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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-21 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-21 Pub. Date: 2020-01-21
Image Number: 181365
Caption: … then he cried What happens now? So I opened the trunk, leaned over him, and said The ball's in your court. Pardon me, I couldn't help overhearing. The ball's in your court makes no sense. People don't play on separate courts. They play on the same court. How would you like to go for a ride? On a ride would be more accurate.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-19 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-19 Pub. Date: 2020-01-19
Image Number: 181257
Caption: My 3-year-old asked me how many dimensions we live in. Can you believe that, Clyde? Believe what? What I just said. You wasn't listening neither? Of course I was. I don't know, bruh. If I been listening to somethin', I don't need to ask people 'bout it later. No, What I just said was an answer. I don't know. What did you just say was an answer? That's ... sigh ... Let me start over. My little boy asked if we live in three dimensions. I said We live in three special dimensions, but there's a fourth dimension we live in called time. The fourth dimension called time what? They don't get along? At what point in the fourth dimension did you decide to just mess with me?
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-16 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-16 Pub. Date: 2020-01-16
Image Number: 181261
Caption: I'm going to go to Iran, Clyde. What for, bruh? Weren't you listening? I've been invited to give a speech about the dangers journalists face. Do you have any idea how many journalists I know who've lost their lives in the line of duty? How could I say no? I feel you. Don't worry, somethin' happens to you, I'll raise your little boy to be a good accompli -- a good man. I'm not going to Iran, Clyde.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-15 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-15 Pub. Date: 2020-01-15
Image Number: 181260
Caption: I don't know what to do, Clyde. I just got an invitation to go give a speech at a journalism conference in Iran … Right after I published a series of opinion pieces condemning pretty much every side that brought us to the brink of war over there. On the one hand, it's dangerous for journalists these days, and I've never heard of the group that invited me. It's called Truth, Responsibility and Principle. T.R.A.P.? On the other hand, they say there's a free continental breakfast.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-08 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-08 Pub. Date: 2020-01-08
Image Number: 181114
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I just learned that our galaxy has not arms. Scientists discovered the Milky Way's spiral arms are not physical structures after all. They're magnetic density fields. Stars and matter don't live in any particular arm. Instead they move into and out of these dense fields all the time. Were you going to say this is like being homeless? Because that would be very insensitive. I was ... not. I was not.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-05 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-05 Pub. Date: 2020-01-05
Image Number: 181021
Caption: I'm stocking up on c canned foods, survival gear and oxygen tanks. Why? Elon Musk. What? He's a billionaire with government connections. Um … ok … and? Don't you see, Susan? He's in a position to know stuff we don't know. He just built an electric truck that's bulletproof, can go off-road, and with the optional solar panels, could keep running even in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Proves nothing. What about the giant space arks he's building? Maybe he's just bored.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-04 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-04 Pub. Date: 2020-01-04
Image Number: 181020
Caption: I'm convinces that critics don't know anything and people are petty. What? Why? Most critics hated The Rise of Skywalker. And dozens of Youtubers were bashing it. But it was amazing! So I spent all night checking these people's past comments, and found that most of them loved The Last Jedi. Which means they're probably just butthurt that the new movie reversed a lot of the stuff the last movie did wrong.. That certainly wasn't petty of you. Tonight I'm going to post comments under all of them exposing their bias.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-27 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-27 Pub. Date: 2019-12-27
Image Number: 180958
Caption: Haven't you ever heard that Luck is just preparation meeting opportunity? Of course. Consider this: Soaring stock market … trade wars using tariffs … environmental collapse … high personal debt … deregulation … Democracies falling into tyranny … Don't you see, Rosencrantz? We are once again in the Roaring Twenties. Conditions are ripe for another Great Depression. Tyrone, I still don't think you can declare yourself King of the Dispossessed. I have been preparing for this moment for decades.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-22 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-22 Pub. Date: 2019-12-22
Image Number: 180854
Caption: Big L, you seen a doctor yet 'bout that heart attack you had? I didn't have a heart attack, Clyde. All I had was pain in my arm, between my shoulder blades, in my hest, jaw and upper abdomen. Plus I was dizzy, fatigued and had heartburn. That could've been anything, and anyway, I took care of it myself. I started biking, gave up red meat, etc ... just incase. Anyway, I don't have health insurance. I earn too much for Medicaid ad too little to pay the Obamacare premiums. I got a solution for you, bruh ... Ok ... as long as it doesn't involve identity theft, fake IDs and possible jail time. Hm ... well, then I got a different solution for you ... As long as it doesn't involve sneaking into another country. Well ... then I got a different solution ...
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-21 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-21 Pub. Date: 2019-12-21
Image Number: 180860
Caption: It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller. Yeah, how come you haven't said Merry Christmas yet? Oh, that's because I was hoping to provoke everyone who's upset about the so-called War on Christmas to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don't think Christmas is just another chance to play victim can open their gifts in peace. You're welcome, America. Why haven't you played Jingle Bells yet?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-20 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-20 Pub. Date: 2019-12-20
Image Number: 180859
Caption: I don't see why you're so upset, Lemont. Well, maybe it's because when I told someone the inspirational story of Hazel Scott … I didn't expect them to go back to their ad agency and create a soda-sola campaign featuring a deepfake of Hazel Scott. There's absolutely nothing wrong with digitally using a departed celebrity's likeness to create something touching, beautiful and lucrative! Is somebody's conscience eating at her? I don't have to stand here and take this.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-11 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-11 Pub. Date: 2019-12-11
Image Number: 180767
Caption: 1982. Last night I looked across the alley and saw your light on, but you weren't answering your tin can. I didn't know you called me. Maybe the string wasn't tight enough to receive the call. But I was busy anyway. I was writing to my pen pal. Chuck's been having trouble working up the courage to talk to some little red-haired girl. He was even too timid to try my suggested pull her hair ice-breaker. That's my best move. I don't know why you men think us women like that. Try my can again tonight, I'll try to get better reception.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-10 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-10 Pub. Date: 2019-12-10
Image Number: 180766
Caption: This is Nightly News with Martin Niemoller. First they came for the travelers from Muslim countries … Then they came for the Latino criminals who were here illegally. Then they came for legal immigrants who don't know English. Then they came for the hard-working, decent, productive Latinos who were brought here illegally as kids and know no other country. That's too bad. Hey, I feel like a ham sandwich. Hey wait, you might want to hear the rest of this ...
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-01 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-01 Pub. Date: 2019-12-01
Image Number: 180584
Caption: I saw that article you wrote about how California should do a public takeover of that PG&E utility company … just because they seem to keep starting massive wildfires. And to stop that they keep turning off power for millions of people. Yeah. The state's publicly-owned utilities like SMUD and Silicon Valley Power don't seem to get themselves into these predicaments. Maybe that's because they don't spend their money on lobbyists, fancy dinners, huge salaries, or dividend payments. Yeah, but Venezuela. Um ... What? That's the universally recognized trump card for any conversation. So declared by the International Association of Weaselly Arguments. I don't recognize their authority. Venezuela.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-16 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-16 Pub. Date: 2019-11-16
Image Number: 180303
Caption: How come you ain't fillin' your prescription at the pharmacy, bruh? My insurance is refusing to cover memory-loss meds. Don't worry, I got you. Whachoo need? I got Aricept, Exelon, Razadyne, Criscolon, Franaphran … Did you just make some of that up? Dilithiumanadyneaphran ...
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-15 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-15 Pub. Date: 2019-11-15
Image Number: 180302
Caption: Where you been, Big L? At the doctor's. I realized I'm forgetting a lot of my youth. I don't remember much at all between ages six and nineteen. The doctor said forgetting all that time could mean I'm developing Alzheimer's, or it could mean I'm repressing something horrible. Clyde ... Between which ages did we hang out the most? Why you ask? No reason.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-14 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-14 Pub. Date: 2019-11-14
Image Number: 180301
Caption: Remember when we were kids, you wanted to write a story about a white slave in an alternate-universe America run by black slave owners? I've been wanting to read that book ever since. You should really write it. How do you remember that? I don't even remember that. That's why I explained to you the importance of keeping a meticulous journal, on April 11th, 1982. I don't remember that.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-05 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-05 Pub. Date: 2019-11-05
Image Number: 180233
Caption: When my little boy got home from day care and found out I'd sold the microwave, he started sobbing. He asked who bought it. I said A neighbor. He whimpered and blubbered But I don't want the neighbor to have it! I want us to have it! … I tried to make him feel better by telling him it's best not to have one anyway, because all microwaves leak radiation and that can cause cancer ... and that's when you son accused you of trying to murder your neighbor? I never realized how horrible a person I was until my son started asking questions.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-28 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-28 Pub. Date: 2019-10-28
Image Number: 180102
Caption: I wish you'd stop bashing Hillary Clinton, Lemont. I didn't bash her. All I did was write an article saying it was irresponsible to accuse Tulsi Gabbard of being a stooge of Russia without better evidence. I didn't know you were a Tulsi supporter. You don't have to be a supporter to speak up when someone's treated unfairly. What species do you think you belong to? Homo Fairpiens.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-26 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-26 Pub. Date: 2019-10-26
Image Number: 180025
Caption: I don't understand what you were doing at the Trump press conference. I'm a journalist. It's my job to be there … even though he got rid of actual press conferences and just stands in front of a loud helicopter so he can pretend not to hear our questions. No, I meant I don't understand why you kept revving that motorcycle every time he answered. Two can play at that game, Susan. Dios mio.
     
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