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Rudy Park

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41. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-03 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-03 Pub. Date: 2016-08-03
Image Number: 146702
Caption: I just need exactly 30 minutes to go to a funeral. Exactly? That's how long it'll take me to march to the archipelago where Bajor was and light a dragon on fire in Bajor's honor. I hope you're going to tell me you're talking about some video game … because paying for your mental health care would violate my religious beliefs, and the supreme court said I don't have to do that. I dressed my pikemen in black.
     
42. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-25 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-25 Pub. Date: 2016-07-25
Image Number: 146482
Caption: Minion, how good are you at constructing big, beautiful walls? What? Tens of millions of people watched last week's Republican convention. I don't follow. My calculations show the convention successfully scared 49.2% of them nearly to death, by making it seem as if we're being overrun by savages. There are now millions of potential customers who'd love to sip coffee surrounded by a 50-foot electrified wall. Very bad man.
     
43. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-19 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-19 Pub. Date: 2016-07-19
Image Number: 146152
Caption: Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head? I'm glad you (huff) asked. Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death. So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills. Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill? They walk. ... Walk.
     
44. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-25 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-25 Pub. Date: 2016-05-25
Image Number: 143657
Caption: I've been giving some more thought to your question about in which era in history I'd most like to live. You have? I thought you never change your mind about anything. This is true. Randy's alpha male or female rule number 1: "Make a decision and stick with it even it it's really dumb." HOJ. " ... Appearing indecisive is the kiss of death." But you're forgetting the corollary ... "If you do change your mind, claim you've always believed as you do now." " ... and anyone who thinks otherwise is crazy." Can't believe I forgot that part.
     
45. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-24 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-24 Pub. Date: 2016-05-24
Image Number: 143656
Caption: Boss … if you could live in any era in history, which one would it be? I'm glad you asked. I've given this a lot of thought. I'd travel back to 14th century Europe and try to broker peace to head off the hundred year's war. I could save 3.3 million lives. I'd also bring a suitcase of penicillin and other antibiotics with me to cure "The Black Death" before it got started. I could save 200 million people. Maybe he's not such a bad man. Without that depletion of manpower, feudalism would never have tragically had to end and you'd be calling me "lord."
     
46. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-18 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-18 Pub. Date: 2016-05-18
Image Number: 143352
Caption: Boss, what's your favorite planet? Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself. That's the description I've listed it by on realestate.com. I'm pretty sure you can't sell Saturn. Of course not. I'm selling a time-share on Titan. With a view of Saturn.
     
47. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-03-22 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-03-22 Pub. Date: 2016-03-22
Image Number: 140827
Caption: Boss, I just found out about a death in the family. Can I have some time off? Of course you can. The amount you may have depends on the distance of the relation. If it was a parent, you can have one full day. 18 hours for a sibling, 9 hours for a cousin ... but only if it's your first cousin. Your Facebook post says it was your fourth cousin thrice removed. That'll get you 45 seconds of bereavement time. Very bad man.
     
48. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-03-09 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-03-09 Pub. Date: 2016-03-09
Image Number: 140199
Caption: Ask Sadie™ Dear Sadie: My name is Morgan Peterson and I work with the finance house here in the Netherlands. Our late client, Mr. Williams, bequeathed his entire $650,000,000 estate to you. He was a big fan of your show. Anyway, so that the funds can be transferred to you, all I need is your bank account number and password, your social security number, name, address, phone number, birthdate, and the times when you are away from home. There is no risk to you. Sincerely, Morgan Peterson. I will hunt you and your family to the ends of the earth and squeeze you all to death with my bare armpit. I mean ... thank you for writing. Ask Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com
     
49. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-02-23 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-02-23 Pub. Date: 2016-02-23
Image Number: 139579
Caption: How many people do you think will mourn for you when you're dead, Randy? Good question, little buddy. I live out loud. I've ridden a motorcycle across five continents, making countless friends along the way. I've conducted passionate love affairs in six languages, and taught the ancient art of seduction to sold-out crowds in two hemispheres. As a youth I delivered pizza to lonely housewives, for whom I host an annual reunion in Vegas. A man who lives his life out loud will leave thousands of mourners when he dies. What about a man who lives his life on mute?
     
50. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-02-22 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-02-22 Pub. Date: 2016-02-22
Image Number: 139578
Caption: Boss, I don't see why I should have to wear this black armband. Out of respect, Rudy. We're in mourning. When Supreme Court Justice Scalia passed away, we lost one of the men who ruled once and for all that corporations are people and money is speech. He was, quite possibly, the greatest American who ever lived. Well ... no one can even see the armband, 'cause my shirt's black too. Off with your shirt, minion. That's an order.
     
51. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-21 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-21 Pub. Date: 2016-01-21
Image Number: 137965
Caption: If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be? I'd totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body. That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000. Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he's concerned about mortality. Your answer should have been "nothing." The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy. I think I'd rather wait for the 7000-s. Stop it.
     
52. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-09 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-09 Pub. Date: 2016-01-09
Image Number: 137449
Caption: Come again? I said, are you seeing anyone? Seriously? … Or casually. Whatever. I mean seriously?! This was the life or death emergency you begged me to talk about? I lost my place in line for this?! Should've waited till after she got her coffee. Well it's ABOUT to be "life and death"!
     
53. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-09 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-09 Pub. Date: 2015-11-09
Image Number: 135082
Caption: Your new band is called Screaming Asterisk? Where'd you come up with that? Watching Star Wars. When Luke's x-wing fighter made it's attack-run at the Death Star, it looked like a screaming asterisk. I narrowed it down to either that or "Twirling Pizza." Wait ... don't tell me ... the Millennium Falcon dodging laser-fire. "Metal Bikini" was in the running, but it was just way too obvious.
     
54. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-15 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-15 Pub. Date: 2015-10-15
Image Number: 133873
Caption: I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. Tap tap tap tap tap. Whatever, dork-boy. You're no longer the world's first successfully-bred human-wildebeest hybrid. It turns out you had an undetected genetic mutation that led to extreme, continuous belching. I'm afraid you didn't make it. You and I are about to have a lot in common.
     
55. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-13 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-13 Pub. Date: 2015-10-13
Image Number: 133871
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? I've been talking to … um … "Tina" for three whole weeks … Do you think it's too early to try and get her to move out here near me? Excellent question. The answer is, we're all barreling full-steam toward death and incontinence. So seize the moment!!! That's both depressing and uplifting at the same time.
     
56. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-29 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-29 Pub. Date: 2015-08-29
Image Number: 131662
Caption: You've inspired me to write my own memoirs. Scurrilous accusation. I deny culpability. I refuse to be blamed for a book that will glamorize the useless lifestyle of an internet-addicted slacker … a book whose mere existence is evidence society has drowned to death in a toxic swill of Doritos, iPads and online "relationships." Can I use that as the foreword?!?! You kids get off my planet.
     
57. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-13 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-13 Pub. Date: 2015-08-13
Image Number: 131012
Caption: Ask Sadie™ Dear Sadie, What do you think about what's going on with Planned Parenthood: How they were caught on tape talking about money they get for selling fetal tissue? Please tell me you're as outraged about it as I am.* - Bernard from Brea. *Actual reader question. I am. I'm especially outraged that the scientists are using the tissue to research treatments for horrible diseases. In my day, if you got a horrible disease, you died. And you were glad to do it. Ask Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com.
     
58. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-06 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-06 Pub. Date: 2015-07-06
Image Number: 129349
Caption: You heard earth's just entered its sixth great extinction event? Really? Vertebrate species are dying at a rate not seen since the dinosaurs died off. This time It's thanks to us. But the good thing is, scientists think humans will die off pretty early in this mass extinction. How's that a good thing? We won't be around to hear the other animals say "I told you so."
     
59. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-12 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-12 Pub. Date: 2015-06-12
Image Number: 128140
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? I'm in love with my brother's wife. What's the best way to ask her out? Posthumously. No, seriously. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her. That just may end up being a beautiful five minutes.
     
60. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-11 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-11 Pub. Date: 2015-05-11
Image Number: 126887
Caption: Ask Sadie™ Dear Irresponsible Sadie: Last week you said riots are the natural response to police brutality. How dare you excuse looting and property damage and violence!!!! By excusing riots, you are contributing to the cycle of violence. You have a public platform and with that comes responsibility. You, Sadie, have A LOT to learn!!! - Disappointed in Delaware. You need to learn the difference between an EXPLANATION and an "excuse," you condescending, insufferable troglodyte! I mean ... thank you for writing. Ask Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com
     
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