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Rudy Park

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21. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-19 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-19 Pub. Date: 2018-01-19
Image Number: 167381
Caption: You're here early, minion. I appreciate the dedication you're showing. Thanks, boss. I've adjusted your work schedule accordingly. What do you mean? There's no reason why you have to show up for work at 5 a.m. every day now that I know you're capable of showing up at 4 a.m. I also noticed you took only one bathroom break yesterday, so ... Very Bad Man.
     
22. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-13 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-13 Pub. Date: 2018-01-13
Image Number: 167109
Caption: Boss, I have a suggestion for you that win-win. It'll save you thousands of dollars in health insurance premiums. Listening … If you pay to have me cryogenically frozen and then thawed every other day, I'll get to live to be 180, and you'll get an employee who's young and productive for the rest of your life. Ignoring. Don't you want to sleep on it?
     
23. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-26 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-26 Pub. Date: 2017-12-26
Image Number: 166540
Caption: You wanted to talk to me, minion? It's about my tips, boss. Oh, that. Mr. Trump says it's not ok for me to keep all your tips. So I'm doing that. But you've been doing that for 17 years. You told me it was the law 17 years ago. What I did, Rudy, was proactively facilitate enterprise architecture to converge best practices with forward compatible, associate-focused revenue stream. Now get out there and energetically cultivate client-based tips to incubate synergistic incentivizational end-to-end paradigms. Make it stop!!!
     
24. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-25 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-25 Pub. Date: 2017-12-25
Image Number: 166539
Caption: Boss? There was a scrawny pigeon taped to my bedroom window this morning. A post-it note stuck to its back said "Sincerely, Armstrong." So it wasn't a dream! Last night, as I slumbered in my bed, I was visited by three spirits. They took me on a tour of Christmases past, present, and future. I used the tips future-me gave me to tell past-me to save money so present-me can buy the right obscure stocks, so future-me can reap huge dividends in 2047. Very. Bad. Man. The ghosts said something about my not appreciating you. So I swung by and left you a Christmas dinner, to pacify them.
     
25. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-24 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-24 Pub. Date: 2017-11-24
Image Number: 165180
Caption: Minion, I'm ordering you not to talk about alternate histories with the customers. No more "what if feudalism never happened" nonsense. If people start thinking things could've been different, they'll soon start thinking things could've been better. Which could lead to them thinking things can still get better. This "gap between rich and poor" thing is working out in my favor. I don't want your talk of alternate pasts to accidentally create any alternate futures. Very bad man.
     
26. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-17 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-17 Pub. Date: 2017-11-17
Image Number: 164886
Caption: Rudy, it's come to my attention you've been using the restroom three times a day. Of course I have, boss. Did you not see the sign out front that says "restrooms are for customers only"? Seriously? I work here, boss. I've worked here for sixteen years! Good point. Calculating ... average customer spends $20 ... multiply by sixteen ... multiply by 365 ... I'll have to deduct $116,800 from your next several dozen paychecks. Very bad man.
     
27. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-07 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-07 Pub. Date: 2017-11-07
Image Number: 164674
Caption: Hey boss, in light of all that's been happening in Hollywood and journalism, I just want to thank you. For what? Well, for a long time now, you've underpaid me, overworked me, threatened to replace me with undocumented workers or robots, made me an unwitting accomplice to money laundering for foreign oligarchs ... but you've never sexually harassed me. So for that, boss, I thank you. Only a fool would engage in an unprofitable ... I mean ... immoral ... activity. You're such a wonderful very bad man.
     
28. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-20 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-20 Pub. Date: 2017-10-20
Image Number: 163919
Caption: Boss? Did you happen to start a Youtube channel? We have no proof of that, minion. But I came across a Youtube video called "Humiliate Your Employees for Fun and Profit." Sounds interesting. The guy giving advice in that video looks just like you. No he doesn't. He's got a huge mustache and an eye patch. I mean ... he sounds like he probably has a huge mustache and an eye patch. Very bad man.
     
29. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-08 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-08 Pub. Date: 2017-10-08
Image Number: 162958
Caption: What was it you wanted to talk about, minion? Boss, you called me in at 2a.m. to clean out the gutters. We don't have any gutters. Of course we don't have any gutters. I'm confused. When I ordered you to clean out the gutters, it was clearly implied that you're first supposed to install them. Am I supposed to do all your thinking for you, Rudy? This is very disappointing. This will impact your next weekly performance review. Anyway, you'd better get to it. How do you expect the cafe's rooftop garden to properly drain without gutters? We don't have a rooftop garden. Very bad man. How do you expect to placate the green-freaks once we install the oil wells without a rooftop garden.
     
30. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-14 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-14 Pub. Date: 2017-09-14
Image Number: 162612
Caption: Rudy, I'm thinking of replacing you with Gunther the illegal immigrant. What?! Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. Relax. I haven't yet made up my mind. I'll give you a chance to underbid him. Gunther says he'll work for $1 a day, from 3am to 11pm. Can you beat that? Yeah. I can turn you in. Tsk tsk ... Gunther would never say something like that.
     
31. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-26 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-26 Pub. Date: 2017-08-26
Image Number: 161811
Caption: Hey boss, it's almost closing time. Mind if I knock off early? I do indeed, minion. It's a slippery slope. If I let you off ten minutes early. The next thing you'd know, you'll be asking for eleven free minutes. And the next thing you'd know, yadda yadda yadda, the courts would be forcing me to pay for your third cousin's foreign-born nanny's uncle's appendectomy. You should really cut down on making these slippery slope arguments. If I did that, the next thing you'd know, the courts would be forcing me to buy everyone a turtle.
     
32. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-11 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-11 Pub. Date: 2017-08-11
Image Number: 161301
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? The White House just fired me, and … Excellent question. It reminds me of the year 1950. I was baby-sitting some little snot-nosed four-year-old in Queens, NY. The little orange-haired tyke was pretending his teddy bear, "Rosebud," was his employee. After a while, he got bored and asked me if Rosebud would cry if he stopped playing with him. I said "Who cares?! He's just a toy! He has not feelings! When you're bored of him, just fire him! You don't owe him any loyalty!" I accept no responsibility for anything that may or may not have stemmed from that! Wait ... What? Back up ...
     
33. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-07 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-07 Pub. Date: 2017-08-07
Image Number: 161297
Caption: Boss? It's way past the 1st of the month and I still haven't received my paycheck. That's because the state requires that I pay you monthly, but it's not specific about whose month. Haven't you ever heard of gravitational time dilation? Time passes more slowly for an observer who's closer to a significant gravitational mass than it does for an observer who's farther away. Because I'm closer to my massive bank account than you are, one month for me is two months for you. I want my check by the end of today in me-time.
     
34. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-31 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-31 Pub. Date: 2017-07-31
Image Number: 161036
Caption: Hey boss, it's July 31st. A couple years ago, you said come back July 31, 2017, and we could talk about you giving me a raise. Yes, but that was predicated on the notion that you'd need a raise by now. I see you're still alive. Clearly you haven't starved to death. You smell minty-fresh, so clearly you haven't been forced out into the streets. Karl Marx said it best: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need." I'm pretty sure that is not what Marx meant.
     
35. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-26 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-26 Pub. Date: 2017-04-26
Image Number: 157298
Caption: Hey boss, it's almost closing time. Mind if I knock off early? I do indeed, minion. It's a slipper slope. If I let you off ten minutes early, next thing we know you'll be asking for eleven free minutes. Then people will catch wind of it and be asking for time off all over the place. Meanwhile, North Koreans don't ask for time off. They'll be outproducing us. It'll be the end of America. Boss ... are you AirBnB-ing my house again while I'm at work? You can leave here at 5pm and not a minute sooner.
     
36. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-22 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-22 Pub. Date: 2017-04-22
Image Number: 157029
Caption: Boss, there hasn't been a single customer all day. It's almost midnight. Mind if I just close up and go home? Only if you don't mind me not paying you for this last global hour. I don't mind if … wait … what does "global hour" mean? I won't pay you for the 11pm hour every time zone on earth experienced. "Global hour" is not a term! ... I think.
     
37. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-18 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-18 Pub. Date: 2017-04-18
Image Number: 157025
Caption: Boss, I have a question to ask you, but I'm pretty sure I already know what your answer is going to be. Ask away, minion. Can I have a day off each week to catch up on all the "Star Wars" novels and comic books that tie into the upcoming movie? Of course, Rudy. Who am I to stand in the way of your education in the proper role of a boss and his employee? Wait ... Are you talking about the Emperor and Darth Vader? Excellent training manual, if you ignore the lame social justice warrior parts.
     
38. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-13 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-13 Pub. Date: 2017-04-13
Image Number: 156749
Caption: Boss, does my workers' compensation package cover early onset eye wrinkles? Of course. That's covered, along with gray hair, receding hairline, aches in your joints … all the usual sign of aging. It's all covered by your workers' compensation. For each affliction, you're supposed to compensate me, your boss, in the amount of $10 per week. I really should've read the fine print on my contract. You didn't? There was a $10 not-reading-the-fine-print clause in there.
     
39. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-31 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-31 Pub. Date: 2017-03-31
Image Number: 156360
Caption: Two words, boss: Virtual reality. We glue virtual reality goggles to our coffee mugs. Come again? When patrons sip their Himalayan mochas, they'll think they're dangling from a cliff in the Himalayan mountains. People will come from Miles around! People will throw up for miles around. We'll give patrons mops that double as virtual reality hockey sticks. This conversation is virtually over.
     
40. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-22 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-22 Pub. Date: 2017-03-22
Image Number: 155927
Caption: Armstrong told me he's replacing the café's burglar alarm with a string tying the doors and windows to my teeth. It was almost enough to make me quit. "Almost"? Little buddy, if someone opens a door, you could lose all your teeth! Exactly. And then workman's comp would pay for replacement bionic teeth. HOJ. I'm pretty sure that's not how workman's comp wor -- wait ... "bionic teeth"? I just think it'd be cool to be able to chew without moving my jaw.
     
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