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Candorville

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Result page:    2  Next  (21 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-11 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-11 Pub. Date: 2016-12-11
Image Number: 151363
Caption: Grandpa's 97th birthday is coming up. I have no idea how to time my gifts for him. Dr. Noodle. What do you mean "time" gifts? One year, I bought him a new set of dominoes, and he hated it. He gave it to the mailman. The next year, my sister bought him the very same set, and he loved it. He brags about it to me all the time. The next year, I bought him a gold pocket watch. He gave that to the pizza delivery guy. My sister gave him the same one the following year and he loves it so much that he's always putting it in my face and asking me what time it is. Maybe we should talk about the concept of "denial." Ok. But after we talk about why I keep picking the right presents in the wrong years.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-24 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-24 Pub. Date: 2016-05-24
Image Number: 143638
Caption: I don't know why fools be keepin' useless junk from long ago. What the point of that is? How often you gonna open that box in your garage to look at the apple you finger-painted when you was four? They ain't no future generations gonna enshrine your third-grade diary in the Smithsonian. Ain't nobody gonna care 'bout no package Amazon delivered to your doorstep last week. I said give me back my package!
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-09 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-09 Pub. Date: 2015-08-09
Image Number: 130320
Caption: Little Tyrant Pizza … Can I take your order? Yeh. Gimme one of them Big Mac combos. Are you serious? We don't sell Big Macs, sir. We're a pizza parlor. When you deliver them pizzas, you be drivin', right? … Yeah. So on your way back from deliverin' your next pizza, go on through that McDonald's drive-through an' pick me up a number one, with no onions. I can't do that, sir. What, you ain't wanna earn some extra bills on the side? What wrong with you? Well ... Ok, I guess I can. While you at it, I got some draw's in the laundromat should be finished right 'bout now.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-23 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-23 Pub. Date: 2015-01-23
Image Number: 121835
Caption: Lemont accidentally gets through to FedHex customer service. According to tracking info, you guys are sending my delivery to the wrong place. This isn't supposed to happen, sir. How did you get our phone number? I found it on a cached web page from six years ago. Anyhow, you're sending it to Brown, MI. "Brown" is my last name, not my city. We'll take care of it: We'll take that cached web page down right away. (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-01-05).
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-07 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-07 Pub. Date: 2014-09-07
Image Number: 115372
Caption: I taught Lionel how to call 911. WHAT?! What that little two-year-old boy ever done to you, Big L? Huh? Cops be outta control, bruh. If there a emergency an' he call 911, there a 50/50 chance the police'll help … an' a 50/50 chance they gonna knock down the door without a warrant, toss in a flashbang grenade, an' pepper spray your toddler before draggin' his dad out in the hallway half naked. What is you thinkin' Big L? He's be better off if you teach him to call Domino's. Well, they would probably get there faster.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-21 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-21 Pub. Date: 2014-08-21
Image Number: 115242
Caption: Robin Williams visits Lemont's dream. One of my favorite things in the world was to make you all laugh. I always knew that. You'd combine classy and dirty jokes, wisdom and erudition and throw them at us so fast and from so many different directions … ... it was like you were a new dad trying to get his baby to laugh and think at the same time. Are you trying to say I made you laugh so hard you ... yourself? Let's keep this clean.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-01-05 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-01-05 Pub. Date: 2013-01-05
Image Number: 91703
Caption: Lemont accidentally gets through to Fedhex customer service. According to tracking info, you guys are sending my delivery to the wrong place. This isn't supposed to happen, sir. How did you get our phone number? I found it on a cached web page from six years ago. Anyhow, you're sending it to Brown, MI. "Brown" is my last name, not my city. We'll take care of it; We'll take that cached web page down right away.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-12-25 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-12-25 Pub. Date: 2012-12-25
Image Number: 91453
Caption: UPS, this is Ryan. How may I hinder you today? My name's Lemont Brown. I ordered an Xbox for my kid for Christmas and it never arrived. Our records show it did, sir. It was signed for my a Mister Aygot Yostuff. What's the point of signing for stuff when you guys don't care who signs for it? Anything else I can help you with, Mister Yostuff?
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-18 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-18 Pub. Date: 2012-05-18
Image Number: 80979
Caption: 1982. Do you get an allowance? I'll put it this way … I'm not allowed to play house, mailman, pizza-delivery-guy (whatever that means) or hockey. I'm not allowed to cross the street, say hi to strangers, read in the dark, sit close to the TV, talk back, spit, slouch, stay up late or eat without saying grace ... Never mind, Lemont. I AM allowed to do what I'm told.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-12 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-12 Pub. Date: 2011-03-12
Image Number: 58318
Caption: Hello UPS-guy, you've reached Lemont Brown in apartment 3B. I'm not here at the moment … … because I'm downstairs in the bushes holding a big net. I'm waiting for you to buzz my apartment just once before leaving a "sorry we missed you" slip and trying to take off before I have a chance to answer. At the sound of the beep, turn around 'cause I'm standing right behind you.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-01-10 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-01-10 Pub. Date: 2010-01-10
Image Number: 42642
Caption: Know how Ms. Washington always said I'd never amount to nuthin'? Ms. Wash -- from first grade? … An' how when I sent Russell Simmons my first rap on the eight track, he shattered it with a baseball bat, lit it on fire and mailed it back to me C.O.D.? (Sigh) Just no call, doing that to a two-year-old. Well the C-Dog has finally arrived, fools. Look at this. A fan from Maine sent it. Is this a bear? Yeh, it -- what? No, fool, it's somebody SUV! An' the plates say "CDOGFAN"! MS. WASHINGTON, YOU AN' RUSSELL SIMMONS CAN KISS MY B ... Looks like a bear to me.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-04 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-04 Pub. Date: 2009-04-04
Image Number: 31253
Caption: You! I had the weirdest dream last night 'cause of you, you scary little stray wolf/dog thing… …And the second I get home from work, I'm Fed-Exing you to Bangkok. Slurp. Oh. Dios mio… (Sigh). What do you want for dinner, Kibble or motorcycle gang? Grrrrr.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-12-24 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-12-24 Pub. Date: 2008-12-24
Image Number: 28945
Caption: God offered me world peace last night. Riiiiight. What I need that fo'? I told 'im jus' gimme some solid gold hubcaps. Tha' what I want. Uh-huh. CRASH! Air mail. Roscoe's Hubcap Emporium. Now tha' what I'm talking 'bout. NNNOOOOO!!!
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-12-21 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-12-21 Pub. Date: 2008-12-21
Image Number: 28939
Caption: So you're saying you delivered all the gifts last summer. I figured the cost of reindeer fuel would skyrocket in December. Lichen's cheaper in the off-season. Of course. Anyway, I delivered Xboxes, iPods, the works. But just this week, kids from all over the world sent me their wishes. They don't want iPods. They want their mommies and daddies to have their jobs and their homes back. I see. And you feel you've crushed their dreams, condemning them to lives of bitterness and despair. Actually, I was wondering why I'm such a tightwad, but thanks for giving me another complex.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-08-31 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-08-31 Pub. Date: 2008-08-31
Image Number: 26243
Caption: In this economy, off-peak travel is much more affordable.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-01-20 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-01-20 Pub. Date: 2008-01-20
Image Number: 21206
Caption: Where've you been all week, Lemont? You look awful. Fedhex is supposed to deliver a package today. I've been tracking it online for days, Susan. It left Austin, TX, two days ago, then it went to Santa Rosa, CA. Then Raleigh, NC. Then Oakland, CA. Then Augusta, GA. Then Lansing, MI. Then Medford, OR. It's been taunting me, Susan. But it's getting tired, I can tell. It arrived right here in Candorville this morning. Don't you see? It's given up the game! It'll be here any moment, Susan. They should never give you a tracking number. TORONTO?! NOOOOO! I'M RIGHT HERE! I'M RIGHT HERE!
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-01-15 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-01-15 Pub. Date: 2007-01-15
Image Number: 15792
Caption: My CDs should be here now. Odd … This box from Columbia House is empty. All your mail's been opened. Dios mio, Lemont! You've been robbed! What did they get? Some rap, funk, neo soul … Y'know something cool. Clay Aiken's Christmas album.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-12-17 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-12-19 Pub. Date: 2006-12-17
Image Number: 15590
Caption: Y'know the worst part of Christmas? Not knowing if people are gonna like the gifts you give 'em. Let's say that - hypothetically speaking - some thoughtful friend were to spare you that anxiety by setting up a wish list on amazoble.com. That way, you could go to your friend's website and find out exactly what she (or he) wants, ranked in order of preference. Amazoble will wrap your order, write a card and deliver it. Just a few clicks, you're done. You wouldn't waste time thinking about what your friend would want, and she'd get that "Dirty Girls Social Club" novel when wanted. it's a win-win. If hypothetically, that's what's on her - or his - wish list. I'm not too sure I like this century.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-11-24 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-11-24 Pub. Date: 2006-11-24
Image Number: 15341
Caption: Boff! Dick, when I said "Give me my mail the second it arrives," that is not what I meant. Are you sure?
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-05-17 delivery 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-05-17 Pub. Date: 2006-05-17
Image Number: 13748
Caption: Wait, Nadine, you're not mad at me for fathering the love child of a crazy women and deciding to marry her? Nah, we can work this out. Everyone makes mistakes, honey, but it we care about each other, we can forgive each other. For instance, a cute pizza delivery guy mistakenly showed up at my door last night, and ... I don't think I like where this is going.
     
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