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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-16 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-16 Pub. Date: 2017-10-16
Image Number: 163915
Caption: So anyway, I went to that flash mob in Charlottesville last week. I showed up ready to do the uptown funk while a guy proposed to his girlfriend. I spent all week practicing my moves in the mirror. I dropped $200 on the glittery tuxedo. But when I got there, I was the only one who started dancing. Wait ... wasn't the flash mob in Charlottesville full of evil neo-Nazis and white supremacists? Do you know how easy it is to confuse "Charlottesville" with "Charlotte"?
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-15 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-15 Pub. Date: 2017-10-15
Image Number: 163200
Caption: You look tired, Rudy. Nah, I'm actually not tired. Why don't you go take a break. I'll man the counter for you. That's ok, Uncle Mort. Look at those bags beneath your eyes. And … are those wrinkles I see there? Did you know you age faster if you don't sleep? I'm on to you, Uncle Mort. You want me to step away so you can fix yourself an Espresso. Your doctors said no caffeine. You sound paranoid, Rudy. You're seeing duplicity everywhere. That's a symptom of sleep deprivation. I'm just thinking about your well-being. You're getting very very tired!!! Nice try, Uncle Mort.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-11 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-11 Pub. Date: 2017-10-11
Image Number: 163642
Caption: Today's alpha-lesson is called "Always Jujutsu the Suspense." If someone says "I've got a great idea" and then pauses to create suspense, that's a power-move. They want you to beg them to continue. The alpha counter-move in this case is simple. Use the suspense-monger's suspense against them: say absolutely nothing.* *This move should never ever be applied in the boudoir.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-09 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-09 Pub. Date: 2017-10-09
Image Number: 163640
Caption: Boss, remember when you said you'd consider giving me a raise if I were to show initiative? No. I used the café's line of credit to buy ads on a national broadcast. You did what? If the ad increases business, do I get a raise? Maybe. What channel's it on? Fox? NBC? Today's "Ask Sadie Radio Show" is brought to you by the worst excuse for a cafe in America.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-08 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-08 Pub. Date: 2017-10-08
Image Number: 162958
Caption: What was it you wanted to talk about, minion? Boss, you called me in at 2a.m. to clean out the gutters. We don't have any gutters. Of course we don't have any gutters. I'm confused. When I ordered you to clean out the gutters, it was clearly implied that you're first supposed to install them. Am I supposed to do all your thinking for you, Rudy? This is very disappointing. This will impact your next weekly performance review. Anyway, you'd better get to it. How do you expect the cafe's rooftop garden to properly drain without gutters? We don't have a rooftop garden. Very bad man. How do you expect to placate the green-freaks once we install the oil wells without a rooftop garden.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-30 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-30 Pub. Date: 2017-09-30
Image Number: 163108
Caption: Randy, remember when the president went to the U.N. and talked about how unstable North Korea was? Yeah, that was right before he threatened to "totally destroy" North Korea. I see what you're getting at, little buddy. You think that was ironic. Yes. But what about Randy's axiom #67.1 ... "Unapologetic irony is the key to seduction. It breaks all rules of common sense and respect, and breaking rules is sexy." I didn't mean "sexy" in the hubba-hubba sense. Oh, good, because I was about to say, I didn't feel any hubbas at all.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-28 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-28 Pub. Date: 2017-09-28
Image Number: 163106
Caption: I really hope Medicare for all passes, little buddy. If it passes, no one will be forced to stay in a bad marriage just for the health insurance. There'll be million of men re-entering the dating scene. The competition will help me keep my skills honed. Of course, all the extra women on the scene might negate the challenge ... Maybe I should give this more thought. I'm worried that if it passes, I'll be able to get checked, and they'll remove my pulsating mole. Throbby? But you love Throbby.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-26 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-26 Pub. Date: 2017-09-26
Image Number: 163104
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie show. You're on caller. What's your problem? The Orville. Don't get me started. Orville Redenbacher stole his popping-corn recipe from Grandma Cohen. But … "but she stole it from Clarence Hornswaggler descendant of the guy who stole it from the Native Americans," Yeah everyone knows that story; it's fake news. No, I meant "The Orville," that "Star-Trek" type show by Seth McFarlane. What's that have to do with popcorn? Call back when you're not so confused. Next caller!
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-23 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-23 Pub. Date: 2017-09-23
Image Number: 162865
Caption: I was eating my muffin and drinking my latte when I noticed the tv on your wall is only 1080p resolution. That's right. So you admit it! Your tv is not an 8k UHD television! And yet your sign outside says "good eats and state of the art tech inside." That's false advertising. I might be willing to forgo the class action lawsuit and settle out of court. I'd settle for a 1080p tv. Get out.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-22 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-22 Pub. Date: 2017-09-22
Image Number: 162864
Caption: Seriously, boss? I'm no longer allowed to talk about astronomy at work? Why? It's just bad for business. What if I want to get a huge merger approved so I could finally achieve my lifelong dream of having a monopoly of my very own? The government's not exactly science-friendly these days. I don't want them throwing up roadblocks just because my minion aid something that pressed their buttons. Did you know Venus is a dead world because of global warming? Stop that.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-20 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-20 Pub. Date: 2017-09-20
Image Number: 162862
Caption: Sadie, they say the Andromeda galaxy's on a collision course with outs, and it's a lot closer than it was when earth was first created. So what, dorkboy? Is that true? You're the perfect person to ask if it's really gotten closer. Was it even big enough to see in the sky, back in the hadean eon when you were a kid? You should've said "Jurassic era." Nobody know what "hadean eon" is. I give that sad attempt a 2 out of 5. Had they already invented 2 and 5 when you were a kid?
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-17 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-17 Pub. Date: 2017-09-17
Image Number: 162203
Caption: My Youtube channel's taking off. Mine too, little buddy. You have a Youtube channel? Of course, it's got 12.8 million subscribers. I accompanies my best-selling MANuals book series. I post a video per day. There's "Pickup Artist Mondays," "Man-Grooming Tuesdays," "Relationship Escape-Artist Wednesdays" ... "Become an Alpha in Five Minutes Thursdays" ... "New Advances in Speedos Fridays," and "Using Quantum Physics and the Multiverse Theory to Explain Why that Lady She Caught You with was Actually an Alternate Reality Version of Your Girlfriend So it's OK Saturdays." In other words, Saturdays are just fun stories about dumb guys who couldn't get away with dumb things. Viewership spikes to about 15 mil for those. Well ... anyway, like I was saying ... I'm just 87 subscribers away from hitting the 100-subscriber mark. Cool ... Hey, can I feature you on an upcoming "Stop Embarrassing Yourself Sunday"?
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-12 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-12 Pub. Date: 2017-09-12
Image Number: 162610
Caption: Can I ask you something man-to-man? What's up? Let's say a … friend of mine … was so focused on building his corporate empire that he has very little time for romance. And let's say my … friend … hired a surrogate to seduce someone, get married, and have children ... all while wearing a hidden camera so I ... I mean, my friend ... could experience it vicariously. Would that be weird? Long talk ahead.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-10 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-10 Pub. Date: 2017-09-10
Image Number: 161928
Caption: My uncle keeps sending me crazy, paranoid conspiracy theories he hears on Youtube. Dr. Noodle. It all started a few years ago when he sent me an email about how the victims of the Hindenburg crash were all crisis actors. These same victims died on the Titanic! He wrote. Then he told me President Obama was setting up Femur Camps, where he'd be letting the Illuminati harvest our femur bones for voodoo incantations to turn all our frogs into insomniacs. When I asked him why on earth would anyone want to do that? he said I had been brainwashed by the cabal that runs both the fake news and the pepperoni industries. So I replied why would they waste their time brainwashing me? What would they gain from that? Does your uncle have a hobby? Get him to refer uncle!!! $$$$$$$ ... because it's possible that you're his hobby. He said they've brainwashed me into thinking there's nothing to gain from brainwashing me.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-06 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-06 Pub. Date: 2017-09-06
Image Number: 162350
Caption: Sadie, you might be able to settle a scientific question. You can not get under my skin, loser. They just cut down a huge Redwood tree. It's got 3,200 rings in it. I'm not even listening. Is it true every ring represents a year? You must know, since you were around when that tree was born. Hey everyone, she says it's true. When I'm don with my meatloaf, let's find out how old you are. Munch mun -
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-31 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-31 Pub. Date: 2017-08-31
Image Number: 162102
Caption: Hey Darlene, have you ever sued anyone for libel? Not yet. But it is on my bucket list. I've scheduled if for January 19th, 2032. Right after "visit Machu Picchu" and right before "renovate and flip a house." I firmly believe in planning ahead. I've got everything mapped out. Go ahead, try me. March 1st, 2075. Reincarnate as a level-24 mature soul.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-29 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-29 Pub. Date: 2017-08-29
Image Number: 162100
Caption: Hey boss, have you ever sued someone for slander or libel? Of course I have, minion. Many times. In fact, what day is it? Is it Tuesday? I usually reserve Tuesdays for suing people who leave bad Yelp reviews of my café. Or is it Wednesday? On Wednesdays, I like to stand on the corner and mutter "big toe" over and over again to crowds and then sue anyone who calls me "crazy". Or is today Thursday? I have a lawyer on retainer, and I like to get my money's worth. Plus, everyone needs a hobby. That's crazy! ... Cool. "Crazy-cool," I mean.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-27 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-27 Pub. Date: 2017-08-27
Image Number: 161424
Caption: Excuse me, sir, if it's not too much trouble … Hi, Democrats. What can I get you? Coffee Sandwiches? An explanation. We introduced our bold new plan last month: "A Better Deal," but the progressives still aren't impressed. What more could they ask for? We focus-group tested the heck out of the slogan. It was the least objectionable and least un-inspiring of the bunch! It evokes FDR's "New Deal" and LBJ's "Fair Deal" without over-promising. We don't want to risk over-promising. It even sounded progressive! We mentioned tax credits to retrains workers, a $15 minimum wage (eventually), regulating prescription drug prices, and busting monopolies, maybe. We even said we'd think about forming a committee to consider considering sing-payer health care, among many other more corporate-donor-friendly options that aren't single-payer. And we introduced it with an editorial vowing not to expand government or move our party in one direction or another along the political spectrum. Bold! So why didn't that fire up the progressive base? ... Hello?
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-21 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-21 Pub. Date: 2017-08-21
Image Number: 161806
Caption: I'll have a triple-vanilla white mocha and a powdered donut. Also, a Tiki torch. A Tiki torch? Home Depot refused to sell me one for some reason. Then they said "get out." Why would they do that? I don't know. Probably because I was wearing my sheet. But I thought "better safe than sorry." Oh ... Wait, what? At the Charlottesville Klan rally, those guys didn't wear theirs, and plenty of them lost their jobs 'cause of that. Get out.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-20 get 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-20 Pub. Date: 2017-08-20
Image Number: 161181
Caption: Get outta here I'm busy! Got outta here I'm busy! Open Mike Night Presents Kids 3-5. Watch what you want! Watch what you want! Got my glock, an' my dollars, got my glock and' my dollars! A got seven baby mamas, I got seven baby mamas! All them (censored) on my (censored). All them (censored) on my (censored). Okay, thank you! Lots of talent here tonight, so let's keep it moving. And parents, pay attention to what your three-year-olds are watching. Okay, who's next?
     
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