think it's too soon to tweet some Close Encounters of the Fourth Kind jokes. You can't.
     
58. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-11 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-11 Pub. Date: 2018-02-11
Image Number: 167765
Caption: Told you fellers Trump would make America great ag'n. He weren't lyin', neither. At&T gave out bonuses. Sure they laid off a buncha folks at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, so that don't count. Wal-Mart gave a buncha workers raises … An' they laid off a buncha folks at Sam's Club at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, go that don't count. MAGA. Over a hundred companies are givin' out one-time $1000 bonuses an' sayin' it's 'cause of the billions of dollars in tax cuts they got. During the last gilded age, the robber barons sometimes handed out pocket change to the poor. They were placating the masses who wanted to break up their huge, unscrupulous, slave-wage-paying corporations. Sounds like fake hist'ry to me. Just saying, $1000 isn't much to pay for pitchfork insurance. We eat the poor.
     
59. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-10 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-10 Pub. Date: 2018-02-10
Image Number: 168191
Caption: In my day, they didn't give free lunches to poor children in school. If your parents couldn't afford to feed you, you went without. When you saw rich kids and their fancy sandwiches, you didn't expect the government to level the playing field for you. You pushed them down in the mud and stole those sandwiches on your own! I think I read about you in The Hunger Games.
     
60. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-26 give 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-26 Pub. Date: 2018-01-26
Image Number: 167660
Caption: You wanted to see me again, boss? Yes. I realized you never gave me my Christmas bonus. What're you talking about? You're the boss. You give me a bonus, I don't give you a bonus. Exactly. The key word in employer-employee relationship is relationship. One-sided relationships never work, Rudy. I've calculated the amount you would have paid me if you hadn't been taking me for granted for 16 years. Very bad man.
     
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