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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about fast plus fasts and fasting.

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Result page:    2  3  Next  (49 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-10 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-10 Pub. Date: 2017-10-10
Image Number: 163629
Caption: The rest of the president's press pool left Puerto Rico, but I decided to stay and help. They needed people who could drive trucks to help deliver supplies to the survivors. I didn't know you knew how to drive a big rig, Lemont. What's to know? Huh? That reminds me: Did you know a pallet of 10,000 baby wipes makes a good flotation device if you find yourself in the ocean? What? What did you do to their truck?! It's inspiring how fast people, even in the midst of devastation, can all pitch in to buy one man a plane ticket home.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-16 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-16 Pub. Date: 2017-08-16
Image Number: 161533
Caption: You know what? If we ever create faster-than-light travel, we can prove whether Jesus existed. We found a planet orbiting a star in the Cygnus constellation 2,000 light years away. That means if we were there right now, we could peer back at earth through a super-powerful telescope and see events that happened 2,000 years ago. If Jesus were real, we could see him going about his business: performing miracles ... coming back from the dead ... picking his nose ... He never would've done that, Lemont. You know how much dust there is in the Middle East?
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-24 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-24 Pub. Date: 2017-03-24
Image Number: 155917
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie Radio Hour. "Lemont" in Candorville, you're on. Yeah. I'm moving to Canada to be with a woman I love. I don't mean right now, I mean maybe next month. Or six months from now. Or maybe next year. Anyway, I'm definitely going. Maybe. Please don't tell me you want to know if you're moving too fast. Of course not. I want to know if I should consider wondering if I'm moving too fast. A Train.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-20 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-20 Pub. Date: 2017-03-20
Image Number: 155913
Caption: I got a panicky call from Lionel's mother last night. She wanted to see him right that moment. But I told her Lionel was fast asleep, partly 'cause her tone worried me. She had one of those "I'm an evil vampire and I'm going to take your precious child and perform some ritual incantation that'll turn him into an evil blood-sucking vampire just like me" tones. I'm not sure there's really any "tone" like that, Lemont. That's because you've never kept in touch with an ex.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-15 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-15 Pub. Date: 2016-08-15
Image Number: 147385
Caption: I went to the Russian winter Olympics. Oh, that's cool. How was it? Well at first I was afraid it was going to be nothing but unfamiliar customs and strange foods but then I saw their harsh anti-gay laws in action. It was just like being in Arizona, or Utah, or Oklahoma, or Texas, or Louisiana, or Mississippi, or Alabama, or South Carolina. Always nice to find a little bit of home in a foreign land. And their fast food gave me the poops, just like ours.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-16 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-16 Pub. Date: 2016-07-16
Image Number: 145821
Caption: Baton Rouge police was called 'cause someone said they saw a man with a gun sellin' CDs. The usual thing happened. Brotha didn't obey fast enough, cops rough him up, say he resisted arrest, he end up dead, an' it all on video. Then black people an' white people see two completely different things lookin' at the same exact video. I'm tellin' you bruh, Gilligan ain't never gettin' off this island. He actually got off in a pretty bad tv movie and ... never mind. Not the time.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-11 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-11 Pub. Date: 2016-07-11
Image Number: 145816
Caption: 1982. I wanna be president when I grow up. Psht A girl could never be president. Most people don't even like girls. Girls can't throw. Girls can't run fast. Girls watch "Care Bears." It's not what I think, it's what most people think. Most people just don't trust a "Care Bears" sympathizer who's likely to have cooties. Most people will never vote for a girl. Most people are girls, Lemont. Face facts: We're as unlikely to have a girl presidents as we are a black president.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-24 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-24 Pub. Date: 2016-04-24
Image Number: 141854
Caption: What's wrong wit' you, Big L? Nothing makes sense anymore. In Star Trek, they almost never jump to warp speed until they've left a star system. It takes light from the sun about eight minutes to reach earth. It takes 5.3 hours for that same sunlight to reach Pluto. And yet, it only takes the Enterprise one minute or so to leave a star system. Don't you see ... every time they use their impulse drive to leave a star system, they're still traveling faster than light. But they're not yet warping space. That means they should be affected by time dilation. For every second that passes for them, weeks or months should pass back on earth. Just like e'ry second of this conversation for you be like months for me. Exactly! Even you can understand that!
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-09 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-09 Pub. Date: 2015-08-09
Image Number: 130320
Caption: Little Tyrant Pizza Can I take your order? Yeh. Gimme one of them Big Mac combos. Are you serious? We don't sell Big Macs, sir. We're a pizza parlor. When you deliver them pizzas, you be drivin', right? Yeah. So on your way back from deliverin' your next pizza, go on through that McDonald's drive-through an' pick me up a number one, with no onions. I can't do that, sir. What, you ain't wanna earn some extra bills on the side? What wrong with you? Well ... Ok, I guess I can. While you at it, I got some draw's in the laundromat should be finished right 'bout now.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-15 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-15 Pub. Date: 2014-11-15
Image Number: 118791
Caption: Who-invented-the-rule-that-we-each-must s p e a k a t a c o n s i s t e n t p a c e? If-I-want-to-alternate-between-a-really-really-fast-and-then-a r e a l l y r e a l l y s l o w p a c e randomly-then-who's-to-say-I'm-wrong? If-your-silence-is-you-trying-to-tell-me-I'm-annoying-you, you-can ... k i s s ... m y ... b l a c k. STOP IT ALREADY!
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-23 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-23 Pub. Date: 2014-10-23
Image Number: 117917
Caption: I have a two-year-old. How do I make sure he never chooses to fight in our country's endless war? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice. $2. What's that? I wrote your boy a prescription. "Take one six-pack of coke, a bag of Doritos an' a Happy Meal daily." Army fatigues don't come in XXXXL. He'll get diabetes by 18. All treatments have side effects.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-08 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-08 Pub. Date: 2014-09-08
Image Number: 116183
Caption: You ask me, all them stars that got they nekkit pictures hacked did it on purpose. Exhibit A: When's the last time MILLIONS of bruthas was frantically Googling any of these people? Exhibit B: Ain't none of them pictures all that scandalous noway. CLYDE! You didn't try to see any of that, did you? (A) I would never, and (B) it all got deleted too fast.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-21 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-21 Pub. Date: 2014-08-21
Image Number: 115242
Caption: Robin Williams visits Lemont's dream. One of my favorite things in the world was to make you all laugh. I always knew that. You'd combine classy and dirty jokes, wisdom and erudition and throw them at us so fast and from so many different directions ... it was like you were a new dad trying to get his baby to laugh and think at the same time. Are you trying to say I made you laugh so hard you ... yourself? Let's keep this clean.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-06 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-06 Pub. Date: 2014-08-06
Image Number: 114619
Caption: The world moves really fast, Susan. It feels like just a few years ago I was on the cutting edge 'cause I knew how to program a website with HTML. But it's as if I blinked for a second, and the whole world ran past me and I don't have the skills to keep up. STOP IT!!!! (Originally published on 2012-02-02).
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-10 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-10 Pub. Date: 2014-03-10
Image Number: 108527
Caption: I went to the Russian Olympics. Oh, that's cool. How was it? Well at first I was afraid it was going to be nothing but unfamiliar customs and strange food but then I saw their harsh anti-gay laws in action. It was just like being in Arizona, or Utah, or Oklahoma, or Texas, or Louisiana, or Mississippi, or Alabama or South Carolina. Always nice to find a little bit of home in foreign land. And their Taco Bell gave me the poops, just like ours.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-02 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-02 Pub. Date: 2014-01-02
Image Number: 105640
Caption: I talk really fast why do I talk so fast why can't I slow down why do I speed up STOP. You talk fast 'cause you insecure. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2. You think no one wanna hear what you have to say, so you try to jam it all in before they lose patience with you. So you're saying I should speak more slowly ... to exude confidence and ... Whatever gimme my $2. (This cartoon originally published 2011-01-06).
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-07-16 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-07-16 Pub. Date: 2013-07-16
Image Number: 99241
Caption: With Obamacare coming, corporations everywhere be figurin' out ways to get out of it. Fatburger gonna "share" employees with other Fatburgers. Thug 4 Life. That way, ain't no one gonna work enough hours at any one place to qualify for health insurance. Whatever. Give me back my Fatburger. I'm helpin' you keep a clear conscience.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-02-02 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-02-02 Pub. Date: 2012-02-02
Image Number: 75827
Caption: The world moves really fast, Susan. Observation. It feels like just a few years ago I was on the cutting edge 'cause I knew how to program a website with HTML. But it's as if I blinked for a second, and the whole world ran past me and I don't have the skills to keep up. STOP IT!!!!
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-28 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-28 Pub. Date: 2012-01-28
Image Number: 75722
Caption: Who-invented-the-rule-that-we-each-must speak at a consistent pace? If-I-want-to-alternate-between-a-really-really-fast-and-then-a really really slow pace randomly-then-who's-to-say-I'm-wrong? If-your-silence-is-you-trying-to-tell-me-I'm-annoying-you, you-can ... kiss ... my ... black ... Stop it already!
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-14 fast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-14 Pub. Date: 2012-01-14
Image Number: 75073
Caption: Your ex is filthy rich. Very old money. Possibly billions. Well can't she give you child support? Every time I try to ask her, I just can't get the words out, and end up walking away fast. Either I have too much pride, or That's it. But I haven't even gotten into my theory about her being a master hypnotist. Dios mio.
     
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