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Rudy Park

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141. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-26 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-26 Pub. Date: 2017-09-26
Image Number: 163104
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie show. You're on caller. What's your problem? The Orville. Don't get me started. Orville Redenbacher stole his popping-corn recipe from Grandma Cohen. But … "but she stole it from Clarence Hornswaggler descendant of the guy who stole it from the Native Americans," Yeah everyone knows that story; it's fake news. No, I meant "The Orville," that "Star-Trek" type show by Seth McFarlane. What's that have to do with popcorn? Call back when you're not so confused. Next caller!
     
142. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-22 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-22 Pub. Date: 2017-09-22
Image Number: 162864
Caption: Seriously, boss? I'm no longer allowed to talk about astronomy at work? Why? It's just bad for business. What if I want to get a huge merger approved so I could finally achieve my lifelong dream of having a monopoly of my very own? The government's not exactly science-friendly these days. I don't want them throwing up roadblocks just because my minion aid something that pressed their buttons. Did you know Venus is a dead world because of global warming? Stop that.
     
143. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-13 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-13 Pub. Date: 2017-09-13
Image Number: 162611
Caption: I've never had a real date, because they always refuse to sign the Dutch contract. "The Dutch Contract"? Most relationships fail because of money. Because one party starts to see the other party as a piggy bank. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask prospective dates to sear under oath that they'll always go Dutch on everything. Maybe it's the title people object to. A lot of conservatives can't stand anything that sounds European. Yeah. That must be it.
     
144. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-02 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-02 Pub. Date: 2017-09-02
Image Number: 162104
Caption: Our secret midlife crisis fling is still on track for June of 2018. Almost. Almost? That's right. You're not exactly doing your part. Where are the tattoos I designed for you? Where are the six-pack abs? If you'd been following the meal and workout plan I sent you, you'd have six-pack abs by now. you were serious about -- Have you even started the Rosetta Stone French lessons I gifted you? The pillow talk is supposed to be in French. Can't we just use Google translate? Beep beep. Unacceptable. Don't be the weak link on the committee, Rudy.
     
145. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-27 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-27 Pub. Date: 2017-08-27
Image Number: 161424
Caption: Excuse me, sir, if it's not too much trouble … Hi, Democrats. What can I get you? Coffee Sandwiches? An explanation. We introduced our bold new plan last month: "A Better Deal," but the progressives still aren't impressed. What more could they ask for? We focus-group tested the heck out of the slogan. It was the least objectionable and least un-inspiring of the bunch! It evokes FDR's "New Deal" and LBJ's "Fair Deal" without over-promising. We don't want to risk over-promising. It even sounded progressive! We mentioned tax credits to retrains workers, a $15 minimum wage (eventually), regulating prescription drug prices, and busting monopolies, maybe. We even said we'd think about forming a committee to consider considering sing-payer health care, among many other more corporate-donor-friendly options that aren't single-payer. And we introduced it with an editorial vowing not to expand government or move our party in one direction or another along the political spectrum. Bold! So why didn't that fire up the progressive base? ... Hello?
     
146. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-21 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-21 Pub. Date: 2017-08-21
Image Number: 161806
Caption: I'll have a triple-vanilla white mocha and a powdered donut. Also, a Tiki torch. A Tiki torch? Home Depot refused to sell me one for some reason. Then they said "get out." Why would they do that? I don't know. Probably because I was wearing my sheet. But I thought "better safe than sorry." Oh ... Wait, what? At the Charlottesville Klan rally, those guys didn't wear theirs, and plenty of them lost their jobs 'cause of that. Get out.
     
147. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-14 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-14 Pub. Date: 2017-08-14
Image Number: 161543
Caption: If there were one place on earth you'd never visit, where would that be, Randy? Easy: That would be McMurdo Station, Antarctica, little buddy. Nothing encourages hot snuggling more than being marooned in an icy wasteland. That would be a total waste of my skills of seduction. No challenge. I'd never visit the Mariana Trench. People don't live anywhere near there, and it's the deepest spot in the ocean ... so there'd be no wifi and not even satellite internet could reach it. We should have our own travel show.
     
148. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-13 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-13 Pub. Date: 2017-08-13
Image Number: 160983
Caption: What was it you wanted to talk about, minion? There's a guy from Immigration and Customs Enforcement out front, boss. Oh, that. ICE said someone would stop by to thank me for tipping them off to all the illegals who were hanging out at Muhammad's Bean Pie Shack. What? Why would you do that? Because I'm a patriot. In times like this, every patriot must do his duty. If we have good reason to suspect a bean pie shack is a gathering place for people who shouldn't be here, it's our solemn duty to report it, so it'll get shut down. This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with how you've been looking for ways to boost our bean pie sales, would it? Coincidence. Don't be a conspiracy theorist, minion. Oh, and go tell ICE I have another tip for them. Very bad man.
     
149. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-11 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-11 Pub. Date: 2017-08-11
Image Number: 161301
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? The White House just fired me, and … Excellent question. It reminds me of the year 1950. I was baby-sitting some little snot-nosed four-year-old in Queens, NY. The little orange-haired tyke was pretending his teddy bear, "Rosebud," was his employee. After a while, he got bored and asked me if Rosebud would cry if he stopped playing with him. I said "Who cares?! He's just a toy! He has not feelings! When you're bored of him, just fire him! You don't owe him any loyalty!" I accept no responsibility for anything that may or may not have stemmed from that! Wait ... What? Back up ...
     
150. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-09 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-09 Pub. Date: 2017-08-09
Image Number: 161299
Caption: I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column? I don't know, I only read the first sentence.
     
151. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-04 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-04 Pub. Date: 2017-08-04
Image Number: 161040
Caption: Don't be alarmed. I'm not falling for it, loser. You can't make Sadie Cohen worry about nothing by uttering three dumb words. It's probably nothing. Those three won't work either! Nobody panic. Two words won't work either! Munch mun -
     
152. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-28 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-28 Pub. Date: 2017-07-28
Image Number: 160767
Caption: Do you think it's too late to go into the ambassador business? Little buddy … It's never too late to … wait … "ambassador business"? It's all about the money, right? If you donate enough money to the right politician, you get to be ambassador to a tropical paradise. HOJ. You don't have any money to donate to anyone. I made a kickstarter page.
     
153. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-26 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-26 Pub. Date: 2017-07-26
Image Number: 160765
Caption: Think we knew each other in a past life, Randy? I don't believe in past lives. In fact, I don't believe in the past. Or the future I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight? ... Sorry, that's Randy's line #42. Reflex. Wait, let me write that down.
     
154. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-25 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-25 Pub. Date: 2017-07-25
Image Number: 160764
Caption: I hear they think they finally identified the wreckage of Amelia Earhart's plane. Finally! I took them long enough! I planted that fake wreckage way back in 1937! And it wasn't easy! In '37, the tiny atoll of Nikumaroro was hard to reach. I had to take two rafts and a bus. You, uh ... You don't believe her ... do you? Almost. Definitely not.
     
155. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-24 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-24 Pub. Date: 2017-07-24
Image Number: 160763
Caption: All you young people keep whining about the country being "divided." You don't know what "divided" is. Grandmother Cohen was a general in the Union army. Her sister was a Confederate general. They didn't let women fight in the Civil War. Of course not. But as luck would have it, Great Grandmother Cohen was the best fake-beard-maker in the land. Nobody ever dared ask "Stonewall Jackson" why "he" often wore his hair in a bun. The history books always leave out the best parts.
     
156. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-22 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-22 Pub. Date: 2017-07-22
Image Number: 160524
Caption: You know why most political comic strips are leftist? Wait … is that your own observation, or did you overhear it somewhere? I'm shocked, Randy. Haven't you heard of morphic resonance? If a few members of a species learn something, then pretty soon it's inbred knowledge in the rest of the species. As proof: I don't even recall reading about morphic resonance. I just know about it. Obviously because someone else read about it. So I think you'll agree, first-person observation is highly overrated. I'm pretty sure you meant "inborn" knowledge, not "inbred." See? You're "pretty sure" because morphic resonance. More proof.
     
157. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-17 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-17 Pub. Date: 2017-07-17
Image Number: 160519
Caption: This Russia story is one big nothing burger. Tap tap tap tap tap. Stop it I hate that phrase. That's because you're just a big hate-burger. And in any case, stop yapping. I'm tired of listening to your word-burgers. Stop it or I'll pound you into ground loser-burger. Your threat-burgers don't impress-burger me.
     
158. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-08 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-08 Pub. Date: 2017-07-08
Image Number: 159996
Caption: Tonight, on "Cops," a local man leads police on a high-speed chase through Best Buy. It all began when clerks notices he was coming in every day to upgrade different obsolete items. When he ran out of his own obsolete hardware, he began rummaging through other customers' pockets looking for old cellphones to upgrade. He zoomed free, but cops had no trouble tracking the perp down. Please don't be Rudy. Please don't be Rudy. Please don't -- Maybe next time "Rudy" will think twice before personalizing his Segway's license plate.
     
159. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-26 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-26 Pub. Date: 2017-06-26
Image Number: 159726
Caption: Vancouver. Hey cutie, you'll never guess where I am! You'll never guess where I am either, snoogums. But you first. <3 Tap tap tap tap t - I'm in CANDORVILLE! I'm on a book tour. I thought maybe you and your son would like to have dinner after my signing. Tap tap tap t - Terminal B. Of course! ... 'cept I'm in Moscow covering the story of my old college roomie being a Russian spy who's blackmailing Donald Trump. Vancouver. Um ... if you don't want to meet, just say so.
     
160. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-25 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-25 Pub. Date: 2017-06-25
Image Number: 158940
Caption: What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?
     
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