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Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons

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1. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-03-25 drop 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-03-25 Pub. Date: 2017-03-25
Image Number: 156369
Caption: Form 1040. Department of the Treasury. Internal Revenue Service. U.S. Individual Income Tax Return. 2016. OMB No. 1545-0074. IRS Use only - Keep your greasy fingers off this space. For the year Jan. 1 - Dec. 31, 2016 (And thank God THAT's over!). 2016 ending. 20. See separate instructions. Your Name (Phonetic Spelling). Your Name Used on Dating Service (Attach Recent Photograph). Your Social Security Number. Your gang or mob name (Ex: Louise Pepperoniface, etc) Your Travel Name (Do Not Use Mohammed). Your Other Social Security Number. Address of Your House Before Foreclosure. Crappy apt. you moved to. Bass Ale! How about a cold one right now? (adv.) City, State or Exit from Jersey Turnpike (if you have foreign address, go there and wait for instructions.) Presidential Election Campaign. Checking Here Will Not Make a Damn Bit of Difference. You. Whatshername. Instructions: Drop Dead. Except for Canada, Canada still OK. Eh? Filing Status. Or Fling Status. (It is later than you think.) 1. Single (in the Republican sense of the word). 2. Married Filing Jointly (include all arguments). 3. Married Filing Separately (include sex of partner if you remember). 4. Head of Household (are you the person who sits with head in hands and wonders how you are going to feed all these mistakes, er dependents?) Enter names of dependents. Write small. 5. Qualifying widower. Enter golf handicap. Exemptions. See Publication EXX "Exemption to Exemptions to Exemptions". If more than four exemptions, or if some exemptions have four legs check here. 6a. Yourself. (That's right, you, stupid. If you are not yourself, who did you claim to be?). b. Spouse (or anyone who thinks they should be) (That's a funny word. "spouse") c. Dependents: 1 First name. Nom de plume or AKAs. Phonetic Social Security Number. Last known address? Does this dependent follow instructions? (See instructions). Boxes checked. No. of children who had live-in girlfriends/boyfriends. Had their divorced spouses living with you. You asked to leave but they had no place to go. Add numbers on lines above. (OK to use fingers). d. Total number of exemptions claimed (Round up to nearest 3/5's). Income. Attach forms here. Attach a couple of Andy J's while you're at it, to speed processing. Your ad here! Read by millions! Contact IRS Media. Helpful Hint. We are not going to give you any helpful hints. 7 Wages, salaries, tips, bottle deposits, bribes, free lunches, coins found in couch cushions. 8a Taxable interest. Attach Schedule B. If you don't understand, go to plan B. b. Tax-exempt interest. Much more interesting, isn't it? 9a Ordinary dividends. Nothing special, just Joe the Dividend. b Qualified dividends. Big Whoop. Trump's Rich Friends. 10. Taxable Refunds. Bank error in your favor. Pass GO, collect 200. 11. Alimony received (if that bum ever paid up). 12. Business Income or (loss). Use Schedule EZ come, EZ go. 13. Capital gain of (loss). Include your share of the national debt. 14. Other gains or (losses). Check box if you are just making stuff up. 15a. IRA distributions. b. Amount you had with Lehman. 16a. Pensions and annuities. b Amount with State of Illinois. 17. Rental real estate, royalties, partnerships (Use Schedule X to report missing partner). 18. Farm Income or (loss), Attach Schedule F (Do not include the funny farm). 19. Unemployment compensation (Amazing isn't it? You get taxed on this, too). 20a. Social Security benefits b. Taxable amount. 21. Other Income. (Bake sales, washing cars, baby-sitting, bingo games, don't hide anything). 22. This is your total income. Unless you are General Electric. If so write zero. Adjusted Gross Income. Remember you can file this form electronically, using your computer, and really mess things up. 23 Educator expenses (Spankings, noogies, butt-kicking). 24 Certain business expenses that you as a mere nobody have no business knowing about. Just keep moving. 25 Health savings account deduction. (May make you sick.) 26 Moving expenses. (See instructions). 27 Instruction tax. 28 Self-employment tax. 29 Self-enjoyment tax. 30 Penalty for early withdrawal (One-half of self-enjoyment tax). 31a Alimony paid. Rat out spouse's SSAN. 32 USSR tax (Useless Social Security Recipients). 33 Student loan interest (Do not include English majors). 34 Lack of interest in being a student. 35. Add up lines one to a million, divide by twice the total sum of your weight in Chinese running shoes. If greater than one-half of total something, go forth and multiply. 36. This is your adjusted gross income (Adjusted? We mean disgusted.) Now we can go to page two, tra-la. Last thought: Any money or thing of worth laying around? Better send it in. Just in case. Hey, you never know. Cat. No. 11320B. Form 1040 (2016).
     
2. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-09-21 drop 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-09-21 Pub. Date: 2016-09-21
Image Number: 149006
Caption: New Tales of Wells Fargo. Where the hell did that Indian come from? Wells, Fargo & Co. Elizabeth Warren. Notice to Employees. Drop Dead.
     
3. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-08-24 drop 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-08-24 Pub. Date: 2016-08-24
Image Number: 147850
Caption: Speedo Drops Sponsorship of Ryan Lochte. Gun to my head? I'm telling the police. Mom. Hah! No one will believe you. Speedo Security.
     
4. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-05-13 drop 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-05-13 Pub. Date: 2015-05-13
Image Number: 127353
Caption: Our Boys at War - Then and Now. Then. ... grab what sleep you can on the hard cold ground ... breakfast is coffee and a c-ration biscuit ... a long miserable march to the front ... incoming fire! Charge! Now. Sorry I'm late. I had to drop the kids off for preschool. No problem. Drone Command. People on the other side of the world to kill today.
     
5. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-04-21 drop 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-04-21 Pub. Date: 2015-04-21
Image Number: 126762
Caption: Syria Drops Chlorine Gas on Civilians, Rebels, etc. WWI Chlorine. I thought it was an idea whose time had come again. Chlorine Gas. Assad.
     
6. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-01-11 drop 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-01-11 Pub. Date: 2015-01-11
Image Number: 121628
Caption: In Russia Some Things Never Change. Putingas. Super Poot. No snacks. Snacks. Liter. Rubles.
     
7. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2014-12-05 drop 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2014-12-05 Pub. Date: 2014-12-05
Image Number: 120064
Caption: Mr. Putin and the Ship of State. Russian Economy. Oil.
     
8. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2014-09-08 drop 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2014-09-08 Pub. Date: 2014-09-08
Image Number: 116356
Caption: McCain and Graham. I'll tell you what I'd do if I was president! I'd drop every bomb we have on them dam' towelheads. I'd invade with the Marines, I'd gas their cities, I'd nuke 'em back to the stone age. I'd blow the place to hell and back, I'd … Oooh, I love it when you get really mad. And your eyes shine, and your face gets all pink ...
     
9. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2014-02-18 drop 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2014-02-18 Pub. Date: 2014-02-18
Image Number: 107916
Caption: With the help of his co-pilot, Mr. Assad drops barrel bombs on Damascus neighborhoods. Putin. Assad.
     
10. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2014-02-10 drop 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2014-02-10 Pub. Date: 2014-02-10
Image Number: 107572
Caption: Football - The Sport of Real Men. Openly gay man in the locker room! Openly gay man in the locker room! Rules. Do not drop soap in shower. 911!
     
11. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-08-11 drop 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-08-11 Pub. Date: 2013-08-11
Image Number: 100429
Caption: Out at Yankee Stadium Loyal Fans Advise A-Rod. Shame! On you. A-Fraud go home. Fuggedabaddit! Get lost! A-Rod drop dead! Beah! Beer. I can't remember when I've had more fun at a baseball game. Hey! A-Rod you stink! Loser! A-Rod die.
     
12. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-01-11 drop 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-01-11 Pub. Date: 2013-01-11
Image Number: 92379
Caption: Former Treasury Employee Flogsnoogle (top right) Dropped the Trillion-dollar Platinum Coin Down the Grate. Hey, chief … You sittin' down? Russian Citizenship?
     
13. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2012-12-06 drop 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-12-06 Pub. Date: 2012-12-06
Image Number: 90981
Caption: Some of Senator DeMint's Constituents Drop By. Whar's thet foreflusher Dee-Mint? Whut's he mean quittin' here to go off to some slick job after we ee-lected him to beat up the president? Now, now, Senator DeMint will be able to be just as much a right-wing lunatic at the Heritage Foundation as he was here working for the good people of South Carolina. Don't these goobers know how hard it is to make a million dollars a year in these times?
     
14. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2011-10-10 drop 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-10-10 Pub. Date: 2011-10-10
Image Number: 66732
Caption: GOP Prayer Circle. Hey, Lord, it's me, Newt. C'mon! Get rid of these people! Who looks more like televangelists? Me and Callista, right? Doesn’t that mean anything? Lord … What was I thinking? Smite them, O Lord! Smite them hip and thigh, smite them sausage and pepperoni, smite them 9-inch and 12-inch. Why can't I be president? Good Lord! We are in the end times! How much damage can I do? Ok, Lord, here's the deal. I can take care of the rest of them. No problem. But I need you to drop a truck on Perry. Lord, this Romney character, I need you to treat him pretty ugly, but it should look like an accident. Ayn Rand? I mean, God ... Look down on thy faithful servant. Lord, make me president and I promise: Dog on man will be but a memory...
     
15. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2011-06-10 drop 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-06-13 Pub. Date: 2011-06-10
Image Number: 62121
Caption: The Newts return from Greek vacation. Well, now we know who the loyal staff members are. Gingrich 2012. Staff to Newt Drop Dead. Also Tiffany called.
     
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