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Candorville

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Result page:    2  Next  (36 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-30 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-30 Pub. Date: 2019-08-30
Image Number: 179195
Caption: Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! The other day, my grandpa tried driving to the corner store but got lost and ended up at the beach, six states away. How do I get him to realize it's time to stop driving without hurting his feelings? Excellent question. it reminds me of the time in 1863 when grandpappy Cohen accidentally led a caravan of zoo-bound pelicans onto a field in Gettysburg. One particularly panicky pelican escaped and distracted General lee, and the rest is history. Um ... Ok ...
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-10 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-10 Pub. Date: 2019-07-10
Image Number: 178422
Caption: Tyrone, have you ever seen a UFO? I believe I just witnessed one ascending into the heavens. That was no UFO. It was a gigantic ball of fire and hot dogs exploding from a barbecue pit on the fire escape of that building across the way. Most astounding sightings have mundane explanations, Rosencrantz. I challenge your understanding of the word mundane. Ironically, mundane is an interesting word. Spare change?
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-08 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-08 Pub. Date: 2019-07-08
Image Number: 178420
Caption: I'm gonna be barbecuing tomorrow. I'm all set up. The grill's on the fire escape … The meat's marinating in the fridge … my apron's scorch marks have been patched over … I've got nine bottles of lighter fluid for when I can't get the coals to heat up … Can't make it. I've finished paying off the damages from last year ...
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-13 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-13 Pub. Date: 2019-05-13
Image Number: 177620
Caption: Did you see the new Sandra Bland video? The police found it on her phone two months after she died and hid it for four years. I still can't believe that cop flipped out on her like that after stopping her for a turn signal. It's just not safe for us out there. Happen all the time, Big L. That's why I started that GoFundMe. Black people aren't going to give you money to build escape-catapult seats for our cars. Already got 52,000 orders.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-08 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-08 Pub. Date: 2019-05-08
Image Number: 177530
Caption: So … today was the day Toddlerville Day Care taught your son what to do if an active shooter hunted them in the potty? Yeah. The kids took turns standing on toilet seats and scrunching down so the shooter can't see their feet or head. What're they going to have to teach them next, how to escape through a window after they break it with a ... whachoomacallit? Safety hammer. Lionel wanted the Paw Patrol safety hammer, but they gave him the Kermit one, so he's pretty upset. Stop. I can't take any more.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-02 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-02 Pub. Date: 2018-12-02
Image Number: 174985
Caption: Big L, you want me to be Santa again for your boy this year? Let me think about that, Clyde … Last year, I woke up to find my two-year-old boy shocking a pigeon with a taser gun. He said Santa gave him the taser, said Don't tell your daddy, and then forgot to shut the window when he climbed down the fire escape. I tried mouth-to-mouth but the pigeon was long gone. I only had to spend nine days in jail for animal cruelty, but my boy was in therapy for four months. Not my fault. I told him to only use it for fishing. No I don't want you to be Santa this year!!!
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-22 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-22 Pub. Date: 2017-11-22
Image Number: 165149
Caption: Where do you think we'll be 3,000 years from now, Susan? Do you think we'll even be recognizable as human beings? Will we all have nanites coursing through our bodies repairing any damage and connecting us all to a hive mind? Will we have no bodies at all, and instead be sentient programs we uploaded to the cloud to escape some global catastrophe? Will we still like pizza? Pizza is eternal.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-17 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-17 Pub. Date: 2017-09-17
Image Number: 162145
Caption: Want to catch up on "Game of Thrones"? What I wanna watch that for? TV supposed to be an escape. Huh? It's a show set in some medieval world called "Westeros" where they've got knights and dragons and magic. How's that not an "escape"? They got any black people on Westeros? Of course they do. A whole bunch of them ... Well, a couple. What is they on the show? They knights? They kings? Queens? They ride dragons? They make magic happen? Um ... well ... not ex -- You see they work for the one who rides ... and you know one of them isn't a knight, but he's a soldier. Not everything has to be about race, you know. They slaves, ain't they? No. They started as slaves, then, am I right? Wanna watch "Westworld"?
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-15 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-15 Pub. Date: 2017-09-15
Image Number: 162601
Caption: Six months, bruh. Six months till they start deporting 800,000 "dreamers" to countries they don't know how to live in. I dug a hole in my closet an' I got canned food. I'm ready. Ready for what? Ain't you never read "Anne Frank's Diary"? What are you asking: Have I read it, or have I never read it? You and your double negatives. Ain't you never heard of the Underground Railroad? Now you're just messing with me.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-24 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-24 Pub. Date: 2017-02-24
Image Number: 154805
Caption: Lemont? Where've you been all day? I was waiting for you at lunch and you never showed up. I couldn't. After I dropped Lionel off at day care, everything went wrong. Someone had snatched my wallet, so I had to walk 20 blocks to get home. But my keys were missing, so I tried to climb in the fire escape. That's when I got arrested. Didn't they give you one phone call? I used it to call a lawyer. Forgive me for being so selfish. I waited a whole hour, Lemont.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-28 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-28 Pub. Date: 2016-01-28
Image Number: 138298
Caption: The Double Date. Tell me about yourself, Ace. Not much to tell, really. As a small child I led twelve other children through Siberia on foot to escape the Soviet Union. I fashioned a raft out of twigs and grass and sailed across the Bering Strait to Alaska, where I went on to found a multi-million-dollar blubber company by the age of twelve. You? Same. More or less.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-30 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-30 Pub. Date: 2015-09-30
Image Number: 133084
Caption: Where do you think we'll be 3,000 years from now, Susan? Do you think we'll even be recognizable as human beings? Will we all have nanites coursing through our bodies repairing damage and connecting us all to a hive mind? Will we have no bodies at all, and instead me sentient programs uploaded to the cloud to escape some global catastrophe? Will we still like pizza? Pizza is eternal.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-06 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-06 Pub. Date: 2015-02-06
Image Number: 122421
Caption: Lemont? Where've you been all day? I was waiting for you at lunch and you never showed up. I couldn't. After I dropped Lionel off at day care, everything went wrong. Someone had snatched my wallet, so I had to walk 20 blocks to get home. But my keys were missing, so I tried to climb in the fire escape. That's when I got arrested. Didn't they give you one phone call? I used it to call a lawyer. Forgive me for being so selfish. I waited a whole hour, Lemont.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-03-09 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-03-09 Pub. Date: 2013-03-09
Image Number: 94135
Caption: I have a two-year-old, Clyde. I need to be really selective about the women I date. I can't date someone who doesn’t want to have kids. That'd be a formula for disaster. You so wrong. It's the formula for a easy escape. Date a girl who don’t want kids. Then when she try to get a commitment, say "Hey, there's somethin' I forgot to tell you ... " Good talk, Clyde. Thug 4 Life.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-12-08 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-12-08 Pub. Date: 2011-12-08
Image Number: 31626
Caption: Sir, I deserve a promotion and a raise. Garcia, ever seen my valedictorian trophy? After Yale, I did graduate work at the Larry Tate College of Advertising. All my years of training have prepared me for this moment. …Hand me that trophy. Click. RUUMBLE. ...Sir? (Published originally on 2009-04-16)
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-11-16 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-11-16 Pub. Date: 2011-11-16
Image Number: 72984
Caption: facebook. Messages. From SASHA MITCHELL. Lemont, I don’t want to talk about Webster. Can we talk about something else? You don’t want to talk about escaping the monster you're married to, who isolates you from your friends and controls every waking moment of your life? Tap tap tap ta- What do you propose we talk about, the weather? Tap tap t- ta- t- DELETE DELETE DELETE. OK. Tap tap ta- :-)
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-09-09 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-09-09 Pub. Date: 2011-09-09
Image Number: 65249
Caption: Lemont, I was never going to tell you about this, but … I'm leaving Webster. What? Tap tap t - Facebook messages. From Sasha Mitchell. I have a duffle bag hidden in the closet. It has my license, my green card, the address of a safe house and $3,000 in cash that I've been saving for over a year. So it's not a mutual breakup, is what you're saying. Tap tap t -
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-08-05 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-08-05 Pub. Date: 2011-08-05
Image Number: 63975
Caption: It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, out of the swirling black clouds above, a freak lightning storm! I ducked into Groceryville to escape certain electrocution. Unfortunately, so did all the people who'd snuck out of the adjacent fat camp. The place was crowded. ... Except, obviously, for the produce aisle. Mr. Brown, all I asked was, "how did you allegedly meet Roxanne?" I'd have taken my chances in the snack aisle, if I'd known the pure, unadulterated evil - and the high prices - that were lying in store for me in produce.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-07-11 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-07-11 Pub. Date: 2010-07-11
Image Number: 49489
Caption: I think I realized what went wrong between Kelly and me. I realized it after seeing "Up in the Air," that movie with George Clooney. Clooney's character had a fling with some chick, but when Clooney tried to turn that into something lasting … she shut him down. Kicked him to the curb. Because she already had a real life, and she only wanted this fling when it was a momentary escape from that. So what did this make you realize? That I'm paying way too much for therapy. Fascinating. You don't even give me popcorn.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-11-20 escape 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-11-20 Pub. Date: 2009-11-20
Image Number: 40989
Caption: Lemont Brown? Your editor sent me to take you on tour to promote your new book, "Katrina's Ghost." Nah, I'm C-Dog. I'm hidin' in Lemont's crib from some big-muscle brotha. I did his sister wrong. An' now he wanna kill me. You know how is, playa. HEY!!! ARE YOU C-DOG?!!! Golly. No! I'm Lemont Brown! I'd love to chat. But I'm on my way to a book tour. Oprah's waiting, Mr. Brown.
     
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