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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-18 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-18 Pub. Date: 2018-08-18
Image Number: 173504
Caption: 1982. Why do you like me, Lemont? Because you believe me. When I told the class that Meadowlark Lemon gave me a Harlem Globetrotters basketball and bought me ice cream, they all laughed. But you didn't. That's why you're my best friend. I can tell you anything, Susan. Why, I remember telling you that I ran into Sulu from Star Trek, and he told me I looked familiar, and he gave me a pat on the head. I don't remember you saying any of that nonsense. I also like you because you're a very good listener.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-14 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-14 Pub. Date: 2018-08-14
Image Number: 173500
Caption: Wait … You snuck into the wrong refugee internment camp? Seemed so. I was trying to reach Rudy Park and the other survivors of the town that got swallowed by a sinkhole. But it seemed I accidentally snuck into one of the President's baby jails instead. Oh ... so then what happened? Y'know, never in a millions years did I imagine I'd say either of those sentences. Focus.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-09 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-09 Pub. Date: 2018-08-09
Image Number: 173376
Caption: twitter. Sassynic: Jumping jacks … have those ever been considered a real exercise? They seem so … fake to me. They're the breast implants of exercises. Candorville: If a caveman saw all the glowing, blinking devices in my room he'd flip out. I'd hate 2 see what he'd do if he saw my bills for all of them. I don't understand, what's this have to do with you deciding you no longer need counseling? I'm cured! All the voices in my head have been crowded out by all the voices in my phone.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-08 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-08 Pub. Date: 2018-08-08
Image Number: 173375
Caption: Dick, when you told me the Fitzhugh meeting was changed from the conference room to the laundromat across the street … Were you trying to make me miss the meeting? Of course not, Ms. Garcia. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. It was a simple mix-up. You do not suspect that I'm sabotaging you or that I want your job. Are you trying the Jedi mind trick on me? I may be excused.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-05 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-05 Pub. Date: 2018-08-05
Image Number: 173086
Caption: Am I the crazy one, doc? All day long all I hear from the news is Russia stole the election. Dr. Noodle. Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia! Russia didn't purse hundreds of thousands of voters in key states … The Republican crosscheck programs did that. Russian didn't challenge the voter registrations of thousands of black people and students all over the place. Vote-caging did that. Russian didn't throw out millions of provisional ballots. America did that. And America doesn't seem to have a problem with any of that. I thought you said you didn't even vote ... because they didn't let me! OMG, why didn't you hear that part?! I know I added that part ... or did I? ... I don't even know anymore.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-04 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-04 Pub. Date: 2018-08-04
Image Number: 173245
Caption: Tyrone, for whom did you cast your vote? Anderson Jackson Perot Bradley Dean Sanders Chisolm. I figured that was the only candidate who could create real change. Of course, Reagan Bush Gore Bush Kerry Clinton Nixon Clinton won, in the end. That one almost always wins. No change is always easier than change.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-02 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-02 Pub. Date: 2018-08-02
Image Number: 173243
Caption: Do you ever wonder whether you ever wonder? Stop it. I once thought I thought, but now I'm not sure I think I think. Stop it. I'm just saying, how do we know our thoughts are our own and not placed in our heads by a higher power? Aren't you the least bit curious about the curiosity known as curiosity? Stop it.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-31 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-31 Pub. Date: 2018-07-31
Image Number: 173241
Caption: Dick? I want you to send Mr. Fitzhugh a ficus plant for his birthday. What do you mean am I sure that's a good idea? Look, Dick Fink, you're my assistant. Every single time I ask you to do something, you ask if I'm sure that's a good idea. Enough. That doesn't assist me. Yes, I'm sure it doesn't assist m - just order the stupid plant! Ok ... if you're sure.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-28 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-28 Pub. Date: 2018-07-28
Image Number: 173092
Caption: Garcia, it's come to my attention that you earn substantially less than your male colleagues, even though you do better work. That is totally unacceptable. I've discussed it with the partners, and we'd like to offer you a raise. CEO of the Year 2002. From now on, you'll be earning only slightly less than your male colleagues. I'm only slightly less disgusted. She's accepted. Draw up the paperwork.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-26 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-26 Pub. Date: 2018-07-26
Image Number: 173090
Caption: Why do you hafta go to Ruthia, Daddy? Going to Russia's my job, son. You know Bradley'th daddy doethn't go to Ruthia to look for the pwethident. Bradley's daddy isn't a journalist who's trying to find out if the president has defected. What'th Bradley'th daddy'th job? He's a convict. What'th a convict? Someone with a lot of conviction.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-24 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-24 Pub. Date: 2018-07-24
Image Number: 173088
Caption: Can you tell me the rest of your story about the refugee jail next week, Lemont? Next week? Next week? This is an important story and America doesn't even care anymore. I know what it is. Every single day the President says something crazy that distracts us from the crazy thing he did or said the previous day. You've been trained. I don't know what you mean. Admit it: You were thinking baby jails are so last month.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-09 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-09 Pub. Date: 2018-07-09
Image Number: 172715
Caption: After the township of Canardville collapsed into a giant sinkhole, the Mayor of neighboring Candorville jailed the refugees in an internment camp. I can't believe it. We're not trending. No hashtags, no protests, no mentions on Youtube. NOTHING. Of course not. Don't you see, Rudy? They put babies in concentration camps. BABIES. People were outraged - for about three weeks. I've seen this sort of desensitization before. A country that gets over having baby-jails can tolerate just about anything. How do we know those babies were innocent?
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-08 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-08 Pub. Date: 2018-07-08
Image Number: 172486
Caption: Hello, you've reached Feudalbanc Massacard. This is Ryan. How may I hinder you? Hi Ryan. I'm looking at my statement and I see a $598.210 charge from House of Java Café. I'd like to dispute that charge … No, I don't have a receipt. I only bought a cookie so I could use the bathroom without risking them calling the cops on me ... because I was in a hurry to get into that bathroom, so I didn't have time to wait for a receipt ... What do you mean you can't help me? So what if I don't have a receipt? Think about it Ryan, who would ever spend $598,210 in a cafe?! That's not even humanly possible! ... No, I don't have a sick, perverted coffee bean fetish. Let me talk to your supervisor, Ryan. Ok, hold on, please. (Click) Hello, this is Mohinder. How can I mohinder you? I know it's you, Ryan.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-06 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-06 Pub. Date: 2018-07-06
Image Number: 172691
Caption: Sadie Cohen blew me off, Clyde. She never showed up. That's your problem right there. You aware of @#$%. You shoulda blew her off first. Then you wouldn't even know 'bout it. Dios mio. Everyone's starting to do business like Trump. I started a business etiquette university. Enrollment is $2.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-01 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-01 Pub. Date: 2018-07-01
Image Number: 172353
Caption: I'm not happy. I think I married the wrong person. Dr. Noodle. But I can't leave. Leaving is too hard. I mean, we've got all the same friends. They'd hate me. And she's got complete control of the bank accounts. What would I do for money? But maybe I could just start all over. Who needs any of that stuff? There's a whole world out there. Maybe it's not too late to explore the world, wrestle and alligator, move to Jamaica, change my name, and meet the woman I was really meant to be with. Sometimes it actually is too late. Zzzzzzzz.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-30 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-30 Pub. Date: 2018-06-30
Image Number: 172492
Caption: Lemont interviews Apple CEO Tim Cook. Is it true Mr. Trump told you the iPhone would be exempt from any of his China tariffs? Ok, I found this on the Web for China Terrace. That's not what I'm asking you. Here is what I've found on Ascot the mime cannibal. Wait ... did you just transfer me to Siri? Let's talk about you and not me.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-29 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-29 Pub. Date: 2018-06-29
Image Number: 172491
Caption: Ms. Garcia, I just want to thank you for trusting me to handle the Ask Sadie Show account. I've been waiting for a chance to prove myself. When I opened your memo this morning, I got right to work on a ten-step action plan. I wasted no time. I promise I won't let you down. I sent you that memo last year, Courtney. Step one is to tell you I disagree with having Kevin Spacey do the voiceover.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-28 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-28 Pub. Date: 2018-06-28
Image Number: 172490
Caption: Yes, I do think you're too old to join the military, Lemont. Complete nonsense, Susan. I feel like I'm still 19. I'm still adventurous, I'm still agile, I'm still strong, I've still got lightning-fast reflexes … in theory … (Sigh) Trump and his stupid Space Force. I just worry I'll write down moon but end up stationed in San Diego anyway.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-27 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-27 Pub. Date: 2018-06-27
Image Number: 172489
Caption: It's tough to know where to draw the line, as a journalist. I mean, the city won't give me access to the refugee detention facility. So I did the usual … tried to interview people involved with it. I tried the guards … I tried the custodians … I tried the architect to see if I could fit into the air-ducts ... Pretty sure that's crossing a line. He said I could just barely shimmy through if I butter myself up.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-26 do 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-26 Pub. Date: 2018-06-26
Image Number: 172488
Caption: I said, I'm a reporter and I want to come down and interview refugees at the detention facility. I'm sorry, you're breaking up. What did you say? Are you stalling for time and hoping I'll give up and go away? 'Cause that' what it seems like you're doing. I can't ... hear y ... must b ... a bad c ... nection. You just paused a bunch of times. It was obvious. No it w ... not.
     
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