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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about gains and gaining.

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Result page:     (16 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-10 gain 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-10 Pub. Date: 2017-09-10
Image Number: 161858
Caption: My uncle keeps sending me crazy, paranoid conspiracy theories he hears on Youtube. Dr. Noodle. It all started a few years ago when he sent me an email about how the victims of the Hindenburg crash were all crisis actors. These same victims died on the Titanic! He wrote. Then he told me President Obama was setting up Femur Camps, where he'd be letting the Illuminati harvest our femur bones for voodoo incantations to turn all our frogs into insomniacs. When I asked him why on earth would anyone want to do that? he said I had been brainwashed by the cabal that runs both the fake news and the pepperoni industries. So I replied why would they waste their time brainwashing me? What would they gain from that? Does your uncle have a hobby? Get him to refer uncle!!! $$$$$$$ ... because it's possible that you're his hobby. He said they've brainwashed me into thinking there's nothing to gain from brainwashing me.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-22 gain 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-22 Pub. Date: 2017-06-22
Image Number: 159391
Caption: Hey, don't I know you? Are you serious? U.C. Berkeley, 1993 … Doesn't ring a bell. Picture me with dreds and a goatee. No bell. Flannel shirt and Doc Martens boots. No bell. Awesome thumb ring. No bell (Sigh) … picture me 50 lbs lither. Lemont! Buddy!
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-26 gain 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-26 Pub. Date: 2017-03-26
Image Number: 155437
Caption: Yesterday, I visited my 97-year-old grandpa for the first time in six months. Dr. Noodle. He opened his door. I said "Grandpa! I missed you!" He looked me up and down and said "You gained a pound." It was all I could think about the whole time. As I drove him to his favorite restaurant, I was worried the seatbelt made me look bulgy ... When we ordered, I felt like he was judging my choices and so I only ordered crackers and water. When I hugged him goodbye, I sucked my gut in as hard as I could. Why don't we just focus on the fact he hugged you? When he hugged me, he said "You at that whole cracker."
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-27 gain 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-27 Pub. Date: 2016-11-27
Image Number: 150904
Caption: I want you back. I'm nothing without you. I'm miserable, baby. I can't work. I can't sleep. I've been binge eating. I've been so depressed, I haven't brushed my teeth in months. I've put on eighty pounds. I got three cavities. I've developed sleep apnea. My foot tingles all the time, so I may have caught the diabetes. My life is horrible, just horrible! Yes. Yes, that is my best pitch. That's how horrible my life has become without you!
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-23 gain 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-23 Pub. Date: 2016-09-23
Image Number: 148765
Caption: "Fraud: Wrongful or criminal deception intended to result in financial or personal gain." See? It does apply. No, it doesn't. That definition says nothing about Concast paying us $10 million to hire Denzel Washington as a pitch-man, but us hiring Cuba Gooding Jr. instead for $200k and using the rest of the money to pay back our creditors. "Prison: A building in which people are legally held as a ... " Never mind, it was just an idea.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-10 gain 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-10 Pub. Date: 2015-06-10
Image Number: 128069
Caption: What do you think of The X-Files coming back, Clyde? You gonna watch it? Nah, bruh, there was a time an' place for that spit, an' this ain't it no more. Back then, trenchcoats was cool. That was before Columbine. Back then, secret government conspiracies was just fiction. That was before Edward Snowman. Back then, you had a high-top fade and parachute pants. Now you ain't got no hair an' you make regular pants look like parachute pants. I've only gained 30 pounds!
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-18 gain 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-18 Pub. Date: 2014-09-18
Image Number: 116481
Caption: "FRAUD: Wrongful or criminal deception intended to result in financial or personal gain." See? It does apply. No, it doesn’t. That definition says nothing about Concast paying us $10 million to hire Denzel Washington as a pitch-man, but us hiring Cuba Gooding Jr. instead for $200k and using the rest of the money to pay back our creditors. "PRISON: A building in which people are legally held as a punishment. Never mind, it was just an idea.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-07-18 gain 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-07-18 Pub. Date: 2013-07-18
Image Number: 99243
Caption: The big bang is accelerating, Susan. DO you know what this means? Everything in the universe is getting farther and farther apart. It's ballooning out of control! Dios mio, just stop snacking, Lemont. The universe and I are doubling in size every 10-35 seconds.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-12-30 gain 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-12-30 Pub. Date: 2012-12-30
Image Number: 91193
Caption: Mmblello? Your kid has already forgotten about the Christmas gift you're still paying off. Zzzxbox2! But that's not really why I'm calling. Whozit? You ate WAY too much over the holidays. You think months of wearing winter clothes will hide the excess lard till you lose weight. Juz bigbonzz. But climate change may make this winter warmer than you expect. Don't be surprised if you have to wear t-shirts in January. Zzfatzzz. Today's wake up call is sponsored by Dr. Biggums Liposuction.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-01-28 gain 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-01-28 Pub. Date: 2011-01-28
Image Number: 56623
Caption: Why don't you wanna take your antipsychotic medicine, Big L? Is it 'cause it's all a scam perpetrated by big pharmaceutical companies … … who don't want you to know you could get antipsychotic effects for free if only WEED were legalized? It's 'cause I think maybe they're making me fat. Well ... yeh, but I was tryna be polite.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-11-15 gain 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-11-15 Pub. Date: 2010-11-15
Image Number: 54239
Caption: Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap… Twitter. Twitter.com/candorville. We're angry nothing's changed so we vote 4 those who've spent 2 years blocking change. Is America the only country that votes sarcastically?
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-01-27 gain 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-01-27 Pub. Date: 2010-01-27
Image Number: 43363
Caption: Sunnyville Sanitarium. As long as he keeps taking his antipsychotic drugs, he'll have no more delusions about vampires, demons and Mexico. Unfortunately, one side effect is massive weight gain. Oh no! Lem-lem's already fat enough! As it is, I don't know how I'll ever squeeze his blubber into the wedding tux Daddy bought him! I can hear you, you know. Many people have abnormally large buttocks.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-10-15 gain 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-15 Pub. Date: 2008-10-15
Image Number: 27400
Caption: Anderson Cooper, I don't even know what I'm doing here in Vietnam. I guess I thought being an embedded journalist might make my dad proud enough to finally contact me. I have an idea, Brown. Let's stand around in enemy territory and have a heartfelt talk about your abandonment issues. I thought that's what we were already doin-- Move out, Brown!
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-08-19 gain 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-08-19 Pub. Date: 2008-08-19
Image Number: 26014
Caption: The guys watch the Olympics. Look at Team China go! Well, this isn't really a surprise. China pretty much OWNS the "Committing or Supporting Genocide" event. That event used to be wide open. The U.S. was once a top contender, until teams like Turkey, Japan and Germany overtoo- WAIT! The U.S. is gaining! 1 million may be dead in Iraq! No, wait, we tried to stop that; but it still may warrant a bronze.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-05-02 gain 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-05-02 Pub. Date: 2008-05-02
Image Number: 23193
Caption: I don't see why I gotta have an opinion, Big L. They been maybe fifty billion opinions in the history of the world. What that got us, Big L? Slavery. Poverty. War. You're about as uplifting as gravity. Your opinion.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-05-22 gain 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-05-24 Pub. Date: 2006-05-22
Image Number: 13790
Caption: Lemont Brown? Mumble mumble. You're not getting any younger. You're gaining weight and losing your hair. If you can't find someone to spend your life with in the next few years, odds are you never will …. @#$% wakeup calls. But all the ones are already taken.
     
Result page:     (16 images)