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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-14 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-14 Pub. Date: 2018-01-14
Image Number: 166645
Caption: I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-01 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-01 Pub. Date: 2018-01-01
Image Number: 166785
Caption: You never told me what you thought of 'Star Wars.' I was waiting. For what? For the consensus. My own immediate reaction to any piece of entertainment could be biased. I need to read tweets and posts before I settle on a verdict. If my view differs too much from the hive mind, it's not valid.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-28 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-28 Pub. Date: 2017-12-28
Image Number: 166542
Caption: The guy who led the Pentagon's research into UFOs says they're real. Whooptie-doo. What else is new? The year was nineteen hundred and forty-seven. I was on guard duty in Roswell, New Mexico. To make a long story short … we came from different worlds. Her father did not approve. But her love for me is the only reason we still have a Northern Hemisphere. I promised not to call her and her father spared the planet, is what I'm saying. I got that.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-27 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-27 Pub. Date: 2017-12-27
Image Number: 166541
Caption: Where were you the last few days, little buddy? San Francisco. I heard new robot security guards were harassing the homeless to keep them from sleeping on city streets. So I went out there hoping to be recruited by any time-traveler who came back in time to lead a resistance cell. I knew it was a long-shot. But I'd have kicked myself if I didn't go and the time-traveler did show up. Hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-20 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-20 Pub. Date: 2017-12-20
Image Number: 166297
Caption: Hey, Cretin. Why is the shark closing in music from Jaws coming out of your pants? I decided my life needs a soundtrack. So I programmed my phone to play specific tunes whenever certain people are nearby. I resent that!!! Should've been the theme from Alien.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-15 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-15 Pub. Date: 2017-12-15
Image Number: 166033
Caption: What do you mean "give table two the special plate"? That’s Smedley Peevish Highbrow, the café critic from Gourmet Magazine. Facial recognition systems are surprisingly cheap on the black market. Still, which plate is the "special plate"? The one with the $100 bill taped to its bottom.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-07 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-07 Pub. Date: 2017-12-07
Image Number: 165718
Caption: You've been glaring at me all morning, Sadie. You're imagining things, cretin. It's not as if I'm calculating the optimal strategy for turning your friends against you, destroying your reputation, and making you the most despised cretin in town. It's not as if I've already set my plan into motion, and now I'm gleefully imagining the tears raining from your eyes as you spiral downward into an abyss of disgrace. I said I was sorry there was a hair in your oatmeal. Too late! Your demise is already trending.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-06 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-06 Pub. Date: 2017-12-06
Image Number: 165717
Caption: Rudy, how come you're not wearing the new uniform? You were serious? You seriously want me to dress like a robot? Of course I do, minion. My nightly perusal of customers' web searches indicates most of them are feeling a bit antisocial lately. They'd probably buy more coffee from a robot than a human. Oh wait ... new web searches coming in. I'm going to need you to dress like a sexy robot. Very bad man.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-01 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-01 Pub. Date: 2017-12-01
Image Number: 165444
Caption: Says here the Mediterranean Sea wasn't always there. Big whoop, geek-boy. Tap tap tap tap tap. Says here 6 million years ago, it was a salty desert that was 10,000 feet below sea level … and because of the topography and the air pressure, it was a suffocating, hellish wasteland that got up to 170 degrees. Nothing but tardigrades, misery and extra-sweaty demons could've lived there. Which reminds me, didn't you say your family originally came from the Mediterranean? Which reminds me, when's the last time you brushed your teeth?
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-29 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-29 Pub. Date: 2017-11-29
Image Number: 165442
Caption: I forgot to tell you "Happy Black Friday." What do you mean, Billy? Isn't that your holiday? Um … you're asking me that because I'm a merchant … Right? I guess so. Oh. That's good. I was about to ask "what are your parents teaching you?" What part of Africa do "merchants" come from?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-21 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-21 Pub. Date: 2017-11-21
Image Number: 165177
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! The Senate. They tried AGAIN to repeal Obamacare, this time by hiding it in the tax bill. When's it going to stop? It's so repetitive. This reminds me of "Groundhog Day," that film where that lovely Mr. Bill Murray went from having a great personality to being a horrible loser. Um ... I don't think that's what you were supposed to take from the movie. There is one adorable deleted scene with a chainsaw. It's on the Youtube.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-18 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-18 Pub. Date: 2017-11-18
Image Number: 164887
Caption: Warner Brothers put several whole scenes from "Justice League" up on Youtube. Wrong move. Ruins the mystery. To market a movie like this, one must be a mystery. An enigma. A reserved figure who gives the impression of a beast with rippling muscles lurking just below the veneer of a gentleman. Wait ... isn't that last part from your self-help book "Randy's Guide to Becoming a Mysterious Man"? You'd be surprised at how universally applicable these principles are, little buddy. Anyway, I feel like I've already seen the whole movie. Bored now.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-17 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-17 Pub. Date: 2017-11-17
Image Number: 164886
Caption: Rudy, it's come to my attention you've been using the restroom three times a day. Of course I have, boss. Did you not see the sign out front that says "restrooms are for customers only"? Seriously? I work here, boss. I've worked here for sixteen years! Good point. Calculating ... average customer spends $20 ... multiply by sixteen ... multiply by 365 ... I'll have to deduct $116,800 from your next several dozen paychecks. Very bad man.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-16 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-16 Pub. Date: 2017-11-16
Image Number: 164885
Caption: Hey, little buddy. How's it going in there? You fall in? Occupied! I know it's occupied, little buddy. We all know. It's been occupied for 30 minutes. There's a long line out here. I said "occupied!" When a person says "occupied" from in here, that's supposed to buy another 10 minutes at least. "Occupied" is not a magic word, little buddy. Inhabited! That neither. We're all still here.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-01 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-01 Pub. Date: 2017-11-01
Image Number: 164423
Caption: Sadie, I saw something disturbing on Youtube. A theoretical physicist named S. James Gates Jr. was attempting to discern the elementary structure of nature. It let him to a set of equations that were indistinguishable from computer code. Computer code, he found, is written into the equations that describe the cosmos. Do you have any idea what this means? It means it might be true that we're all part of a simulation! I'm assuming you've stopped talking, since your lips are no longer flapping.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-31 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-31 Pub. Date: 2017-10-31
Image Number: 164422
Caption: Nasa's going to give the moon a moon. What? It's going to capture an asteroid and put it in lunar orbit so we can practice docking with it and maybe mine it. Do you think it's too late for me to become and astronaut? I would love to be the first human being to say "can you hear me now" from an asteroid. Your deeds will be remember for centuries. I want to be the first human to moon the moon from the moon's moon.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-19 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-19 Pub. Date: 2017-10-19
Image Number: 163918
Caption: Randy, I heard you're making a killing from your Youtube channel. How can a guy get in on that action? Simple … Just sit down in front of a camera and talk from the heart about something you're passionate about. Just be a genuine human being. People are drawn to that. I see, I see. Just one thing: What if the phrase "genuine human being" makes a guy break out in hives? Plan B: Find out what people are googling and pretend to be an expert on the highest-ranked search term. No we're talking.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-18 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-18 Pub. Date: 2017-10-18
Image Number: 163917
Caption: I can watch tv anywhere I bet that blows your mind. Why's that, loser? Tap tap tap tap. Because in your day, a televisions was a 5-ton steam-powered machine. You had to crank a handle to make it run … and "running" meant a curtain would open and two old-timey people in the box would act out a silent tv show. Wait ... are you trying to insult me ... or are you getting your history from Youtube again? "Buck-Naked Historian" has 5 million subscribers, so it must be accurate.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-06 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-06 Pub. Date: 2017-10-06
Image Number: 163386
Caption: Do you remember your early childhood, Randy? Of course, little buddy. I come from a long line of Randies who have photographic memories. It's an evolutionary trait that enabled early Randies to survive despite being connoisseurs of the female form. "Evolution"? Doesn't that mean some of them didn't make it? Overly long stares lead to nothing but trouble.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-05 from 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-05 Pub. Date: 2017-10-05
Image Number: 163385
Caption: Do you remember your early childhood, Randy? Of course, little buddy. I come from a long line of Randies who have photographic memories. It's an evolutionary trait that enabled early Randies to survive despite being connoisseurs of the female form. "Evolution"? Doesn't that mean some of them didn't make it? Overly long stares lead to nothing but trouble.
     
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