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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-06 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-06 Pub. Date: 2017-10-06
Image Number: 163386
Caption: Do you remember your early childhood, Randy? Of course, little buddy. I come from a long line of Randies who have photographic memories. It's an evolutionary trait that enabled early Randies to survive despite being connoisseurs of the female form. "Evolution"? Doesn't that mean some of them didn't make it? Overly long stares lead to nothing but trouble.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-05 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-05 Pub. Date: 2017-10-05
Image Number: 163385
Caption: Do you remember your early childhood, Randy? Of course, little buddy. I come from a long line of Randies who have photographic memories. It's an evolutionary trait that enabled early Randies to survive despite being connoisseurs of the female form. "Evolution"? Doesn't that mean some of them didn't make it? Overly long stares lead to nothing but trouble.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-29 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-29 Pub. Date: 2017-09-29
Image Number: 163107
Caption: Hello, this is Congress. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. I'd like to talk to you about Bernie Sanders' expanded Medicare for All plan. Oh, lovely. Before we start … totally unrelated question … How do you feel about the terms "Socialism," "government-run" and "death panels"? Do those scare you to death? House of Java Cybercafe. Not really. Hold on ... What about "Boo!" Isn't that a term of endearment now?
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-10 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-10 Pub. Date: 2017-09-10
Image Number: 161928
Caption: My uncle keeps sending me crazy, paranoid conspiracy theories he hears on Youtube. Dr. Noodle. It all started a few years ago when he sent me an email about how the victims of the Hindenburg crash were all crisis actors. These same victims died on the Titanic! He wrote. Then he told me President Obama was setting up Femur Camps, where he'd be letting the Illuminati harvest our femur bones for voodoo incantations to turn all our frogs into insomniacs. When I asked him why on earth would anyone want to do that? he said I had been brainwashed by the cabal that runs both the fake news and the pepperoni industries. So I replied why would they waste their time brainwashing me? What would they gain from that? Does your uncle have a hobby? Get him to refer uncle!!! $$$$$$$ ... because it's possible that you're his hobby. He said they've brainwashed me into thinking there's nothing to gain from brainwashing me.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-18 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-18 Pub. Date: 2017-08-18
Image Number: 161547
Caption: You heard earth's just entered its sixth great extinction event? Really? Vertebrate species are dying at a rate not seen since the dinosaurs dies off. This time it's thanks to us. But the good thing is, scientists think humans will die off pretty early in this mass extinction. How's that a good thing? We won't be around to hear the other animals say "I told you so."
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-31 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-31 Pub. Date: 2017-07-31
Image Number: 161036
Caption: Hey boss, it's July 31st. A couple years ago, you said come back July 31, 2017, and we could talk about you giving me a raise. Yes, but that was predicated on the notion that you'd need a raise by now. I see you're still alive. Clearly you haven't starved to death. You smell minty-fresh, so clearly you haven't been forced out into the streets. Karl Marx said it best: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need." I'm pretty sure that is not what Marx meant.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-28 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-28 Pub. Date: 2017-06-28
Image Number: 159728
Caption: Lemont's in Russia … President Putin asked that I answer all your journalist questions on his behalf. Get you to see we are not the boogeyman the American press has made us to be. If that fails, I am to poisoning you with rare gelsemium elefans death flower. Joking, joking, why you cannot take joke? Oh. Ok, then. Polonium-210 or throwing from balcony much more effective.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-17 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-17 Pub. Date: 2017-04-17
Image Number: 157024
Caption: Hello, this is cable news. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. Our records show you didn't click on a single clip of the missiles our navy shot at Syria. I didn't what on the what now? We bought your complete web browsing history from your internet service provider. How could you resist watching all those beautiful instruments of death and destruction soar into the night sky. House of Java Cybercafe. Get out of my computer machine! What's with all your visits to old-biddies-doing-yoga-dot-com? ... Freak.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-16 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-16 Pub. Date: 2017-03-16
Image Number: 155667
Caption: Do you think I'm army material, Randy? I think you'd be a real asset to the army. Really? Pain is an asset, because otherwise, how would one appreciate pleasure? Loneliness is an asset, for otherwise how would one appreciate love? I think boot camp would be much cheaper than a gym membership. Death is an asset. How else would one cherish life?
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-01 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-01 Pub. Date: 2017-03-01
Image Number: 155086
Caption: I tried watching Trump's re-election rally in Florida last week. Hi what? Wait … He's already running for re-election? Why would he do that? Everyone's still exhausted by the last presidential campaign. We're all sick to death of it. We'll all tune everything out. Nobody wants to spend the next for years paying attention to ... HOJ ... Never mind. I think I just answered my own question. I'll pay attention in five years when the campaign's over and he gets down to governing.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-11 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-11 Pub. Date: 2017-01-11
Image Number: 153094
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie Show. You're on, caller. What's your problem? 2016. Stop that! A year is just an arbitrary span of time, it's not a malevolent entity. Um … except for 1974. That was a puke-green and orange monster that forced normal people to dress like clowns. That demon keeps trying to make a comeback. Eternal vigilance. That is the price we pay. O ... K ...
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-21 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-21 Pub. Date: 2016-12-21
Image Number: 152377
Caption: How many people do you think you've been mean to in your long, long, long life, Sadie? About six … living, that is. Technically, there've been hundreds and hundreds, at least, but they've all passed away. There are only six left. That is the single most lamentable part of outliving all your greatest creations. Emotionally scarred people are your "creations"? Imagine if Michelangelo had lived to see all his greatest works crumble to dust.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-23 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-23 Pub. Date: 2016-11-23
Image Number: 151308
Caption: Did you ever have a bff, Sadie? Several. But not a single one of those ninnies held up their end of the deal. What do you mean? Did they betray you? Did they come to their senses and unfriend you? No. They died. All my bffs have died on me. So watch yourself or I'll bff you next. The term's not usually used as a threat.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-01 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-01 Pub. Date: 2016-11-01
Image Number: 150484
Caption: I still can't believe what happened with "The Walking Dead," Randy. That death … I don't think I'll ever get over it. Characters become real to us, little buddy. They become old friends. So when they "die," it's natural to mourn them just as we mourn anyone. No, I mean I can't believe I forgot to post a reaction video on Youtube of me crying when the death happened. But at least I got to post a reaction video of me reacting to my not having posted a reaction video. I've lived too long.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-23 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-23 Pub. Date: 2016-10-23
Image Number: 149430
Caption: Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid café owner who discovers a map to the lost coffee bean of the ancients. The bean is hidden in crumbling catacombs beneath a booby-trapped Mayan temple. Braving an almost certain grisly death ... The cafe owner sends his obsequious minion to liberate the bean. Wait ... what? But the story really gets going when the evil minion tries filing for workman's comp just because he loses a few toes. Can the brave owner have his government stooge dismiss the complaint before his insurance premium is affected? Stay tuned! I don't think I get one-percenter fiction, boss.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-28 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-28 Pub. Date: 2016-08-28
Image Number: 146881
Caption: I'm tired of working, Randy. One of my ancestors put it best. It was the early days of the Roman republic. Randius Taylorus Maximus was a soldier in the Roman phalanx. That bored him to death. All the clumsy formations, all the cumbersome gear, all the losing ... so he deserted and joined up with the Spartans. That's where he stopped "working" for a living, and got to do what he loved. He got to oil up and go into battle half-naked, with nothing but his shield, his sword and his loincloth. Years later, he adventured across the world on the back of Tito, the last living woolly mammoth. That's when he met Buddha, who took credit for Randius' motto: "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life." I just meant I felt like taking a nap.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-05 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-05 Pub. Date: 2016-08-05
Image Number: 146704
Caption: Have you ever been to a funeral, Randy? Of course. Dozens. You've lost dozens of people? What happened, some natural disaster or something? No, I didn't know most of them. Wait please don't tell me you - grieving ladies need comforting.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-04 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-04 Pub. Date: 2016-08-04
Image Number: 146703
Caption: I imagine at your age, you attend a lot of funerals, Sadie. Oh, yes, they're quite lovely. As a child, I attended birthday parties. As a lass, I attended sweet sixteens. As a young adult, I attended weddings. As a mature woman, I attended retirement parties. Now, in the twilight of life, I attend funerals. "Deathday" parties, if you will. And it's beautiful. Because it's all come full circle? Because for once, I don't have to buy the %$&*@ a gift.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-03 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-03 Pub. Date: 2016-08-03
Image Number: 146702
Caption: I just need exactly 30 minutes to go to a funeral. Exactly? That's how long it'll take me to march to the archipelago where Bajor was and light a dragon on fire in Bajor's honor. I hope you're going to tell me you're talking about some video game because paying for your mental health care would violate my religious beliefs, and the supreme court said I don't have to do that. I dressed my pikemen in black.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-25 death 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-25 Pub. Date: 2016-07-25
Image Number: 146482
Caption: Minion, how good are you at constructing big, beautiful walls? What? Tens of millions of people watched last week's Republican convention. I don't follow. My calculations show the convention successfully scared 49.2% of them nearly to death, by making it seem as if we're being overrun by savages. There are now millions of potential customers who'd love to sip coffee surrounded by a 50-foot electrified wall. Very bad man.
     
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