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The Get Well Comics And Cartoons

collected from fifty of the best cartoonists.

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1.  
Cartoonist(s): Mike Lester
Comic/Cartoon: Mike du Jour
Viewable Date: 2014-08-21 Pub. Date: 2014-08-21
Image Number: 115283
Caption: What's it like being a salad bartender? What are your hopes, dreams? Tell me about yourself. What are your fears? What keeps you up at night? What are your deepest darkest secrets? What scares you? Go ahead, you can tell me … Well, sometimes I- I've got $4 in my 401(k).
     
2.  
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley
Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2014-08-20 Pub. Date: 2014-08-20
Image Number: 114934
Caption: Hi, Helen, this is Melissa from Jenny Craig with your weekly check-in call. Oh, hi, Melissa. I have the same two issues … the portions are too small and the vitamins make me a little queasy. Well, you'll get used to the portions … … and just make sure to take the vitamins on a full stomach. Yes, that's what you said last week ... But I never had a full stomach.
     
3.  
Cartoonist(s): Brian Crane
Comic/Cartoon: Pickles
Viewable Date: 2014-08-16 Pub. Date: 2014-08-16
Image Number: 114681
Caption: Gramma, is Roscoe your dog or grampa's? Well, I'm the one who feeds him and takes care of him. So I suppose you could say he's mine. By the way, that's how I got your grampa, too.
     
4.  
Cartoonist(s): Rick Kirkman
Jerry Scott
Comic/Cartoon: Baby Blues
Viewable Date: 2014-08-16 Pub. Date: 2014-08-16
Image Number: 114595
Caption: PBBTH! PBBTH! PBBTH! Hammie, please don’t make rude noises. But Trent gets to make rude noises! If Trent jumped off a roof would you jump off a roof, too? Well … ? Who told you about our afternoon plans?
     
5.  
Cartoonist(s): Jim Toomey
Comic/Cartoon: Sherman's Lagoon
Viewable Date: 2014-08-16 Pub. Date: 2014-08-16
Image Number: 114710
Caption: Well, Susan, Brad, we're heading back to the lagoon. So nice to see you. You too. It was great to catch up after all these years. We did get thoroughly caught up, didn’t we? This might be good for the rest of our lives. I'm okay with that.
     
6.  
Cartoonist(s): Brian Walker
Greg Walker
Mort Walker
Comic/Cartoon: Beetle Bailey
Viewable Date: 2014-08-12 Pub. Date: 2014-08-12
Image Number: 114604
Caption: Well, it's about time! What's that? They finally got around to honoring some of the other heroes of the army. G.I. Joe.
     
7.  
Cartoonist(s): Berkeley Breathed
Comic/Cartoon: Bloom County
Viewable Date: 2014-08-04 Pub. Date: 1981-11-18
Image Number: 78431
Caption: That's right. Miss Harlow works here. You must be the new suitor. Well I suppose so, gentlemen. The name's Cutter John. Check him out, boys. Slightly faded Levi's! Shirt from Penny's! Moustache okay! Tire pressure okay. ENOUGH!! Men … We've got husband material here. Yeah! Wrong. Check his teeth!
     
8.  
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley
Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2014-08-02 Pub. Date: 2014-08-02
Image Number: 114108
Caption: I think Dustin's moving out and getting his own place. Really? Well, I heard him talking to Fitch about how it's time to "cut the cord." Dad, "cut the cord" just means he's going to stream show and movies online instead of watching cable TV. Oh. Well, at least he's becoming more independent. Baby steps.
     
9.  
Cartoonist(s): Berkeley Breathed
Comic/Cartoon: Bloom County
Viewable Date: 2014-07-29 Pub. Date: 1981-11-14
Image Number: 78427
Caption: I tell ya, Binkley, Miss Harlow is in love. I can tell. Dames kinda get dazed with it. Yeah … Well, all I know is she's acting darned peculiar … Munch munch. Oh Binkley? Yes ma'am? Now dear, what would your mother say if she saw you out here in the snow without your cap on? Let me help you ... Shh! Humor her. There's spam in my hair.
     
10.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-07-27 Pub. Date: 2014-07-27
Image Number: 113519
Caption: Have I heard of what? "The curse of the redshirts." You know how every time Captain Kirk would beam down a landing party, the character wearing a red shirt would get killed in some gruesome way? Well, back in nineteen and sixty-eight, I auditioned to be the red shirt who gets killed by a plant. Mal Friedman stole that role from me! A luck would have it, Gene Roddenberry like the cut of my jib and wrote me into every episode anyway. I was the purple-shirted extra who was always felled by workplace repetitive stress injuries. They always cut my scenes on account of overacting. Only think I remember from that show is shatter's glistening chesticles. The purple shirt always ended up on the cutting-room floor.
     
11.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-07-25 Pub. Date: 2014-07-25
Image Number: 114100
Caption: "Planet of the Apes" isn't nearly as subversive as it seems to be. Huh? My first thought was "Amazing how they get me to sympathize with the apes more than I do with the humans." But then I realized, the apes are anthropomorphized. They were basically just hairy humans. Sorry, but if I were the theater, I wouldn't have given you your money back for that either. I thought it was a well-constructed complaint.
     
12.  
Cartoonist(s): Jim Borgman
Jerry Scott
Comic/Cartoon: Zits
Viewable Date: 2014-07-24 Pub. Date: 2014-07-24
Image Number: 113847
Caption: How's the basketball game going? Well, I cant shoot or jump anymore … … but Jeremy can't get past my defense. FLAGRANT FOUL!
     
13.  
Cartoonist(s): Berkeley Breathed
Comic/Cartoon: Bloom County
Viewable Date: 2014-07-24 Pub. Date: 1981-11-11
Image Number: 78424
Caption: Well. Here we are. Uh … Live in Bloom County long, Bobbi? Yes. Well, no … I mean just a few months, actually. Oh, that's nice. Uh … Oh for crying out loud! Let's stop small talking like a couple of blushing teenagers! Oh gad! You're right. I hate small talk. Let's try to get to know each other. Legs shaved? Halfway.
     
14.  
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2014-07-24 Pub. Date: 2014-07-24
Image Number: 114497
Caption: Rising French Antisemitism Causes Some (not all) French Jews to Consider Moving to Israel. Well, yes … I am a French Jew … There is more anti-Semitism here now. We get spit on by the local Moslems. P-too! But I go to lunch with three wines and six kinds of cheese ... Then a quiet walk by the Seine ... Then perhaps visit one of my dear friends ... Then home to the family ... So I will not return to Israel ... I shall stay here in France ... and fight anti-Semitism in my own way. P-too!
     
15.  
Cartoonist(s): Mike Lester
Comic/Cartoon: Mike du Jour
Viewable Date: 2014-07-21 Pub. Date: 2014-07-21
Image Number: 114136
Caption: It's not you - it's ME. We're just two different people. I hope we can still be friends. I'll call you … He's got-a-lotta gall, he's so im-ma-ture, I hate your guuutz I hate you Mike Du Jour. Taylor Swift does not take rejection well …
     
16.  
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-07-20 Pub. Date: 2014-07-20
Image Number: 113319
Caption: It's like he's not even the same man I married. Dr. Noodle. How so? He used to mow the lawn every week. Sometimes every day. Sometimes three or four times a day. He used to come home from work, go straight into the shed, whip out that lawn mower and ride around on the grass for hours and hours and hours. It was a new lawn mower. I was excited about it. But now it doesn't run as well as it used to. Have you thought of getting pills. They make pills to keep Kentucky Bluegrass from getting overgrown? What? What? If it's so important to you, go get someone else to mow it.
     
17.  
Cartoonist(s): Rick Kirkman
Jerry Scott
Comic/Cartoon: Baby Blues
Viewable Date: 2014-07-20 Pub. Date: 2014-07-20
Image Number: 113162
Caption: Come on, Hammie! Get a hit! THAP! OW! Gasp! That ball just hit Hammie! Ooh! Right in the butt. What do you think? Well, he's not limping … … And the bruise doesn’t look too bad. PULL YOUR PANTS BACK UP! YOU CAN SHOW IT TO US LATER!
     
18.  
Cartoonist(s): Greg Evans
Comic/Cartoon: Luann
Viewable Date: 2014-07-19 Pub. Date: 2014-07-19
Image Number: 112943
Caption: So far I'm really enjoying being your drama camp assistant. Well, it does involve more than just the prop room. Mrs. Manezon takes this camp very seriously. She - QUILL!? ARE YOU IN HERE?? And it's time to get serious. I thought we were.
     
19.  
Cartoonist(s): Berkeley Breathed
Comic/Cartoon: Bloom County
Viewable Date: 2014-07-18 Pub. Date: 1981-11-06
Image Number: 78420
Caption: The first meeting of the Bloom County Moral Majority will please come to order. What's the ruckus back there, folks? Billy Bob thinks he's more moral than me. Well I am! Oh yeah? I'll give ya morality. I think we need to triple the defense budget. Yeah? Beat this! I say nuke Panama and get the canal back! Yeah? I say let's get the government off the people's back! Yeah? I say let's get the whales off the people's back! What? NUKE THE WHALES! Hear! Hear!
     
20.  
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley
Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2014-07-15 Pub. Date: 2014-07-15
Image Number: 113453
Caption: We welcome Larry to the program. Thanks for taking my call, Helen. I'll get right to my question. What do women want in a man? Well, it varies … but typically someone who's single, attractive and successful. Will they settle for just single? They usually do.
     
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