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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about falls and falling.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-02 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-02 Pub. Date: 2018-02-02
Image Number: 167921
Caption: 1980. I don't think I like that Luke Skywalker can fly. What do you mean? Jedi can't fly. That's silly. Then how come he flew up out of that carbonite pit when Vader tried to freezify him? And how come he changed direction while he was falling on Cloud City and flew right into that trash chute? None of that happened. Yes it did! (Sigh) You didn't even notice it 'cause movies always show men doing amazing things. I bet if Princess Leia were to ever fly, men everywhere would get their Underoos all in a bunch over it. You don't give us men enough credit.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-30 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-30 Pub. Date: 2018-01-30
Image Number: 167918
Caption: Did you know there's a Youtube video of the last surviving eyewitness to the Abraham Lincoln assassination? Samuel Seymour. He was 95 years old. And he clearly remembered what he saw when he was just five years old. I still think your son'll forget seeing you fall in that manhole. I just hope he forgets all that stuff I shouted.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-24 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-24 Pub. Date: 2018-01-24
Image Number: 167652
Caption: Fox News tweeted that crime is down since Trump took office. So I wrote an article about how crime has been steadily falling for 25 years. Some random guy posted that’s fake news in response. So I sent him links to the data. He wrote back accusing me of obsessed with making him believe what I believe. I replied hey, you contacted me. Then he called me names. The internet is the dumbest land there ever was. I replied leave me alone. He replied you first.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-31 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-31 Pub. Date: 2017-12-31
Image Number: 166075
Caption: Susan told me you finally got a doctor appointment, bruh, 'bout that heart problem you probably got … She also told me your doctor name. Canada or bust! I don't know what you're talking about, Clyde. When we was four, you told the preschool you was allergic to Mrs. Cass so they'd have to transfer you to Mr. Kirk's class. When we was nine, you fell in love with that new girl Lois Lane as soon as you heard Mrs. Drake read her name at roll call. When you know, you just know. In college, you took that advanced kelp studies class 'cause it was taught by a "Professor Xavier." I don't know what you're getting at, I've always been fascinated with aquatic plants. Tell me you ain't choose this cardiologist just 'cause his name "Doctor Hu."
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-05 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-05 Pub. Date: 2017-11-05
Image Number: 163961
Caption: I find it funny how you libs get all triggered every time the president implies Puerto Rican hurricane victims are lazy … or every time he praises white supremacists, or every time he "attacks" the first amendment, or every time he personally insults people. Don't you people know the president is trolling you? He's just pressing your buttons for fun and you fall for it every single time. It's as if none of you have ever debated anyone online. Online, you don't win by being right ... you win by making the other guy seem like he cares more than you do about any given topic. Caring is absolute proof of snowflaky weakness. If what the other guy cares about is common decency, you get extra points. That's the most absurd thing I've -- ... um ... whatever. Too late, snowflake.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-31 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-31 Pub. Date: 2017-10-31
Image Number: 164416
Caption: Someday we'll develop a telescope powerful enough to see other worlds. That's setting ourselves up for heartache. You know what I mean? No. But I bet you'll geeksplain it to me. Imagine we fall in love with a cute alien panda-bunny we see bouncing through trees on a planet that's 500 light years away. That means we're seeing what it did 500 years ago, That means it's dead now. See? You did it. You owe me $2. That's not how bets work. I bet it is.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-05 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-05 Pub. Date: 2017-09-05
Image Number: 162343
Caption: Do you know how know there's no god, Rosencrantz? Because we've been abandoned. Will eat for food. I once spun a top, Tyrone. I spun it and I walked away. How it fell, I have no idea. But I know this: An intelligent being spun that top. I thought you said you spun that top. Don't resent me just because I just blew your mind.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-25 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-25 Pub. Date: 2017-04-25
Image Number: 157285
Caption: Susan called 911 on me, Clyde. She was trying to get them to come take me in for a heart attack she thought I was having. But they put her on hold. And after a while, she sort of fell asleep and I sort of snuck away. Whachoomean "sort of," Big L? Ain't no such thing as "sort of." Somethin' either be or be not, bruh. One ambulance ride and one day in the hospital would eat up my whole life savings. Dead people ain't got no life savings, bruh.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-07 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-07 Pub. Date: 2017-04-07
Image Number: 156469
Caption: Guess who's coming to town, Susan. Turbo! Who? What do you mean, "Who?" Turbo. The guy we used to hand out with, from preschool all the way through college, where you fell in love with him … until you dated him. That lasted like a week before you couldn't stand the sight of him, and then he moved far, far away. That turbo. Doesn't ring a bell. You don't have to wish all your exes to the corn field, you know. I loved that episode.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-14 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-14 Pub. Date: 2016-12-14
Image Number: 152112
Caption: Are you ok, mister? I'm fine. Why do you ask? I saw you smack into that pole and crumble like a glacier falling into the sea. Pretty advanced metaphor for your age. We've got great schools in Canada.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-05 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-05 Pub. Date: 2016-11-05
Image Number: 150476
Caption: 1982. What are you gonna be in 2012? I've narrowed it down to two options. If we don't blow ourselves up, I'll be a cyborg captain of a starship, hunting for black holes I can use to travel back in time and capture dinosaurs. If we DO blow ourselves up, I'll wear leather pants and roam the radioactive wasteland fighting mutants in order to bring a bucket of water and a little bit of peace to grateful orphans. It's good you have something to fall back on. Momma said that's important.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-02 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-02 Pub. Date: 2016-09-02
Image Number: 147923
Caption: I wrote a very realistic screenplay that subverts all the usual Hollywood clichés. We don't see the protagonist in a moody bar when he feels down; we spend an hour watching him fall asleep all along in front of his tv … and when he tries to stop a wedding, it takes him half an hour to find a good parking spot, and he misses the whole thing. We watch him circle the block for a half an hour. Clichés are clichés for a reason.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-17 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-17 Pub. Date: 2016-07-17
Image Number: 145280
Caption: Have you ever fallen madly in love with someone, Clyde? No such thing as that, bruh. What do you mean? Ain't no "falling." Love is a choice. You control it, Big L, the way you control a pit bull, or the IRS … or the weather. What you phone say the weather be right now, Big L? 106 degrees. The weather be what you want it to be, bruh. What kinda punk-!@$* let a phone tell him how to dress? Good talk, Clyde.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-28 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-28 Pub. Date: 2016-06-28
Image Number: 145229
Caption: You've reached Senator Marionette's office. To ask a question, press or say "one" now. "One." If your question is "where do I send a campaign donation," press or say "one" now. If your question is about why I block all attempts at gun control even after enormous massacres, please hang up now. Not falling for it.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-23 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-23 Pub. Date: 2016-06-23
Image Number: 144900
Caption: When are you going to teach your son about death? Never. If your toenail falls off, have you died? If you lose a foot to a grizzly bear, have you died? If a wild kangaroo rips off both your arms, have you died? If you can survive without parts of your body, who's to say you don't survive without the whole body? You can't just avoid having hard talks with your son. I don't want him to survive dying and then call me a liar.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-17 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-17 Pub. Date: 2016-04-17
Image Number: 141571
Caption: I'm so happy, doc. I think I'm falling madly in love with an Israeli women I met in Turkey. Dr. Noodle. That's interesting. Just last month, you were still in love with Kelly. And the month before that, you were in love with Marie. And two months before that, it was Sharquisha. You're constantly falling in and out of love. Out? Who said anything about "out"? I still love every woman I've ever loved. With all my heart and soul. With the intensity of the big bang itself. You don't like seeing things end, do you? I've Facebook friended everyone I've ever met.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-05 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-05 Pub. Date: 2016-04-05
Image Number: 141502
Caption: Have you tried giving up coffee cold turkey. Once. It was December 25th, 1991. It had rained that morning and dew glistened on the flowers a passerby was carrying. A dog barked seven times. A distant siren wailed for 43 seconds. The ceiling light bulb flickered every 257.9 seconds for seven hours. I take it that day didn't go very well. My dog scratched itself for exactly 5 and ½ minutes before falling asleep.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-01 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-01 Pub. Date: 2016-04-01
Image Number: 141137
Caption: You know what I like best about being a dad? When my little boy curls up in my lap and falls asleep. I hold him tight and know he feels warm and safe, and I feel like I can protect him from anything. Even from time. Because as long as he lives, he'll be able to close his eyes and remember this feeling and be two years old again ... hopefully without the wetting himself part. It's important to know when to stop talking.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-24 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-24 Pub. Date: 2016-03-24
Image Number: 140811
Caption: Last night, I couldn't wait till my toddler went to sleep so I could relax and watch tv in peace. But once he fell asleep, I missed him so much that I watched his favorite shows till I fell asleep too. I could've watched "Game of Thrones" or a racy movie ... but I watched "Thomas the Train." ... for three hours, Susan. What's wrong with me? Reason #485 why I will never have kids. "Thomas the Train" is actually a pretty subversive show, when you think about it.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-26 fall 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-26 Pub. Date: 2016-01-26
Image Number: 138296
Caption: The Double Date. So where's Vancouver, Lemont? I've been dying to meet her. Well … you know how when you fall in love with someone online, and you sort of get so used to texting hours and hours every day that you start to feel like maybe you're better in writing than you ever would be in person? No. Not really. Susan, Vancouver. Vancouver, Susan. I've heard so much about you. Dios mio.
     
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